Ghosts: They're real!

Erin laughed softly at Holtz’s comment, her gaze never moving away from Rory. “Aurora…. I like that.” She said, smiling at the baby girl in her arms. “Aurora Hedy Gilbert. My beautiful baby girl.”

Very carefully, Erin leaned forward to press a soft kiss to her daughter’s forehead, careful not to wake her. She was feeling very tired herself, but she simply couldn’t bring herself to let go of her girl just yet. “I think she has my nose.” She giggled a little, before finally casting just the quickest glance at Holtz. “I think she looks a little like you, somehow. Is that weird?”

Holtz watched Erin kiss her daughter, and it took everything she had not to cry at the simple gesture. God, she’d kill for the two of them. It wasn’t even a dramatic statement. If anyone, anything, tried to ruin what was in front of her, they’d be destroyed. Holtzmann would make sure of it.

At Erin’s words, she gave the brunette a teasing confused look, peering at Rory’s little face. “Nah, she’s got too much Erin in there. But I don’t know… maybe I’ve been around you so much that she picked up some of my features. If she’s an amazing dancer, then she definitely did.” She joked.

She watched the two of them for a moment, wanting nothing more than to stay in this moment forever. She knew she’d never felt this much love before. It was so overwhelming, but not in the way that would usually upset her. It was like she was overwhelmed with peace, like she didn’t care what else happened for the rest of her life, as long as this would never end.

“Yeah, just like that.” Erin laughed, feeling a nice warm feeling spread throughout her body as she felt the engineer curl up even closer to her. It was strange, to feel so wanted. So loved. A nice strange, certainly, but still…. Strange.

Then again, nearly everything about her relationship with Holtzmann was strange to her in some way, so she supposed shed just have to get used to that.

Feeling Holtzmann’s lips against her neck - and clearly, that was a sensation she shouldn’t be focusing on that much - Erin leaned her head against the engineer’s, a feeling of contentment and fatigue slowly overtaking her. “Would you judge me if I told you I just wanted to go to sleep right here?”

Holtz grinned at Erin’s words, loving the feeling of the gentle weight of Erin’s head on top of hers. Holtz had had a few girlfriends in her time, but none of them had ever made her feel like this. So cared for, and safe, and… loved.

She laughed, shaking her head. “I won’t judge you for anything. I might do the same.” She murmured against Erin’s skin, fully relaxing against the brunette’s shoulder.

.... Until Holtz spoke again. And Erin froze completely.

Holtzmann loved her. Jillian Holtzmann, her girlfriend, a woman, was in love with her. And Erin had never felt more scared in her life.

Oh, it wasn’t a matter of if she had feelings for the blonde or not. Of course she did. She had actively tried to deny it, but she did. She had feelings for Holtz. But that alone had been hard enough to make herself be okay with, even just okay enough to ask the engineer out. Admitting she was in love with Holtz?

She wasn’t even close to there yet.

Holtz hadn’t realized until this moment that her hair was completely down, which was slightly startling. Having her hair down was something akin to being naked for Holtzmann; her signature hairstyle was comfortable, it felt like her armour, and it was very rare that it would be down in front of other people. Obviously, it had been down in front of Erin before (the two had spent the night together several times), it had taken some time for Holtzmann to completely let her hair down. The fact that she hadn’t even noticed that her hair was down in front of Erin – and that now she’d noticed, she didn’t care – was strangely… exciting.

As she listened to Erin speak, she subconsciously inched closer to the brunette, pressing her nose into the crook of her neck, taking deep breaths, loving the smell of Erin’s skin. This was where she always wanted to be. This close to Erin, and she grinned as Erin’s words sent a tingle down her spine; Erin wanted to be this close to her as well.

At Erin’s last words, she smiled, humming slightly, pressing a kiss to Erin’s pulse point. “I really like you too.” She whispered.

“Yeah, just like that.” Erin laughed, feeling a nice warm feeling spread throughout her body as she felt the engineer curl up even closer to her. It was strange, to feel so wanted. So loved. A nice strange, certainly, but still.... Strange.

Then again, nearly everything about her relationship with Holtzmann was strange to her in some way, so she supposed shed just have to get used to that.

“Rory…” Holtzmann murmured, before frowning, a grin on her face. “That’s like… Aurora. Aurora borealis. Y’know, the northern lights?” She grinned, humming at her musing, always getting a little kick out of making obscure connections in her head that nobody else would really trace.

But she couldn’t get excited for too long, because the room was peaceful. It was quiet. Rory’s eyes were shut, her tiny eyelashes pressed against her cheeks, one tiny hand curled around a lock of Erin’s hair. Already, she knew who her mom was, and if Holtz knew Erin at all, she knew that nothing was going to get within two feet of that little baby without Erin’s permission. And as Holtz kept watching her, so entranced by this tiny bundle of a person, she realized that she’d do the same. She’d cross any ocean, fight any battle, for the two people in front of her. She’d wage any war, if it meant that Erin and Rory would be safe, happy and together.

“Yeah, she looks like you.” Holtz murmured, leaning her head the other way, as if it would give her a different angle to look at the little girl with. “She looks a lot like you.” A half smile flitted across Holtzmann’s face. “I can’t believe you made her.”

Erin laughed softly at Holtz’s comment, her gaze never moving away from Rory. “Aurora.... I like that.” She said, smiling at the baby girl in her arms. “Aurora Hedy Gilbert. My beautiful baby girl.”

Holtz shook her head as Erin started dabbing at her eyes, reaching her hands up to take the brunette’s and bring them down onto her lap. “Erin, no…” She trailed off, sighing, before taking a deep breath to compose herself. “I don’t hate you, Erin, I could never hate you.”

She glanced at Erin’s small bump quickly, before clearing her throat and looking up to meet the taller girl’s eyes. “It’s just… it was a lot.” She took another deep breath, finally sure that she wasn’t going to lose it. “Not in a bad way, just…” She shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t know, that’s… that’s your baby. And you wanted me to feel her kick.” She shrugged again, looking down at her lap. “It was a lot to handle.”

Holtzmann’s words only served to make Erin feel worse, the brunette looking at Holtzmann with nothing but apologies in her eyes. Of course it would be a lot for Holtzmann. Heck, Erin should have known this. Having a baby had been a lot for her, too. And her involving Holtz in it? Without really asking permission? Of course that would be too much.

Holtzmann giggled slightly in spite of herself (and Jillian Holtzmann is not a giggler), sighing slightly at the feeling of Erin’s fingers in her hair. It was such a safe, comforting feeling, and so sensory, and Holtz loved it. She definitely didn’t miss Erin pecking her on the lips, a warm feeling spreading through her body; because being with a woman was still new to her, Erin wasn’t great at initiating affection, so this was new, and so exciting to Holtz. The fact that she was starting to be more comfortable with the blonde made her toes curl.

“I’d still cuddle you if you smelled like a dump truck.” She reminded Erin, before looking down at where her fingers absent-mindedly played with Erin’s shirt. “I’m so lucky to have you.” She mumbled, almost incoherently.

“I know you would.” Erin hummed, still just stroking Holtzmann’s hair. It still amazed her just how soft it was, and how long it was. It was part of the reason why Erin loved playing with Holtz’s hair; it made her feel privileged, somehow, to know that she was one of the few people who had seen the engineer with her hair down.

“But I don’t know if you’ve noticed... There’s this.. thing that you do, whenever I smell like it. You feel more relaxed. You feel... closer, somehow. It’s kind of hard to explain, but it’s part of what I love about moments like these.” She smiled down at the young woman in her arms, feeling her breath hitch a little when Holtz told her she was lucky to have her. Because even on the best of days, Erin didn’t feel like that was the case. She constantly felt like Holtz could do better, knew that Holtz could do better. Erin was older (too old, some would say), a mental and nervous mess, and much too far in the closet for someone in her early forties. Meanwhile, Holtzmann was confident, incredibly sexy, and an all-round heartthrob with a mind that amazed Erin every second of every day. 

To say Holtz was out of her league was putting it mildly.

It was the longest 15 hours of Holtzmann’s life, and she knew it had been even worse for Erin, because she’d been doing all the work and it had gone on for even longer than for Holtz. Several times, she’d had to step outside of the room to calm her racing heart when it got a little too intense and she got overwhelmed. She hated leaving Erin for those short intervals, but she wanted to actually be there properly for her girlfriend, and if she’d started crying from overstimulation, then it wouldn’t have helped Erin at all.

Luckily, the last half hour of actual pushing had been easier for Holtz to get through, and while holding her girlfriend’s hand and encouraging her along, she couldn’t help just watching Erin’s face as it happened, so in awe of what this woman who she loved was doing, wanting to press kisses all over her skin. And then, there’d been the sharp sound of a baby’s scream and suddenly, Erin had a daughter.

So Holtz stood there, panting slightly as she watched Erin hold the baby who was now wrapped in a soft white blanket, her head cocked to the side, trying to take in this… this person. This tiny little person who her girlfriend had made. She looked like Erin, same eyes and nose. And Erin looked so beautiful holding her, so radiant, and a half-smile crept across Holtz’s face as she took in the sight before her. She was looking at a family.

She was looking at her family.

Taking a step forward, Holtz moved her hand to softly brush her fingertip against the tiny arm that poked out of the blanket, amazed at how smooth her skin was.

“She is.” She whispered. “So beautiful.”

“Little Rory Gilbert.” Erin spoke softly, feeling not even the least bit capable of looking away from her newborn child, even if it was to glance over at her girlfriend. “My Rory.”

She could hardly fathom that the baby, the tiny little human she was holding right now, was her. It was her baby, her little girl. Well, her and Holtz’s, in a way, but Holtzmann hadn’t carried her for the past 9 months. Hadn’t gone through the labor process the way she had. This baby girl was hers, and Erin vowed to protect her for the rest of her days. Nothing was going to happen to her girl, not if she could help it. Her baby, her daughter, was going to grow up loved and accepted and believed, no matter what.

Holtz looked up at Erin at her words, frowning slightly. She could feel tears pricking at her eyes, her entire body overwhelmed at the intimacy and emotion of the moment they had just shared. As well as that, she hadn’t realized how much it had meant to feel the baby kick, and not just because of Erin’s part in it. She had no biological connection to this baby, and yet… somehow, she felt like hers.

But she cleared her throat, shaking her head, bringing her fingers up to frantically swipe at her eyes, not wanting to fall apart in front of Erin. “No, it’s… it’s fine, really, I… I’m glad you…” She trailed off, giving Erin a smile, hoping with everything she had that she wouldn’t cry. “That was… really cool.”

Erin’s face only fell more as she saw the emotional turbulence in Holtz’s eyes, the brunette letting go of Holtzmann’s hand completely as she pulled away a little. “No, no, oh no, you’re crying. I’m sorry, Holtzmann, I’m so sorry.” She hadn’t meant to make Holtzmann upset. She just got so excited at the prospect of her baby being real, more real than before, that she hadn’t been thinking.

And now, Holtz might hate her.

“What-“ Holtz started to speak, but was cut off as Erin grabbed her hand and put it on her stomach. For a moment, her brain went into what she liked to call ‘malfunction mode’, which was a common reaction to being close to Erin in any way, before it finally caught up to the situation, and she frowned, feeling for a second. She could definitely feel something. It was small, and subtle, and she had to gently press into Erin’s skin with her palm to feel it better, but there it was. A tiny flutter.

A small smile warmed her face, and she bit her lip, nodding, looking at Erin. “I can feel it.” She said softly. She didn’t know why she was the one getting emotional now, it wasn’t like it was her baby, and Erin was the one who was actually pregnant, but there was something about the fact that Erin herself had put Holtz’s hand on her stomach that made her want to sob like a baby.

Erin beamed at Holtzmann, too in awe of her little bundle of joy to realize she was still holding the engineer’s hand. She awkwardly let go a few seconds later, once realization had kicked in, and once she’d noted the look of discomfort on Holtzmann’s face.

Holtz usually wasn’t a confrontational or angry person, but the look that she shot at the nurse after she let Erin know that her pain wouldn’t lessen was nothing short of daggered. She didn’t want to argue, because obviously the nurse knew better, but it didn’t help the whole comforting vibe that she was trying to surround Erin with.

Because, honestly, she was so in awe of what the brunette was doing. She’d seen Erin through the entire pregnancy, and yeah, that had already been so impressive, but she was actually gonna be giving birth. Erin was having a baby. It was something Holtz knew she could never do, and the awe of it all only made her love Erin more.

Not that she’d ever voice this with Erin’s current state, so instead, she gritted her teeth, determined not to let the pain of Erin’s iron finger grip show, and she leaned down to press her lips against Erin’s temple, her other hand running through the brunette’s hair, pulling her fringe back from her forehead in a desperate attempt to cool the taller girl down.

“You’re doing so great. You got this far without me here, and now I’m here and it’s all gonna be easier, yeah?” She whispered, pressing a kiss to Erin’s skin. “And then you’re gonna have your little baby, that’s gonna be amazing, right?”

“I fucking hate this baby.” Erin growled, squeezing Holtzmann’s hand even tighter as another contraction ripped through her. Oh yeah, this was going to be a long, painful process, and Erin was just about ready to murder someone. Preferably Phil.

----

The entire process ended up taking 18 hours, including the ones Holtz had missed. 18 hours, several death threats, a lot of ice chips, and more cursing than Erin had ever done in her entire life. It had been even less pleasant than she had expected it to be.

Holtz couldn’t help the proud goofy grin that spread across her face at Erin’s innuendo. Yeah, she took pride in that, and maybe it was stupid, but the thought of making Erin Gilbert feel like that was giddy to her.

“I was playing around with an idea for a personalized weapon for you. Something that would completely blast any malevolent apparition, with minimal ectoplasmic expulsion.” She looked up at Erin, the corners of her mouth drooping into a dramatic pout. “It would mean you’d get slimed less, so there’d be no more Lush ectoplasm showers, though.”

Despite being hissed at by Erin, Holtzmann couldn’t drop the grin on her face as the word ‘husband’ bounced around in her head. It was a cute word, a word dripping with affection, and even when it was being paired with the word ‘ex’ while Erin cursed her out, it was so lovely to hear.

She took a deep breath, taking her free hand to run her fingers through Erin’s hair, pushing it back from her forehead. “Okay, take deep breaths, it’s going to be okay. I’m here.” She brought Erin’s hand up to her lips, pressing soft kisses against it. She winced watching Erin, knowing how much pain the brunette must be going through, and it killed her to know that there was nothing she could do to stop it.

“Look, Erin, it’s gonna suck for a while, but then you’ll have your shot that’ll make it hurt less, and then you’ll have your baby!” She grinned, leaning down to press a kiss to her girlfriend’s forehead. “But you gotta get through this first, and I know you can do it, because you’re the freakin’ strongest person I know.”

“Easy for you to say, you’re not the one giving birth.” Erin complained, looking at Holtz with a strange mixture of annoyance and sheer gratitude. She wasn’t really in any state to admit it, but she was glad Holtzmann was here. It felt good, knowing she didn’t have to be alone during this. 

It didn’t make it hurt any less, but it was a comfort to know her girlfriend was there beside her.

“I’m afraid the epidural won’t make it hurt that much less, Miss Holtzmann.” The nurse, Evelyn, chimed in. “We use it to make sure it doesn’t hurt as much as it usually would. It’s still not a pleasant process.”

Holtz looked down at her knees, pouting slightly. She had always felt very protective of Erin, and it had come out in her equipment; reserving the best weapons for Erin to defend herself with, not letting Erin go near untested machinery unless it was urgent, spending significantly longer on Erin’s proton pack than her own. She knew that Erin could more than hold her own against a ghost, but it was the fear of Erin getting hurt that kept her motivated.

“Yeah, I know.” She looked up at the brunette, a small smile on her face. “I also kinda wanted to show off with a perfect shot at the ghost, and it hurt my pride when I couldn’t.” She admitted sheepishly.

Holtz felt her mouth fall open a little at Erin’s words, still not quite believing that Erin would want her around the baby. She was clumsy, and set fire to things, and Erin thought she’d be a good role model. It was a nice ego boost.

She was so perturbed with this thought that she barely noticed Erin’s next words. “Well, that’s rude of her.” She replied, frowning slightly as her mind tried to catch up with her mouth.

Erin rolled her eyes at Holtzmann’s comment, too excited to really be mad at the engineer for calling her baby rude. “No, Holtz, look!” She grabbed Holtzmann’s hand, putting it on her bump in the same spot where she had felt the baby kick earlier. She didn’t even think about it, it just made sense for Holtz to be a part of this. Belatedly, she realized that Holtz had never even touched her bump before, and part of her wondered if maybe the engineer didn’t want to be this involved at all. But it was a little late for that now, she decided.

Holtzmann laughed, rolling her eyes in jest as a drawled-out “aaallright” escaped her lips. “I guess I need a little help with some of the math. Or the theories. Or just putting it all together.” She laughed again, leaning down to bury her face in Erin’s hair, pressing a gentle kiss there.

She listened to Erin talk about the baby, something she loved doing. It gave her chills, if she was being honest, hearing Erin talk about something, someone, who she loved so much. She’d always kind of kept her distance with that, never asking to touch Erin’s belly, or trying to talk to the baby. It felt sacred, and she didn’t want to interfere.

“I can’t wait to meet her, Erin.” She said softly. “If she’s anything like you, she’s gonna kick ass.”

“I’d be delighted to help you out” Erin grinned, kissing Holtzmann’s jaw, before just resting her head on the blonde’s chest. It felt so nice and comforting, being there in the engineer’s embrace, and Erin had almost forgotten about all the stress that had brought her there in the first place.

Holtz kissed her back, ignoring the butterflies that fluttered in her gut as she did. It had been hard to suppress her desire, and with most other girls she’d dated, she’d been happy to make the moves that she knew would end them up in a sweaty mess, but with Erin, she really wanted to be tentative. Gentle. It was hard to come to terms with who she was, and adding a sexual component on top of that would definitely be too much. And Holtz definitely didn’t resent the taller brunette for that, it was just a case of making sure that she didn’t get so worked up that it made her go insane when they had to stop.

At Erin’s question, she bit her lip, nodding slightly. “It’s cooled down a little. Sorry I got so frazzled. I don’t know, when the pack didn’t work, I freaked out. It looked like it was gonna attack you for a moment, and I couldn’t do anything about it. Luckily, you just got slimed, so it was fine in the end, but still.” She looked up at her girlfriend. “I guess I just got scared.”