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Adrien remembered the magic of his earliest Christmases.

Gingerbread cookies, snow forts in the backyard, candles on the tree, a large turkey dinner with his Maman and Papa. His memories were a whirlwind of Christmas mornings jumping on his parents' bed- first Maman would wake up, then the two of them would gang up on Papa- of an endless parade of presents, then watching It's A Wonderful Life with hot chocolate and popcorn.

His Maman loved her Christmas rituals. The tree in the foyer had to be the largest they could find that spared the paint on the ceiling, fresh and with a grandness that matched the manor and its family living within. Decorations were bought yearly for a new theme, White & Gold Winter Wonderland or the Nutcracker Ballet, and Adrien would watch with wide eyes between the balustrades of the upper landing as Emilie directed her army of employees in transforming their home into something even more magical.

"Adrien darling, you're going to get caught underfoot." Maman said when she caught him hanging around, sweeping Adrien into her arms and kissing him on the nose. She took him on a tour about the house, explaining the intricacies and particularities of her vision. At three years old, Adrien didn't exactly know what potpourri was, but he enjoyed the shiny baubles and the way his Maman held him close to share her world with him.

"Christmas is my favourite holiday." She told him with a sigh once they had made their rounds. Emilie Agreste looked down into her son's green eyes, identical to her own, and leaned in with a playful, secretive smile and a whisper. 

"It is yours too."

Adrien couldn't help but believe in her conviction, setting new eyes of wonder on what he now knew was his favourite day of the year.

"Emilie where is-" A crash sounded, followed by a muffled curse, as Adrien's Papa stumbled away from an upended vase in the middle of the foyer. An employee shrunk away from his vitriolic scowl, but Gabriel saw the mass of shiny blonde hair in from of him and continued on.

"Something the matter, Gaby?" Maman gently took Adrien's wrist and moved it back and forth as if he was waving hello to his father, but Adrien thought he was much too old for such things- he knew how to wave all by himself, should he want to- so he started to squirm in her arms, asking to be put down. Maman frowned at him.

"Be a good boy Adrien, stay still. Don't be hard on your poor mother."

Adrien stilled. He hadn't meant to be hard on her- he loved his mother more than anything else in the world. Maybe even more than Christmas. So he clung to her more tightly. He liked being in her arms anyway.

His Papa watched them in that distant way he sometimes did, like Adrien was some sort of specimen under his observation. But after a moment, the furrow reappeared between his eyebrows and his grievances continued.

"It's the hosting Emilie, you know I can't stand most of those people in my house when I have the new years show I have to prepare for-"

"Darling."

Maman raised a hand to Papa's cheek, the beauty of her smile enough to stun any man into silence, especially if that man was Gabriel Agreste. Her thumb brushed under his eye.

"You have your show this time of year, and I have mine. Take a deep breath. Let me handle it all."

Adrien reached out a hand too, landing on his Papa's other cheek, but Gabriel's gaze didn't waver from his wife's radiant face. He sighed.

"Of course, my love. What would I do without you."

___

Adrien remembered the first time he was allowed to bring a friend to his Maman's Christmas ball. 

"This is so boring. All these adults want to do is ask me how old I am."

Chloe huffed in her red Christmas dress, its poofy skirt and puffed sleeves making her strain to cross her arms.

"C'mon Chlo, its not that bad." Adrien tried to argue, pretending that he hadn't begged his parents to let him invite someone else his age to attend for a very similar reason.

"My cousin will be here soon, you'll get to meet him. Plus, it's Christmas!"

"So what? I seriously don't get your obsession. I can get whatever I want on any other day of the year, today isn't special."

"That's not what Christmas is about."

"What else could it possibly be about?"

Adrien turned, taking in the grandeur of the gala around them. This year's theme was Nordic Frost, brought to life with traditional wooden carvings crawling up the walls and suspended twinkling glass snowflakes above them, each as delicate as the real thing. At nine years old, he didn't quite know how to articulate what it was about the atmosphere that made it unmistakably 'Christmas', why the magic in it laid in his mother's way of decorating his house into something more, but he thought Chloe must only take a closer look to understand what he meant.

"It's about that." He said, pointing to the potpourri. Chloe looked at him. Looked at the elegantly arranged potpourri. 

"You are so weird."

He made sure his parents weren't looking when he stuck his tongue out at her.

"Says the talking Christmas ornament." A deadpan voice spoke behind them.

Adrien turned to see his cousin, dressed in none of the frills and collars that he and Chloe had been forced (or in Chloe's case, chosen) to wear, but an elegant mini suit that just made him look like a small adult, complete with his casual hold on a wine glass. Was that actually wine in there? It was probably just grape juice for affect.

"Felix!" Regardless of his antics, Adrien gave him a big hug, almost spilling juice on them both, and Felix awkwardly gave him a few pats on the back in kind. England was so far away, and any occasion that his cousin was able to visit was a special one. And now, two of his favourite people could finally meet.

"Chlo, this is-"

"He called me a Christmas ornament." Chloe's face was thunderous. She never took well to insults, but especially those that targeted her fashion sense.

"A very pretty Christmas ornament!" Adrien tried. "That's probably what he meant to say. Felix is still learning French."

"I was still learning French last month," Felix corrected, offended. "I'm fluent now."

Watching as Chloe's face turned a deeper shade of red, Adrien thought to himself that it would be much better in this moment if his cousin was more fluent in manners.

"Well you look like a knock-off Adrien," Chloe fumed, "Especially with that stupid slicked back hair."

"Chloe!"

"That would have really hurt my feelings if it wasn't said by a Powerpuff girl."

"Felix!"

Adrien gave up trying to make them friends with each other two hours later, after a dinner spent between them as they sniped back and forth with first words, then food, followed by a gift exchange where Felix gave him two presents, one of which was an American Girl doll he didn't quite think was originally meant for him. But even still, it was his first Christmas spent with friends, and he wouldn't trade it for anything.

"Felix, Adrien! It's time for the family photo." His aunt Amelie called them over to where she waited with his Maman and Papa in front of the tree in the foyer, decorated this year by a dusting of silver tinsel and red candles. Their 'family photo' always ended up on a tabloid or newspaper, the picture accompanying the annual story of the Agreste's Christmas charity gala. They headed over, leaving Chloe to stand alone in the crowd of grownup guests as the only child left without a parent.

Maman smiled at Chloe, the one adult who's eyes his friend never seemed able to meet. "Why don't you join us, darling?"

"What?!" His father and cousin spoke at once, the two of them giving each other a disgruntled look before Felix turned away and crossed his arms. "This is a family photo, dear." Gabriel tried, putting all the tact he possessed in trying to prevent making a little girl cry in front of dozens of socialites.

"From the way she looks after our darling Adrien, Chloe Bourgeois practically is family." Adrien had never seen such delicate, disbelieving hope in Chloe's eyes before. She tentatively walked over, standing awkwardly a few paces away and turning to face the camera. She was usually a natural with them, always telling Adrien he should preen in the attention of his adoring fans and paparazzi, but now she looked unsure with what to do with her hands.

So Adrien took them, pulling her closer and into frame. "Don't start being shy now, Chlo."

"I'm not shy!" Chloe screwed up her nose at the insinuation, holding her head high and linking her elbow with Adrien before turning to stare down the barrel of the camera.

Adrien linked his other elbow with Felix, who looked disgusted at the prospect before Adrien lamented on how lucky he was that all of his favourite people would finally be in one photo together, and a cooing Amelie nudged him into begrudgingly staying linked. They were all perfectly coiffed blonde hair and blinding white teeth, making a pretty magazine cover as the camera flashed.

"Did you have fun, Chlo?" Adrien asked at the end of the night, fiddling with his collar as he waited with her for her driver at the manor's gates.

"It was fine, I guess. Even with your horrid little cousin." Adrien grinned, relieved. After a moment of silence, fussing with the American Girl doll Adrien snuck her, she continued in a smaller voice.

"I've never taken a family photo before. That was nice too, I guess."

Adrien was quiet. He knew Chloe didn't see much of her mom anymore, and he knew she barely talked about it. He didn't really know what to say, having no idea what it felt like to come from a broken family. At least, not yet.

"You can be in my family photo every year from now on. We look enough alike anyway, no one my parents send their Christmas cards to will think an extra blonde kid is strange." Chloe snorted, her puffed sleeves fighting against her as she crossed her arms again.

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

Adrien put a hand on her shoulder.

"I won't ever leave you alone, Chlo. I don't break my promises." She narrowed her eyes at him, trying to decide whether to trust it. But this was Adrien- the sweet, forgiving, perfect golden boy who would never say something he didn't mean. So Chloe smiled.

"You better not Adrikins! You better invite me to all of your lame Christmas parties. I'll only come if you ask."

---

Adrien's thirteenth Christmas he spent by his mother's bedside. The house had been decorated as brightly as every year, but there was something in the methodically symmetrical garlands and evenly spaced baubles that was unmistakably Nathalie, reused decorations from different years that didn't quite sing with the harmony of style. He appreciated her efforts, but it was almost more unnerving to see everything pretending to be the same, like a secret that was difficult to pinpoint. Walking into the foyer the first time after the decorations had been put up was the first time he noticed just how empty the house could feel without his mother's touch.

"What's this?" Maman picked his present first from the pile, as she did every year. Adrien had taken special care to wrap it with perfect corners in a paper that featured her favourite flowers, pink camellias, and topped with a beautiful pink bow. This year, he also used less tape.

"'To Maman, love Adrien.'" She read from the tag as though surprised, a game that still made Adrien smile. Her fingers shook slightly at the exertion of trying to tear it open, but she brushed off his father's suggestions that she let him open it with a beatific smile. After a few minutes of struggle, she pulled out Adrien's gift.

"Oh, it's beautiful darling." Emilie pulled out the delicate silver necklace, glittering in her bedroom's low light. It had two small snowflakes on either side of a larger one, connected at their points as though holding hands. Adrien had never gotten his Maman jewelry since the days of his macaroni necklaces, since he knew how particular and intentional she was with what she liked to wear and he wouldn't exactly consider himself an expert on women's fashion. But he saw it when he went shopping with Nathalie, and it reminded him so much of his Maman  and her favourite season that he had to get it for her.

"Do you like it?" He moved closer, smiling as she went to put it on. After a moment of fumbling, Papa moved the hair from her neck and fastened the clamp for her. Nathalie, always prepared, held up a hand mirror so Emilie could make her final verdict.

"I love it, Adrien. Almost as much as I love you." Maman reached for him and Adrien hugged her tighter than he should have, needing to feel the strength of her beating heart to silence the fear that was now an ever present whisper in the back of his mind.

"It's the same silver as that brooch you always wear, so they'll match!"

Emilie stilled under him. Adrien looked up to see her somehow even paler than before, exchanging a tense glance with Gabriel before her eyes flickered over to Nathalie.

"That's very thoughtful, dear." She finally managed, the sweet smile back on her face. 

"You rushed right in here this morning, didn't you? Did you even have a chance to eat?" She looked to Nathalie, who shook her head.

"That won't do. The rest of the presents will have to wait until after you've eaten."

"But-"

"We can continue presents after you eat. Make him some pancakes, my love." She said to Gabriel, nodding towards the door. Maybe his Maman had suddenly gotten tired and she didn't want him or Gabriel to see. That must be why she was kicking them out. "Give him all the whipped cream and chocolate sauce he wants." Adrien had always preferred his pancakes plain, but gave his Maman a small smile, appreciating the thought.

"You don't have to make the pancakes, Papa. I can ask Phillipe." Adrien said once they were outside his Maman's room, referring to their personal chef. Their steps echoed loudly on the foyer's marble floor, eerily empty of the gala crowds from a typical year.

"Adrien." His father had become more haggard since Maman's sickness, undone in a way he'd never seen before, bruises under eyes above a five o'clock shadow. Adrien straightened.

"I will make you some hot chocolate."

Next to his whirlwind of a wife, any holiday spirit Gabriel Agreste might have had was largely eclipsed. But he had one tradition too- peppermint hot chocolate that he prepared himself, claiming it was a family recipe passed down from generation to generation, much better than anything in the store and an Agreste secret he would one day teach Adrien. They went to the kitchen together, as empty and desolate of partygoers as the rest of the manor, and drank their hot chocolate in silence. 

There didn't seem to be much hope between them- that had always been Emilie's specialty. But what hope there was, Adrien could see in his peppermint hot chocolate. Whatever happened, at least he and his father were together.

---

"Adrien?"

Marinette's voice pulled him from his memories, her hand reaching out to tug on his sleeve. Adrien drew his gaze from the store window where a silver necklace sat on a satin bed, its three snowflakes twinkling brightly. He didn't know where his Maman's had gone after she'd disappeared. Maybe she was buried in it.

"Are you okay?"

Marinette looked concerned- it was a look she was having more and more difficulty with hiding behind her big smiles and excited chatter as the 25th grew closer and closer. Sometimes it was difficult to see the reality of this Christmas reflected back in the worry in her eyes.

After all, it was his first one as an orphan.

But his amazing girlfriend was doing everything in her power to make sure he didn't go through it alone. She showered him in gifts and love and baked goods, made sure he was surrounded constantly by friends and her family, if not his own. She looked up at him now, bluebell eyes over a nose red from cold, tucked into a puffy pink jacket with a matching set of white gloves and a hat that she had knitted herself. The latter of which was beginning to slowly slide back to leave her red ears exposed.

Adrien stepped forward, gently tugging the edges of her hat back down over her ears. Stooping down to give her a warm kiss on her cold nose.

"I'm better than okay." He said honestly. "I'm with you."

Because he understood now what he hadn't known when he was younger. That Christmas, for him, had always been about the people. That was the very problem now, the memories of them shattered into tiny fractured pieces of loss and bitterness and guilt so heavy Adrien felt like he was suffocating on it.

Sometimes, Adrien thinks it would've been better if he never got to experience the Christmases of his childhood. They were far too bright and magical for him to contend with the holiday he was now left alone to face, bereft of the ghosts who had orchestrated the perfection of his youth.

His Maman was gone. She had been his spirit and love of the holiday, kicking up a whirlwind of excitement and infectious joy a month before everyone else had a chance to catch up. When she disappeared, the spark that had made the day so magical, that maybe only children felt, left with her. Then he broke his promise to Chloe- he never saw her anymore. She had changed in ways he couldn't ignore, but he couldn't help remembering the fun she'd brought to the Agreste Christmases, obstinate and loud and loyal, someone who would play in the snow with him and always made the gala more fun than it was meant to be. The innocence of their childhood friendship was gone now, tarnished by the weight that came with growing up different. And his father... 

He'd never had a chance to teach him that family recipe.

This Christmas would not be like any of his others. They never would be again. Adrien felt bitter about that, then ungrateful for his bitterness, then frustrated at the whole situation. Nothing was simple since his father died.