This Blog is A Mess

tumblr is an awful place full of awful people and i hate every single one of you. “mr. sandman” came on and without blinking i sang man me a sand. 

Make him the cutest car door man hook hand

Mister sandman bring me some sand make it the sandiest I’ve held in my hand…

i hate you all so much

This is. The greatest moment. In television history.

this is so funny

people that own chickens are trustworthy

chickens own themselves

you’re completely right and i’m a fool

hey remember in 2016 when clown attack panic was a thing? and 2 years later it’s managed to leave no lasting indent in the American psyche, how does that work

bruh theres some guy who keeps track of all the mass clown incidents in the united states and it happens like every 20 years its fuckin weird

are you fucking telling me It is based on true events

This is the future liberals want

If they cheat the system then they earned it.

Crows reduce the rates of lung cancer by aggressively nabbing cigarettes, news at 11.

fuck it let’s just have public health policy via crows

HOW IS THIS REAL

IM GOING TO FUCKING CRY

anakin: hey obi wan guess what *makes beeping sound* obi wan, scared: how the fuck are you doing that with your mouth

tHE GUY WITH THE CAMERA HAS THE PUREST CANADIAN ACCENT I’VE EVER HEARD OMFG

Yeah uhhhh quick question how are they not dead

white people are so fucking scary

fergie’s big girls don’t cry playing in the bg really cements this as an experience

don’t u try and lie to me and say u don’t like one of your pillows more than the others

when people say my name im like.   cant believe i exist

there’s something so satisfying about umbrellas that just immediately pop open when you press a button.. so suave.. so sexy.. watch me open my umbrella and shield myself from the rain in one swift movement and tell me that’s not smooth. not hot. you can’t. because it was SO sexy

i’m never hotter than when i just pop open my umbrella and casually swing it to my shoulder. that’s peak me baby. never gonna be any cooler than that