bigfoot's husband

my specialty is liking the same movies that 50-year-old dads like but in a way that would instantly send those dads into cardiac arrest if they heard me talk about them

i be like “it is what it is” then be pissed off for like 4 years

i’m a very rational person in general but i kind of do believe in sports curses. because of the evidence

Victor Frankenstein after achieving the impossible and building a fucking person from scraps of the dead: Oh god, ew, ew it's ugly! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew! Ew! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew!

Being an adult will have you unironically craving a vegetable

Being an adult will have you unironically sad about a parasite outbreak in fresh vegetables.

reblog if you remember having to ration your text messages and accidentally opening the internet on your phone was the end of the world

"we detected a mature post" yeah I'm in my 30s

having a headache while hydrated is so unfair. you were supposed to protect me.

being a team sports fan really is like oh what if you stanned the ship of theseus