𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘣𝘺𝘦.

ig.bli2s_

pulling onto the curb by satō’s house, he didn’t kill the engine yet but instead unbuckled his seatbelt to lean over the centre console and take kōji’s face in his hands. his palms covered all of kōji’s cheeks and down to his jaw, and satō was thankful for the grip it gave him. he needed, and wanted, to feel kōji’s skin against his right now, to keep kōji from floating away from him before either of them would ever be fitted for any kind of space suit. “ hey, hey, i didn’t get any official calling yet. i probably will soon, but you’re running away with your head now. you gotta stay with me here, yeah? because i’ll come back to you, but for that you can’t disappear on me, ” he told kōji, insistent where he found kōji’s stressed gaze meeting his own. maybe satō didn’t treat things with the needed amount of worry sometimes, but he always wanted to make sure to treat kōji with all the love he deserved, to give him the certainty he first presented to him that day he sat down across from him, and if that meant he’d have to talk to twenty officials to give kōji clearance on all of his briefings for whatever this mission would be, then he’d do that in a heartbeat. for now, he just wanted to remind kōji he wasn’t gone yet, and he was more than happy to be with him in the here and now. leaning over further, satō slanted his mouth over kōji’s in a passionate kiss, pulling kōji close against him as much as he could with one hand grabbing at his shoulder, all but hauling him against his chest. “ of course you can stay here. zelda would just reorganise my pantry to her liking to play a prank on me. i trust you so much more. with you, i know the house is in good hands, ” he encouraged once he pulled away, his face flushed, thumb rubbing the spot above kōji’s ear by his hairline. satō wanted to kiss him again, so he did, until he had to breathe again. “ i would never leave without telling you as soon as i know for sure, yeah? never. i mean, i wanna tell you everything anyway, but something like this? i love you too much not to. ”

before he could do something senseless, like climb over the center console and seat himself into satō's lap to cling to him for the remainder of the night, kōji pulled away and unbuckled his seat belt. the walk to the front door was short but out here it was chilly enough for kōji to curse as he exited the car, the cool breeze whipping around his ears, reminding him of the fact that satō's house was surrounded by nature out here, barely any neighbors as far as the eye could see. " i just wish they wouldn't choose you, " kōji muttered, mostly under his breath, irate just at the thought of satō climbing into that tin box, on hideo's heels no less, to leave for the stars, simply because the higher ups couldn't think of anyone better. and there was none, kōji was well aware, but he wished there was, more than he had wished for most things for quite some time now. when satō finally caught up to him, kōji held his hands out as soon as he was within arm's reach, wrapping them around most of satō so he could leech off some of his warmth as he unlocked the door. the light flicked on almost immediately, alerted by their presence, the golden glow drenching the entryway in warmth as kōji stepped inside, not planning to leave satō's side anytime soon, not if he did not expressly had to do so. he liked it here, kōji decided as he looked around, all that wood but not enough green, and toed his shoes off with his hands still somewhat on satō, socked feet on the warm floor before they went further inside. " i think i am going to bring some of my plants over, everything around here looks so lonely. the space really could benefit from some green, and i will need something to pass the time anyway. something better than reorganizing your pantry. " kōji said, well aware that he had barely any idea what to do with the stuff in satō's pantry anyway; he had barely ever cooked a meal in his life and would live off cafeteria food until satō returned, trying not to feel too humbled by how useless he was in areas that others deemed so essential. kōji was good at other things, numbers and routes and spreadsheets, and he knew approximately fifty ways to watch satō melt for him, which was as important as anything else. he sighed and pulled satō's hand so he could hug him properly this time, feeling small and insignificant against satō's chest, but needing it anyway. " i love you, too. i just. i wish it didn't have to be you. i will miss you so much. "

" i said no, didn't i? are you telling me you can't listen to me? " idris asked him, mouth against his neck, to leave a kiss there too. it was absolute hell on his arm but it didn't matter, because he knew this was what hayun wanted, and he wanted nothing more than for hayun to give himself up, to let go, and know there'd be nothing left to worry about as long as idris was there. hayun would always be caught, idris would always deliver him satisfaction with every word and every touch, even if the road there included dismantling hayun's desire on a molecular level, down to the smallest mechanics. driving his fingers in one more time, idris kept them inside of hayun, against the gland of his prostate, and lifted his knuckles against hayun's walls. as he kept them there, he put his other hand on hayun's face, fingers pressed roughly into his cheek, his jaw. " i know you can take more, i only told you that you're not getting it. you didn't keep still. " idris gave hayun a moment of basking in the feeling of being stretched before he extracted his hand, hayun's shifting hips seeking after him. ignoring hayun's begging body, his flushed cok leaking against his abs, idris leaned over him as he held his face in hand, watching hayun struggle for breath, the wetness on his own fingers cool in the air of the room. without thinking it over, idris licked them clean, solely to see what hayun would do. " what will you get for not listening to me, darling? do you think you know? "

his chest was heaving and he was gasping for air like he had just hauled ass around the bases, body sore and sweaty, but it felt nothing like baseball. being with ian was incomparable and hayun never wanted it to infiltrate any other part of his life: it was too sacred to do so, and he knew that this vulnerability he could show here had no place on the field. when he blinked his eyes open and saw ian leaning over him, watched him suck his own fingers into his mouth, his mouth ran dry and a moan escaped him before he could do as much as lift a finger, hands sliding off ian's body and resting limbless by his side. he craved to touch him but he knew he couldn't, didn't want to either; what he wanted right now was for ian to touch him, lay his hand on him in the most primitive sense of the word. this, he knew, was a bridge they had yet to cross but he wanted ian to do it, craved it like he had never wanted anything else, and it made his body wound tight, strain against the weight of ian on top of him like he could push past him and force his hand. literally. " please, " he murmured, softer, his voice sanded down to the bones of it, to where he was nothing but arousal. " please give it to me, please. i want it, please, " and only lifted his hand to lay it on top of ian's, where it still held his face in place, so close to what hayun wanted from him, what he needed. when he sought ian's eyes, when he found his gaze, he could only look at him with as much sincerity as he could muster; to telegraph this need was beyond mere words, and he had told ian before, in unmistakable terms. hurt me, i want it. i need it. he wondered if ian would ever give it to him, and the mere idea of it made his eyes slip shut and a soft moan in the shape of ian's name escape past his teeth.

her socked feet ended somewhere by his shins, but eunah didn't mind. she loved when she was buried and stored away away by him, his chest a hideout not unlike the alcove keeping safe letters sent over vast distances. he contained her with his body like this, her cheek against his heartbeat, when she felt his voice at the same time as she heard him speak. it was always deep, this low rumble against her ear now, that nestled itself into her bones and made her never forget a word he said, all that proof that he listened to her, not only talked back for the sake of answering and having the last word. so unlike all the other men, the men before him, that she knew she'd never fall into the same trap as she did with them. there was no resistance anymore when he let her make a home of him, their bodies aligned like two continuing pages of a book, and she smiled where his hand touched the side of her face, her hair, where he let her press her face against the crook of his arm. she didn't have to guess about what she meant to him, or if he would get up and leave once he had enough of her; jinman had proven to her ten times over he'd never leave her that desolate, that he was here to stay, filling in all the gaps of her, reminding her she was not out in the lonely ocean but a person, someone who could be loved, with no hesitation or remorse. he never backed away, not once he knew that they felt the same way about each other. " after hearing about your stint at agit, i imagined what it would be like to have someone like you do that for me, " she confessed. honest to a fault, she'd tell him everything. he unarmed her that day across the table, asking her the one urge she never verbalised but knew to be rooted deep, and it hadn't stopped since then. she was an avalanche against his land, all of her contained by him, with a word, or a look, with the touch of his hands. " now you're here, i want you just for myself. i never felt this way about anyone. like i don't want to let you go. with everyone else, i knew they could leave, everyone could. but i want you to stay, i know you can. "

with a low hum, he allowed himself to press his mouth to the crown of her head, a gentle kiss he left there, lingering before he bedded his cheek on her head and held her closer, still. " you did? " he asked, a murmur, genuinely surprised by that statement though he probably should not have been; like a red string tied around their wrists, they had always belonged to each other but had simply never known, had too many near misses that were only resolved by his own brother. that alone almost made jinman scoff but he knew how much they both meant to each other, so he could only be glad for what had transpired. " you just have to say the word. " he added, after a moment of careful consideration. not many could deal with the flare of his temper but eunah seemed to almost revere it, mystify it, and jinman was glad; if he could protect her, he would. if the unrest and discomfort could find another outlet, he would gladly accept it, trade it for eerily silent nights in bathrooms with nothing but his own thinning breath as company. after they had been silent for a little longer, after he had felt her breathe against him and was assured by the familiarity of that motion and by how easily she fit against him, as if it was always meant to be that way, he rubbed his fingers over the back of her neck and said slowly, the words only coming to him gradually, but they were important so he had to verbalize them. this promise which meant more than any other vow to the both of them, though he would vow it in front of anyone who might want to hear, too. " i thought my purpose in life was to live so lightly no one would notice if i left, " he murmured, unsure if she could even hear him, while his thumb rubbed steadily back and forth. " but i don't think so anymore. i think i would like to stay for as long as you will have, for as long as you will let me. for whatever you want from me. i would give you everything. "

love was a mean thing like that, eli's lover had a murderous streak and hand and fangs that could kill him. for some odd reason, eli was certain he'd survive the rampage, as if equipped with a sixth sense or just a lucky bout of delusion, he was dead-sure that his body was made for this, not the consummation of physical desire, for he knew he could hold hideo inside him for the same eternity he wanted when hideo kissed him with hunger and an open mouth, teeth sharp and biting, and eli was close to tasting his own blood. no, he knew he would survive what it meant to be the one that warmed the chilled blood in hideo's cold veins, to offer him everything; he just knew he would. " don't ask me a third time. of course it's what i want. you know it it, you can feel it, " eli found his voice then, as if the rough whine of his voice when hideo pulled his head back wasn't evidence enough. his hands were clawing at hideo's shoulders, looping around his neck, holding onto him, as he heard hideo's voice like he rarely did before, a crackle of thunder down his spine, making him feel hot all over, like he was burning up. no, he thought, none of hideo's lovers felt like this before, not like he did, not even the ones that died. when his fingers scraped over hideo's neck, he pulled him closer to his own face, to his jaw and neck. eli wanted this so badly he had to keep going or he'd tear at hideo and himself until they both bled, no vampire fangs needed from his end. this was enough, and yet not entirely. hideo's hand tightened in his hair and he moved closer to him still, whining, pressing himself up against hideo. " i was made for you, you know. i'm sure of it. don't you want me? don't you want to? "

" you underestimate how much i want you, elijah, " hideo said, a rasp of that binding truth, and before he could think any further, he tightened his hold on the back of elijah's head and held him still, so he could scrape his teeth over the apex of the boy's rosy cheeks to that spot below his ear, where his pulse was thundering and reminding hideo of the blood laying just below the paper-thin skin. his eyes fluttered shut on their own accord, his arm wounding tightly around elijah's middle to hold him close, keep him as still as possible, which was imperative to their survival. one wrong move could effectively end this when it had barely just begun and hideo had no intention for that to happen tonight. he had already fed earlier today; if he had not, they would have never gotten here to begin with, not that he cared to let elijah know as much. " you always do, but you need to know that i desire you more than you could ever want me. " when he pulled back, he sought the boy's eyes, dark and blown wide open, and it made him smile, aware of how grotesque it must look with his fangs contorting much of the shape of it. he leaned back, just enough so he could allow his hand to move in between their bodies, towards where elijah was visibly straining against his shorts. he was hot and heavy to the touch, so hard that it did not take much to push him towards an easy climax, but hideo had the infinite and endless patience of the immortal. he could do this all night, and he intended to do so. his fingers found the shape of him easily, grinding the heel of his palm against elijah's cock; it made hideo feel mightier than a taste of his blood could, the heady rush of control settling over him in a dizzying spell. " i wish you could see yourself, " hideo murmured, a starving man kneeling before a feast. " you are so beautiful. "

when kōji inquired about the mission, where they were making their final selection on candidates in these recent days, satō looked up into the cloudy sky. only the moon shone through in a bit of silver, the parking lot otherwise completely dark and almost empty, satō's car parked somewhere in the middle now standing alone like an island in a dark sea, a mountain over the pavement. he had meetings with the higher-ranking staff over the past few weeks, usually joined by zelda and later the rest of their team, and while no conclusive decision was made yet there was also a meeting with miyoshi hideo lined up that told satō all he needed to know about where the decision makers saw this to be going. he didn't want to say anything until they had told him outright, but then that was silly - satō was serious about kōji, he felt that down to the marrow even when kōji wasn't in front of him, and they'd have to adjust accordingly once he'd be gone for up to ten days, in space no less. " they haven't made the decision just yet, but i am pretty sure it's between zelda and me, " satō told kōji when they were by his car, looking down at him. his arm still around kōji, he moved it down so he could hold onto kōji's hand, which was way too cold and gave satō imperative to unlock the car door and open it for him. " it's probably going to be me. zelda wants to finish her dissertation first. i will tell you when they make their choice, yeah? you'll be the first to know. " that they breached this topic on the evening they were actually going home together for the first time felt almost too much, but satō squeezed kōji's hand again before pulling him into a devoted hug. tucking his cheek on top of kōji's head, he went on, " nothing is your fault. as long as you're comfortable, i'm happy. always happier when you're by my side, but we're working on that. i told you, you can stay over whenever you want, however long. i want this to be your home too, yeah? c'mon, get into the car, you're cold. "

his words wouldn't change anything and neither would his protest. all he could do was let satō go and climb into the passenger seat, waiting for satō to round the vehicle and start the car, and even then he kept silent, waiting for the heating to warm up enough so he could get more comfortable. satō had been right, kōji's hands were cold, always too cold no matter the season, but he could barely focus on it or on the scenery passing them by when his head suddenly revolved around one thing only. in just a few weeks, satō would go up into space and he would be gone for ten days at least, and kōji didn't like the thought of it one bit. he would have to talk to hideo before, try and make an appointment or just corner him in the cafeteria or wherever he was doing stupid astronaut training, and tell him in no uncertain terms that he would have to bring satō back in one piece or he would be chopped liver. kōji felt so strongly about it that he twisted the fabric of his sweater around his fingers until it was bunched up in into the palm of his hand, but he didn't notice until they had finally arrived in front of satō's house. by now a familiar destination, kōji had never arrived here at night before, and it seemed almost tranquil, how it just stood there beneath the pale moonlight, none the wiser that its owner would be among the moon very soon, up there in the sky. kōji swallowed. " is someone looking after the house while you're gone? " he asked, even though he knew that two weeks was barely enough time to warrant anyone checking up on satō's house. it was less about the duration of the trip and more about the opportunity to be here, and kōji clung to it before he could really sound out what it meant. " i mean, i can stay here, if you want. it's closer to the lab anyway and you won't have to worry about all your stuff. if you don't mind? "

his hand on her cheek, in her hair, did not feel intruding. she wanted his touch to reside her, to crawl into the confines of him and make herself at home there, for them to make a space in the quiet of the world where they could both be saved, where they could both stay, neither abandoned nor lonely on their own, for once not the ones being left behind by the cruel fate of the world. it took her a bit but she could indeed see him, where they were so alike, and where his ache sat deeper, heavier, and was far older than hers. she wanted him to find a place where that didn't matter, that he carried it, and where he could sometimes forget it was there at all. she wanted him to feel like he made her feel. " it is a good thing. usually, when i see people clearer, they become worse. not you. i see you better and instead i want to be closer to you, " she told him, looking at him where they were so close, before she gave into this insistent impulse in her to do as she felt so strongly about, and push her forehead against his chest, tucking her head in under his chin. she kept her arms pulled in for now, only letting the warmth of his body against hers sink into her, the way she felt his breathing, a bit quicker now, and the solid weight of him, the scent of him earthy and mundane and so nice. he was a refuge to her, at the centre of the spiral of the earth for her, and she did not want to let him go. " i don't want to go back. i haven't felt like this . . . ever. no man ever made me feel like i don't want to go back. "

her words sunk into him like a stone, like a ray of sun, pierced him through the chest with heat that felt almost akin to embarrassment but was none of the sort; jinman had difficulty parsing anything beyond the vast emptiness he had grown so used to and eunah made him experience emotions he had long given up on. it was a novelty, even at his age, to be with someone like this, he knew that. his hand slowly ran through her hair before he allowed his arm to rest around her waist; she was close already and when she allowed herself to curl towards in, he did not wait. there was no need for hesitation here, jinman had already seen her with fewer defenses, had watched her lower those walls in front of him, and he cherished every second of it. what an honor to be at the receiving end of so much trust, he barely knew what to do with it or himself. " i don't think anyone has ever thought of me like this, " he told her honestly, his words pressed to the crown of her head, a soft murmur to not disturb the tranquility of the bedroom. it felt wrong to infringe on her confession, and jinman tried his best not to, because he wanted her to love him in the same way he loved her: wholly and uncomplicated. this is how he wanted her to see him, though he knew it was impossible and near selfish. nothing about him was easy, starting with his family and ending squarely with himself, and yet he could not help but long for it. his palm on her back, he allowed himself to simply hold her, overwhelmed by the simplicity, the purity of this small affection. " i think you might be the first person who has ever seen me like this. " he was silent for a moment, his observation filling the air between them as his hand rubbed her back in slow circles. " you know, if i ever meet any of the jerks who left you before, they will get what they deserve. dongman told me about the other one, the writer, " even the mention of him made jinman mad, but his voice was level. he was too old for hysterics. " i hope he rots in hell. nobody should have ever treated you with anything less than reverence. "

the key was to take note of the tells hayun's body sang so readily and letting them go unanswered for longer than idris would have with anyone else before. once his fingers were inside of hayun, tight around his knuckles but white-hot and wet, he knew hayun wanted more, and not to give it to him. humming in his throat, he watched the movements of his fingers and the trembling of hayun's legs in response, of his whole body, flushed and wanting with nothing to make it give. idris shook his head. " no, darling, i don't think so, " he told hayun and used his other hand to place it on hayun's body, the flat of his impressive abs, to keep him from shifting around more. " i quite like you right here. you'll wait, won't you? because i want you to wait. " his hand on hayun worked as a grounding touch, physical contact, while he teased another finger in, four now. it must burn, but he knew hayun loved that, wanted it to hurt even more. idris couldn't go all the way there yet, but he could give him this. eyes meeting hayun's, so dark and his lashes wet, idris found he was impossibly deep in love with the sight, with him. " you'll keep yourself together. i know you can take it. "

it was almost unbearable, to be held back so severely yet with such a gentle hand. hayun could have easily moved ian off him, could have demanded more, but he did not want to; he wanted it to hurt but he did not want to fight it, and the protest that clambered past his teeth was nothing more than a half-hearted whimper, a breathless gasp as he clenched around the four fingers inside of him, trying to get them deeper, change the angle, always more more more more. his skin felt raw to the touch, only soothed where ian had put his hand on him, every point of contact equally a salve and oil on his flame, and hayun could only burn and burn until every breath threatened to singe his lungs. when he looked at ian, then, he saw the perfect understanding mirrored in his wide, blown eyes, not so unaffected after all, but perfectly composed either way, and hayun had never craved him more. " just a bit, just a little more, " he exhaled on a moan and shook his head but they both knew he was lying, because he would try to hold out, adhere every single word and utterance that fell off ian's lips like a prayer. this was what he was made for, hayun knew, the only thing his body responded to in kind. his leg moved without much of his input, just enough to shift his hips on the bed and allow ian's fingers in deeper, a feeling that was indescribable and made hayun's eyes roll back inside of his head almost immediately. at this point, he would come untouched, his cock flushed and swollen and largely ignored, because ian was as wicked as he was smart, as studious as he was treacherous. played him exactly how he wanted to. it was infuriatingly arousing. " i can take more, please, please, " it was a futile attempt, probably, but hayun couldn't help himself, blabbering, slurred words. " i can be good. "