soft as satin

friend whos always available: i can do whenever

friend whos constantly busy: im sorry i have work and then school and then the labyrinth and then more work :( i can do tuesday at 3:00 am for five minutes tho

friend with the randomly generated sleep schedule: (no response)

friend who went missing in the woods behind their house 12 years ago and hasn't been heard from since: (no response)

You are not going to pass a skillcheck against a rip current once it has you.

Waves will not bow to your physical prowess no matter how impressive.

Shock does not care that you used to be on your school swim team.

If you hit your head, being good at swimming isn't going to turn you face-up while you're unconscious.

There are a ton of different things I see said that make me roll my eyes, but here are a few that have stuck with me over the years:

“You should eat so much that you gain five pounds tonight”

Friend. That’s not how bodies work. The amount of weight you can actually gain in one day is different for everyone, but it’s pretty safe to use the rule of thumb: 1lb per day maximum. Weight gain is caused by consistent calorie surpluses, not so much by occasional overindulgence. If you want someone to grow, encourage them every day, not just once in a while when you’re horny.

This one isn’t a specific quote, but eating goals that are unclear or unrealistic. “Mmm, keep eating. Yup. Keep going.” Okay. To what end? “You’re going to eat three extra large pizzas” no, I’m not. “How about 5,000 calories for a light snack?” You’re out of your fucking mind. It sends such a clear message that you have no clue what you’re doing when you interact with feedees like this.

“I want you to eat so much that your belly button goes from an innie to an outie”

Nope. Not even close to a thing that happens. If it does, you probably have a hernia. Or you have some other condition that has caused fluid buildup.

“Wow, you’re almost 300lbs? You’re gonna need a scooter once you get there”

What? I’m less than 25lbs away from 300 and I walked MILES in downtown, hilly Seattle last weekend. There are literally 500lb gainers who are walking (waddling) around with relatively few troubles. Please understand that when a gain happens gradually, mobility is far less impacted than in extremely quick gains. Also, I’m six feet tall. I can seriously pass for an average build in public if I want to. Please work on understanding how weight works on people.

So are

colostomy bags

Diapers

insulin pumps

Oxygen systems

rollators

hearing aids

compression garments

prosthetics

FREEDOM AIDS

- service animals

- noise cancelling headphones/ear defenders

- wheelchair attachments

- fidgets

IT’S DISABILITY PRIDE MONTH YALL