sage

hi!

— sage, she/her, 8teen, amazing human/genius, curly pixie cuts, reese’s peanut butter cups, ukyt, olivia rodrigo, winter when it rains, summer when it’s warm, film, phoebe bridgers, norris nuts enthusiast (slight joke…perhaps not)

— i have a lot of different interests, so honestly whatever you see is what’s in my brain.

— i’ve been on here for a while, always a silent viewer…i guess until a random july night!

i don’t think i’ll ever shut up about this.

dude

summary: the long night, the tired bodies, and an innocent request from arthur led you to allowing him into your home. nothing he did was ever with ill-intent, all he wanted to hear was anything you wanted to share with him content/warnings: 2k word count, fluff!! (or what i consider fluff…) maybe sllliiightly angsty, mentions of struggles/negative mental health and death, umm idk that should be it i hope  a/n: honestly the title came from me listening to ‘All I need to hear’ by The 1975, and then remembered that clip of him saying he loved this song so boom goes the dynamite

The streetlights illuminated the pavement, groups of people gathered together, making the extensive journey of the pub to their houses. The night was slowly growing into morning, but the laughter on the street didn’t seem to waver. 

The breeze in the night didn’t seem to bother anybody, yet it was never acknowledged as everybody in the area was caught up in the thrill of staying out until the sun rose. It was a comforting scene, seeing tired bodies drag themselves home but still awake enough to talk about anything and everything to whoever they were with.

It was never a dull moment with friends. Somebody always had to be talking, even if they weren’t receiving coherent responses. In this case, it was Arthur doing all the talking while you politely nodded along. 

He insisted on walking you home after an extremely late night with your friends. Nobody expected for the night to run on for so long, yet the company made it difficult to want to leave.  

You had been dating Arthur for the past 3 months, but you had known each other for years beforehand. The group met up at a pub to relax after a long work week, and out of the blue, he asked you if you wanted to get dinner with him. You laughed at first, believing he was drunk, but he quickly made it clear that he had surprisingly been sober the entire night. You agreed, and from then on your relationship had been filled with the soft love you hadn’t really been familiar with, but now you didn’t want to live without it.

You watched the water as Arthur spoke your ear off, seeing how the sun was beginning to rise over the horizon and shine its rays on the water. Even though Arthur’s words were coming in one ear and out the other, his presence truly made everything feel a bit better. 

You admired how easily he could get hooked into a singular subject, ranting on until one of his friends would beg him to stop. Or how he always had his own way of doing certain things, not wanting to conform to how it is expected, but how it should be approached. But mostly, you admired his heart. He was able to pick up on the things about you that you would try to brush under the table. You would roll your eyes when he saw a pattern, but knowing somebody noticed the small things about you made you smile.

“You know, you’ve been awfully quiet. Not even just now but…all night you’ve kept to yourself.” He slowed down, his hands deep in the pockets of his puffer jacket. You turned to face him, your face slightly red from the cold air and the scarf you wore wrapped to slightly cover your nose, hiding the smile you were giving him. He always noticed something.

“I didn’t have much to contribute,” you spoke rather bluntly. Arthur nodded his head, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and planting a kiss on your cheek 

You were exhausted, a constant feeling that you always had to give everyone around you more. More of something you didn’t even have. But you didn’t want to tell him that, you didn’t want him to carry that burden.

You both continued walking, Arthur not having responded verbally but already seeing through you. He didn’t want to push, he never did. He just wanted to help you.

You both reached your flat and you dug through your handbag to find the key. “You really didn’t have to come all the way up,” you laughed lightly at Arthur leaning on the wall with tired eyes. “I wanted to. My job isn’t complete until you’re safely inside.”

You raised an eyebrow, laughing a little bit harder as Arthur smiled slightly, confused as to why you found that so hilarious. “And what job is that exactly?” you asked, hiding behind giggles.

“To make sure you’re alright,” he spoke, in a more serious tone to his words. Your laugh slowly faded, realising the seriousness of his demeanour. You brushed a hair behind your ear before continuing the search for your keys. 

Arthur leaned his head on the wall, his eyes struggling to stay open. His body had already slumped itself on the wall and he was using the very small amount of energy he had to keep himself upright. He knew he could’ve left at any moment. He could’ve left when the group parted ways. But he insisted on taking you home first, despite living extremely close to where everyone originally was.

You had finally found the key, opening the door and stepping into your flat. The light of the new day shone through your blinds, bringing warmth into the room. Arthur remained outside the apartment, unaware that you had already entered. You looked over at him, smiling before you poked him. His eyes quickly opened, his body tensing up at the reaction and being a bit startled. He laughed, blinking to try to wake himself back up. “I’m finished. God, this whole day has taken it out of me.” 

You laughed at the comment, but you knew that you were quite familiar with that feeling. It seemed as if every day had taken it out of you, even if it was simply getting out of bed. But how could you tell Arthur that the easy tasks didn’t seem so easy anymore.

Your smile faded, you hadn’t noticed Arthur was still talking about the night out until he put his hand on your shoulder. Your eyes met his, still slightly stuck in your own thoughts. You watched as his mouth continued moving, but you couldn’t make sense of the words that came out of his mouth. It was if it was muffled and you tried to push yourself to turn your ears back on, if that were even a possibility.

“-and I promise, I am not trying to get into your pants,” is what brought you back. Your eyes widened as you laughed at the abrupt change of subject. “Pardon me?” you said, not convinced that you completely understood what he was implying.

“Sorry, does that make you uncomfortable? I don’t want to be a bother. It’s alright, I can head back to mine!” His body picked itself up off the wall, straightening himself up as he rubbed the corner of his eyes. His cheeks slightly a pinker pigment as he looked towards his shoes.

“Are you asking to stay the night?” 

“I did say that…But only if it’s alright with you. It’s almost morning so I won’t even be here that long. Just to rest my eyes on the couch!” 

Your laugh returned, moving slightly out of the doorway to let Arthur in before locking it behind you. He took his shoes off, standing awkwardly near the entrance as you moved through the space to grab a glass of water from the sink. You offered it to him, watching as inhaled the drink in a matter of seconds. 

You opened your bedroom door, planning on sleeping through the day as there was nothing important you had to attend to. Arthur watched as you threw yourself onto your bed, your face consumed by your quilt. He smiled at your tired state, releasing a yawn as he looked around the apartment for a linen closet. 

Your head perked up upon realising that Arthur had not yet joined you. You pulled yourself off the mattress, stepping back into the living room, finding Arthur taking out the blankets from the wardrobe. You slowly walked up to him and wrapped your arms around him. His arms were reaching towards the top shelf, allowing you to slip your arms in between the gap. 

“What are you doing?” he asked, his lips curling upwards as he let his arms down. You snuggled into his back, eyes closed as you felt his warmth. “What are YOU doing? Get into bed,” your voice was basically a whisper, breathy as you grabbed his hand and pulled him towards your room. He hesitated, slightly resisting the movement until you looked up at him through your eyelashes with puppy dog eyes, and he couldn’t help but cave in. He let you lead him back into your room, dragging him down on the bed beside you. You scooted closer to him, resting your face in the crook of his neck as his arm pulled you in closer.

His eyes laid awake, watching as you made yourself comfortable against him. You had pulled the blanket over the both of you. “Can I say something?” his face turned towards yours, still adjusting yourself. “Anything,” you replied, resting your arm upon his chest. “Sometimes I feel as if you take the bad things in your life entirely on yourself. I know you don’t like sharing much about yourself, but I need you to know that I will listen to you talk about anything, not just the good.” His tone was soft, his hand finding the one on his chest and laying in on top. You lifted your head towards him, slightly hovering to the side of his. “I know that,” you smiled at him. You knew he would want to know about the smallest things that bothered you, but you didn’t want him to have to constantly be worrying about you. His mouth opened as if he were to say something else, yet he shut it and stared at you. 

You watched him quiet down, feeling slightly guilty for not allowing him to see you. All of you. You sat upright in the bed, intertwining your fingers with the hand he was holding you with. “Most of the time, I find it hard to find the motivation to keep going. I don’t want to die or anything like that. I just…don’t want to be here. Or anywhere.” you breathed. Your voice didn’t crack or shift, it remained calm, used to the feeling you lived with. Arthur shifted upwards, resting on his forearms as he listened to each word you said. “I don’t tell you this because I don’t want you to worry about me, Arthur. I’ve adapted to the way my brain works, but some days it’s hard to catch up with it.” You shrugged your shoulders and your eyes darted away from him so you wouldn’t see how he reacted. You didn’t want him to say anything.

You learnt from past relationships how they all had a desire to ‘fix’ you, eventually leaving when they began to grow weary and hopeless. It broke your heart a little less each time, until you eventually stopped talking about it all together. It drove others away, believing that they were wasting their time with somebody that couldn’t communicate their own feelings. That’s why you stopped dating. Until Arthur.

His eyes didn’t move away from your face as he watched your face turn away from him and tightly squeeze his hand. He laid back down, making you look back down at him on the bed. He wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you back down close to him. You curled up close to his chest, a tear rolling down your face as you felt his arms hold you close to him. He didn’t need to reply, already knowing that his presence brought you a different kind of support that words couldn’t. Words would falter, but he never did.

You were tired, not wanting to say anything else but not needing as if you had to. You had said enough, more than what you usually do. He was happy with that, not desperate to know every single thought in your head but only to get a small insight into why you are the way you are.

Your eyes slowly closed, your breathing slowed as you fell to sleep in his arms. He stayed awake a little longer, fighting to stay awake until you were able to sleep. He didn’t judge you, he was in no place to and had no desire to. 

summary: you and will have been broken up for 7 months now. you have even found someone else to fill the empty spot he would occupy in your bed. so when he calls you out of the blue on a friday night in the early hours of the morning, you cannot fight the temptation to answer the phone. warnings/content: 1.5k word count, angst, swearing, im not really sure im sorry guys if there's anything i add say let me know :)

The frequent buzzing beside you is what woke you up. Your phone, face down on your nightstand, the blue light peeking through the sides as it rang. You thought it was just a spam caller, ignoring it and shifting your body towards the opposite direction, facing the boy you’ve been seeing for a month. He was different. Different from the usual guys you would date. He was more serious, and had a different type of humour you can’t get your head around. But, it was still nice to feel another warm body in your bed after long days.

Your phone has stopped buzzing, your mind quickly bringing you back to your peaceful slumber. 

Then it started again. The noise makes you quickly snap your head in that direction. You acted fast, your arm flying to grab it and answer, not even looking at the contact name.

“Hello?” your voice grogged, bringing yourself to lay flat on your back with one hand rubbing your eyes awake. Still adjusting to the disturbance of the phone call, you could hear the sound of people chattering, glasses clinking, and heavy breathing.

“Bear? Are you there?” 

Your eyes widened, nobody had called you that in months. And only one person ever did. 

It was a name picked up from the amount of times you would give him a bear hug. After a long day at work, all he wanted was to be wrapped up with his bear and her bear hugs.

“Will?” you whispered, quickly jolting your body upwards in your bed, hitting your head on your bedframe. You let out a wince, throwing your legs over the side of your bed and finding your slippers. You quietly left the room, hoping to not wake the man in the bed.

You heard him let out a sigh of relief, a small laugh escaping his lips. He loved the way you said his name, and by the sound of abrupt movements on your end of the line, he knew he had your full attention.

Your hand made its way to the back of your head, gently rubbing the spot that had just hit against your bedframe. You were puzzled by the phone call, checking the time on the clock in your living room. 1:42AM. 

“Will, wh- what? It’s late. Are you alr-”

“I miss you.” he spoke, his tone breathy and the words coming out like it took everything in him to utter. Your back leant on the wall behind you, your mouth slightly agape. Out of all the possibilities of picking up the phone, you did not expect it to be your ex-boyfriend.

He promised you he would never try to call you, believing he was doing what you wanted. You didn’t want him to stop calling, but in order to minimise the pain, you nodded your head while a tear made its way down your cheek. He never did anything wrong, but you felt that he would slowly become miserable with you. Your ‘off’ days would cause you to completely shut him out, and despite his attempts to talk to you, you couldn’t find the energy to explain how you felt. He didn’t deserve that, so you chose to end it with him. The day replayed in your mind, the change of his facial expressions and the way his coffee mug dropped when you told him you wanted to break up. Regrettably, you never fully told him why. If you did, he would’ve fought harder to keep you. But you didn’t want to watch life leave his eyes if he were to stay.

“I’m sorry. I just…Arthur said you’re seeing somebody else. Is that true, Bear?” his voice cracked. He was out at the pub with his friends and Arthur had let it slip. Arthur didn’t realise he had mentioned it.

“Mate! Why are you hitting me under the table?” Arthur shouted, looking at Chris as he gestured towards Will. Arthur quickly realised, apologies flowing from his mouth but Will had already walked away from the table, grabbing his phone from his pocket and scrolling to find your contact.

You didn’t reply, you could picture his face if you were to confirm what he had heard and you didn’t want to break his heart even more. But silence itself is an answer. 

The silence grows longer, his hand finding the crook in between his eyes as his index and thumb rest there. His eyebrows furrowed, his voice letting out sounds as if he were to start sentences but couldn’t find the words. You bit your nails, your body lightly swaying side to side as you knew you were the reason his night would be ruined.

“Fuck,” he croaked, his hand dropping from his face to his chest. “What’s his name?”

“Please, Will…don’t” you sighed. Any detail about your relationship would send him into a spiral, even the simplicity of his name. 

Even though you were with someone new, you missed Will. You knew the ins and outs of his mind, and no amount of time could erase that from your mind. 

You moved away from the wall near your bedroom towards the couch, looking back to see if any movement were to come from the bedroom. You didn’t want him to wake up, having to explain you aren’t in bed because your ex called you. 

Will exhales, his head thrown back to the wall behind him, his hand drifting the phone away from his ear. You sat on the couch, waiting for him to say something. You were scared of what more would come out of his mouth. But you feared the unpredictability of how you would reply even more.

He gripped his phone tighter, bringing it back to the side of his face. “I haven’t even looked in the direction of another girl since we split,” his tone was harsher than before, “I can’t look at anyone else. All I see is you.”

You felt guilty. You didn’t mean for him to be unable to find someone, hell, you didn’t even expect yourself to be in a month-long relationship already. A sorry escaped your mouth, sincerely apologising. You had so much to say to him, so much you wanted to tell him.

“It’s not fair. Not at all,” his tone was still harsh, but you could hear the cracks in his voice as he spoke, “I can’t even bring myself to be mad at you, y’know?” This time, his voice broke. He wiped the tears that appeared on his face, his lungs trying to catch any air in an attempt to calm himself down. He sniffled, a slight chuckle as he tried to centre himself. “Bear?” he whispered.

“Do you still love me?”

The question threw you off, your hand covering your mouth as you choked back tears. You did love him, that was the only thing you could not convince yourself of otherwise. You couldn’t tell him that, what kind of person would you be if you did? You feel your chest becoming compressed, your hand applying pressure against it. The fabric of your pyjamas becoming irritable and you could feel every hair on your head

His breath was heavy on the other line, his hand remained over his heart while he melted down the wall onto the cobblestone street. His eyes were glassy, his cheeks flushed a light red as he waited for any response. Anything that would tell him what to do

“I-” The bedroom door creaked open, your boyfriend standing in the frame, his hand remained on the handle. You gasped, quickly hanging up the phone and setting it face down on the couch next to you. He rubbed the palm of his hand on his eye, looking at you on the couch. 

“Hey. Why aren’t you in bed? It’s late.” he questioned. The room was too dark to make out the obvious upset expression on your face. You stood up from the couch, fast, making your way towards the bedroom door. 

You didn’t look up at him, you just dragged your body onto the cold mattress, covering yourself with the duvet and looking at the emptiness in the rest of the bed. Your boyfriend didn’t come back right away, so you stared at the dip in the mattress of where he was sleeping. You didn’t want him to lay back down and fill it, you wanted to sit in the memory of who used to occupy that spot.

On the other end, Will’s phone couldn’t leave the side of his ear. It would mean it was over, and that the answer he didn’t want was the answer he was receiving. He didn’t move, he couldn’t. How would he be able to go back inside and act like everything was okay? He knew the boys would ask if he was alright, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to lie to them. So he sat there, the cold breeze brushing against his arms and his eyes unable to hold back anymore tears. 

His hand dropped, his phone fidgeting in between both of them as he closed his eyes. “You alright?” James asked, suddenly appearing in front of him. 

i love her.

i'm listening to logical and honestly, i don't remember the last time i could make it through the whole song without violently screaming the words.