A (love) letter.

i dreamt about you still,

We rely so heavily on technology and social media that we forget to make real life connections. I’m not talking about texting, messaging, or video calls but actually making time for each other in real life. Show up at my door if you miss me. Don’t cry over the phone to me, my shoulders are right here if you need it. I want to hear your voice, unfiltered and raw. Don’t text me, but be next to me.

to the boy who ripped my heart out, I had been through so much shit already. I’ve had my heart broken before. I’ve not ate for weeks, and drank nothing but alcohol for months. I’ve not slept at night and replayed abusive conversations over and over in my head. But none of that comes close to what you did to me. Because with the one who came before you I always knew something wasn’t right with him. I knew he wasn’t the one, and I knew my friends and family hated him, and I knew that nothing was ever going to work out. And I knew he didn’t love me. I mean seriously I knew. And after him I fell off the rails-fell apart maybe. I don’t know. Months flew by in a blur. Guy after guy after guy. But somewhere along the line I picked up a little bit of self worth- dusted myself off and felt like the woman I’ve always wanted to be. And I remember getting ready for that night, thinking to myself tonight will be the first I don’t feel the need to base my worth on a guy- the first night I honestly felt like the blur was finally coming to an end. But then you came along. I could sit here and describe you for years because truth is you probably were- and might always be- the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on. And you came and swept me off of my feet. For months, you made me feel like the only person in the world. You were the kindest, most incredible person I have ever been with. You’re the type of man I’d love to bring home to my family; polite, handsome, funny, intelligent, friendly and most of all- you weren’t like anyone else. You weren’t like all of the guys who came before you- especially not that one. You honestly had me falling for you from the first moment we spoke- I wasn’t faking feelings for once I genuinely have never felt like that about anyone in my life. It was a butterfly, heart racing, story book kind of romance, and because of you I finally had faith again. Faith that I actually could be one of those girls that’s lucky enough to find someone like you, to settle down, to finally be my best self, with someone like you by my side. And then one day you just left. You never messaged me again. Pretended I didn’t exist when you seen me. Left me wondering where I’d went wrong, no explanation, nothing. You fucking broke me. You really did. But even now, when I lie awake at night thinking of it- I blame myself. I make excuses for you, because in my eyes you can do no wrong, and if you ever came back to me I’d take you in with open arms. fuck you.

I fear I will never meet another person who can make my chest ache in the most divine way.

Moments Passed

I don’t know when

“I should’ve known it was too good to be true”