A heavy heart and a hopeful mind.

That ultimately you just keep me around to fill your time until someone better comes around. When that thought pops up I always push it away as being irrational but what if it's true? I wish this was easy. Everything feels good in the moment and then conversations happen that remind me that nothing is really certain. Things can blow up in my face at any time and I can't help that. I wish I knew how to live more in the moment. Or how to not care as deeply as I do. Or how to not be so sentimental, and carry my heart on my sleeve. Sometimes I wish I didn't give my all to those I care about only because then maybe I would get hurt less.

Since I haven't posted a photo of myself in atleast a year. Hey.

I finally figured out why I wanted to keep you. You’re like a wild fire. Intense and intimidating but I couldn’t keep my eyes away. Burned me every time you touched me but I couldn’t stray away. I can’t tell if I wanted to be consumed by you or contain you. Save you. Or do I save myself? Walking away I can’t get the same intensity. Their touch doesn’t stay like the burns you left on me. I can’t help but feel cold because I got use to almost melting. Now I’m burning pages out of my notebook trying to feel that flame again, hide and seek again. In and out of my mistakes again. I didn’t turn to ash and you’re still burning. So now where am I going?