Love me not

Maybe when Im long gone, this will be found. Until then, I’ll keep believing.

Soooo technically had our third threesum as a couple this past week . And idk how to feel about it. I thought we were going to do just oral…and she just kinda hopped on and he came inside her. I don’t think it’s fully jealously. I think it’s more so, he’d never allow another man do that to me. He wouldn’t handle it well. And I forever think that’s not fair. Like it was full on choking and him saying things that he says to me. He finally took me on a date today…after all this time that’s passed before. He took me on a date. And I just want that romantic shit all of the time. Not just after he cums in someone else.

Idk. I may just finish out these two years…and leave the Army. Hate being away from home.

I’m numb and don’t want to be here.

My mental health is not great. And now not having a therapist makes me feel alone. I can’t share my feelings with friends without judgement.