A quick warning: Most of this will be a bunch of ranting and probably wonāt make a whole lot of sense. Iām just trying to speak about something, not write an article.Ā
So, me and my friend just had a really good conversation. In my class, weāre doing a lot of female empowerment/feminismĀ stuff. Which is cool in itās own right. However, she doesnāt understand it all the time. Which is also fine. Some things to take into account before you read any further:Ā
-We both live in a town in America that has under 5,000 people.Ā
-We go to a private school that has 52 students.Ā
-We both went to public school for a really long time.Ā
-We are both biologically female.Ā
-She is asexual, and I am (trans)genderfluid and not out to most people.
So now that you have those little facts, and before you get all offended, hear me out. Her idea was essentially āI mean, itās cool yāall are doing this whole feminism thing, I just donāt understand why. Like, we arenāt oppressed here. In other countries yeah, but not here.ā Ā
Now I volunteer at a firehouse in my spare time, where there is a total of five female firefighters, including me. Needless to say, weāre a minority. And thatās normal. Most of the time, itās not an issue, since most of the guys are smart enough to know that girls can do just as much if not more than them. However, they unconsciouslyĀ treat me differently. They donāt do it on purpose. And I donāt get offended when they do treat me a little differently. Thereās chivalry, and then thereās misogyny. We need to learn the difference.Ā
After seeing you struggle to carry a bunch of boxes, a man offers to help you carry them and opens the door for you.Ā
After seeing you struggle with a bunch of boxes, a man trips you to peek up your skirt and watch you bend over.Ā
On a date, a man holds the door for you, offers to pay for dinner, and opens the car door for you.Ā
On a date, a man slaps your ass when you walk past him, tries to fondle you under the table, flirts with the waitress, and is a general dick.Ā
People, please. Learn the difference between being a dick and being a decent person. If a man holds the door open for you, heās probably not doing it because youāre a woman. Heās probably doing it because heās nice. Say thank you. If he offers to pay for dinner, either accept or politelyĀ decline. Heās probably not trying to undermine you; he was probably raised that men pay for dinner. Just because someone follows their gender roles may not mean that they automatically hate anyone that doesnāt. Please, for the love of god, STOP BEING SO CONCEITED. The world isnāt about you. You are a speck of atoms in the long history of the Earth, and three thousand years from now, people probably arenāt really going to care that much.
Another thing: Gender Roles. Just because someone is caught a little off guard by someone not following their gender roles doesn't automatically mean they have a problem with it. Sometimes, they may just not realize it. I find myself caught off guard by a lot of things. The real world can be a lot different from how I was raised, and so I learn something new about it all the time. An example: a 5ā²4ā³ woman I know manages a boat yard. She operates equipment the size of buildings. I was surprised when she told me this, only because I envisioned her working in an office or something. But I simply wentĀ āOh thatās cool I didnāt know that!ā and went on with my day. And we joked about how I thought she worked in an office. She didnāt get offended, and I wasnāt rude. Another example: Thereās this really buff, manly guy I met. I instinctively thought:Ā āOh this guy probably works on cars or something.āĀ
Nope. He taught kindergarten.Ā
Just because someoneās initial reaction may be wrong doesnāt mean they may always be wrong. If you get all butthurt about someone calling you the wrong pronoun, youāre never going to be able to sit down. All you have to do is gently correct them. If they keep it up or donāt apologize, then write them off as just being an asshole. But seriously people. Quit being FUCKING BABIES.
