𝕷𝖔𝖚

guys after i posted about her my ex unblocked me on disc, are we back??

days like these i think of my ex girlfriend and realize if i wasnt so afraid of being alone, id still have her. scrolling through old chats and stuff. her old tumblr. i understand the things i was doing looked like neglect and maybe they were. i didnt want to chose between my best friend and her and now i love with this. i wish i could have done something different. i care so much, im sorry you didnt see it for the last few months of our relationship. i hope shes happy, i hope shes with someone nice. i stalk the socials i do have and her old fursona still links to mine on artfight despite uploading a new ref. i feel trapped, i dont think im blocked on disc and ive been able to see her toyhouse for a while. i want to reach out but i cant, i have someone elses life on my shoulders, evenif its not right. maybe id feel better if she didnt just block me and stop talking to me. if she said she was breaking up with me. maybe then i wouldnt have this delusion of her ever coming back. we've known eachother since middle school, 7th grade, weve been together for 9 years. march 18 2016. i through it all away

holy shit guys, i just remembered my mom's shitty bf gave me a knife forever ago to defend myself or whatever and its still in my bag!!

mikey way save me mikey way

nothing i say matters, just pushing hot air

when your looking forward to do weird pervy shit on call and they tell you they might or might call and then wont tell you whats up other than they "freaked out"

i feel like im leading you on, ive been clear on my feelings since high school but i lean into your affection. i mirror your words of affection. i dont not mean what i say, i just dont mean them in the same way. im stuck in your hold. you've told me getting a partner would kill you. i love you like the best friend ive ever had. im sorry i cant love you like a lover you desperately crave. sometimes i want to cut myself out of your life, of your web. but i care for you so much. if i left you i might as well twist the knife into your back as i walk away. sometimes im okay with being alone, sometimes the thought terrifies me, i want to sleep with someone and sometimes i think about it with you, like how i think of it with the guy from the circle k. i dont mean it but i want to be desired and your a person i can project it on. im sorry. im not even particularly turned on by it, but i know in reality its my best chance to lose it finally. i wont use you though, i care for you too much, this would kill you. reading this, hearing me say this, but all i can think of is how instead of friendship you call this a relationship. do you do that on purpose? to fool yourself we are together?

my wrists ache for a pain they have never felt, maybe i want to get bolder with my sickness after being dormant. maybe thats why there is this ringing in my ear and the urge to throw up