S8 Edgy

The pain of the suffering is the pleasure of the twisted

When even those hurt the most

From disease, from disaster, even from themselves

Are left defenseless against you

You find the one thing that people do wrong

And you wave it against their accomplishments

You make those who try stop trying

Those who strive start crying

You make hope die

Why?

They say it’s because you want the focus on you

But is it really the case? It doesn’t make sense

It’s like without anyone else praising you

You feel like you’ve died

I KNOW what it’s like

To envy attention

As if your own reflection in the mirror become prettier the more people look at it

But don’t you realize that those who fall prey to you

Their reflections become more disgusting?

More vile?

Like you’re a vampire sucking the beauty out of everything you see

And passing it onto you

But don’t you worry, we’ll find a way

The bullied, the hated, the attacked

Will have their revenge

So keep attacking

But in the end

When the dust settles

It’s a real pain in the ass

It can get you to do things you never thought you’d do, and not always in a good way

I’ve always dreamt about performing on stage

The idea of creating something that other people come all the way to see, and touches their heartstrings, I consider this power beyond my wildest dream.

A power I would do anything to have.

So when I heard a student a few years under me in my very own school was chosen to act in a show I don’t think I would’ve even known existed otherwise,

“Naturally”, I got rather envious.

Hearing the sound of her name made my skin heat up like a turkey on Thanksgiving

It made my heart race like I’ve been running for 20 days straight,

It made my mind race faster than an ambulance carrying someone with cardiac arrest.

Before I knew it, I was out there wishing for her death with sincerity as if she were to murder the only person I held dear

I ended up in a fistfight with a clubmate who “so dared” invoke her name as a response to a question *I* was the one asking

But the thing about envy is it’s a waste of time

And though there’s controversy about everything else in the bible, the commandment forbidding envy might be the only thing that everyone agrees upon

Because say the person you’re jealous of ends up losing what you’ve been jealous about

Does that suddenly mean you have it?

Does it suddenly make you superior? Popular? Rich? Or in my case, would her losing her role in the show make me have it?

Ha, if only it was that simple

But you don’t realize this when you’re jealous

You don’t realize how little sense you’re making

You don’t realize that learning and growing as a person doesn’t come from envy

It just doesn’t

It comes from persistent, commitment, and determination

And you can’t have any of them if you’re too busy thinking of what others achieve

So bask in the glory of their achievements

Congratulate them

Be happy for them

Ask them how they did what they did

Hey, I see you over there

Crying as if no one cares

Girl, I just want you to know

Whenever you feel low

That I’ll be there

Hey, I heard you’re feeling down

But you’re the prettiest in town

So don’t you dare

This is an ode for a wonderful girl

The only one who can get to my soul

I love her most of all

So this is an ode to a wonderful girl

When I see you I’m impressed

By the lilac-cyan dress

Girl, your hair so long and black

Giving me a heart attack

You’re just the best

Hey, the makeup on your lips

And nails you’ve colored pink

Relieve my stress

This is an ode for a wonderful girl

The only one who can get to my soul

I love her most of all

So this is an ode to a wonderful girl

And it isn’t just about your looks

Because I see you hit them books

And writing love songs to your ideal self

Girl, your gaming skills are fine

But I want you to be mine

Come to my castle, be my maid or chef

This is an ode for a wonderful girl

The only one who can get to my soul

I love her most of all