you're adorable

some kids came on the train and saw someone they knew hopping on yhe train at the next station. one of them goes "yo is that gay sam??" and im like ughhh. okay is that what we're doing. and then sam comes over and theyre like GAY SAM WHATS UPP and gay sam is like NOT MUCH IM GOODDD IM FRIED RIGHT NOWW and they were like classic sam. so. thats on me for assuming honestly

there's only 7 words on the painting and you managed to misspell the two largest ones

Anna's hummingbird (Calypte anna)

That thing abt the babysitter and the scary guy calling from the phone upstairs happened to me once but I just went up the stairs and beat up the scary guy with karate

One time I woke up in the middle of the night cuz the dog was licking my hand so I followed her into the bathroom and there was a scary guy on the floor who'd been beaten into unconsciousness and the dog had scrawled "DOGS CAN DO KARATE TOO" in blood on the mirror. I gave her a treat.

i’m not even that much of a pervert i can just find the eroticism in anything. doesn’t get me bricked up necessarily i just like to appreciate it.

installing steam on mint, let's see how it goes

Thinking about a vampire dude bro who won't drink girl blood- because he's afraid it will estroginise him soy products style- getting trapped in a mental cage when he learns vampire dude who only bites other dudes reads as gay

oh LAWD HE COMIN

BODE

one time i was making potato soup and i needed broth for it but i was out of broth. but in my dog food cabinet there was a carton of chicken broth that i had bought for my dog. now the box did say HUMAN GRADE and the ingredients were just bog standard chicken broth. it did say something about joint health for dogs on there. but the ingredients were normal. i even compared the ingredients list to some normal person broth and they were the same. so i did put dog broth in that soup and it did taste completely normal. but i did use the dog broth.