Dork Birb

A painter in Los Angeles kept missing his exit for the I-5 on the 110 highway, so he did his research, climbed up the overhead sign, and changed it himself without anyone noticing.

This is Richard Ankrom. He couldn’t find his damn exit, cuz it wasn’t properly labelled.  

So he took life by the balls, like any self-respecting Californian would do, and used his sign-painting expertise to fix it himself.

He called it ‘guerilla public service.’ Even got himself an outfit to look official. It worked, obvi.

Caltrans investigated, but the sign was actually up to code. They left it there for 8 years before they made an updated sign.

okay first off harry straight up kill voldemort when he’s a year old. he’s gone goodbye poof.

now that that’s out of the way: harry still gets sent to the dursleys because dumbledore is dumbledumb. which is all like whatever until at the age of 6 the french circus comes to town. and harry figures joining the circus is an excellent way to get away from his abusive guardians, so he does.

now these people are good, honest folk. they don’t normally going around stealing children. but harry couldn’t be more of an obviously mistreated orphan if he had it tattooed on his face. so the circus is just like whatever, okay. and the dursleys file a missing child report and aren’t really that upset when harry never turns up again.

except a year later sirius black is finally a free man again. and he and moony go marching to collect his godson, only to discover he’s missing and presumed dead. none of their magic can find him. they’re devastated and pissed. dumbledore, the biggest idiot, hires them for the dada and arithmancy positions.

harry on the other hand is Very Happy with his new eclectic family back in france. the trapeze artist and the lion tamer are married, so they talk on the role of the boy’s parents, and harry is very happy with his lesbian moms. he’s friends with the strongman and loves helping take care of the animals, and the bearded lady has a wonderful singing voice that she uses him to usher him to sleep. and as he grows he becomes more involved with the acts. he’s primarily part of the acrobatic trapeze team, but he works with lions too, and does other stuff. he can’t quite hit the apple on top of someone’s head while they’re being spun around a wooden wheel at 15 mph, but it’s not from lack of practice. also the knife thrower is a hilarious seventy year old man that only refers to harry as grandson. but he also has his own show - he’s the snake charmer, of course he is. he had a gaggle of giant and deadly snakes that are more than happy to help their human friend perform his tricks for the easy, comfortable existence he provides. harry loves his life.

back at hogwarts, the triwizard games have begun in order to celebrate the 15 year anniversary of voldemorts demise. the goblet works a little differently - instead of submitting names, each headmaster just dumps their student roster in there and lets the goblet decide.

and out pops harry potter’s name. the crowd goes wild - harry potter is dead! except not. his name should have magically disappeared from the roster when harry died, but it didn’t. and also the goblet is a magically binding contract, so now they have to go track down harry potter to tell him he has to participate in an extremely dangerous tournament that he could die in.