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Solntse

part viii

Sirius looks better than the sun and the ocean. They have a pool to themselves—they have a house to themselves. A small white and sea-shelled little thing with a board-porch that ends right on the sand. The rest of the resort is a short walk to their left, obscured from view, and they have their own chairs right on the water. Sirius, currently stretched out in one…

Looks better than the sun.

Sirius squints up at him when Remus comes back from resting in the shade for a bit and Remus uses his body to block the sun, turning Sirius squint into a smile. He holds his arms out to Remus, and Remus falls right into his chest. He’s warm like the sun, too.

“Good day, Remushya?”

Remus just hums and closes his eyes. He presses his palm flat to the Russian ring necklace that is so familiar now, resting right over Sirius’ heart. They’ve been here all of five days and already Sirius is sinfully tan. Remus has to scramble just to make sure he doesn’t burn in five minutes of direct sunlight while Sirius walks around bronze.

“Yeah.”

“No stress. On vacation, never need to stress. No stress?”

Remus laughs a little, closing his eyes at the sun on his face. “I’m not stressed.” Not exactly, at least.

Sirius hadn’t initiated anything the first night they’d arrived, and Remus had definitely been expecting and looking forward to vacation-commencement sex. He’d thought maybe Sirius was just tired from the plane, only relaxing when Sirius rolled onto his side and pulled Remus’ back against his chest. But then Sirius hadn’t started anything the next day, or the next. Or the next. This morning, Remus had woken up first and felt Sirius’ more than noticeable hard on pressed along the back of his thigh. He’d remained perfectly still, imagining all the ways he wanted to make Sirius come, until Sirius woke up too. But Sirius had simply pressed a kiss to his neck and left to go shower. Remus had hovered outside the door for a few moments, but Sirius had taken him here. Maybe he simply wanted…companionship, this time. The thought made Remus groan as he’d gone to order them breakfast.

And then they’d been on the beach all day. Remus didn’t want to say he was frustrated, but he wasn’t entirely happy with the fact that even watching Sirius eat his yogurt this morning, lips wrapping carefully around his spoon, had gotten heat stirring in his chest. Sirius is with him, but distant. His smiles are gentler, his touches more reserved. Remus feels each held back brush of skin like a tingling phantom along his skin and, quite honestly, he thinks he might go insane before the trip is up.

“Order lunch soon?” Sirius’ hand runs along the expanse of Remus’ back, but over the white t-shirt he’s wearing—Sirius’ t-shirt. The one he’d slipped on this morning over his boxers in the hopes of starting…something. Sirius’ fingers feel warm and strong against his back and Remus closes his eyes. The words are right there.

“Yeah, that sounds good. I liked that lobster roll from yesterday.”

Sirius chuckles and Remus can feel it in his own chest, “I’m get you lobster roll every day if make you happy.”

Remus snorts and looks up at Sirius, who cracks one eye open in the sun. Remus laughs fully this time and covers Sirius’ eyes, “You need sunglasses, how do you not have sunglasses?”

Sirius grins, “I do, I do! I’m have, just not bring out. Hey, can’t see.” Sirius’ hands settle gently on Remus’ hips, and his grin turns soft, “Like to see you.”

And then Sirius says things like that. And it feels almost perfect, but it also makes the reserved touches ache more.

Remus looks at him for a moment. He watches Sirius lick his lips and the way his smiles softens even more. Sirius’ eyelashes are tickling Remus’ palm when he leans forward and kisses Sirius. He passes his tongue over where Sirius’ had passed a moment ago and Sirius opens his mouth to him. Remus enjoys it for a moment more before he pulls back and opens his eyes. Sirius’ mouth is parted and soft, his neck strained a little like he wants to chase Remus’ mouth. When Remus slides his palm from Sirius’ eyes and into his hair, Sirius’ eyes are open too.

“Do you not want to?” Remus knows Sirius can feel how hard he is in his swim trunks, even just from that. “Because—I mean, that’s fine, if you don’t. I’m just…you haven’t…”

“Remushya.” Sirius says the nickname like he can’t believe what Remus is saying. His hands slide from Remus’ hips to his ass, “Need to make sure you want. Not good after last time, Remus. Not make me feel good. Need you to…to start, you know?”

Remus feels familiar guilt linger with his arousal, “I want to.” He says. “I really want to. I—I mean, Sirius, that’s why you took me with you, isn’t it?”

The sun goes behind a cloud and Sirius can really look at him. And he does, for a long, long moment. His eyes are reflecting the aqua blue color of the sea, mingling with the gray, and Remus lets out a breath, waiting, stunned by everything about him.

But Sirius doesn’t say anything. Instead, his hand lifts up to gently cup Remus’ jaw, and he brings their mouths back together. It’s nothing like Remus’ hard, slightly desperate kiss. It’s slow, and deep. Remus feels like he’s melting into the sun pooled all around them. And the words are right there.

“Okay, Remushya.”

And the words fall away, because that could mean anything.

Sirius doesn’t waste any time. His hands wedges between them to cup Remus through his shorts at the same time as he ducks to press his mouth to the tender underside of Remus’ jaw.

Remus closes his eyes and curls his hand around the sun-warmed back of Sirius’ neck, “You want to, right?” Sirius huffs and reaches for Remus’ hand, bringing it to his own cock where its pressing insistently against his shorts. Remus sighs, half at the feeling half in relief. Sirius wants him. “Okay.”

Sirius licks across his lower lip, “Inside?”

Remus only just manages to nod before Sirius is sitting up and and pulling Remus’ legs around his waist with a quick deftness that makes Remus let out a noise and laugh a little.

Sirius kisses through Remus’ smile, sucking hard at his lip before dragging his mouth down to apply the same bruising pressure to the sensitive dip between his collarbones, licking into the sweat gathered there, “I’m take you.”

And then Sirius stands up like Remus weighs nothing more than the book he carried out here with him. His large palms splay over Remus’ ass and Sirius digs his thumbs into the muscle there until Remus squirms in his arms and presses himself harder against Sirius’ chest, cock trapped between them. The walk to the bed is short, but Remus still takes the chance to run his fingers over the muscles of Sirius’ shoulders appreciatively. The air conditioning hits Remus like a cool wave. He blinks against the fighting temperatures of the cold air and heat filling his body.

“Cold?” Sirius pauses in his path towards the bed to flick the air off.

“Hm.” Remus sighs, taking the moments that Sirius is focused on the thermostat to brush his lips against the slight stubble lining his jaw. It scratches against his lips and and so he gently bites instead and relishes in the way Sirius’ chest hitches. Remus vaguely thinks how all of this could be his. Maybe, maybe.

He bounces a little when he falls back against the bed, but Sirius’ body is there in a moment to ground him. He settles his knees on either side of Remus’ hips, his hands boxing Remus in. They look at each other, the room overly quiet without the hum of the air. Remus focuses on the hot metal of the ring that’s falling from Sirius’ neck to pool at the hallow of his throat. Sirius’ eyes fall to it, too, and Remus watches as they trail slowly back up to his mouth, nose, eyes. Sirius’ are dark with blown pupils and he lets out a gentle breath when their gazes meet.

“Remus.” He says Remus’ name as if it’s a plea, almost, and lowers himself to his forearms, wrists curling in to push his fingers through Remus’ hair where the heat and salt has curled it.

The sad lilt Sirius puts into his name makes Remus want to curl himself around him. He tries his best by sliding his palm around the back of his neck. “What is it?” Remus kneads the taught muscles of Sirius’ neck gently, “I know something’s wrong, Sirius. You’re…” Remus makes a noise at Sirius’ pleading look. The way he’s making his eyes big and sad makes his chest hurt, “Sirius, really, what—“

“You call me little name for love.”

Remus’ heart doubles in time and goosebumps break out all along his skin. Sirius looks a little nervous too, but he stays put, supporting himself over Remus, hands in his hair. Then he makes a pained noise at the back of his throat. He leans down and presses a hard kiss to Remus’ neck and huffs out a hot breath, keeping his face there, tucked away. It leaves Remus blinking up at the ceiling.

Sirius’ voice comes out muffled, “You forget?”

Remus hasn’t forgotten a single moment with Sirius. He shakes his head. Of course he remembers calling Sirius love, letting it slip out, and now Sirius is upset and fuck if Remus knows what to do about it.

“I—no. I’m sorry.” He hates the words the second they’re out of his mouth, and hates them more when Sirius rolls off of him and sits at the end of the bed with his bare back to him. He pushes himself up on his elbows, “No, Sirius—“

“‘I’m sorry.’” Sirius parrots, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry—why sorry, Remus?” He hits his fist against the mattress and turns, standing. His eyes are just as sad as Remus remembers them from a second ago, “What I’m—what—“ Sirius groans and pushes his palms into his eyes, a gesture of pure frustration that raises Remus to sit on his knees, “Fuck me, I not know—to say. Too fast, too fast.”

“Hey, hey.” Remus puts is hands out, like that will do anything to calm Sirius, “It’s okay. Sirius, it’s okay, we can go slow. I—maybe I don’t have the words either, yeah?”

Sirius stands there frozen and coiled for a moment, shoulders hunched in a way that makes Remus want nothing more than to reach out. He’s not sure what’s about to happen. His mind is screaming at him that, fuck, he needs to just say—

Then Sirius drops his hands and his eyes are red. They’re bright and Remus’ throat closes a little. He falls back and settles on his heels, “Sirius.”

“Why sorry, Remus? Just say.” Sirius takes a step backwards, one arm curling around his bare stomach like he’s protecting himself, or trying to, “Just say. Can’t do like this.” He shakes his head. Remus can see bits of dried salt from the ocean on his skin, on the tips of his dark hair, and his chest hurts with how gorgeous he looks. How sad he looks. “Can’t, Remus.”

Remus blinks at him, mouth parted. He shakes his head back, slowly and stupidly, “Sirius, wh…I don’t know what you want me…You invited me here. You—“ You’re paying me to be here. “Isn’t that it?”

Sirius closes his eyes briefly, pushing his hand through his hair, and when he opens them again they’re brighter than before. This time Remus realizes it’s with tears, “You sorry?”

“No.” Remus gasps automatically, throat almost too thick to get the word out, “No.”

“Then what, Remus? You like hear me talk? You like—“ Sirius presses a palm flat over his chest, fingers splayed, and Remus can see him swallow hard, “You sleep so close to me and I—and you think I’m not—how…” He gazes at Remus with the same desperate stare, “I’m feel you every night and I just want—“

They both jump when a phone rings. And rings. It’s coming somewhere from the pile where both of their suitcases have merged into one. It’s going on four, long, horrible tones, and they’re both staring at each other before Sirius curses lowly in Russian. He wipes angrily at his eyes and goes to retrieve it.

Remus has a split second to realize it’s his phone before Sirius answers it. “Sirius, that’s not—“

“да?”

Remus hopes. He fucking prays to the God his parents so desperately believe in that it’s only James on the phone, or even better Lily, who will hang up right away. That it isn’t a client.

There’s a long pause before Sirius’ entire back tense and his voice comes out again, low, “It what?” Another pause, the other person talking, before Sirius whirls on Remus, eyes wide and expression looking nearly completely broken open. Remus blinks at him, completely at a loss as to what he could be hearing about.

“да—“ Sirius shakes his head hard, “Ah, yes, yes, it be fix. Right away. Thank—ah, bye.” He clicks the phone off and stares at it.

Remus’ heart is practically out beating his breath and he leans forward a little, “Sirius…”

“Why you not tell me about window? Why you say you fix if you not? It complete snow in your apartment. Wet, leak everywhere. Remus, not safe for you.”

“Wh—“ Remus looks at the phone, “Was that my fucking landlord?”

Sirius tosses the phone back onto the clothing pile, “Remus, it—it—“ He gestures wildly, “Freeze! It fucking freeze! You, you freeze! Winter, Remus!”

Remus’ eyes feel unfocused from where they rest on the bedspread, still messy from sleeping, and he shakes his head, “I…” He feels like he has whiplash, can’t believe they’re talking about this now, “It was fine, just—“

All the breath leaves his lungs when the bed dips in front of him and Sirius’ hands are on either side of his cheeks, warm, so warm, and he finds his gaze.

“So proud. So stubborn, Remus.” Sirius strokes his thumbs slowly over Remus’ cheeks, “Fuck—not let you anymore. Listen, okay? Stop. Listen.”

Remus curls his hands around Sirius’ wrists automatically, holding on, “I don’t—stop?”

Sirius lets out a long breath through his nose. His eyes search Remus’, as if he’s checking for something, and he bites the inside of his cheek, jaw working like he’s choosing his words slowly, translating carefully. He looks nervous and leans forward to press their foreheads together briefly, like his words are pulling him towards Remus, before pulling back again just enough to look him in the eye.

“I’m little bit—love you.”

Remus swears every other sound in the world goes mute. There’s an overwhelming pressure in his chest that builds, searing him from the inside out, as he plays the words over in his mind. They’re a warm weight that settles inside him like a blanket until it’s beating in time to his heart. He feels like he’ll never move again and like he can’t quite breathe properly and like Sirius’ hands on him are the only thing reminding him to draw air. He can feel his eyes fill with tears.

“Remus.” Sirius pets one of his large palms over Remus’ hair, pushing it out of his face, “Remushya.”

Remus wants to say it back so badly but the words lodge in his throat. He finds himself desperately thinking please don’t take it back please don’t take it back instead.

And it’s like Sirius knows, like he can hear him, because he presses the softest of kisses to Remus’ cheek and says, “I’m love you since…I don’t know, second night. Maybe not know it then, but know now. Know for months. Hope…hope you maybe too but, then think you not because…because I’m still pay.” Sirius closes his eyes, giving his head a little shake, and Remus’ entire world is falling off kilter, “Then I say all wrong thing. Say not want to do this anymore and you think I mean not want you. Then you almost leave.” When Sirius opens his eyes again there are—fuck, there are tears there, “You make it look so easy for you to leave that I’m scared. Because…not easy for me to leave. Want to stop pay, want to be boyfriend, but think you not want and—and know you need money and I want to take care.”

Sirius’ entire body stills when Remus lets out a breath that’s half a sob and turns his face into Sirius’ palm that’s still cradling one of his cheeks. Then Sirius is ducking to brush their cheeks together, kissing his jaw and pressing as close as he can with their bent knees in the way, “Always want to take care of my Remushya. I know you say not help but, fuck, Remus, I love you so much. I love you so much, please…Please.”

It’s like that last word is a spark. Remus can see it. He can see it in the touches, in the gestures, in the looks he catches Sirius giving him while they’re watching tv, eating breakfast. Remus can see it in that last night in London.

“You said it to me then.” He chokes out, fingers stroking over Sirius’, lips moving against the center of his hand. He remembers that long, sad rambling of Russian that he had only been able to let wash over him.

“Я люблю тебя.” Sirius whispers into his skin and—Remus has heard that before. He’s heard it whispered in the dark, and quietly over breakfast. He heard it that night.

Sirius loves him, and now he’s sitting there begging Remus to love him back.

As if Remus could do anything else.

He turns his face until he can nudge Sirius’ nose with his own, lips brushing his damp cheek, “I love you.” Remus can feel a slight tremor beneath Sirius’ skin as he slides his hands up his forearms, over his shoulders to his neck, “I love you, too, I love you.”

Sirius’ sigh shakes and then he lets out a sound that’s half laugh and half cry. He sniffles sharply after that and then he’s smiling with tears on his cheeks and blinking hard and Remus loves him. He aches with it and he feels so goddamn selfish.

Here he’s been, so worried that he doesn’t deserve any of Sirius that he forgot Sirius thinks something similar. That no one wants him. He’d told him so himself.

“You—yes?” Sirius’ voice is choked up, “Yes?” He says again, like he’s making sure. Like he can’t believe it. He strokes over Remus’ hair a few more times, thumbs over his cheeks and runs his palms down his neck and shoulders in these hard, long touches that feel like heaven, “You—you be with me to be mine.”

Remus laughs at that, just as choked and watery as Sirius’ voice is, “Yes.” He lets Sirius gather him in so that he’s sitting a little precariously on Sirius’ lap, and says it again, right against Sirius’ lips, “I love you.” He locks his ankles together to pull them flush together and it’s like floodgates have opened because he can’t stop saying it, “I love you.”

“карамель.” Sirius says, and then kisses him hard.

They’ve kissed one hundred and one times, but this is better. Sirius doesn’t just want him and a kiss isn’t just a way to get things going. Sirius loves him, and he’s showing him. Remus thinks he’ll join the sun puddled on the floor by the open windows.

Sirius somewhat tackles him to the bed then, startling a laugh out of Remus, and then a moan when he promptly presses their hips together. He’s not hard like he was, but with the way Sirius is pressing their dicks together, he’s pretty sure he can practically feel all the blood in his body flowing downward. Sirius’ mouth is hot as he tries to keep kissing Remus while simultaneously pushing their clothes out of the way.

“Fuck, fuck, I’m love—I love you.” Sirius pants once their naked, having just pulled Remus free of his shirt and pressed their slightly sweaty skin together, “Fuck, I love you, I’m fuck you so hard, I’m give you everything—I love.” Then he starts sucking what is absolutely going to be a horrible hickey into the side of Remus’ neck before breaking, “I’m say that wrong, but…”And he just sort of trails off in favor of licking the sun and salt from Remus’ skin. Remus can do nothing but try not to come on the spot. He’s leaking what seems to be a continuous stream of pre-come against his hip and, honestly, he thinks its more from the ‘I love you’ than anything else. His cock gives an almost painful pulse when Sirius whispers it in Russian against his neck.

He drags his hands over the obscene cut of Sirius’ hips and tilts his head back to give Sirius better access to his throat, “I want you to. I want you so much, god—“

Remus breathes out hard, trying and failing not to focus too hard on the slick slide of Sirius’ cock over his own, trying not to have this all be over much too quickly. Sirius groans and gets a hand beneath one of Remus’ thighs, hitching it around his waist so he can rub over Remus’ entrance.

“Fuck, need—need thing.“

Remus doesn’t need him to explain, just throws a hand out towards the bedside table and groans when he gets nowhere close. “This bed is too fucking big.”

Sirius huffs out a laugh, sounding a little pained at the thought of extracting himself from Remus’ body, but he does. He walks on his knees over to the nightstand and Remus has to curse, throw his arm over his eyes, and grip tightly around the base of his cock at how hard Sirius looks, red and wet.

“Remember condom, too.” Sirius says, and Remus cracks an eye open, smiling softly as Sirius wiggles the wrapper at him. Then he bites his lip as a thought crosses his mind.

“Maybe…maybe someday we don’t need that.” Sirius blinks at him and Remus reaches forward, dragging the tips of his fingers over Sirius’ wet crown, “I want to get tested. Just to make sure, but…” He swallows over his arousal, “you could come in me when we do.”

Then Remus more or less gets to watch Sirius understand in the way his cock jerks upward against his stomach a little and his mouth falls open, “Fuck, Remus.” He hisses, curling a loose palm around himself and dropping horizontally onto his back on the bed with a groan, “Fuck, tell me if say things like that.”

Remus feels a certain smugness bloom in his chest, glad he’s not the only one who feels like they’re about to lose it. He crawls forward and swings a leg over Sirius’ hips, straddling him. “Hey.” He pushes Sirius’ arms out of the way, lacing their fingers together and pressing until their hands are pinned to the bed above Sirius’ head. He grinds forward with his hips in slow drags and leans down to brush their lips together, “I love you.”

Sirius’ panting mouth turns into a lazy smile, and he arches up into Remus’ body, “Love you.” He pulls away to run his large hands up and down Remus’ sides, warming them and causing goosebumps at the same time. Then one had slips down to Remus’ ass, and Sirius coaches Remus down towards him until they’re nearly chest to chest and he can roll them over again. He presses a quick kiss to Remus’ mouth, “Love you.”

Then there’s blissfully slippery fingers inside him and Remus closes his eyes and breathes. So much just changed. So much just fell into place. He has forever and ever of this, he thinks. The nagging voice at the back of his mind is still there, though, telling him things start only to end. People love you in order to stop one day. But Sirius…he feels complete.

“карамель, can’t see.” Remus opens his eyes again and is met with a pleased smile from Sirius and a warm hand rubbing along his hip, “Better.”

Remus wonders what could be in his face that makes Sirius so happy, but then he realizes he only has to look at Sirius’ smile to find out. He smiles back, realizing it probably looks a little delirious, and covers Sirius’ hand with his. He squeezes tightly when Sirius adds another finger, and sinks back into the mattress. “Fuck.”

Sirius hums and bends down to help himself to Remus’ cock in long, slow, drags of his tongue. Remus gasps and watches Sirius’ cock until it drools a bit of precome. He smiles a little, panting, “You sure you can manage that right now?”

Sirius pulls of with a groan, and falls back to sit on his heels, stomach muscles tight and teeth clenched. “Too good, Remus. Too much for me.” He curls his fingers and Remus’ response is effectively lost to the way his nerves spark. Sirius smirks, “Too much for you, too.”

Remus moves one hand blindly to swat at Sirius, but Sirius just catches his fingers, bringing them to his mouth to kiss his knuckles, the inside of his wrist, “Want…take you apart.”

Sirius says the words like they’re having a conversation over breakfast, and then promptly leans over to kiss at Remus’ neck and just goes for it. Remus is a sweaty, gasping mess within minutes. Sirius’ fingers are long and nimble, skilled and quick from sketching, and Remus always wonders how it could get any better than this. He’s reminded, when Sirius rips the condom wrapper open and the hot, blunt head of his cock starts nudging at Remus’ hole.

“Fuck.” Remus sighs out, “C’mere, c'mere.”

Sweat is sticking his hair to his temples and Sirius sighs as he settles over Remus, licking the salt away from the hollows of his throat. He slips a few times, limbs shaky with anticipation, until he growls and reaches down to line himself up again. Then he pushes in and looks up at Remus as he does. They’re chest to chest, and Remus can’t imagine it any other way.

“I—“ Remus has to take a second though, mouth falling open as Sirius’ cock fills him, “I wanted this the first time. I—god…” His head falls back and Sirius takes it upon himself to kiss gently along his jaw and cheek, “I wanted this every time. To see you, I…”

Sirius makes a small sound and pushes his hand through Remus’ hair, “I’m want, too.” He pants, “I’m want…be so close to you—“ His words choke off a little at the end, pitching low as he bottoms out and they’re completely pressed together.

Sirius brings their mouths together in a hot, slow kiss. With his fingers wound through Remus’ hair, he starts pushing his hips forward in these small, shallow thrusts that make it so Remus can’t help the whine that leaves his throat. Sirius loves him. They’re here because Sirius loves him. He’s not going to be handed cash after this, he doesn’t have to leave.

After, he decides, as Sirius tongue slides against his own and his thumb strokes against Remus’ temple, he’s going to pull Sirius against him and tell him everything he’s been holding back. He’s going to wake up tomorrow and tell him again. He’s going to eat breakfast tucked away against Sirius’ side, and they’ll go down to the bar later and he’ll have whatever tropical cocktail Sirius orders for him while feeding each other the salty plantain chips between kisses. Then they’ll come back to the room, together, do whatever they want, together. Remus is going to love him back. He’s going to love him back so much.

His thoughts derail a little after that because Sirius’ hips snap into a stead pace, and it isn’t hard but it’s definitely deep, like Remus can feel every single inch of him. He curls his hands under Sirius’ arms, holding him close and relishing in the drag of Sirius inside him.

“Sirius, Sirius…” Remus chants, tucking his face into his neck, feeling the hot pants against his own shoulder where Sirius is doing the same.

“More?” Sirius says, then he drives home in one hard push and Remus squeezes his eyes shut. He goes to draw a breath but Sirius pushes in again, hot and hard. Sirius lets out a long, shaky, sigh, “Oh god.” His hands slide to grip Remus’ hips, fingers slipping a little on his sweaty skin and he draws out all the way and then pushes back in, again and again, making these noises that are driving Remus insane, quiet, “ah—fuck, baby…”

And Remus wonders if he heard that last part right, through Sirius’ round vowels and blood rushing in his ears, but the mere though sends him aching, cock drawn taught. He’s so fucking close, feels like he’s been on the edge forever. He glances between them and watches his cock smear against Sirius’ abs, the lightest of brushes that feel like torture. And then Sirius angles back and Remus can’t help the choked shout that he lets out.

“There? Fuck, there, Remus? Gonna fuck you so good, baby.”

Remus moans because he definitely heard Sirius right that time. His fingers struggle for a grip on Sirius’ back and he slips against the sheets. He gets his mouth on Sirius’ again and his legs around Sirius’ hips and suddenly he can push down a little in a way that has Sirius breathing harder into his mouth. Remus feels like he’s going to die with how badly he needs to come. Sirius is hot and heavy inside him, stomach brushing against his cock.

“I—Sirius, I need—“

Sirius kisses him hard, lips swollen and hot, “I’m take care.” He gets a hand between them, and Remus is so wet that it’s nothing but a blissful, slick glide. Remus fucks up into his hand, entire body straining with how fucking good it feels. His heartbeat pulses in his ears, but as Sirius’ fist tightens around him he becomes suddenly aware that Sirius is mumbling softly into his neck, “I love you, I love you—“ and Remus comes so hard that the entire world rings silent white.

Sirius lets out a low sound, half broken sounding, gives a few more stuttering pumps of his hips, and then goes rigid all over, cock buried all the way in as he comes. Remus can feel his lips and teeth on his neck as he gasps. He swears he can feel the heat inside him.

Remus doesn’t know how long they lay there. He doesn’t know which way is up. Sirius is a heavy weight on top of him, so warm he can feel it all the way in his bones. His entire body feels light and fuzzy at the edges, like he’s perpetually tilting backwards and anchored by Sirius at the same time. He’s still full of Sirius, soft now, but he never wants him to move, never wants him to be farther away than he is right now.

Sirius stirs just enough to gently pull himself from Remus and both of them moan as he slips out. He ties the condom off and when he stretches across the bed to throw it out, Remus swears his arms are shaking a little. Then he drapes himself right back over Remus’ sweat-cooled body and nuzzles at his throat, murmuring in Russian. It sounds unbearably sweet, and Remus smiles sleepily at the ceiling, eyes closed, because this time he knows its for him. He knows he can listen.

Remus only finds it in him to move when Sirius starts dragging his lips up Remus’ jaw to his cheek to his temple. He kisses over Remus’ eyelids before they open, then just below each eye, the corner of his mouth. “Remushya.” he whispers.

Remus hums in response, voice cracking, and they both laugh stupidly, too hard, really. Remus reaches up to tuck his fingers in the thick curls of hair that fluff out around Sirius’ ears.

Sirius tilts his head into his palm, “Good first time?” His voice sounds shot and fuck if Remus wants to hear that sound ever day for the rest of his life.

“That wasn’t—”

Sirius smiles, and just shakes his head a little, “Was first time.” He brushes a kiss along Remus’ kiss-sensitive lips, palm warm on his hip, “Was first time for love.”

Remus’ chest fills with the absurd need to cry. He blinks a little, lets out a shaky breath with a smile and nods, “Yeah. Sirius, that was—I’m so happy.” He’s never had that phrase be so true, not for a long time. He wants to say it again, wants Sirius to know what he’s done, so he does. He smooths a hand down Sirius’ neck, curling his fingers in the chain there and following it to the warm ring, encasing it in his palm, “I’m so happy.”

Sirius’ eyes look bright and like he can’t believe what’s in front of him. He closes his hand around Remus’ and kisses his fingers, “All I want, Remus. All I want.”

(A/N: holy shit.)

starsandmoonys

Part 2 of this, since basically everyone asked. Sorry if it’s cringe. I wrote it while being happy, so maybe it’s cheesy. Anyway, enjoy! and let me hear you comments and opinions, pleaaasee.

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Sirius, surprised with all his friends, not bringing his eyes up to meet Remus’. He could feel the other boy’s stare, piercing through him. He knew there is no turning back; he said it. He knew he had to follow through. He gathered the rest of his strength and spoke, still looking at the floor, “Ahh fuck this, I like you Remus.. a lot. And I don’t know, It’s okay if you don’t. I’m sorry this happened; I didn’t mean to say it.” He started rambling. He knew he was freaking out because maybe Remus didn’t feel the same; he’s made a fool of himself.

He lifted his eyes to search for a reaction and was taken aback by Remus, legit crawling again to his direction. He couldn’t take his eyes off of him. “Remus?” He said when Remus finally settled beside him, incredibly close.

“Yeah, I know,” Remus said, smiling.

“Excuse me? You know? You know what?” Sirius was full-on panicking. What does Remus mean? All this time he knew, and he let him just pine like an idiot. Is he serious? Are they too drunk to be even talking? He tried to stand up; he wanted to leave. He had his heartbeat going crazy. He started to wonder if it’s a prank and everyone is in on it. He’s just the butt of the joke. That’s why everyone left. He moved to get up and was grabbed by Remus, “I know you liked me, Pads,” he said, hands wrapped around his wrists. Sirius couldn’t function, “Close your mouth; you’ve been obvious since summer,” Remus kept being ambiguous, not letting the raven-haired boy out of his misery like he was enjoying it.

“What? I? Remus, is this a joke? You’re playing me?! Let go!” Sirius breathed out; he desperately wanted to get away from Remus’ clutch. “Merlin, she was right,” he heard Remus whisper to himself, looking at their hands. He then looked up; and grabbed his face with both hands, “You really are an idiot to be watching me that much and not realize that I like you back, Padfoot,” Remus fell quiet, looking at Sirius’ eyes. “I just wanted to see how long it would take.”

Sirius’ eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “What are you talking about?” He said, calmer than before, yet heart racing a million miles an hour. It dawned on him that Remus just said he liked him too. So it’s all real; he wasn’t imagining it anymore. He kept denying himself for so long, afraid to speak up, but it’s all real now. He’s right in front of him.

Remus giggled drunkenly; “For you to break, love. It wasn’t my idea; it was Lils’; she told me to wait it out.” So they have been going on behind my back Sirius thought. “Does everyone know?” he asked a question he obviously knew the answer to. He felt like a complete idiot; how was he so dense? Remus nodded, smiling. “God, that damned redhead,” Sirius said, taking Remus’ hands off his face to hold on to them.

“She’s marvelous. And I’ve got what I wanted. I liked your pretty confession.”

“Wait, You actually like me?” Sirius said, smiling now. Remus nodded, quite frantically. “Since… Since when?” Sirius couldn’t help but ask. Remus inched closer and closer, so their foreheads were touching, “Since I realized I was gay. Being stuck in the same room as you nine months a year for six years did some damage to my poor heart.” Remus spoke slowly, cooingly, lips threatening to touch with every word.

“Moony, can I kiss you?” He asked, eyes darting to Remus’ lips. “Yes please,” Remus didn’t get to finish his answer as Sirius’ lips were pressed to his. They kissed for the first time. Remus’ hands moved into Sirius’ hair, for he started to get onto his lap, straddling him. Sirius deepened the kiss and wrapped his arms around Remus, holding him close. They didn’t know how long that kiss lasted, but they pulled away breathless and in a state of bliss, both boys smiling from cheek to cheek. “Merlin, this is better than all my dreams,” Remus spoke first. He pulled away just enough to look into Sirius’ eyes. “Reality is always better, Moons,” Sirius said pressing another soft kiss to the other boy’s lips. He pulled away and Remus grabbed him again pressing a rather not so soft kiss this time, it was short but as good as all the ones before it. “Just checking,” Remus said against his lips.

“So, you were playing me.. those past months…” Sirius started, narrowing his eyes. Remus snickered in his arms, “I’d rather say, encouraging you. Cause at your rate, we’d be 30 before you say anything.” He spoke openly; drunk Remus can be very confident and bold. “All the things you were doing.. encouragement?” Sirius questioned; he admired how free Remus seems to be. “Yup,” Remus said, popping the P.

Sirius found himself tackling Remus to the floor, “Oh you little…” He started tickling him, ruthlessly.

“Oh god, oh my god, stop. Sirius, shit. Please.” Remus uttered between laughs. Sirius halts after many pleas from the werewolf under him. he stopped his assault to find himself on top of Remus, faces so close and chests pressing against each other, both of them gasping hard for breath.

Sirius fought the urge to kiss Remus senseless at that moment and moved away from him to the side.

“We’ll do this right. Stand up, Remus.” He said sitting up and pushing Remus off the floor. He needed to make the moment memorable. “What? Why?” Remus questioned him, confused.

“Just do it, please.” Sirius pleaded. Remus complied, still puzzled, as he rose to his feet, Sirius positioned himself on one knee in front of him. “Sirius, what are you doing?” Remus asked beet red as Sirius took in his hands.

Sirius smiled softly and looked up to meet the hazel eyes, “Remus John Lupin, would you honor my miserable soul and become my cute, hot, and loving boyfriend?”

“Yes, Sirius,” Remus, who couldn’t have gotten anymore redder, croaked out the response. At the notion, Sirius stood up and pulled his now-boyfriend into a bone-crushing hug.

“This is not real,” Sirius said, burying his fingers into Remus’ curls. He felt Remus smile against his collarbone, “Yes, it is. It’s as real as it gets now. Believe me, I’ve known dreams.” He spoke.

“I’ve actually got you?” Sirius asked again, still in disbelieve.

“You’ve always had; you’ve just been too dense to realize.” Sirius laughed and kissed the top of the other boy’s head.

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