i’m imagining if i killed myself and my parents came in my room sometime later to close up my computer but got curious and looked at my firefox window
and find i had a million tabs open and the majority of them are about csa/sexual assault
how awful would that be. their daughter dead by suicide, then they learn that she was trying to cope with possibly having been abused (tho the possibly wouldn’t be there for them, i guess, they’d just think i definitely had been if i was looking into it. like they wouldn’t have a reason to think i was wrong about it. unlike me, who keeps wondering this..). who would they think did it. would they suspect each other, other family members. how badly would this fuck up the family.
i don’t feel like i have that much of an impact on my family but i can see how this would be severely fucked up of me to kill myself at this time. or at least if i left the tabs open before doing it. altho i don’t think i’d remember to wipe my history so they could find out that way, tho my parents aren’t computer savvy enough to do that and i don’t know if my brother or sister would think of it. or do it if they thought of it. maybe to protect my privacy they wouldn’t. idk anyways
not gonna kill myself because obviously that’d hurt people but i’d like to still..
