perhaps thereās some cognitive dissonance on both of their parts. an inability to fully understand the otherās position because they choose to forget one piece of information and replace it with another. all that miles can think is that rebe must be living on another planet if she ever thought that ezra didnāt hate him. anyone in their circle, in their groupchat, in their town could feel the utter disdain from the other male toward miles. it only seemed to be getting worse in the recent weeks ā perhaps partly because the blonde forked over her biggest secret to the guy. āi find it odd that the two people you chose to tell are ezra and theo⦠donāt you have cj or lennon that you could dish to? ezra has never liked me,ā he reminds her, shaking his head. a soft chuckle leaves his lips. what more can he say in this moment? everyone in his life seems to take his words and make sculptures of them that signify something far different than what he means. and itās exhausting. heās never seen so many pieces of art that make him so damn nauseated. ārebe. regardless, when you choose to say things in a group setting that indicate your relationship with ezra is more than friendly, maybe thatās when you should reach out to people who should know. theo and i arenāt exactly strangers to you and ezra. your excuses donāt negate the way youāve made me feel,ā he blinks a few times, taking a step back. āyouāre also a terrible fucking liar, but iāll take your words for what they are and trust you mean them,ā miles swallows, hands slipping into his pockets. he isnāt sure this conversation needs to continue. āiām sorry. i know none of this has a road map, but iām still a little hurt. maybe we should talk a different time.ā
āheās still kind of pissed about the outing thing, but that doesnāt mean he hates you, miles. how could anyone hate you?ā as far as she knew, she had no reason to believe the tension between the two was as bad as miles was making it out to be. ezra would have told her, right? if he really hated miles, it would have been brought up by now. especially back in high school, when even the mention of milesā name sent chills down her spine, she would have remembered if ezra said anything mean about him.Ā āi think cj knows. i sort of mentioned some things to her, but i left out names. iām pretty sure she guessed it though,ā rebe informed him, even though that was something she probably should have done a few weeks sooner.Ā āare you- i know youāre upset that ezra knows, but are you mad that i told theo?ā it never felt like this before, like she was constantly walking on eggshells around him, constantly afraid that she was doing something that would upset him.Ā āi didnāt think what i was saying in the group chat was anything unusual for what ezra and i were normally like before all of this. but i knew at some point this,ā she pointed back and forth between the two of them,Ā āconversation would have to happen. i just didnāt expect it to happen so soon. just like if when you start hanging outĀ with someone i wouldnāt expect you to tell me about it week one.ā she wonders if its obvious to miles, the way all of her thoughts always have been, that sheās talking about dante. there seems to be a war going on in her head, in which half of her is wholeheartedly convinced that miles has never stopped being in love with his ex, that dante is better for him than she is in every conceivable way, that she is an idiotĀ for taking this fucking long to realize. and the other half, that is repeatedly reminding her that her thoughts have always been self loathing in whatever way they can be, and this is no exception. this half is fighting so hard to hold onto whatever hope she has left, because, fuck, she has made a lot of mistakes, but giving up on the boy in front of her has never, will never be one of them.Ā āi just donāt want you to worry about me.ā its honest, as honest as she can be without admitting that they both knew she had just lied.Ā āyeah, we donāt have to talk if youāre not,ā thereās a pause, sheās struggling to find the right word,Ā āready?āĀ