SAVE LONKAR

"Parental alienation is an emotional act of violence that is aimed at an adult, but critically wounds a child" - Steve Maraboli

Parents, you know that feeling of peace and calm, when you are first to wake up in your house, and you savor a nice cup of joe while your kids are all cozied up in their beds? I have not known that peace for a long time. It’s a distant feeling for me. I bought a house last summer, and my own kids have not ever slept in their rooms. I tend to avoid that part of the house, as the empty beds are stark reminders that I, Brian Lonkar, am a father of six who only see their dad a few hours every other week. It gets worse.

On top of this lonely life I’ve been trying to live these past few years, I continue to experience the fallout from my ex’s parental alienation, also known as emotional child abuse. According to the National Center of State Courts (2023), parental alienation is a campaign strategy whereby one parent intentionally displays unjustified negativity toward the other parent, with the goal of wielding that unjustified negativity to get the kids to turn on the other parent.

What is her motivation to behave this way? What good can come from this concerted effort of kid-brainwashing and dad-bashing? It’s not healthy and it’s not right. Why does she hate me so much that she fabricates stories and untruths to my children, not to mention all around town to anyone who will listen? You would think that since her own father abandoned her and lived in the same town for years, you would think she would not want to recreate the same scenario for her own children. When did this start? More importantly, when will this end? What has this looked like? How has this affected the mental health of myself, and more importantly, the mental health of our children?

In the hopes of thinking this through, what follows is a brief timeline of events in the past few years.

In the spring of 2021, shortly after an emotional blowout marriage counseling session, Cherrie filed for legal separation. I was the sole provider the first 15 years of marriage, yet once she started making some money, she was crystal clear that her money was HER MONEY, and her rapidly growing business was HER BUSINESS. While vacationing in the panhandle with a friend, she called and asked, “Separation or divorce?” She demanded a decision then and there, as then her lawyer would know what papers to file. I told her I didn’t really know the difference. Even though I was 99% sure this would lead to divorce, there was maybe a 1% chance of hope of still working things out. Well maybe less than 1%. So I said, “Separation, I guess”

A month later, in June 2021, she drove me around to a dozen apartments in town, and then she personally recommended the apartment complex for me to move into. Her rationale was that I had to move somewhere close. She chose this particular complex, as it was less than five miles from her house, and the kids had been to birthday parties there before. In addition, the kids had some pseudo-grandparent figures that lived there during the snowbird season. She asked me to leave the house immediately, but reluctantly agreed with my proposition that I needed a week to figure this all out, mentally prepare for my uprooting, and the big life changes that lie ahead for the whole family. A week later, with nothing but a backpack and clothes, I moved into an empty 2-bedroom apartment.

Less than a week passed and I told her my decision to move forward with a divorce was official. She had had a 2-week vacation planned to take all the kids to Michigan. Even after the decision to file for divorce, she asked me if I could go with her to Michigan and pretend we were still married, as she did not want to tell her family. I balked at the idea, and said there was no way I could do that, that she should just tell her family. So, she left for two weeks with all the children.

Little did I know that Cherrie was already working on her web of lies, telling the world, “Brian is a father that abandoned his kids and was drinking, drugging, and that’s what led to the divorce.” When did these false claims start? Just this past weekend, someone informed me that that ^^^ is exactly the story Cherrie told them back in June 2021 while they were vacationing in Michigan and visiting Chicago, my hometown!

Did I mention that I was completely sober for the last few years of our marriage and through the separation and divorce?

Back to the story. Back to the truth. So it’s June and the kids are with Cherrie in Michigan. The kids called once or twice while they were there. Shortly after they returned, the Department of Child Services launched an investigation of me for child abuse. DCS interviewed the kids, myself, and my ex, and they confirmed there was nothing to prevent me from seeing our children. I had lawyered up by then, and my lawyer sent her lawyer a request for me to see the children. My ex agreed to the kids Facetiming at a certain date/time. There were no court orders to prevent me from seeing the children, but she was “worried for the safety of the children,” and might agree to supervised visitation. Further, she stated that it was under the advisement of the Department of Child Services that I have supervised visitation. Only THAT was not true. She was completely making that up. DCS NEVER made that advisement. DCS never said anything about me not being a safe parent. So, I had my lawyer asked to setup Facetime calls with the kids. For 15 years, the only time I had left the kids was for a day and a half when I went to surprise my father for his 60th bday in 2009. Now my fatherhood was reduced to a few Facetimes. The situation grew ever bleaker.

Cherrie would tell me the kids wanted to speak with me, but when I called, she told me that they were already in bed. She would then try asking me questions about the case she was soon to be filing against me. It was weird to say the least, and I would not partake in that type of discussion. What was this woman planning? Through my lawyer, I requested parenting time, as it had been too long already that I had not seen my kids that lived just down the street. Cherrie told her lawyer that “per DCS” she was advised that “visitation was not permitted.” Again, there were no court orders in place. She was intentionally using the kids as pawns, purposefully keeping my kids from seeing me. She was going rogue and making things up, with false claims and fabricated endorsements from authorities, social workers, and any friends and employees that would help reinforce her lies. Parental alienation written all over it, right? Let’s call a spade a spade. There was an intentional 24/7 smear campaign to destroy me and my relationships with all my children. You would think that after 20 years of devotion and building a family, there might be an ounce of respect, right? WRONG! A day or so later, she filed a case in Family Court, and a judge issued emergency temporary orders that BANNED me from seeing the kids till September when a court date was scheduled.

So that was on July 16th, 2021, when the motion for emergency temporary orders was filed in family court. In the filing, DCS went on the record stating there was no need for a safety plan to be put in place, even though Cherrie’s lawyer had asked for this. DCS also said that Cherrie stated she had been keeping the kids at home during summer, as she feared that I would come and grab the kids if she took them to any camps or other public places. What the what? Parental alienation. School was about to start in early August, and my ex said the kids would be “exposed to the danger of the Father picking them up from school” (exact words). I hadn’t seen the kids since June 16th, before they all went to Michigan. I also had not had any contact with any one of them since that time, and I had not once gone to go see them, as any efforts to do so would have been used against me in court for sure. My ex said, “Brian is pressing to see the children and he is aware that the children will still start school, where he could pick them up if there were no court orders preventing him from doing so.” She also said that there were multiple complaints from the children of physical abuse. These fictitious claims were again all in her campaign to alienate me from my kids. Parental alienation. She told the judge of my DUI in 2017, and said she believed I had been drinking. She said Brian has “undiagnosed mental health issues and/or an untreated mental health diagnosis,” said I was “bipolar,” “likely using drugs and/or alcohol,” and requested a mental health evaluation. Cherrie claimed domestic violence, questioned my mental health stability, and had concerns about the safety and welfare of the children. In that same filing, she also said she would be filing for an Order of Protection for the children. Her lawyer requested the judge:

Award her temporary sole-decision-making

“Award” Father with supervised visitation

Submit a full panel of drug/alcohol testing

Order documentation to support her claims of my mental health instability

Order me to pay for all her legal fees

Since this was an “emergency filing,” the judge immediately granted her temporary sole custody, and set the court date for an evidentiary hearing on August 16, 2021.

I went two full months without seeing or speaking to any of my six children. I lived down the street from them, in the apartment that my ex chose for me, and was barred from seeing or speaking with my children. Can you imagine? My guess is that you cannot. Oh and during this time, my ex also rehomed our two 2-year-old dogs to some place in Georgia, and moved our oldest child to her friend’s house that was thinking of starting a developmental group home. I did not find all these things out until later.

On August 16th, both lawyers presented their case. The judge said, “Wait. You have not seen the kids in two months? They are coming over to your place today, and they did. He said custody would be 50/50 and a future court date was scheduled for November to discuss the dissolution of the marriage (i.e., divorce agreement).   

In November around Thanksgiving, our divorce agreement was filed. 50/50 kids, mutual decision-making. You would think there would be some finality when the divorce was final. You would think there would be some peace. But no, that could not be further from the truth.

Cherrie does not like following the court orders, especially when they do not benefit her. She was not sharing the kids with me 50% of the time. I told her that if she would not agree to the 50-50 kids that was court-ordered in November 2021, that I would just bring her back to court to get them to enforce it. Since I had brought up court, we went to the 50-50, and I thought it would be smooth sailing from there. Side note, by that time I had gotten an app called Our Family Wizard. I highly recommend it for parents that get divorced. Getting that app was a lifesaver for me, as before that time I had been receiving a barrage of texts and emails at all hours of the day and night. Ever since we split, my goal was to create a happy, peaceful life and reestablish my connections with my kids, as they, like any children of divorce, have to learn to navigate a life lived in two different homes.

A quick funny here just to lighten up this blog, then we’ll get back to the parental alienation bit.

While the kids were at my place, I sat them down for an important family meeting. I asked them some questions. I said, “When we were all in the same home, who was the president?” “MOM,” they all screamed in unison. “Who was the vice president?” “You/Dad,” they replied. “Who do people remember, the president or the vice president?” “The president!” they said. “Now, we live in two different homes. You have a life with your mother, and a life with your father. Who is the president now at mom’s house?” “Mom,” they exclaimed. “Who is the president at dad’s house?” A few of them still said “Mom!” Um, no.

Please read my “All I Wanted for Christmas” blog for details on the crazy events of Sept-Dec 2022.

Back to this story. So, it’s September 2022. My ex filed another emergency temporary order, a copy/paste with all the same claims against me, and for the past year I have only seen my kids every other Saturday. When you add up the hours I have seen them, it will add up to 8 days by the time this is all said and done. Her parental alienation, her emotional child abuse efforts, have been consistent ever since June 2021. That has not changed. Not once have any of her claims against me been validated or substantiated. Not one. Not by DCS, not by the police, not by the courts, not by anyone. Why is this so? BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL LIES. Unfortunately, my relationship with all of my kids continues to suffer.

There is so much more. If you remember, though I cried and begged the judge to allow my kids to come to my PhD graduation, they were prevented from going. My ex has blocked me from attending performances, orientations, even told schools I am not allowed to see my kids there (which is not true). She discovered I was at one of our kid’s tennis matches, and called him telling him he had to leave the meet early. Many of the kids have diagnoses or conditions that are "only at dad's house," though I see them just hours every othre week. These are just a few bullet points of my dad-bashed life over the past few years riddled with parental alienation.

Please keep me and my children in your thoughts and prayers. The date to settle custody will likely be close to the end of this year. Hopefully, the nightmare will be over then, at least, until she creates the next nightmare situation. Even next week, I go to court for criminal charges by her. I guess that means you can expect another blog next week. Ugh. Life should not be this hard, especially when all I want is peace.

I created this blog to raise awareness and bring the truth to the surface in this nightmare that is my unfortunate life at this time. I do have a GoFundMe to assist with the legal fees that continue to incur as I am in the fight of my life to get my kids back. Whether you donate a dollar, share my blog with others, or just keep me and my kids in your prayers, I appreciate the support of my friends and family during these trying times. From the depths of my daddy heart, I thank you for reading and thank you for your continued support.

"You think you know a story, but you only know how it ends. To get to the heart of the story, you have to go back to the beginning" (Tudors, opening scene).

You see, when one of Cherrie (my ex-wife) best friends read my blog, she said this was all too much, and questioned the fact that Cherrie never had cancer. She said that she's a science person, and that "the burden of proof lies with the accuser." See, I wholeheartedly do not agree. If someone tells the world for seven years that they had cancer, then I believe the burden of proof lies with the accused. Besides, how would you "prove" someone never had cancer? Cherrie told the world she had cancer, and she NEVER HAD CANCER. She cannot provide proof that she had cancer, because she never did. It's not like I can call up her breast surgeon, and ask for medical records. If anyone would like to give her breast surgeon from 2016 a call, here is where she currently practices: https://www.elliothospital.org/website/pr-Dr-Emese-Kalnoki-Kis.php

Recently, there was a teen in Iowa that told the world she had cancer, and she never did. That teen is in prison now, and the courts subpoenaed her medical records. I believe that is what should happen in the case of my ex-wife.

For today, let's go back to Cherrie's claims of her childhood. She said that at one time, she was homeless after her mother divorced her father. THAT never happened. Her mother went back into the workforce, and provided a nice home for XW and her brother. They lived in nice middle class neighborhood and had a nanny. Her mother got a nanny, because she did not trust Cherrie alone with her little brother.

Cherrie has told the world that she graduated high school early at 16. FICTION! Cherrie started kindergarten in 1985, right before she turned 5 years old on October 31, 1985. She went to kindergarten, and then did all 12 grades from 1st to 12th. Below, I will provide a link that shows her ID card from sophomore year of HS, and also I have included her HS diploma, which shows she graduated HS in 1998, just months before her 18th bday.

Cherrie told the world that she lived in London for a year. In the document below, I have provided her flight itinerary, that shows she was only in London for about 3 weeks.

Do you know people that are habitual liars? Well, Cherrie is a habitual liar. Her stories tend to morph over time, and they are altered here and there, according to her audience.

These untruths are just a few examples of her lies. She lies lies lies her way to get what she wants. She lied about graduating early, she lied about her time in London, she lies about EVERYTHING. Oh, and yes, she lied about having cancer. A liar's worst enemy is the truth. Cherrie is a liar. I am the truth.

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" (Mark Twain, no relation to Shania).

Here is a link to the documents referenced above:

Cherrie got wind of my blog. Yesterday, she posted that it was the 7-year anniversary of her double mastectomy, which it was. However, in her 2.23 Instagram post, there was no mention of CANCER. Funny though, Cherrie's been screaming from the rooftops, to newscasters, on social media, and on podcasts, for the past 7 years for the whole world to hear that she DID have CANCER, and that she is a BREAST CANCER SURVIVOR.

This blog does not give me pleasure in the least, but it's necessary. Cherrie went onto her "Cherrie's Tribe" on Facebook, and deleted many of the posts on there.

Well, well, well. That's ok. Because, I saved them. Here is some of the MOUNTAINS of EVIDENCE, when Cherrie told the world she HAD CANCER. In reality, she DID NOT HAVE CANCER.

You are going to want to see this. You are not going to believe your eyes: https://docs.google.com/document/d/111nN2IXRDV4BazMZVdjxwjEQcCwYrvYeyxqmITfj5vY/edit?usp=sharing

Christmas Eve was the first time I was going to see all (well, the majority) of my kids since they were taken from me in September. The September debacles are food for another blog. Back to my Christmas story.

I was really looking forward to Christmas Eve w/five of my kids. I currently am not permitted to see one of my oldest kids, as he went with his mom to a Psych ER and said he only wants to hurt himself at my house, which is a fabricated co-constructed mom-son lie. Back to the story, well the past few years, I picked up the torch from my former colleague (Rest in Heaven, my dear friend) Dave, and brought the kids to feed the homeless in their camps around 10th/12th Ave and Roosevelt. Christmas Eve 2022, I was hoping the five kids “allowed” to visit me every other Saturday, I was really hoping they would all just hop in my car and we’d be off to make taquitos, and get the goodies ready to go feed the homeless in Phoenix.

It had been four months (September my kids would not get out of the car, thus we had no “visits”, October one of them decided to hop in my car, by November three others started to join, and then on 12.24, I was REALLY hoping and praying the “five” would all come to spend some quality time with me. Ya see, in those four months (September, October, November, December), my ex NEVER ONCE showed up at the “kid transfer.” She’d have one of her minions do it for her. Well, as I rolled into the police station, lo and behold, my ex was video-ing my arrival on her iPhone.  While she was video-ing me, the kids all hopped out of her car, and hopped into mine. My ex proceeded to call the cops, while I called a friend to come meet me there. Since all the “five” kids were going to visit with me, I needed a friend to come help transport the kids to my house.

30 minutes later, several police officers came. You see, the cops know me, several have seen me cry these past few months. I’ve had to call them every time the kids would not get out of the car, the police would look at the parenting orders, then log it as a violation of a court order. They’ve become familiar with me in 2022. Not only do many of them know me from these transfers, but my ex likes to call the police all the time (nothing w/validity). She called them a couple dozen times between September and October, three times when I had the kids (back in September). Not one of those two dozen police “visits” to my house, not once did they charge me with anything, because there was nothing to charge me with. It was all made up crap by my ex. Who does this? Who sits around calling the cops on their ex over and over for no truthful reason? Jeez, it must be exhausting coming up with all of her lies. When the cops came that 12.24 morning, a couple men in blue gave me a nod, and then one cop, he knows the whole story, he made a face like the “Time to get the donuts” guy from Dunkin Donuts. The cops wished me a Merry Christmas, asked Cherrie to leave, and in five minutes after they had arrived, I left peacefully (if you want to call it that) with my five kids. We went back to my house to make taquitos, then we went to feed the homeless in Phoenix with my friend Michelle. Afterward, we played b-ball at my house, made some pizza, did a little karaoke, and then I brought them back to the 5pm transfer. Lo and behold, well, well, well, guess who was there again video-ing my arrival? Uh-huh.

Backstory: the reason I see my kids every other Saturday, is because the courts listened to all of Cherrie’s false accusations. She said I was a crazy, manic, alcoholic bipolar, abusive father. I am not any of these things. She said this in September, and it was not the first time she made these same false claims. While awaiting the September court date, my ex held my kids captive in their own home, even during the time that was “my parenting time.” She kept them home from school, because she knew I was not allowed to come to her house. When we did finally go to court in mid-September, all of the 30 (yes 30!) “exhibits" my ex and her lawyers produced, all of them were proven to be false. Then a social worker from DCS came and took the stand. My own lawyer, out loud, said, “Oh no, Oh no. This can’t be good!” “Why not?” I said firmly. “I have nothing to hide.” The DCS lady went on the stand, and much to my ex’s dismay, she told the courts that after I had been initially investigated, it came back unsubstantiated, and that I was designated a “safe parent.” My ex had stated the reason she kept the kids home from school for two weeks was that she feared for her kids’ safety, and was keeping them from harm. The DCS lady told the courts that Cherrie’s decision to keep the kids home from school, and keep them from me, was Cherrie’s own decision. She had gone rogue, and DCS did not endorse it as she had falsely claimed. DCS also said there was no present reason to “re-investigate” me. She said they could ask, if they wanted to, to take a look at my new house. “But if the father did not agree with them doing so, then DCS would not even do that, as he is not obligated to do so.” I really thought that after the judge went through all the 30 false “exhibits,” after she heard DCS was a supporter of me, that she would make a ruling that I could see my kids 50/50 again.

A week or two later, she came back with a ruling that I would have to do the drug and alcohol testing for two months, and only see the kids every other Saturday, until we had court again. You know, the morning that ruling came through, my ex had already gotten an Order of Protection against me. On the day of the September ruling, my ex actually showed up at my house! Who does that? Who files an order of protection against someone, and then comes to their house? By the way, this was not the first time my ex did that. That’s a whole other blog.

Cherrie did the same thing, making these same false claims about me, back in the summer of 2021, right after we split. Back then, it took the courts two months to schedule a court date. When the judge found out I had not seen the kids at all those two months, he was shocked and said, “What? The kids have not seen you in two months? They are coming over today.” My ex also filed reports with the Department of Child Safety. From June 2021 through June 2022, they investigated me the entire year and closed the case: unsubstantiated. They designated me as a “safe parent.” The divorce in November 2021 stated we would share the kids 50/50.  Then in September 2022, my ex made these same false allegations. I was drug and alcohol tested for two months, and all the tests came back clean. It is now almost March 2023. Why on earth can I NOT see my kids? Family court is a farce. They drag crap out for years, and they most definitely do not give two craps about a parent missing out on their kids’ childhood. I would’ve thought that a judge with two brain cells would see through all these lies. After all, she did this same thing in 2021. I guess I got the judge with one brain cell. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, my kids are paying the ultimate price for their mother’s (and I use that term loosely) falsities.

When divorce happens, you try your best to move on. I moved on a long time ago. Apparently, she hasn’t. Actually, she’s gone in an evil direction. I’m not joking when I say that I feel like I’m Jesus in this lifetime, and she is the devil incarnate. Oh, and for your viewing, I have attached the “charges” I am about to face here in court in a couple of weeks. Ya see, all of a sudden, on January 5th (almost two weeks after the 12.24 visit), she filed some trumped-up false charges with the Gilbert PD. You will not believe it when you read her false allegations. Then again, if you are following my story, my truth, then maybe you will believe it. What did I ever do to deserve this nonsense and tomfoolery? When will this lunacy ever end?

If anyone reading would like to share how you have been negatively impacted by Cherrie in the past or present, please message me with details. We are stronger together.  

Here is link for you to view these false charges for the 12.24 debacle: https://acrobat.adobe.com/link/track?uri=urn:aaid:scds:US:b6f1d8e1-6c49-4274-8194-7e46572954c8 

If you'd like to find out more, please message me, and definitely keep an eye on this blog. I also have a GoFundMe. Do not feel obligated to fund me, but do feel obligated to support me, in mind and spirit, as I am in the fight for my life and for my rights as a father. I welcome your support.

Jesus said the truth will set you free. It’s time for me to speak my truth. I’m hoping one day it will set me free. All I want is peace in this life: peace of mind, peace in interactions, peace in relationships. Unfortunately, all my ex wants is war.

You see, we were together for 20 years. We built a life together and raised six kids. It was never easy. Did we struggle from time to time? Certainly, as would any couple. But in 2016, it all went downhill from there. That was the year she conjured up the fake cancer. Yup, you read that right.

CHERRIE NEVER HAD CANCER

Around the time Cherrie turned 35, I was already 41-ish, and had personally started going to the doctor to get the routine checkups you would as an aging individual. Cherrie had never really done the same, so I suggested she see the breast doctor since she was 35 and all. The first time she went for a check-up, or boob-smashing, she informed the breast doctor that her father had cancer years ago. The next appointment, I went along with Cherrie. At the time, I was working full-time, as I was always the sole provider, and I was teaching and working through my email during the appointment. After all, this was just a checkup, right? During the appointment, the doctor asked if anyone else in Cherrie’s family had gotten cancer as of late, and it just so happened that her aunt Carol, her mother’s sister, had breast cancer pretty recently. When the doctor heard that, she left the room for a few minutes, then came back. When she returned, she told Cherrie she would now need a double mastectomy. I admit I was half-listening when she said that. I was shocked, and like, “Can we get a second opinion?” The doctor explained that this was a preventative measure, based on an algorithm, and insurance companies started approving of this procedure, as it saves them money in the long run. Angelina Jolie was one that many will remember having done this same thing. When we went home, I started looking up other alternatives. I told Cherrie she should see another doctor, get another opinion, look at other options. Why did she have to do ANYTHING? There is NO CANCER. Plus, we were up to six kids at that time. Our littlest guy was just nine months old, and breastfeeding. Cherrie talked to family and friends, and then went full-tilt on doing the double mastectomy. She started a Facebook “tribe” to catalog her story, she started “Cherrie’s tribe” on Facebook, and started gathering followers, to follow her pseudo cancer story. 

She died her hair purple, an FU to the pink that represents breast cancer. She got others to wear purple to support. A few weeks later, in February, she gathered myself and a few friends, and she was singing and dancing and rapping all the way to the operating room. She fist-pumped to the Australian Sia/David Guetta’s Titanium. I really did not have much time to process all of this. With everything that was happening, we also had six kids, ranging from less than a year, all the way to eight years of age. All I really understood was that Cherrie was steadfast through this whole thing.

Three or four hours into Cherrie’s double mastectomy, Dr. K, the breast surgeon, came out and found me. I was grading a bunch of classes to pass the time. “Good news!” “We did not find any cancer.” “I know,” I said to myself, relieved but then again, there was NEVER any signs of CANCER. Check this actual post from her good friend that was at the hospital at that time:

UPDATE: first portion of the surgery (the bi-lateral mastectomy) is complete and "went off without a hitch" and everything looked good. The breast surgeon is “fairly certain pathology on the breast tissue will come back benign". Since Cherrie had no active cancer and the suspicious lymph node appears to have been only an infection as it shrunk back to normal size (cancerous lymph nodes do not do that without help) there is a 1-3% chance of anything showing up. Pathology results will be back Monday. They did not do a node biopsy or sentinel node biopsy as the node is normal, it is just standard procedure to send the breast tissue to pathology. The plastic surgeon is doing her portion now (placing the expanders) and should be done in the next 2 hours.

Read that again. That was the truth.

Four hours later, Cherrie was boob-free. For the greater part of the next two years, as Cherrie lie there healing and posting about her story on the “tribe” page, the majority of the days and nights at home, I became the kids’ father and mother all wrapped up in one. Our littlest child was not even a year old when she had the big surgery, so he had to stop breastfeeding, and he could not even go onto his mommy’s lap (due to all the surgeries and incisions) for a couple of months. Every few months, her body would not react well to its healing, there’d be an infection, the list goes on, and she would have to go in for more surgeries (first to heal something that was not healing correctly, and eventually for reconstruction). When the same breast surgeon went in there at the end of April, they called it a bilateral necrosis and unilateral infection. Dead tissue was removed, and the infection was cleaned. 

Fast forward to today, I combed through Cherrie’s Tribe page, because I really wasn’t sure where the fake cancer story started, when she went from saying there was no cancer, to saying she was a cancer survivor. But I can bet that Cherrie knew where this story was going even before she got to the hospital for that first surgery. It was primed and fluffed to be a well-scripted string of half-truths and lies.

You see, Cherrie has this weird thing. She takes bits and pieces of other peoples’ stories, or she crafts her own stories to garner attention or favor or money, and then she morphs them into what she says is her own story. You know that lady that made up crap about her daughter Gypsy Rose? Well, Cherrie makes up crap about her own conditions and diagnoses. I would not figure all of this out until after we had split, years later.

Let me give you an example. Over the years, Cherrie said she had 11 miscarriages. That’s right, she said she had 11 miscarriages with me. More often than not, I would get a call while at work, and she would tell me she “lost the baby.” I grieved hard every fricking time. There was only one time I remember going to the doctor, during one of our “pregnancies,” and then they told us that we no longer had a baby. There was one time, we had to do a D&C (Dilation and Curettage), and that really happened. But all the others, like the other 9? Who knows if they ever happened. You know, Cherrie was engaged to a guy that was already married, before I was in the picture, back in 2000-2001. He had an apartment with Cherrie, while his wife and their babies lived in a neighboring suburb. To throw the scent off, Cherrie’s then “fiancé” informed his actual wife that he just had a crashpad w/Cherrie, as they were flight attendants together. He also said that Cherrie contracted HIV at a very young age due to all the blood transfusions she had as a child. The actual wife grew suspicious, as her husband had many late night/early morning phone calls with Cherrie. There was one phone call she overheard, when her husband was speaking to Cherrie, he said, “Everything is gonna be alright, as long as I continue to get sympathy from my wife.” Back in 2001, Cherrie went with her mother and her “fiancé” and bought an engagement ring/wedding band set. The rings cost her mother $5500. The "fiance" that was already married, to his college sweetheart. His actual wife had a baby in 2000, they had another baby in 2002. Cherrie and her "fiancé" were together in 2001. Cherrie told me that she got pregnant with his baby, too, and then lost it. Who knows if that ever happened.

Back to the “cancer.”

Here’s the thing, she NEVER HAD CANCER. It was all a lie. She started fabricating the “cancer story” immediately after she came home from her double mastectomy. Like IMMEDIATELY, like the day or two after she was able to come home. March 1st, 2016, to be exact. She became my ghost writer, and put a bunch of loving husband posts and fictitious information about her surgery and her recovery. She did this for two entire years! When you look through the Cherrie’s Tribe page on Facebook, I’ll bet like 1-2% of the posts “by me” were actually written by me. In fact, when Cherrie was in the hospital (the first time, February 2016), she asked for my Facebook login and password. This was all a setup, one that helped her gain followers to follow her FAKE CANCER story. While she was healing, she was on lots of drugs, pain meds and such. She sat their like a vegetable many days, sat their in a very nice big electronic lounge chair that one of her friends purchased with their bingo or knitting club money. We had a Meal Train on and off for like two years, and since we did not have any relatives here in Arizona, sometimes relatives would come to visit. “What can I do to help?” they all asked me. I told them that I would take care of all the six kids, and their best efforts were to stay by Cherrie’s side, make sure she is taking her pain meds, and be there for her. By the time I would get to bed, I would be absolutely beat, from working all day, and running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to create some normalcy with the daily routine for our kids in an abnormal situation. Once Cherrie was “healed,” she started taking girlfriend trips immediately, to celebrate her “beating cancer.” It was all a lie, one that she used to broadcast a fake condition, and one that helped her grow socially to grandiose proportions. After all, who wouldn’t love a super mom with six kids that fought and beat cancer? Cherrie then told me that, given her “near death” experience, that she changed and I didn’t. When did I have time to “change?” She never had cancer, and I had to run my ass off and play along with her fakedom, taking care of six kids while working a full-time job, going to college, and teaching classes at the university.

Cherrie then used her newfound notoriety to start what is now her thriving business, that serves the special needs and foster/adopt population. The thing is, she NEVER HAD CANCER. Yet that one truth, or in her case, that one LIE, is what she built a million dollar business on.

Seriously, do you have any relatives that fake things like cancer? I have a cousin that once brought a baby that was not hers to a Christmas gathering, and I thought that was the lowest thing ever. But to fake CANCER? One more thing I have to say about that. In 2016, one of my closest colleagues Dave got diagnosed with cancer, and slowly deteriorated over the next two years till he died from his disease. When he was finished with chemo, as his body could not take anymore, he gave his bell that he got at his final chemo treatment to me, to give to Cherrie. He thought it might help her gather strength to beat it. I didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth, as my life was busy covering up this gargantuan lie. So, I brought it home and gave her this gift. Shortly after my dear friend Dave died, I asked Cherrie if I could give the bell back to Dave’s widow. Her response was, “Well, it WAS a GIFT to ME.” And she wasn’t having it. To this day, you will find Dave’s bell sitting like an unearned trophy in her bedroom, for all to see.

CHERRIE NEVER HAD CANCER.

The late Archbishop Desmond Tutu once said, “There is justice, and there is injustice. There is no in-between.” The last few years, I have experienced many injustices. I have cried more in the past two years than I ever have in my entire life. Life is not meant to be this hard. My life is supposed to be MY LIFE. It’s time to start shouting the truth from the rooftops. She’s the Facebook life. I’m the real life.

I’ve already lost almost two years here with my kids. Every time I think my life cannot get any worse, it does. When will this pain and heartache end? When will I be able to see my kids, back to the 50/50 it stated in our divorce decree from two years ago?

From September through December, Cherrie had other people in her life drop our kids off at the “transfer.” She “showed up” for the first time in 4 months to “transfer” our kids at the police station on Christmas Eve. She called the cops. They wished me a Merry Christmas, then asked her to leave. I took five of my kids to Phoenix to feed the homeless in their camps at 10th/12th and Roosevelt. Now, for my 48th birthday, I must go get fingerprinted, because she is saying I violated some order or process. We’ve been divorced for almost two years now. All I want is peace. All she wants is war. You would think after spending 20 years together, there would be some level of human decency. It’ll make a great book/documentary/movie, I guess. Merry Christmas and Happy Bday to me.

CHERRIE NEVER HAD CANCER.

If you'd like to find out more, keep an eye on this blog. I also have a GoFundMe. Do not feel obligated to fund me, but do feel obligated to support me, in mind and spirit, as I am in the fight for my life and for my rights as a father. I welcome your support.

This is my truth. This is my life. This is my story.

If you are reading this right now, it is time for you to hear the truth. For those that know me, you know I've always been a good dude. The nice guy. Well, like fellow Phoenician rocker Alice Cooper sang, "No more Mr. Nice Guy." I've barely seen my six kids in the last two years. Could you imagine your kids being taken away from you? Could you imagine missing out on their childhood? Chances are, you cannot. But, that's my life. There is no end in sight. There isn't even a court date to review custody, which per our divorce agreement should be 50/50. There is no court date to for the $20,000+ my ex owes me either. But that is another story. back to my story. It's time for truth, people.

My ex wants me dead or in prison. I can't blog in either, so it is high time for truth. You see, I was married for almost 20 years. If you were my friend on FaceBook, you probably thought I had the perfect life. FaceBook life is not real life. It is what people WANT YOU TO BELIEVE is the truth. It's only a shadow of the truth, just like most people's photos these days with ridiculous filters. When my 20-year marriage ended, I was alone, with only a backpack to bring into my new life. My ex kidnapped our kids for two months, before a judge finally said, "WHAT? You have NOT seen the kids in two months? They are coming to your house today!" Could you imagine your kids being taken from you for two months? It gets worse. But first, something real shitty and crazy and real happened. You see, two days before our wedding, on April 2nd, 2004, my ex's mother called me while I was on a smoke break, in-between my double shift at the Phoenician, a 5-star hotel in Scottsdale. That was me, working just two days before my own wedding. When her mother called, she was clearly mad. She said, "Whatever you do, DO NOT MARRY CHERRIE! It will be the biggest mistake of your life!" She didn't give me any context, no details. I felt like a kid that gets called into the principal's office that has no idea why they are being summoned. "Why don't we talk about this at the wedding in two days?" I had asked. Her mother told me she would not be there, as her daughter disinvited her to the wedding. She hung up. I had no words. I could not even stomach what had just happened. I did not even mention this call to my soon-to-be bride. 20 years and 6 kids later, I reached out to this same lady, the one that had been disowned by her daughter two days before our wedding. The one lady that, even though I had tried over the years to get my then-wife to reach out to, to mend whatever had happened, pick up the pieces of yesterday's life. Reluctantly, her mother spoke to me. Immediately, I booked a flight to San Diego, and spent two days finding out something that I may never have known if I did not take a leap of faith, and contact the mother of my ex-wife. Here's what I found out: I was married on a bed of lies. Everything, EVERYTHING my ex had told me when we met, when we were shacking up in a small 2-bedroom apartment in Scottsdale, while I supported the young lady that would eventually be my wife for 18 years, EVERYTHING she told me was a lie. Have you ever met a pathological liar? Have you ever met someone with a specific type of Munchausen (Factitious Disorder now in the DSM-V) called "malingering?" Look it up. When I finally found out the truth, my younger brother laughed and said, "MAN, she's GOOD! You're a psychologist and it took you 20 years to figure this out!" He was right. Here are a few examples of the stark contrast between what she had told me back then, and what I have come to find out is the real truth:

LIE: Cherrie told me that she had been homeless, living out of a car, and then a small studio with her mother after her mom divorced her dad.

TRUTH: she was never homeless. Her mother worked very hard and brought Cherrie and her brother into a home in a middle class neighborhood, even got a nanny to help out. The reason her mother got a nanny, was because Cherrie used to terrorize her younger brother.

LIE: my ex Cherrie said she went to a private performing arts school, similar to the one in the movie Fame.

TRUTH: she went to a big public high school in California, and took one fucking drama class.

LIE: my ex Cherrie said she lived in London for a year. She described with detail the flat she stayed in, with a couple of twenty-somethings that were trying to make it in the world.

TRUTH: Cherrie visited London for a week maybe two, as her mother bought her a ticket to visit and stay with a family friend, in their nice house.

LIE: my ex Cherrie told me she graduated high school at 16, explained that she was like a Doogie Houser.

TRUTH: Cherrie barely graduated high school. She ended up completing some work at home on their computer, as she was humiliated by some drama amongst peers, and refused to attend campus.

LIE: Cherrie told me that when she moved to Arizona, she was considering her options for graduate school. She told me she completed a unique program in California where she earned an accelerated Bachelor's degree.

TRUTH: Other than to get her beauty certificate, Cherrie never went to college before we met.

LIE: Cherrie said that she had worked on the set of General Hospital.

TRUTH: Cherrie never worked on a set in LA as she claimed.

LIE: Cherrie says she was an international flight attendant that did military flights.

TRUTH: Cherrie was a regular flight attendant that might have done a few flights where the airline contracted with the military, to take soldiers to overseas airports, then they'd get transportation from there. The only reason she "picked" the airline she worked for, was that they were the only ones that hired 19-year-olds at that time.

LIE: Cherrie told me that she "circled the globe" three times as a flight attendant. She may have done a few flights back-and-forth overseas. She was only a flight attendant for less than a year before 9/11. She could not have "circled the globe" even once in that time.

These are just a few of my less-than-favorite things I have come to find out about the woman I dedicated 20 years of my life to. Could you imagine being with someone for 20 years, and finding out that everything you thought you knew about that person was a lie?

This is just the start of my blog, and I am planning on also doing a documentary (for my music and songwriting), also I am starting a book about my life, and eventually will be doing a movie of all the treacherous horrors I have come to find out about someone that was supposed to have been my one and only. Well, she was my one and only for 20 years, but now she is dead to me, a walking contradiction, a Medusa that lives to make my life a living nightmare. This is my story.

Oh, and one more thing: she NEVER HAD CANCER.

If you'd like to find out more, keep an eye on this blog. I also have a GoFundMe. Do not feel obligated to fund me, but do feel obligated to support me, in mind and spirit, as I am in the fight for my life and for my rights as a father. I welcome your support.