This is really my dog's Tumblr.

throwin shade aint gon help u shine ma

dog tongues are very effective at cleaning.

i am dog an it iz tru i luv candie an my human tu it smel so sweete bettr then bone my nayme iz dog i lik the phone

I AM GETTING THAT TATTOED ON MY BODY

It kind of really confuses me when Barbie commercials have little girls dressing them up and brushing their hair Like no Barbie is not about fashion. Barbie is about collecting as many dolls as you can get your grubby 7 year old hands on and dominating the living room with your expansive empire of plastic women. Barbie is about creating intricate social structures and spicy inter-family conflicts between town house residents. Barbie is about formulating complex back stories for tortured Ken dolls with emotional scars. It’s about creating near-sadistic dramatic plot twists that split up marriages and cause that one Barbie you really dislike to be ceremoniously tossed down the stairs in order to be offed by the jealous ex-wife of Ken #4.

Yes, but how do you make it into a marketable commercial that won’t freak parents and caregivers out?

I’ve always had the impression that advertisers don’t really understand how girls play with their toys.

When I played with Barbies I had this thing called “The Dead Pit” which was a purple bratz laundry hamper. So whenever a Barbie got killed off she would go in there. And what I would do was I would carry her to the dead pit while singing the dead pit song. The dead pit song was just saying “The dead pit” over and over again in different tones. Anyway, once I finally reached the pit I would announce “(name) has died.” And drop her in. I would wait a few moments. Then, I would violently shake the hamper while shrieking, pretending to be the tortured souls of dead barbies from the underworld. I thought it was hilarious.

this shit is honestly so fucking real

I had a Cindy and a Ken and one day Cindy was so angry at Ken she ripped off her own leg and beat him to death with it. Then I moved onto the lego. 

If your Barbies’ lives aren’t like Game of Thrones, you’re not doing it right.

I’m so glad other people smell their dogs feet, I always get such weird looks whenever I sniff Mo’s. They smell like cheese Doritos but nobody ever believes me :/

My dogs feet smell like mud almost all the time

It's the kibble. Stella always smells a little weird when she gets salmon kibble.