id terrebis, id cerritulus, id solum

the longer this ariana grande body talk shit goes on, the angrier I get. the more weight I lose due to my debilitating illness, the more angry the whole "we shouldn't talk about this, because what if she's sick" makes me!

I'm really sick! I have a really limited diet bc of my illness and I have been losing a lot of weight involuntarily! it has gotten to a point where I am looking noticably frail/skeletal and its quite scary, actually! I just had a dietician appointment which was mostly focused on making sure I'm getting the maximum calories and nutrients right now and I'm looking into asking some specialists what they think about supplemental tube feeding bc of how concerned we all are about how thin I am now!

what I'm saying is, my body looks a troubling amount like the kind of body people are expressing concern about being glamorized by celebs right now.

and,

if I was a public figure, it would be my responsibility to make it very clear that I understood the impact that seeing my body glamorized in films and on billboards could have on people. as a public figure, it would be my job to be like, "the size that I am is one that is celebrated and privileged in our society, and it's important to me to make it clear that I don't cosign that and actively oppose it, and that I want all my fans to know I don't want them to look like me. I want them to look like themselves."

or something. I don't know I don't have a PR department. but it's just so fucking galling to respond to this like it's about her specific health rather than the impact that someone with this much fame and glamor and visibility being this size has on the culture and what harmful social issues (that actually hurt people!!) it plays into. I don't think I would be obligated to share my private medical information as a public figure, but I do think it would be my responsibility to refuse to participate in the glamorization of the size of my body.

it sucks. it fucking sucks seeing people use sick people to excuse this going undiscussed. "think about chadwick boseman" don't try to tell me about that shit!!! that was people making racist crackhead memes about a dying black man. this is about a woman who is a white celebrity pop idol whose image is literally everywhere in very idealized and glamorized ways. if you don't know the difference between those two things then you don't know enough about this. I don't care about ariana's health any more or less than I care about the health of any stranger (which is to say, I hope that she is well, and if she is not well then I hope she is able to get effective treatment and recover. because that is how I feel about everyone) and the details of it are not my business. it's not really about her.

pretending to care about sick or disabled people in order to silence necessary conversations about harmful social trends rooted in fatphobia and misogyny and ableism is a shitty look! I don't believe for a second the people who use this argument actually care about people who lose dangerous amounts of weight very quickly for health reasons! because I am one of those people and I THINK WE SHOULD BE TALKING ABOUT THIS.