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@sarahphuckerman: Do you need some math help, Mabes?

No… I’ve decided to fail out of college and move to the woods. 

If someone has a direct line to Mother Nature, I’m going to need you to pass on a message to me because clearly she’s ignoring my calls. I want her to realize that there are many places where crickets naturally belong. Chirping outside the bedroom window on a warm summer’s night, offering parenting classes to Gepetto in child-rearing so he can control his unruly puppet-child… Make sure she takes note that these places are all totally acceptable for cricket inhabitance. One place that is not appropriate, however, is in. My. Shower.  I don’t know he got there, but unless he plans to help me split the rent, he’s gotta go. Tell Mother Nature that his life is now on her conscience. Please and thank you.

It’s so cute when you pretend to give a shit.  Trust me, I’ve got it handled.  I probably wrote the book on Hookup Etiquette.

Why would you push yourself hard knowingly, especially when recovering from being sick?

Huh. I suppose that’s alright, then. At least you’re better now, aren’t you?

I just always push myself hard at the gym, and I need to catch up on some of my sequences, but I can’t push myself too hard until I’m completely better. Which sucks. It makes the gym boring for me.

Good.  That’s what I like to hear.

Rest assured, there have been zero nights off.  Just nights off from the Lima population of it.  Chicago has been anything but disappointing thus far, and I’m truly doing my track record proud.

I try not to think at all.

I know. Gay guys get everything well, men in general, girls needs to stick together for once.

That’s a good idea.

That makes sense, Puck probably ended up getting a lot of babies delivered to people by now. It wasn’t that bad, being useful was nice for a while. At least if I do it I know people can’t take money from Jamie, Lord T, or I. We’re the profit sharerers.

That’s definitely one thing I try not to think about too often when it comes to my brother. I like to think he was smart and used protection, but...it’s Noah.

By all means.  The offer stands.  Just for you, though, so don’t go spreading some rumor around that I have a heart or some shit.  I’ve been trying to shake that one enough as it is.

I know.  Trust me, I know.  It’s laughable, really.  So many frat boys, so little time.  It gets boring after a while, really, so I’m not sure if I’ve really exhausted my way through them all or just exhausted myself in the process.

Ha, no, I’d never let anyone believe that you have some sort of heart or anything, don’t worry about it.

You missed out, it even taught me all about where babies come from. I didn’t even want to do math, but I guess when you’re a super genius you owe it to the world to share it. I keep all my books color organized!! You can see them when the bar opens, I’m being my own accountant too.

I learned where babies came from pretty early on. I mean, my brother’s Noah Puckerman, so he sure wasn’t keeping any secrets from me on male-female relationships. That kinda sucks that you had to do something you didn’t want to, though. You shouldn’t have to. But the advantage of the math genius stuff is not having to pay an accountant. I’d volunteer to help with some of that stuff since I am actually pretty bitching at math, but I obviously can’t compare to an actual genius.

Well, if you’re interested, you are one of the few who I wouldn’t say no to.

You’d be surprised at how many closet cases there really are, but no.  It really didn’t take long, and now I’m bored.  So here we are.

I'm honored. I think it’ll have to wait until next time so I can take off work for it, but I’m definitely going the next chance I get.

Maybe. 

Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone that you’re actually a nice person deep down, wouldn’t want it to ruin your reputation. Johnny Simmons? That’s honestly the whitest name I’ve ever heard…and my name is GUY.  –- okay, we’ll stick to the basics. No competing this time around.

Hey, one of us has to keep up the Jerky Puckerman stereotype, and you ain’t doing it. Noah and I are just picking up the slack.