Representation: asexual
Lithuania
2023
Dancer Elena and sign language interpreter Dovydas meet and form a beautiful bond. As they dive into a new relationship, they must navigate how to build their own kind of intimacy.
Honestly, I wasnât really in the mood to watch this movie because I figured I wouldnât like itâand I wasnât wrong.
Starting with the positives, the visual style is really coolâa retro aesthetic achieved through warm colors and textures with the use of 16mm grain. The naturalistic narrative style and the emphasis on the body through dance and sign language give it a cool, distinctive character.
As for the negatives, I didnât love the music, even though itâs such an important part of the film, given that sheâs a dancer. But the worst part is the story. You could say itâs a romance film, and I didnât like the relationship because I didnât like her. Their incompatibility was conveyed through the language of dance and sign languageâboth physical expressions, yet incomprehensible to the other. The problem for me is that the film tries to make it seem like a mutual incompatibility, as if both are equally to blame for the situation.
However, while Dovydasâs character isnât perfect, it seems to me that the problem lies with Helena. She doesnât bother to learn about asexuality, even though itâs a very important issue in their relationship. She constantly attacks him when things donât make sense to her, instead of asking questions out of curiosity and a desire to understand. She doesnât respect him when he needs time to think in order to express himself clearly, demanding clear and immediate answers. During sex, she doesnât bother to ask what he wants, and when he hints at certain boundaries, she crosses them. She feels attacked when he suggests solutions like opening up the relationship, accusing him of wanting her to be with other men, but then sheâs the first one to kiss other people at any given opportunity and seeks out that look of desire and male attention from her ex. Girl, get your shit together!
I think the key is in the scene where they first started dating and both said they wouldnât change themselves for each other. The problem is that Dovydas meant he couldnât change his sexuality for herâthat she shouldnât try to change something about him that he canât chooseâbut he did try to mold his personality and actions to fit the relationship; he tried to make it work. However, when she said it, she meant she wouldnât try to adapt to him and would continue to stick to heteronormative molds.
"Fuck, Who made up all these rules? I just don't get why everything always has to be this way. Everything is scriptedâthe way we're supposed to act in a relationship. How to approach someone, how to talk, what to say. But that type of life isn't for everyone."
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