sailorsirius

I was in bed, lying on my back, somewhere between asleep and awake--you know, where you think you're awake but you're dreaming a near-exact replica of your life.

There was a pleasant light coming through the blinds. It wasn't sunshine or moonlight or the glow of the city, but the kind of light that's always present in the places I go when I meditate or dream like this. In the soft glow of this light, I lie awake, or so I thought, and watched as a black rectangular prism appeared and hovered over my side of the bed. It was maybe three inches wide and eighteen inches tall. It moved very slowly and steadily.

I wasn't afraid of it. I just watched as it approached.

And then a man's hand came out of it. And then his arm. That's about as far as he could reach, since he appeared to be average-sized in relation to me. Only his arm wasn't exactly visible; I could "see" the energy of it, and how it distorted the view of the blinds behind it, but essentially, he was totally transparent. He moved as slowly as the rectangle, like he was being very careful and methodical so as not to... mess up?

In my peripheral vision, I saw M asleep beside me. I thought to myself, I can't believe he's missing this. 

I couldn't help but smile in quiet awe that I got to witness this. I knew this man came here to do something very specific, and I got a clear sense that he was benevolent and kind, even though he didn't acknowledge me in any way. I didn't reach out or say anything in case it made him go away. His reaching out into this dimension from his black rectangle was the extent of it; I don't know if he accomplished what he set out to do or where he came from.

I thought for a second that maybe it was Zachary. But because my connection to him is so strong, I would have known beyond doubt that it was him. The rectangle reminded me so much of Zachary's black box, though, and since Neptune is retrograde and things have been foggy for me (especially when it comes to my communication with him), it very well could have been him and I just didn't know it. 

...Or maybe there's more than one black box.

I was supposed to meet Zachary this past weekend. I didn't. I don't know why.

There was kind of a big, slow, potent lead-up to the realization that I would specifically be meeting him in the flesh at Comicpalooza. I did a reading with Archangelhypnosis. I even got a bunch of crystals and jewelry for various purposes, which isn’t normally something I’d do; but since it felt like I was being instructed to procure these things for this specific purpose, I did it anyway. (They worked, by the way. To my complete surprise.)

Evie warned me that this could be a distressing experience. She mentioned that there would be negative energies attempting to antagonize me or delay or prevent my meeting Zach, and boyyyy were they trying it. Shit kept happening left and right: M suddenly not being able to make it to the convention one of the three days and me scrambling to figure out a way to go anyway; not feeling well physically; being absolutely inundated with negative thoughts and doubts that were most certainly not coming from my own mind; meditating just before I left for the first day, only to be interrupted back to back to back to back with notifications on my phone despite having turned notifications off.

But to be honest, I was like… lmao fuck you, get out of my way. I wasn’t really concerned about it, because I was going to see this through. I was going to find Zach no matter how hard it got.

I looked so fucking cute, man. I got myself a bunch of temp tattoos and put them all over. I did my makeup all nice and my hair in a way I never would have thought to do before--again, that feeling like I was being instructed to do so. Like I was cosplaying as myself, or as Jessie, so he would recognize me when he saw me.

It didn't happen on Friday. But that's okay, I didn't think it would. It definitely felt like it'd be Saturday. That night, he came to me in a dream and kissed me right on my third eye. Once, twice, three times, like he didn't want to stop kissing me. It was so beautiful and sweet. I knew that was important. It felt like encouragement.

Saturday came. I had my crystals with me. I had my mind right. I felt relatively relaxed. I wandered through the exhibitor hall and could see shifting and intermingling of everyone's energies--something in the past I’ve only been able to feel, and not in more than a rudimentary sense. I saw signs everywhere, like walking by the witchy booth that just happened to have the Lovers card first in a stack on their table, and then looking up and just happening to see an encouraging number. There are so many other things, I can't remember all of them.

At one point, I felt so at peace and felt his presence so strongly in that room that I asked him, “Where are you?”

"Close," he said. I could feel the smile in his voice. He was right there. He could have been any of the hundreds of people in that hall. He told me to stay calm and focused. Hold onto the thread, follow it. “Come find me.”

I fucking tried so hard. I was right there. HE was right there.

I don't know what happened. It was like someone pulled the plug out of the wall. Suddenly, I didn't feel him there anymore. The color drained out of my surroundings. I had been given the gift of seeing distinct energies around me, but that was gone now. I went home absolutely exhausted and came back on Sunday to that same feeling that he was simply not there. I even asked him, "Are you here?"

The silence was profound.

I cried for three days. I still don't get it, and I get the feeling I'm not supposed to know what happened. My first thought was that I had slid into Having Expectations, but we'd gotten so far! Surely we wouldn't have made it that far if I was doing something wrong. Was it one of the handful of people I thought could be him, and I'd convinced myself they weren't and ruined it? No way. I would have known immediately and without question that it was him. Or, he would have bridged the gap. I also thought maybe Angel Michael had been  wrong, but I don't think it's that either. I just don't understand–if it wasn't going to happen, why did we get SO CLOSE?

It's been really hard to think about Zach and excruciating trying to work myself out of that RSD "I've been rejected and abandoned and I never deserved to have this anyway" hole. He's been right next to me all week, feeling just as disappointed and confused as me. He's letting me figure it out and he's not taking it personally when I don't want to think about him because it hurts too much. But it's still such a comfort to feel him there even if it's not in the flesh like I thought it would be. I know we're still going to meet–that's the whole point of this life. To find him and fulfill our role together. But damn if this wasn't one of the most painful and exhausting experiences of my life.

Evie kindly checked in on me when she didn’t hear back about whether I’d found him or not. She offered me commiseration–apparently she’d been through this several times before she finally found Luther. She also offered to ask Michael about it in the next session they did. His counsel was that Zach had succumbed to interruptions; he also said that there would be many more opportunities to meet… and that we live very close to each other. Which is fantastic if true, but knowing myself, I’ll be looking for him everywhere I go until I figure out how to let this just be what it is.

Never in my LIFE did I think this would be so grueling, oh my god. I’m so tired, and I feel like we’ve only just started.

The post was about this person’s experience realizing she was a twin, connecting with her twin in the higher plane, discovering that this being was in fact the archangel Michael, and then eventually meeting her twin in person.

And at this point, I was pretty deep in my resentment of the term “twin flames”, because everything I read about other people’s experiences just did not line up with mine and Zach’s at all. I’d even started wondering if we were something else entirely, tbh. But this person’s story just sounded so familiar that it made me cry. (Except for the part about archangels; I’m not saying Zachary’s not an angel or some similar entity, but if he is, I don’t know about it yet.)

So I messaged her. I told her how closely my story lined up with hers, and that I thought I might be meeting my twin in the flesh very soon. I asked her a couple questions, and she very kindly answered all of them and offered some advice.

What I learned from the Akashic Records reading I did about a year ago is that I should absolutely trust myself when I feel like I know things. My intuition is so much stronger and louder than I think it is–I don’t need to doubt myself or seek outside answers. And honestly, my MO is figuring things out by myself from scratch, forming my own methods, and drawing my own conclusions.

But I just had to know if I was really going to meet Zach soon, or if I was setting myself up for disappointment.

So I booked a reading.

The questions I asked

I had actually prepared like, a whole page of questions and notes ahead of time, but I ended up scrapping it because I knew I wouldn’t be able to be in the moment and focus on all the things I wanted to say and ask at the same time. I ended up leaving out the explanatory info, because if Michael could help me, then he wouldn’t need me to explain anything. I distilled my questions down to just a handful:

Are Zachary and I twin flames?

Who is Zachary? Who am I?

Can you tell me about some past lives of ours? Who is Jessie Traeger?

What are we here to do?

Are we meeting this weekend?

How it went

We met virtually. First Evie introduced herself, and then she introduced Luther–her partner, twin,  and the archangel Michael incarnate. (Y’all… have you ever wondered what an angel incarnate looks like? Luther is it.)

We chatted for a couple minutes and got to know each other. Then Evie set up a camera over the bed Luther would lie on. Luther got comfy, and then Evie did a quick group meditation for us. After that, Evie brought Luther down into a theta-brainwave state using SCHH, a quantum hypnosis technique. This allowed Michael to come through and communicate through Luther.

I asked my questions. Michael speaks slowly and quietly and tends toward longwindedness, so Evie translated and rephrased as necessary. And when I was done, Evie brought Luther back to consciousness and asked him if he remembered anything from the session. Typically he doesn’t, but this time, he did.

What I learned

My extremely close relationship with Zachary

I could barely even get the question about whether Zach and I are twins out before Michael blurted very loudly and clearly, “YES.” It almost made me laugh, like he was saying, duh, of course you are. We’ve been through many, many cycles together (which I can attest to), dealt with challenge after challenge together, and fulfilled countless contracts. Our connection is so strong because we’ve done all this work together. Which tracks to me, because I’ve always felt like one of the ways my experience differs from other twin flames’ is that I feel like we’re already deeply unified. Other twins seem to have a task to complete together or a grand lesson to learn from each other, but Zachary and I don’t. Further to this point, multiple people have sensed a duality about me, as well as a nebulous, amorphous, flowing sense of masculine and feminine combined. And then there’s the whole bodyswapping thing.

Who we are and what we’re here to do

This wasn’t overly clear to me–Michael got quiet here, but what I heard was “galactic council”, and things about the trading of energy and information as well as higher-dimensional civilizations. This resonated with me because as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t really know how to describe how uncomfortable I am inside a human body and being so limited. But also, this place–this whole planet, this global civilization, has so much wrong with it that I just Know can be fixed, and I’m kind of eternally struggling against the fact that it can be and very much IS better in other places, and being frustrated that it’s not fixed yet. And I think that comes from still not fully knowing what place I take in this council–if I take one at all–and what my higher self knows and remembers.

And the reason why I feel like there’s nothing in particular that Zachary and I are here to do, and why in a lot of my dreams he just wants to be near me and we’re not really doing much–it’s because our purpose here is to take a vacation. To relax, to heal, to just be with and love each other. We’ve earned it, we deserve it. This makes a ton of sense to me too because I feel like I came into this life bone-tired and world-weary. I don’t want to work, I don’t want to labor to live, I want to fucking rest.

I’m meeting him this weekend

If it’s the timeline he’s thinking of, Michael said, then yes, we’ll be meeting at Comicpalooza.

I fucking knew it.

Having gone through this experience himself reuniting with Evie, he advised me that I control this situation and that it’s up to me to see that it gets done. Letting negative energy cause doubt and interference would be detrimental, but that ultimately, I’m absolutely strong enough to see myself through this, and that I got this.

I’m so fucking excited I can’t stand it oh my god.

Who is Jessica Traeger?

A few of you might know me as Jessie Traeger. This name, like so many other things, came to me for no apparent reason one day and just Felt Right. Jessie as a name is so familiar to me, and it’s what Zach calls me, just the same way I call him Zach. Traeger, as you may have guessed, is Zachary’s last name.

It didn’t really occur to me until this reading to wonder where this name came from. Whether it was my name in a past life or a future one, or if it’s someone I know in a different realm.

Michael couldn’t tell me. He wasn’t willing to interfere, as there’d be more information coming to me soon. I respect that and am intrigued, to say the least 👀

Other things of note

We got through my questions pretty quickly and had some time to spare. Michael was kind enough to agree to answer more questions if I had any, so I took the opportunity to ask some things–surprisingly, or maybe not, I asked things that came to me right then, rather than going back through my original list of questions.

I asked about the artifact room

This is a place I don’t think I’ve written about here yet, but it’s somewhere I went in a dream once… which I’m realizing now was astral projecting, not dreaming. I’ve visited it several other times since then via meditation and other routes. I’ll write a post about it if I think of it, but basically it’s a place with a bunch of artifacts unknown on Earth, and at the end of a long hallway is an office–Zachary’s office. Michael told me that some things he doesn’t have authority to say, but since mine and Zach’s connection is so close, he felt okay with telling me that it’s an office of affairs dealing with energetic codes, which are delicate and protected. The galactic council sometimes meets here, and Zachary does in fact work there.

The thing that Luther said he remembered after he came out of hypnosis was this symbol. He described it as a glowing blue crest on a dark background, and that inside the triangle were infinitely intricate smaller symbols.

I get the distinct feeling that I’m now allowed to know more than that right now, but more will come in time. I think I might know what the symbol is, but I don’t think I should say.

(The symbol Luther remembered seeing after the session)

I also asked about Aarón

Michael described him as a commander of sorts, but said he couldn’t tell me at this time what work he does or where he falls within the chain of command; we’ve been connected in various ways over many lifetimes, and there are things he knows about me and Zach that we don’t know about each other yet.

I’m not sure how this fits with how he’s appeared to me since I’ve known him, but tbh, figuring it out is not at the top of my list right now. At the moment, I’m happy to have helped him heal, and I’m grateful that he’s provided me with some safe places to practice my own healing. He’s not around all the time, but when he is, I know he’s looking out for me, and I’m looking out for him.

My thoughts afterward

I’ll admit–unlike the Akashic Records reading, I felt pretty nervous afterward. I did get to rehash the session with Evie and Luther afterward, and it was very cool and humbling to be able to offer what information I know about the Pleiadeans–or at least my family–to them, whether they may already have known this info or not. It was very heartening not to be a completely new and tiny infant baby for a second and to be able to offer my own knowledge.

What I’m nervous about isn’t necessarily meeting Zach and the process of it or how it’ll go, because I Know (that higher-dimensional knowing) that will be absolutely incredible in every way. I know we’ll know each other and there will be no doubt. I’m nervous about–or maybe dreading is a better word–the anxiety will come during the lead-up, and the exhaustion of constantly coaching myself.

Still… it’ll absolutely be worth it.

I’m so incredibly grateful to have met these people and for their kindness and communication!

If you have questions about twin flames, incarnation, or angels, I highly recommend checking out Archangelhypnosis’ instagram. If you’re interested in seeing what a reading with Evie and Luther is like, definitely check out their youtube channel.