Wake me when it's over

Ryder It had been a long four weeks since Halloween and the events that had transpired at the party. Ryder had continued to feel terrible about what he'd said to Kitty. He'd genuinely had no idea that she had real serious feelings for him. He hadn't tried to contact her since that night, trying to respect her wish for space. After all, him literally strong-arming her into talking to him at the party is what had blown everything up in the first place. Well the kiss had been the spark that lit the fuse, but the party is when it all came to an explosive head. It meant that he hadn't had a 'real' conversation with Kitty since before he'd inadvertently revealed his one night stand with Blaine in the group chat. Her reaction to that made so much more sense now he knew what he knew. That had been the end of August so really it'd been over two months since his relationship with Kitty had felt normal. He'd really noticed the difference, it felt like he was walking around with a constant Kitty shaped hole in his life and he hated it. It had taken Ryder three weeks of missing Kitty, self-reflection, and internal processing to realise that maybe he'd made a mistake in turning her down. Was he attracted to her? Yes. Did he enjoy her company? Yes. Did he want her in his life? Yes. The only reason he'd turned her down was because he thought it was all a game to her, and he didn't want to be played. But with that theory torched by her yelled confession at the party, he had no argument at all for why he shouldn't give them a chance. Besides, if Kitty wasn't going to ever speak to him again anyway then what did he have to lose? Sure it might end badly and they'd both get hurt, but weren't they already there? It had taken him another week after that to decide on a plan, overthink it all a few more times, and then pluck up the courage to follow through. Ryder grabbed two margarita glasses from his kitchen cupboard before putting together the ingredients he'd bought for strawberry margaritas in his cocktail shaker. This was his peace offering, after having dismissed the idea of making the fruity drink for Kitty on various occasions. It was intended to show he'd put thought into this plan and his apology, and that he wasn't just winging it. With the dirty shaker abandoned in the sink, he let himself out of his apartment and headed for elevator, a glass in each hand. "Can you press 7 for me? Thanks." Ryder asked a random woman in the elevator, having already got his hands full with the glasses. He was hoping that he could make it to Kitty's apartment without running into any of their friends. He didn't want this to become a widely known thing, or for everyone to give him pitying looks if this failed. Luckily the elevator soon arrived at the seventh floor, and Ryder was heading down the hallway with no-one else around. He just hoped Kitty was alone and didn't have any of her friends already at her place. He reached Kitty's door, before knocking his foot against it so that he didn't risk spilling cold pink liquid all over himself. Ryder held his breath as he waited for her to answer, hoping that this wouldn't crash and burn.

Kitty Kitty exhaled in relief at the sound of the rosé hitting the glass. This month had been rough. Between rehearsals, planning logistics, and a nightmare situation where hotels had been inexplicably cancelled for an entire section of the tour, there had been a lot on her plate. And then there was the thing with Ryder. The whole thing felt heavy to her. She’d never, ever, wanted to divulge to him what he meant to her, at least not until she knew for a fact that he felt the same about her. And he decidedly didn’t. It was a hard pill to swallow, not helped by the hurt that she felt at his accusations of treating him like some kind of collector’s card, and her pride was almost as wounded as her heart. In the immediate aftermath of that awful Halloween party, she’d retreated home, thrown her pillow at the wall, and cried herself to sleep. In the week after, she’d spent the time almost as if mourning a breakup; a lot of ice cream and watching stupid rom coms and feeling like shit. Then, after that, it had gotten easier. All the issues with work had made it easy to avoid him; she’d either been out of the apartment at her manager’s office or the rehearsal studio, or she’d been in her apartment taking online meetings and ordering her PA to do things. These things had also kept her distracted. There was no need to dwell on Ryder Lynn when she had a whole damn tour to plan. And it had worked. Slowly, the situation had started to feel less like a huge ache in her chest and had started to turn cold. She’d started to turn cold. And it felt a whole lot better. She’d just turned on the TV, the streaming service queued up with the latest episode of Vanderpump Villa, and had put on her favourite pyjamas after a long bath, and was ready for a well-earned night in when she heard a knock on the door. She sighed deeply, putting the bottle of wine down on the counter. Whatever this was, it was certainly going to take up an unwelcome amount of her time. She pulled her robe around her, taking the few steps to the front door and opening it. The sight of Ryder almost made her shut it again. Suddenly, the coldness felt like it was suffocating her. It closed in around her, shards of ice piercing her. She hadn’t seen him for a month, and yet barely anything had changed about him. And that almost made it worse. She regarded him for a moment, studying his face and then the two glasses of some pink liquid with suspicion. “What do you want?” She asked, keeping the door firmly held only half-open, not giving him any indication that he might be welcome to enter.

Ryder Ryder felt a little nauseous with nerves as he waited for Kitty to answer the door. It was like waiting to go on stage before a show, the nerves tangling with a weird sense of excitement. He wanted to see her again, even if he knew that getting back on her good side was unlikely to be an easy task. The glasses were cold from the ice cubes he'd added, but the condensation drips falling onto his hand were at least helping to keep him grounded in the present. After what felt like a lifetime, he heard movement on the other side of the door before it swung open a moment later. The welcome wasn't exactly warm, though Ryder took it as a win that the door wasn't immediately slammed in his face. He would have probably deserved it after some of the things he'd said to her the last time they'd spoken. "Hi," He said, smiling half-heartedly at Kitty, not wanting to come across too eager and not remorseful enough. "I wanted us to talk... and actually talk, not whatever happened last time," He explained, feeling awkward about mentioning Halloween but she hadn't wanted to talk to him then so he didn't expect her feelings on that to have changed much. "I brought you a strawberry marg so you know I come in peace." Ryder held out one of the glasses for her to take. He'd give her both if that's what she wanted, though the idea of having a drink of his own to get through any tense moments was also appealing.

Kitty Kitty set her jaw as she listened to Ryder, rolling her eyes as he mentioned wanting to talk. A part of her wanted to let him in, and listen to whatever he was going to say, but it felt too much right now, too vulnerable. An even bigger part of her wanted to reply with nothing but a ‘no’, and shut the door in his face to send him running back downstairs with his margaritas in hand. No matter how upset she’d been, she had been honest when she’d said she didn’t want to be friends with him anymore after the botched kiss. It was a bit dramatic, maybe, but she’d been so mortified and heartbroken over the whole incident that it seemed easier, especially easier than inviting him in to have some kind of weird heart-to-heart. Still, she regarded the marg, eyes tracing over the condensation on the glass. Her eyes flickered back to her kitchen counter where the bottle of wine still sat. Yeah, the marg was a clear winner, and she wasn’t about to let that go. Taking a deep breath, she reached out to take the nearest glass from his hand. Her foot holding the door in place to not be opened another inch, she leaned against the door frame, bringing the cold drink up to her lips and taking a long sip. God, that was good. Swallowing, she looked at Ryder again, an eyebrow raised. “Talk.” She challenged, ready to slam the door the moment he said anything she didn’t like.

Ryder It was a sign of how desperate he was that he took Kitty taking the glass from him as a win, wanting to fix this so badly. However it was clear that the offered drink was only going to get him so far, with Kitty making no moves towards inviting him in to have this conversation in private. Thankfully the rest of the hall was still abandoned, though he'd shout his apology from the rooftops if that's what it took. He took a sip of his own drink, hoping even a mouthful of tequila might help with his nerves ahead of this conversation. "Okay well firstly, I just wanted to say I'm really sorry. I'm sorry for dragging you into that room and forcing you to talk to me. I'm sorry for all the stuff I said in there, I just wanted to fix things between us and I went about that in the wrong way." He explained. He was trying his best to be careful with his words, not wanting to say the wrong thing yet again. "I didn't realise how you felt, and I thought it was all a game to you. So I'm also really sorry for a bunch of other stuff I've said and done over the last few months. I can give you a full itemised list if you like?" He joked, cracking a small smile at her. There were plenty of things on that list, from comments about her relationship with Ferret Guy to some of the jabs he'd thrown in the group chat. "I think we've been on different pages, or even reading different books. But maybe we can talk some more and set the record straight?"

Kitty Kitty listened to him speak, that awful sinking feeling entering her stomach as he started talking about the fight they’d had at that Halloween party, and she was glad that she was leaning against the doorframe because it stopped her from fidgeting or pacing just to get the awful feeling out of her body. It was humiliating to be reminded that he now knew how she’d been pining over him for years and that he’d barely looked at her twice, and she considered shutting the door in his face just to get him to stop talking about it. As he finished, however, she looked down at her margarita, gently swirling the ice cubes around in the pink liquid, taking a deep breath to steady herself. “I think we were actually reading from the same book, it’s just you’re really bad at reading.” Her eyes moved upwards to meet his for a brief second before she sighed deeply, moving her foot and letting the door swing open. She turned on her heel, not waiting to see if he’d accepted the invitation, before walking over to the couch and throwing her head back to take another long drink of the marg. She made her way over to the end of the couch, sitting right on the edge, as far away from the other end as possible. “So, what do you want to talk about? Me having some stupid crush or you thinking I was some kind of maneater with a playbook? ‘Cause I can talk about both for hours.” Despite letting him into the apartment, her tone wasn’t any warmer, and despite wanting to talk, she was going to make him work for a resolution.

Ryder Ryder couldn't help the amused exhale of air that escaped through his nose at Kitty's comment on his reading ability. This is the kind of banter he desperately missed, even if the temperature of the conversation was a little colder than usual. She wasn't even wrong, he was bad at reading in every sense of the word. The last few months had proved that over and over again. It was another win for him though that she moved to let him in, and he followed her into her apartment. He'd been here plenty of times before, but it had been a while after all of their recent spats. He closed the door behind him before moving over to the couch. It was a conscious choice to sit on the opposite end to Kitty, wanting to respect her space. A quick glance at the television showed that he'd interrupted her just before she was about to start some reality show he'd never watched. "Maybe we don't have to talk. Maybe I talk and you can just listen." He started, taking another sip from the glass in his hand. "I just wanted to put my cards on the table. It seems only fair since I kind of forced you to show me yours." Ryder said, flashing an apologetic smile at her. "I really care about you, you're one of my best friends. I really didn't want to lose you or what we had, so I denied any feelings I had for you because I thought it didn't mean anything to you and you were just having fun. I know I was wrong now, and maybe I should have been honest with you at the time, but I just couldn't face taking the risk that we'd burn it all down for just one night or whatever." He explained, glancing briefly at Kitty before staring at one of the melting ice cubes in his glass to distract himself from the intensity of the conversation and being this open and vulnerable with her.

Kitty Ryder being so prepared to talk took Kitty aback, and she watched him speak with wide eyes, lips resting on the rim of her glass. As he spoke, however, she felt her jaw tense along with the rest of her body, a cold splash of ice water in her veins at the word ‘feelings’. So he had feelings for her too, and probably had all this time, even if he’d tried to keep them down. This was everything she’d wanted for years. Her heart swelled with hope and excitement at this prospect, but a more logical part of her brain shushed it. It had been seven long and painful years of being so crazy for him, watching him with other people, things never panning out for them, that she knew better than to get her hopes up that this could actually be the start of anything for them. All of this felt too good to be true. Instead, she watched him, her eyes cold and hard, almost frozen in her body and unsure of her next move. Shakily, she took a deep breath, eyes moving back down to her glass as she contemplated her words. “Don’t…” She paused, fighting to maintain composure. “Don’t say that just because you feel bad for me or something.” There was that, too. She held a deep rooted fear that if Ryder were to ever reciprocate, it would be some kind of pity act. “I’d rather we just weren’t friends than you saying all this to make me feel better because I said some embarrassing shit when I was drunk.”

Ryder Ryder could almost see Kitty's barriers up, from the rigid way she was sitting to the cold look in her eyes. He knew that everything he'd said at Halloween had helped to keep those walls up high and he needed to regain her trust in order to start taking them down again. Though there was every chance that she would kick him out of her life before he had the chance to try, which was a terrifying thought. "I'm not just saying this because I feel bad for you or to make you feel better. I'm telling you because it's the truth and I thought maybe we should just be straight with each other after everything that's happened." It was him making assumptions about Kitty's intentions that had gotten them into this mess, so he was just trying to fix what he'd broken. "I have always thought you would make an incredible girlfriend. You're funny, quick, beautiful, smart and fun to be around. But I always convinced myself that we were better off as friends because I didn't want to lose what we had. I didn't think you were serious so I was happy to accept staying friends because I wasn't prepared to risk it all. But I didn't understand that doing nothing was probably worse and I'm really sorry that you got hurt because of it. I really miss you, there's been a Kitty shaped hole in my life for the last two months and I just had to come here and set the story straight before you decide anything for good."

Kitty Kitty could feel something inside her soften as Ryder spoke, every word landing in exactly their desired spot, despite her best efforts to push his sincerity away. Kitty knew Ryder very well, and knew when he was full of shit and when he was being honest - to be honest, it was more often the latter, and this was no exception. Her mind fought with itself, because no matter how perfect the words he was saying to her were, there was still something stuck in her mind, something that was stopping her from coming around and letting her guard down. Fear or stubbornness, she couldn’t tell. She took a deep breath, keeping the glass balanced on her lap as she brought her hands up to cover her face. “God, I kind of wish you weren’t saying all this. Just never talking again would be so much easier.” But not better, her mind finished. She let her hands fall, exhaling as she brought her eyes back up to meet his. She considered her words for a moment, before frowning and shaking her head. “Ryder, I-“ She sighed. “I don’t know what to do here, or where to go. All of this has just gotten messy and embarrassing.” She watched him for a moment, feeling her chest clench. “I don’t think I can go back to how we were before.”

Ryder Even the suggestion of the two of them never talking again felt like a bucket of cold water had been thrown over him, with a ball of dread forming in Ryder's stomach. That only confirmed for him that he was doing the right thing by being here, by taking this risk. If the options were to try something real or never speak to each other again, he was now willing to roll the dice and see where they'd end up. Except Kitty didn't seem to have put together that that's what he was prepared to offer, given that she mentioned going back to how things were before. He already knew that was off the table from everything that had been said, or shouted, at Halloween. "No I figured that from everything you said before, at the party. You know, the whole you don't want to be my friend thing. You were very clear." Ryder said bemusedly. "So I was thinking instead of going back to how we were before, why don't we go somewhere new? Somewhere we haven't been before. So... if you're still interested, I would love to take you on a date. We could get dinner or see a movie or do whatever you want. I know we've done all that stuff as friends but this would be as more than that, it'd be a real date. Then we can see where it goes, I can't let you just walk away without giving us a shot. What do you say?" 

Kitty Kitty somehow knew where Ryder was headed just as he started to open his mouth. In preparation, and mostly because she genuinely had no idea how she’d respond, she clenched her jaw and took a deep breath, casting her eyes back downwards to her drink. As his words hit her, however, she let out a breath of air that came out halfway as a laugh and halfway as a huff of frustration. “You want to go on a date?” She asked, a deep-set frown setting into her face as her jaw dropped open. She sighed, letting her head fall back, a groan escaping her lips. This was what she’d wanted for the longest time, but there was something frustrating about the timing of it. “Where the fuck was this before the stupid Halloween party where I spilled my guts like an idiot?” She asked, looking back up at him with her eyebrows raised and her face tired. Her mind was fighting itself, trying to decide whether to give into his kind words or harden up and send him out. “Your timing is just so garbage, Lynn.” She couldn’t help but chuckle, looking back up to the ceiling. She was quiet for a moment, contemplating her choices, trying to decide which risk was easier to take. After a moment, she let her head fall back down and set her eyes on him. “A movie? And it won’t be some stupid superhero Star Wars shit that makes me want to pull my hair out?” She challenged him, her eyebrow raised.

Ryder Whilst he did understand why given the circumstances, Ryder did wish that Kitty's first reaction to him asking her out wasn't a frown followed by a groan. This was supposed to be a good thing and seeing her smile would be a welcome sight after the heartache of the last month. He didn't think he'd seen that since he was dancing along to the Spice Girls before the now infamous Lyft kiss incident. But maybe the ship had sailed now and he'd missed his chance. "I was in denial before the party." Ryder explained succinctly. He hadn't even known he was in denial either, and had just been operating under his own false pretences. "I didn't think you wanted anything serious so I shut down any idea of us in my head. Then you said what you said and I've had this time to reflect on everything and realise how badly I fucked up. I do want to take you on a date, and probably lots of dates after that, and to give us a real chance." He hated that he'd hurt her, and that he was largely the reason for the tired look on her face. They'd both just failed at communicating with each other and he hoped that he was throwing them a lifeline by showing up here and finally being open with her. Ryder looked up at her challenge, a sparkle in his eye as she gave the first indication that she was thinking about saying yes. It was also the first opportunity to joke around with her and get back to their usual banter. "No, no Star Wars shit, I promise. But I heard that AMC are playing re-runs of that Paul Rudd comedy again. You know, your favourite one with the ants." He teased.

Kitty As happy as she was that things seemed to be happening now, a part of Kitty kicked herself for not being more forthcoming with her feelings much sooner. Despite being good at going for gold in her professional life, when it came to her emotions, that prospect had been scarier than it had been appealing, and she’d always figured that quietly pining until Ryder made the first move was preferable to being turned down. Now being faced with the fact that, maybe, Ryder could’ve reciprocated years ago if she’d just been a little braver, was frustrating. She exhaled slowly, eyes lowering to her glass for a moment as Ryder spoke, before looking back up at him. “I always wanted…” She trailed off, still finding it hard to be truly forthright with what she wanted to say, before she let a small smile linger in the corners of her mouth. “I am not falling for that shit again.” It felt good to joke, to laugh about some of this. It felt like there was hope that their entire friendship wasn’t going to be thrown away because of a stupid moment. She took a deep breath, before nodding. “Fine. I’ll go on a date with you.” She couldn’t quite believe that it was her saying that instead of him, but she was rarely going to turn down the upper hand in any situation. “No superhero movies, no shitty burger joints, and no karaoke.” She smirked at him. “Seem doable?”

Ryder Ryder found it hard to comprehend that Kitty had always wanted him, at least that was the implication of her half-finished sentence. Sure they'd hit it off from that first day in the studio but she'd never let on that she wanted a romantic relationship with him. There had always been an undercurrent of attraction bubbling away, but he'd never once realised how deep that ran for her. They'd watched each other date countless people since then, from one night stands to his two year relationship with Sam. It was weird to think it would now be Kitty that he was dating, but he found that he was excited to see where this led. "You should have given it a chance, it's a great film." Ryder laughed, enjoying the levity of the moment compared to the last two months. Especially when it was followed by Kitty finally saying yes to going out with him. "Damn, that was my first three ideas gone." He joked. "But yes of course, give me a little credit. I know what you like and I will plan accordingly, okay?" Ryder wasn't sure exactly what he wanted to do for their date yet, but he was determined to make it special given their history and how long they'd been inadvertently dancing around each for.

Kitty Kitty couldn’t help the little smirk that was growing on her face, feeling somewhat settled about all of this and surprised at how easy it was to laugh and joke. It was like he’d single-handedly chipped away at the layer of ice that had formed over her entire self in the time since the Halloween party, and it was back to being how it was before. Or, apparently, maybe even better. “A movie called Ant-Man is not a great film.” She countered, rolling her eyes, before she fought to hide a grin at his following words. Her stomach filled with fluttering at the thought of Ryder planning a date for her. Not some ‘let’s grab a beer and chill’ hangout, but an actual, bonafide date. “Fine. If your idea is bad, I’ll just stand you up, so it works for me either way.” She shrugged a shoulder, taking a nonchalant sip of her margarita.

Kitty Kitty hated the idea of a costume party, especially when it involved twenty or so of her neighbours and was at some half-baked celebrity’s house, but she’d had to admit that this hadn’t been half bad. Never one to sacrifice hotness for authenticity, she’d managed to finesse a pretty cute Tinkerbell costume out of an old green dress she’d forgotten she’d had and a pair of fairy wings, and after covering her face and cleavage with a generous layer of glitter, she’d felt hot enough to brave this holiday. Despite trying to dodge Ryder all night, Kitty still unable to break the mental block she had when it came to him after that night she’d kissed him, it had been a good party. After a few drinks in and a surprising encounter that she, uncharacteristically, thought could amount to a pretty good friendship, her cheeks were warm and she couldn’t help the way she grinned, walking away from her interaction with Sugar to the bar to grab another ‘Bloody Margarita’. Maybe she could pass through this night unscathed. Wasn’t that what anyone wanted on Halloween anyways?

Ryder Ryder was having an okay night. The drinks were good (it was a nice change not to have to make them himself), the music was decent and the house was huge and very well decorated. It had all the ingredients for an amazing night but something wasn't sitting right with him. Kitty still wasn't talking to him and it had begun to niggle at him constantly. It was putting a dampener on his party spirit. He just wanted to talk to her again, to joke around like they always did. Their go-to party activity was always judging other people together and it wasn't the same knowing that she wasn't speaking to him at all. This wasn't one of their normal fights either. They usually had small spats which were resolved as quickly as they started. This was possibly the longest they'd gone without speaking since they'd first met back in that studio all those years ago. The Kitty-sized hole in his life was becoming an issue, one that Ryder was keen to resolve. As luck would have it, he spotted the blonde heading for the bar and decided to do something about his concerns instead of moping around any longer. "S'up Wilde," Ryder said in greeting as he joined her at the bar. He was trying to keep it light, keep it casual. "How are you, are you having a good night?" Kitty Kitty was about to order her marg, waiting for the bartender to be finished with his current drink to take her order, when a voice shook her out of her thoughts. It was a familiar voice, and one that pulled on something inside her before her brain had been able to catch up and figure out who it was. Ryder. She sighed, closing her eyes momentarily, feeling that stabbing discomfort that seemed to find her any time he tried to reach out. She so badly wanted to end this and speak to him again, but stubbornness and embarrassment mixed with a weird heartbreak over the whole situation stopped her. She still couldn’t believe how badly she’d stepped in it. “Double shot of tequila.” She changed her order quickly as she got the bartender’s attention, before turning her head to face Ryder, but keeping her eyes downcast. “Yup, pretty good, celebrity parties always have the good alcohol.” She grabbed the shot as it was put in front of her, relieved and grateful for the bartender’s quickness, and raised it in cheers towards Ryder. “Happy Halloween.” She muttered, before turning away and throwing the shot back, wincing slightly but glad for the distraction as she started to walk away, in search of Dani or someone else to give her an ounce of cover from Ryder.

Ryder Ryder felt the increasingly familiar jab of... something (sadness? ennui? annoyance? all of the above?) in his gut as Kitty once more tried to get away from him. He quickly abandoned the bar without a drink to go after her, not willing to give up so easily on trying to talk to her. He'd had a few drinks already, probably a couple too many, which allowed him to be a bit more persistent than usual, his desire to talk to her and get back to 'normal' outweighing any desire to give her space. Hadn't she had enough space? It was getting ridiculous at this point. "Nice costume," He tried, deciding to try and get back into her good graces with a compliment. "You make a good Tink," Ryder added, trying to come up with a conversation topic since she clearly wasn't going to give him one. Plus it was true, she looked great in her outfit, even if it felt weird to say it in that many words. There seemed to be an awkwardness settling in between them, something he was desperate to get rid of now he'd gotten her on her own. "Thoughts on the DJ?" He asked, picking the first topic he could think of as music continued to blare out of the speakers. It seemed like a safe enough topic and judging other people's music choices had always been a pastime of theirs. Kitty Kitty had managed three steps away before she heard Ryder beside her again, and she sighed deeply, wishing she’d stayed at the bar, if for nothing else than the shots she’d need to make this conversation easier. She was glad the lighting was low in this room to mask the way the blood rushed into her cheeks as he complimented her costume. The truth was, he hadn’t been the furthest thing from her mind when she’d picked it, thanks to some irritating force of habit leftover from years of pining for him, trying to impress him. His words reminded her of that fact, she grit her teeth, feeling stupider and stupider for even allowing the thought to begin with. She didn’t reply to the compliment, crossing her arms and looking at the sparkly pom poms on her shoes, avoiding his eyes at all costs. His next question made her wince. God, he was really trying, and she wasn’t able to give back any of it. She took a deep breath, turning her head to look at the DJ. “Too many slow jams, not enough… Bowie.” She finished lamely. Even her quips had died a death. She forced a smile, glancing up momentarily before she fixed her eyes downward again. “Have a good party.” She replied, turning on her heel again and this time attempting a speed march away.

Ryder Ryder wanted to cringe at himself for this conversation. It was stilted and painful and nothing like their usual dynamic. Conversations with Kitty had always been fun, lively, and a back-and-forth between them. Now it was very one-sided, with Ryder putting in all the effort whilst Kitty continued to avoid interacting with him. That theme seemed to continue as she gave him a half-hearted response before once again turning and walking away from him. Ryder stared after her for a moment, confused about just how badly one ill-advised kiss had messed with things. But it shouldn't change things and he would be damned if he let a seven year friendship fizzle out over this. Something inside him snapped, needing a resolution to all this, more uncertainty would just drive him insane. If that meant confronting the elephant in the room then maybe it was time for him to force the issue. He rushed after Kitty, grabbing her by the forearm and pulling her towards a nearby door. He opened it, pulling Kitty through with him before shutting the door behind them. He wanted to be able to talk to her openly without worrying about people eavesdropping. The room they were now in seemed to be some kind of small library, a bookcase filling the wall opposite them. "Okay this is getting ridiculous. Can we talk about this?" He asked, searching Kitty's face for clues on how she was feeling. "Why won't you talk to me? Have I done something to upset you?"

Kitty Kitty had really thought she’d gotten away from Ryder, and had already started formulating a plan to sneak out the side entrance to call an Uber as soon as she could (better that than Lyft, she figured), when she felt a hand on her arm, pulling her away. She snapped her head towards her assailant, jaw dropping open as she realised who it was, and she twisted her arm around, trying to get him to let her go. “Lynn!” She exclaimed, trying a yanking motion as she felt herself be led into a side room. The door shut behind the two of them and she finally pried her arm free, yanking it away from him as she took a step backwards, eyes wide and staring daggers at him. “I’m gonna start screaming in a second.” She warned before he had the chance to speak. His words took her aback, however, and she immediately dropped her gaze from his eyes and stared instead at the collar on his shirt. She didn’t want to talk about this, she didn’t want to ever talk about any of this, it made her feel so heavy and sad and pathetic. However, instead of slinking away like she’d been doing for weeks, another part of Kitty took hold, probably thanks to the alcohol; an angrier, rawer, more heartbroken part of her who was just furious that she’d allowed this to happen, and furious at Ryder for poking her open wound. “Yeah, you wore a stupid fucking Halloween costume.” She retorted, not caring that the alcohol seemed to have taken the edge off her wit. “I’ve had a feeling you’d pull some dumb shit like a ninja turtle for the last few weeks and I didn’t want to fucking deal with it.” Her voice rose slightly, but she pulled her arms tighter around herself. She knew her words wouldn’t fool him for a second, but it was so much easier than telling the truth. Ryder The daggers that were being sent his way weren't exactly a surprise, Kitty likely wouldn't have wanted to be dragged in here against her will even if they were on good terms. But Ryder wasn't scared of her, and he wanted to fix whatever had gone wrong between them so putting up with a few dirty looks and eye rolls seemed like a small price to pay. It was certainly better than continuing with the silence that he'd received for the last month or so. Ryder raised an eyebrow as she insulted his costume, looking down at the green outfit with the fake yellow six pack glued to the outside. It hadn't been his original idea but Blaine had been looking for a third ninja turtle and he hadn't had any better ideas of his own. But even then, he knew Kitty was continuing to avoid the topic. This had all started the morning after he picked her up in Hollywood and there was only one reasonable explanation for what had triggered the silence. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise you had such strong opinions on what costume I was going to wear," He replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes at her comment. "But we both know it's not really that so can we cut the bullshit? We've been friends for so long, you're one of my best friends actually, are you really going to never speak to me again because of that one kiss?" Ryder asked. Though in his opinion, calling it a kiss also made it sound bigger than it was, since he'd pulled away instead of reciprocating. "It doesn't have to be a big deal. It would have been a bad idea but you don't have to feel awkward about it." He said. "We all have bad ideas sometimes." Ryder added after a beat, trying to lighten the mood with a teasing joke.

Kitty Kitty rolled her eyes at his retort to her complaint about his costume before rolling them again as he called her out for being mad about something else. She had a feeling that this would be a long conversation of rolled eyes. She needed to do anything to deflect from the dull ache that throbbed in her gut. As the word ‘kiss’ left his mouth, she tightened her lips into a line, turning her head to look at the shelf of books to her right, eyes scanning over the rows of diet books and celebrity autobiographies as she listened, wishing she could vanish. She settled on some throwaway comment agreeing with him that it wasn’t a big deal, an empty promise to end the icy tension, followed by an exit home and a scroll through apartment listings to get away from him once and for all. However, the words ‘bad idea’ slipped out of his mouth, and her head snapped back to face him, an icy chill running through her veins. Her jaw clenched as he said it again, and she watched him for a moment. The embarrassment faded into the background, replaced by a deep-set sadness and a fiery anger. “Bad ideas?” She repeated after him, her voice cold and detached. She nodded thoughtfully, shifting on her feet as she tried to decide how to wield her anger, the alcohol in her system making it harder to do so. “You know what was a bad idea? Getting in that fucking car with you to begin with.” Her voice raised slightly before she frowned, her hands flying to her hips. “I didn’t want to fucking drive home with you, Ryder. I knew some dumb shit would happen. And you made me do it anyways.” She knew this wasn’t entirely fair, but it felt good to put the blame on someone else. “Yes, I shouldn’t have fucking kissed you, Lynn, but I wouldn’t have if you’d just let me call another fucking car and gone home alone. But no, you had to be Prince fucking Charming, a knight in shining armour. Don’t you get tired of always being such a fucking nice guy?”

Ryder Ryder hadn't intended to say the words bad idea, at least not out loud. He'd already swallowed them down once in the immediate aftermath of the kiss, but he hadn't been so careful this time. The alcohol had made his lips looser, and his mouth hadn't consulted with his brain before speaking. But he stood by the fact that it would have been a bad idea for a multitude of reasons. He didn't want to be another pawn in her game, and another conquest to be won. Not to mention their sobriety levels being on opposite ends of the spectrum that night. But her anger took him off guard, why was she getting so bothered by this? It was highly likely that she didn't hear the word no much; she was objectively hot and he imagined there were very few men or women who would turn her down once she made a move. Did not getting her way really annoy her that much? Ryder knew that she was mad the second he heard the shift in her tone and it poked at something inside him, putting him on the defensive before she'd even finished speaking. "You're seriously mad at me for not leaving you drunk and crying alone on a sidewalk in Hollywood to get a ride with a stranger?" Ryder asked incredulously. He couldn't believe she was giving him shit for picking her up when she'd been the one to call the car, even if she hadn't meant for it to be him. "I wasn't trying to be a knight in shining armour, I was just trying to be a good friend. You called me - you could have cancelled when you saw who they gave the ride to. Also I must have missed the memo where getting in my car made you kiss me. None of my other passengers seemed to suffer that side effect." He commented sarcastically. "And are you for real giving me shit for being nice to you? Would you rather I was an asshole to you instead? You seem to have that part covered though."

Kitty Kitty, once again, rolled her eyes, throwing her head back with exasperation as she did so. “Ryder, it’s LA, there are crying drunk girls calling Lyfts every five minutes, I would’ve been fine. Just like I’ve been every other fucking time you didn’t swoop in like Superman to rescue me.” Her blood was rushing in her ears at this point, and she paced slightly back and forth, eyes locked onto him, wishing once again that she’d picked shorter heels with her outfit. Everything Ryder was saying was making her want to bury her face in her hands and scream. Of course she didn’t cancel - she hadn’t seen it was him. Because nobody checks who their driver is before they get in the car, Ryder, so stop giving her shit for it. The issue wasn’t that getting in the car made her kiss him, Ryder, it was that he hadn’t listened to her when she’d tried to avoid it. It was all so frustrating. “I wish you were an asshole, then all of this would be easier.” She spat out. “People don’t stay friends after shit like this happens, Ryder. Call me an asshole all you want but at least I’m not pretending everything’s fine and like I’m the nice good guy who’ll fix everything by fucking smiling a lot.” She took a deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut and bringing a hand up to the bridge of her nose, trying to get her bearings again. “I know what I said in the car, after it happened, but I was wrong. We can’t stay friends and you need to stop trying to force it.” She dropped her hand, looking at him again, feeling an ache over her whole body as she said the words, knowing she wouldn’t be able to take them back.

Ryder Ryder watched as Kitty paced in front of him, feeling a little ridiculous that they were doing this whilst dressed as Tinkerbell and a ninja turtle of all things. But leaving it any longer would have driven him mad, and she would no doubt have continued to avoid him so he had to grab whatever opportunity he could. It was hard hearing Kitty call him out for trying to fix things with a smile, and memories of performing a Spice Girls song at karaoke last weekend crept into his mind. If she didn't want him to even smile at her, then singing Who Do You Think You Are in front of the whole group would definitely be worse, and some feelings of embarrassment began to creep in over his decision to do just that. He was desperate to hold onto what they had, something which was increasingly looking like a futile mission as she told him that they couldn't be friends anymore. It was like a bucket of cold water had been poured over him, which was only getting colder the more he processed what she was telling him. He stared at her in confusion, his brain desperately trying to come up with all the ways he could have misinterpreted what she had said. But all signs were pointing to the fact that they were done, and she was going to cut him out of her life. "What the fuck?" He felt a little anger of his own beginning to seep in. Anger at her, and also anger at himself for whatever part he played in them getting here. "I don't want to play your damn game so that's that? We've been friends for seven years and you're walking away over this? No offence but that's fucking stupid, get over it."

Kitty Kitty knew her words would hurt when she said them, but Ryder’s reaction took her aback nonetheless. She hadn’t expected the anger, or how strongly he expressed it, and kicked herself as she felt tears pricking her eyes. She turned away from him and looked up at the ceiling, blinking rapidly in the hopes that they wouldn’t fall and, at best, ruin her makeup or, at worst, betray how sad this whole thing was to Ryder. However, his words made her snap her head back, and she felt her frown deepen as she listened to him speak, wincing as he told her to get over it. If only he knew how hard she’d tried. How many men she’d dragged into bed to try and get over her feelings for Ryder, to rub out that corner of her mind he always occupied. Kitty knew he meant it in a different way, but the two couldn’t help but conflate in her mind. “What fucking game, Ryder?” She asked, the words bursting out of her in an emotional yell as she threw her arms back in a gesture of incredulousness. “What fucking game? I’m not playing games, I’m not fucking around, I just can’t-“ She cut herself off as a few stray tears fell down her face, and took a deep breath to compose herself. “I don’t want to fucking be friends with you after what I did. It makes me want to crawl out of my skin, I can’t fucking stand it.” She took another calming breath, one that did nothing of the sort, and a couple more tears fell. “I should’ve done this fucking years ago and then you’d just be some guy I used to know instead of all of this.”

Ryder Ryder was clutching at straws to try and retain what he had left of his relationship with Kitty and could tell that he was failing massively. Much to his despair and frustration, those straws were all falling around him. He didn't want her to disappear from his life, who would he quip back and forth with? He enjoyed her attitude because he knew that she could take it as well as she gave it out, and there were many occasions where they'd team up and judge other people together instead. She was one of his favorite people to spend time with and the idea that he wasn't going to have that anymore was devastating. "You're being kind of dramatic, what do you mean you don't want to be friends with me?" He asked, the statement hurting more than he'd expect. It felt like a knife to the gut. The anger she was throwing back at him was also confusing, with big gestures and even tears. "Instead of all what? I don't give in to your game and suddenly that's it? You're out? And don't what game me." He said, his frustration leaking through into his tone. "Girls always want what they can't have, right? Mike, Finn, Puck... it's basically just me left, your white whale. Puck cuts you off and suddenly you're moving onto me? Was Ferret Guy not a good enough replacement? Not a good enough lay? No fuck that, I'm not a fucking bed warmer to be tossed in the pile with everyone else once you've ticked me off the list." Ryder added, his frustrations turning into a vent as he finally put his cards on the table. "So if you don't want to be friends with me because your ego can't take that then you're not the person I thought you were." Kitty Kitty felt like the bandaid she’d attempted to put on her wounds after the car incident had been ripped off, and every word that Ryder said was another pinch of salt rubbed in. She knew that he hadn’t known how she felt this whole time, she’d gone to great pains to hide it, but to find out that all along, he’d thought this was some kind of twisted catch-em-all game to her? The mere fact that he thought she would put him through that was hurtful. As he listed the men she’d slept with, she felt heat rising in her cheeks, wishing she could take all of them back. His last words were like one final kick in the teeth. “Fuck you. If you think I’d do that to you then you’re not who I thought you were either.” She retorted in a burst of emotion. All of this was too much, it was too painful, and she barely considered her words before they spilled out of her. “Ryder, I don’t want to be friends with you because I’ve been fucking crazy for you for seven years.” She let her eyes meet his for a moment, before continuing. “I kept waiting for the right time and it kept not coming, and I kept fucking other guys and trying to get over it, but I couldn’t and I never could. And I’m sorry for the fucking kiss, I don’t know why I did it, but it ruined everything. And now I know you don’t want me, and I know I’m never going to get over it, so please just leave me the fuck alone and stop making this so goddamn hard.” As her last words left her mouth, she knew she didn’t want to stick around for his reaction. This was what she’d been so afraid of for so many years. Instead, she reached an arm out to gently but firmly push him aside so she could quickly step past him to reach the door, quickly making her exit from the room, looking for a way to leave the party with her head firmly down, hoping nobody would notice the streams of tears falling freely down her cheeks.

Kitty Kitty’s feet had been hurting in her narrow, unforgiving heels since the night had started, but as she paced up and down the street, they ached even more. What had started as an innocent night out with some industry connections had turned into a shitshow of sorts. It had all gone fine until the third club they’d visited and after making eyes at some tall faceless nobody on the dance floor, she’d been pulled into a corner for a frenzied makeout session, a somewhat regular occurrence for Kitty. After the guy had managed to rid her of her bra without touching her dress - my God, how had he done that? - she’d pushed him off, given him a wry smile, and turned to where she’d left her entourage at a table… a table that was empty. After a twenty minute frenzied search (five minutes for her friends, fifteen for her bra), Kitty was feeling more desolate than ever before and, in her drunken state, had stumbled out of the club and onto the darkened street outside. 

The street wasn’t deserted, as clubgoers milled around outside and a few streetlights illuminated it, but as she frantically looked up and down the sidewalk for anyone she recognised, it felt huge and dark and empty. With the realisation dawning on her that she had been truly abandoned at this club in the middle of nowhere, a desolation fell upon Kitty and she started to cry, aided by the tequila shots that her backup singer had handed her. As the tears fell freely, small delicate sobs rocking her body, she reached into her pocket for her phone, quickly opening Lyft and tapping in an address on the street she lived on (Lord knows she’d never put in her actual address). After a quick mental note of the colour and license plate on the car, she put her phone away, bracing herself for the uncomfortable car ride of crying and awkward rear view mirror glances that awaited her. She swiped at her cheeks, her heart sinking as she saw her hands covered in glitter. God, what a mess. Her head snapped up as she heard a car approaching, her heart leaping as she saw the license plate. Finally. All Kitty wanted was to go home. She reached her right hand out to flag the driver down, her left hand still swiping tears away from her face, just hoping the driver would cut her some slack. As the car pulled up, she glanced through the driver window, expecting to see a middle aged man in there, and doing a double take as she realised who it was. Ryder. The two hadn’t spoken since their argument in the group chat, and that one had been a doozy. They’d both gone places they’d never gone before in their spats, and seeing him now set a heaviness in her chest that she was in no state of mind to deal with right now. “You’re fucking kidding.” She muttered before shaking her head and turning on her heel. She waved the car away, starting to walk down the street as fast as her painful stiletto’ed feet would go. “Forget it, don’t worry, I’ll walk!” She choked out between sobs.

Ryder Ryder's shift at the bar had finished around midnight. He had wanted to go home and get some sleep but unfortunately his credit card bill was due soon and he wasn't exactly rolling around in spare cash. So he'd gotten in his car instead, deciding to put in a few hours with Lyft to try and boost his available funds. It was approaching 2am as he dropped a man off in the outskirts of Beverley Hills, in a neighborhood he would never be able to afford himself. He sat parked up for a couple of moments before his phone beeped with the offer of another drive. The requested destination address caught his eye, it was only a few properties down from his own place. 

Whilst he did need more money, it'd also be a convenient way to get paid to drive home. He hurried to click accept before anyone else got to it, his eyebrows climbing as the screen refreshed and told him who he was picking up. The name Kitty was now showing in the bottom corner of the screen, along with a small picture of, well, Kitty. Things between the two of them had been awkward over the last week, but that didn't mean that he was going to leave her stranded in Hollywood somewhere. She needed a ride home, and he was prepared to do that for her, even if she berated or stonewalled him the whole way back - either was likely at this point. It took maybe ten minutes for him to reach Kitty's pick up location, and he easily spotted her on the sidewalk as he approached. He pulled up to the curb, expecting Kitty to hop in. What he wasn't expecting, was for Kitty to baulk at the sight of him. Apparently she hadn't clocked who Lyft had assigned as her driver. He also wasn't expecting her face to be tear-stained, worry instantly starting to course through him. Kitty wasn't usually much of a crier. She was tough, and didn't usually let people get to her. Ryder quickly shifted the gear lever into park, releasing his seatbelt and scrambling for the door handle to get out of the car as soon as possible. "Kitty! Wait up!" Ryder called after her, jogging to catch up with her. It didn't take much for him to get himself in front of her, blocking her path. He was both sober and in sneakers, giving him an easy advantage in speed and agility. "Are you okay?" He asked, looking her over. She didn't look physically hurt, but he was well aware that didn't always mean anything.

Kitty The tears kept falling as she hobbled away from the car although she knew in her gut that it was futile. He would catch up with her and get her back into the car and probably find her a blanket and a bottle of water and a lollipop of some kind along the way because that was just the kind of guy he was. Ryder would never let a drunk crying girl walk the streets at night alone, particularly, Kitty hoped, if that girl was her. Still, that didn’t mean she wanted his help, and she sure as hell wasn’t about to make it easy. She groaned as, predictably, he opened the car door and started following her and quickened her pace. “Get back in the car, Lynn. I’m fine and I’m still fucking mad at you.” She called back, swiping at her face. More tears and more glitter. Jesus Christ, this night was never ending. 

As he caught up to her, she huffed, trying to side step him as he blocked her way. His concern for her somehow made the whole thing even worse, and she let out another halfhearted sob as her mind raced back over the whole night, regret tinging every part of it. Tonight should’ve been the latest installation in her ‘get Ryder Lynn out of your system’ plan, one that had been thwarted recently by Puck’s unceremonious ending of their arrangement earlier, and she’d made out with the boring tall guy as a way to forget the way she and Ryder were avoiding each other in the hallway whenever they saw each other. And yet, it had ended with her standing on the street at 2 AM, braless, and arguing with Ryder. Maybe, Kitty mused, the hookups weren’t working anymore, and that was a scary thought. “No, I’m not fucking okay.” She mumbled between sobs. “I’m alone because those bitches from the label ditched me, and… my bra is gone…” The memory of her bra, sitting in a dark unnoticed corner of the club, just made more tears fall. It had been very expensive. “And now you’re here and everything’s just fucking perfect.” Ryder Ryder had been completely thrown off guard by the Kitty standing in front of him. He'd been expecting an awkward drive home where maybe they would even get to smooth out their issues and get back to normal by the time they got there. It wasn't like their arguments ever lasted for long. He'd seen her drunk countless times, it was only recently that they'd both gotten drunk and high together at that potluck at Tina's apartment. But drunk and emotional was a whole new ballpark. He focused on her words, trying to decipher what she was saying. It wasn't exactly easy between her mumbling and the crying. But he was pretty sure he heard her say that she had no bra, which caused his worry levels to spike instantly. 

"Your bra is gone?" Ryder repeated, making sure he'd heard what he thought he had. "Kitty, I'm going to need you to tell me what happened right now." He tried to keep his tone calm, though maybe overcompensated with it coming out a little cool and forceful. He wasn't fucking around though, not when it came to this. "Where did your bra go?" He asked, trying not to jump to the worst conclusions. Maybe it'd broken somehow, or she'd gotten uncomfortable and taken it off. The idea of someone taking it off for her against her will wasn't one he wanted to entertain, but she was standing on the sidewalk sobbing so it wasn't like he could rule it out as a possibility. Especially when that was so off-brand for Kitty. "I'm not letting you walk home so I'm just going to stand here until you get in the car." He added, there was no possible circumstances in which he would walk away from her right now and leave her like this. He was just as stubborn as she was, and would stand there until sunrise if that's what it took.

Kitty Kitty hated crying at the best of times. But messy crying in front of Ryder was beyond mortifying. She took deep breaths to try and stop more tears from falling, but all to no avail. God, he wasn’t even seeing her cry over anything important, it was just drunk tears, which somehow made it worse; it felt even more unearned. At Ryder’s questioning, she raised her hands as if being interrogated, an irritated look crossing her face between the sobs. “God, relax, it’s fine. There was a guy and he took it off and I don’t want to talk about that with you.” She pursed her lips, shrugging. “I don’t know, maybe he dropped it under a table or something, but I couldn’t find it after and it was really fancy.” Retelling the story set her body back into a feeling of profound sadness and she sighed deeply, wiping her face. “It was new Victoria’s Secret and so cute. I think he maybe he stole it.” Her sobs slowed and she panted slightly, catching her breath a little. God, all this crying could really give a girl a headache. 

As the crying started to subside, she could really take in the situation as it was, and the reality that her traitorous phone had summoned Ryder to her like this, and that he wasn’t going to back down. She sighed, bringing a hand up to rub her forehead. “Get over yourself, Lynn, I’m fine.” She retorted. Her eyes wandered over him for a moment before they flickered to the car. “I don’t know why you think I’m gonna get in the car with you. We haven’t spoken in, like, a week, and frankly, I’m not interested in speaking now.” Her words were slightly slurred, but she still had full control of herself, crying aside, and was thankful at least for the ability to speak up and attempt to reason with him now. “Go, like… spend the night with Blaine or whatever.” Ryder Ryder tried to process her answer, more confused than ever about what had happened. So a guy had taken it off for her, but she seemed more upset about it being lost and expensive to replace than the fact that it had happened. So maybe she'd been on board with it, although the idea of some random creep stealing her underwear still didn't sit well with him. It made him want to go find the guy, but the chances were he was long gone. Especially since Kitty had mentioned being ditched. "And you were okay with him taking it off? He didn't... force you or anything?" He asked, wanting to clarify the situation before he overreacted or flew off the handle. 

"If you don't want to speak to me then fine, but you're getting in the car and then you can not speak to me in there. We can drive home in silence if that's what you want." It wasn't what he wanted, but if it meant getting Kitty home safe then he would put up with the quiet. "You can even have the aux cable, you can play Spice Girls into the silence of you not talking to me." He tried to offer as a compromise. Ryder tried to ignore her comment about Blaine. He wanted to ask her what the difference was between him spending one night with Blaine over two years ago, versus her having sex with Puck on a regular basis. Or even her, apparently terrible, one night stand with Finn. Why were both of those fine but he was the one in the wrong for one drunken night with an old friend? But he could sense that mentioning either right now would likely lead to them full-on arguing on the sidewalk and that was a look he was trying to avoid. If he was still bothered then maybe he could bring it up in the car once they were on the move and the doors were locked. "Ha ha, very funny. Just get in the car, Wilde. It's a twenty minute drive and then you can go back to your place and forget about me and this whole night."

Kitty Ryder’s next question took Kitty completely off-guard, and she stared at him for a long beat as she tried to process it in her drunk mind and come up with some kind of response. She hadn’t even considered that he was reading what she was saying as assault or something of the like, and the concern that laced his voice and was etched into his face stopped her in her tracks. Yeah, there was the part of her that melted at that concern being towards her, but this was more than that. There was an intensity in his eyes she’d rarely seen before. A frown falling on her forehead, she shook her head, eyes locked onto his. “No… he didn’t force me.” She didn’t really want to say more, to admit to Ryder of all people what had happened in this club, something that she definitely didn’t want to wear with pride, but she felt a compulsion to reassure him. “No, I was into it. I mean, kind of, he was ugly and I’m now having a lot of regrets, but in the moment I was fine with it. I just wish he’d given it back to me.” She mumbled.

She set her jaw, looking at him coldly as she contemplated what he was saying. She didn’t want to drive home in silence either. She wanted to talk to him, her favourite person to talk to, she wanted to recount the shitshow of an evening she’d had and have him sympathise and crack jokes and help her feel warm and safe again. But that would require her lowering her guard and potentially apologising for her part in their fight, something she was feeling a little too sorry for herself to do. She took a deep breath, crossing her arms. “Fine. In complete silence, and Spice Up Your Life on repeat.” She replied, turning on herself and walking back to his car. She opened the passenger seat and slid in, paying no attention to where Ryder was in comparison to her. Once she was buckled in with the door shut, she exhaled in relief. “God, my head hurts.” She muttered. “Do you have any water? Or an aspirin? Or a really big hammer?” Ryder Ryder felt what could only be described as a tidal wave of relief crash over him as she admitted that she had been into whatever it was that she'd been doing with this bra-stealing weirdo. He didn't care what that was, he wouldn't judge, as long as it was consensual then she could make whatever dumb drunk choices she wanted to. Having regrets after alcohol fuelled chaos was one thing, but having to live with something like the other thing was another kettle of fish entirely. "Okay that's cool, no judgements here." He reassured her, his tone already much more relaxed than it had been a minute ago. 

It was also a relief when Kitty cracked and agreed to get in the car, he didn't exactly want to stand on the sidewalk like this for much longer than he had to. He followed her back, quickly climbing into the driver's seat and buckling his seatbelt in case she suddenly changed her mind and climbed out again. At Kitty's questions, he turned and reached into the back to grab a water bottle from one of the rear footwells. They were usually kept in the back since no passengers usually sat up front when he was doing rides, though Kitty wasn't just any passenger. "I don't have an aspirin or a hammer, but here's some water." He said, handing over the water bottle to her. Ryder then turned his attention to his phone, which was still sitting unlocked in its holder in the centre of the dash. The Lyft app was still open, and he opened the menu before cancelling the ride and logging out for the evening. There was every chance he'd get a negative score on his profile for cancelling a ride after it was due to start, but he didn't want to charge Kitty given the state she seemed to be in. He was here as her friend, not her driver. "Go on then, Spice Up this car." Ryder said, passing the car's aux lead to her for her to plug in her phone. His hand found the gear lever, slotting the car into drive, before pulling away from the curb to start their journey home.

Kitty Kitty turned her head to watch as Ryder pulled the water bottle out from the backseat, pushing down the urge to thank him as he handed it to her. “I would’ve preferred the hammer, but whatever.” She muttered, her voice almost seeping into levity. She twisted the cap open and took a long, indulgent drink. She hadn’t had anything to drink that wasn’t alcoholic in a few hours, and in the hot clubs paired with the LA heat, she hadn’t realised how dehydrated she was. The water wasn’t cold, it wasn’t even cool, but it still felt luxurious. She brought a hand up to wipe delicately at her lip as Ryder handed her the aux cord. She took it, rolling her eyes as she pulled out her phone and plugged it in. She had the Spice Girls bookmarked on Spotify, so it was only a couple of seconds before the first notes of Stop were pumping through the car speakers, and she exhaled, relaxing in her seat. Her love for the Spice Girls wasn’t one she shared with many people, but Ryder had been around her for long enough to know what it meant to her. This was her comfort music, it soothed her like nothing else. 

She had closed her eyes, one hand on her forehead, letting the music carry her away when she was jolted back to attention by another voice singing along. She opened her eyes, turning to look where Ryder was singing along, her eyes narrow as she took him in. She watched him dance with that stupid crooked grin on his face and rolled her eyes pointedly. “God, you’re like if the Energizer bunny took SSRIs.” She muttered, turning away before she allowed the corners of her lips to perk up slightly. Ryder Ryder had been friends with Kitty long enough that he knew most things about her, including her feelings on the Spice Girls and their discography. He'd listened to the songs enough with her that he still remembered most of the lyrics, at least to the big singles. The album tracks, not so much. So when he glanced across at Kitty and saw her looking a little forlorn with her eyes closed, make up smudged from the tears, and her hand on her head, it was a no brainer for him to sing along in an attempt to both cheer her up and melt some of the ice that had formed between them. 

"I'm gonna take that as a compliment." Ryder replied bemusedly. It took a lot more than that to insult him. "Stop right now, thank you very much. I need somebody with a human touch." He continued to sing as the next chorus hit, and he did his best attempt at a body roll whilst sitting down constrained by a seatbelt. "Hey you always on the run, gotta slow it down baby, gotta have some fun." The song was catchy, there was no doubt about it. He suspected he'd be singing it under his breath for days to come. As they approached the next junction, Ryder remembered that there were a number of fast food places nearby that were likely to still be open. When he was drunk there was nothing that would hit the spot quite like some hot fries and a greasy burger. So instead of taking the left hand turn that would have taken them home, he pushed the indicator stalk upwards, turning right. "I was thinking we could get some food." Ryder explained. "You hungry? Any preferences? In-N-Out or McDonalds?"

Kitty As Ryder continued singing, Kitty turned to look at him properly, finding it harder and harder to keep up the irritated and unimpressed pretense. This was, after all, what had made her fall for him in the first place; his kindness and willingness to make a fool out of himself to cheer someone up, particularly her. Of course seeing him body roll to the Spice Girls just to put a smile on her mascara-stained face would make her melt. She allowed her mouth to tug up into a small smirk as she watched, before shaking her head. “You’re such a dork.” She murmured, before turning to face the front again. 

She frowned as he turned the wrong way, about to say something when he spoke and stopped her in her tracks. Part of her wanted to keep up her grudge, to turn him down with a pissy comment and demand to be taken home. But the truth was, she wanted to stay with him more than she wanted to go. That was always the way. If given the option between staying with Ryder and leaving, she’d almost always pick to stay. Plus, she hadn’t eaten since lunchtime, and just at the suggestion of a burger, her stomach growled. “In-N-Out.” She replied. She reached into her clutch bag, pulling out her wallet and holding her credit card out to Ryder. “My treat.” She said softly, looking up to meet his eyes, her face momentarily void of any humour, her white flag of surrender clear as day. Ryder Ryder counted Kitty's reaction as a win, now that she was back to facing the front and no longer angled away from him. "No shit, Sherlock," He teased as Kitty called him a dork. He was well aware of how dorky and nerdy he could be, but that's just who he was. He'd been the class clown since kindergarten and he didn't have any plans on stopping now, especially if he could put it to use and actually cheer Kitty up after what was clearly a rocky night. 

It was true that hot junk food was always amazing whilst drunk, but Ryder also wanted to extend his time with Kitty. It was only another fifteen minutes or so until they'd be home, and then she'd go back to not talking to him again. So he did have an ulterior motive for suggesting this other stop. Ryder looked across at her and her outstretched card, contemplating his options. He wished that he had the ability to decline Kitty's money and say that it was no problem to treat her. But his funds were pretty low, and paying for two In-N-Out meals would easily wipe out his takings from his earlier Lyft passengers. He'd have basically driven the whole night for free. So instead he took the card from her, dropping it into the centre console for easy access once they arrived. "Thanks," He smiled in return, accepting it as the peace offering it seemed to be. The yellow and red neon logo loomed into view a moment later, and he pulled into the drive-thru lane. As the car drew level with the speaker, he lowered the window, the cool night air filtering in. "Hi, yes, can we have two cheeseburgers - one with no tomato, two fries, and two milkshakes - one vanilla and one strawberry." He said, before turning to look at Kitty. "You want anything else?" He asked, aware that he had just ordered for her but he was also fairly confident he'd gotten her preferred order right.

Kitty Kitty smiled softly despite herself as Ryder took her credit card from her, glad that her peace offering had been accepted. It was a quiet one, and had the added benefit of not having to have a drawn out conversation about what had been said - particularly what he had said to her. His ongoing avoidance of her advances was a hard topic, and his comment had stung. In her current emotional state, she didn’t really need to rehash it. 

As they pulled up to the speaker, she readied herself to give her regular order, and was about to open her mouth when Ryder spoke, fluently giving her order as if he had it memorised. Which he clearly had. Her mouth fell open as she listened, a half-smirk crossing her face, before she shook her head at his question. “No, that’s good.” She replied softly, sitting back in her seat. A wave of emotion washed over her as she contended with this. It was probably something that would’ve just touched her a bit if she had been sober, but in her drunken state, it felt massive. She took the opportunity while Ryder was driving to the payment window to face away from him and look out her own window, bringing a hand up to swipe at a rogue tear. She managed to pull herself together as he paid, before turning back to him. “You remembered my order, that’s sooo cute.” She drawled teasingly, trying to offset the way her heart clenched. She took a sip of water, holding out her hand for her card and putting it away in her clutch. “D’you also remember my shoe size?” Ryder The longer they were in the car, the more the atmosphere seemed to be thawing. Sure they would probably have to address the elephant in the room, or the car, at some point. They'd both said mean shit, although this wasn't the first time it'd happened and they'd always bounced back before. He didn't see why this time would be any different. All they needed was some food, some time, and a few jokes and they'd be back to normal. He was sure of it. 

Ryder looked over at Kitty bemusedly as she teased him for knowing her order, it didn't seem like a big deal to him. She was a friend and he liked to know things about his friends, although that didn't extend to what noises Puck made in bed but hey-ho, the group chat had certainly had a rollercoaster week. He also knew Blaine's fast food preferences, but he had more self-preservation skills than to bring that up in the current moment. "I don't know your exact size, but I know your shoes have been too small for you since the Dua announcement... because you're getting too big for your boots. Get it?" Ryder joked, hoping the teasing tone relayed the fact that he didn't mean anything by it. He released his foot from the brake pedal, allowing the car to roll forward to the collection window. They weren't there long before the food was ready, and he passed the brown bags over to Kitty to look after. "Thanks," He smiled at the employee before manoeuvring the car out of the drive-thru lane and into an empty space in the parking lot. There were a couple of other vehicles dotted around but it was largely empty. He killed the engine but left the ignition on, allowing Kitty's Spice Girls playlist to continue as well as keeping the air conditioning running for further comfort. "Do you know my shoe size?" He asked, taking one of the bags back from Kitty. He pulled a milkshake from it, noting the pink tinge before handing it over. He removed the other one, taking a long sip from it as he savoured the vanilla flavour.

Kitty Kitty narrowed her eyes at him teasingly as he joked. “Yeah, whatever. Actually my shoes do feel smaller these days. Especially these.” She looked down at her stilettos judgmentally, shaking her head as she kicked them off, before she took the bags from Ryder. God, they smelled incredible. As Ryder parked, she reached into a bag, stealing a couple of fries and taking a bite. She took her milkshake from him and smirked at his question. “Nine. Nine and a half for boots.” She shrugged. “I’ve known you almost a decade, of course I know your shoe size.” She murmured, taking a sip of her milkshake. 

For a moment, they ate in silence, and Kitty played over the last few weeks with Ryder as she took her first glorious bites of her cheeseburger. It had been an intense time for the two of them, between the botched date at the Briony to getting high on the roof, to their confrontation on the street earlier this evening, peppered with their arguments and spats in the group chat. Her eyes flickered to Ryder’s, shadows falling on his face, illuminated only by the streetlights outside. “Can I ask you a question?” She asked after a moment, swallowing her french fry. “Earlier tonight, you seemed… I don’t know… really intense when you thought that something bad had happened with me and my bra.” She watched him in the darkness for a moment. “What was that about?” Ryder "I'm not sure if those are shoes or torture devices." Ryder laughed as Kitty kicked her heels off, but he was taking that action as a sign that she was relaxing in his presence again and that the weird awkwardness was starting to fade. He stared at her for a moment as she repeated his shoe size back to him, having not expected her to actually know the answer. He'd known Puck for almost the same length of time as he'd known Kitty but he didn't think he knew the dude's shoe size or vice versa. Kitty really did know him, he mused as he reached for his own french fries. 

The burger tasted just as good even if he was the sober one of the two, unable to enjoy that extra je ne sais quoi that came with eating fast food whilst drunk. He looked over at Kitty as she mentioned her question, waiting to see what it was that she was going to ask. He took another bite of his burger just to stall giving an answer, contemplating how much detail to tell her. He supposed he could share the truth about Matty. He hadn't been ready to the other night at Briony's but he was sober tonight, and he hadn't just been blindsided by Pete so had a better handle on his emotions. "The terrible thing that Matty did, the complaint that was made to the label," He started, glancing over at Kitty nervously. "It was from a girl who'd been at one of the label club nights. She said that Matty had touched her without her consent. I really wanted to believe it was a lie or an attempted scam thing but Matty never really denied it. He always said it wasn't a big deal or he was just drunk. He never once said it was a lie or it hadn't happened." He took another long sip from his milkshake, the coldness of the liquid helping give him something else to focus on. "And I saw you standing there crying and my brain just jumped to conclusions. Thought maybe that could be why you were so upset. Sorry if I was a bit intense but I was just worried about you. That shit is serious to me, y'know?"

Kitty Kitty watched Ryder as he considered his words. As he started to speak, her forehead knotted together with confusion as he brought up Matty. What the hell did Matty have to do with it? As Ryder continued to explain, an uneasy understanding came over Kitty, and this awful ice-cold feeling that she could absolutely believe it. At the time, it wouldn’t have occurred to her that Matty would be capable of something like this, but in hindsight? Yeah, it made an unsettling amount of sense. He was smarmy and greasy and strutted around like he was entitled to whatever he wanted. In her younger years, she’d attributed that to confidence bordering on cockiness and probably would’ve found it sexy if she had bothered to look away from Ryder for five minutes to pay him any attention. Now, it seemed much darker. 

She nodded and as he finished speaking, her burger clutched forgotten in her hand. She was quiet for a moment, before shaking her head. “Shit.” She muttered, putting the burger down on top of the paper bag on her lap. “Shit, Ryder, I had no idea. God, that’s why you almost punched Pete at the Briony.” Her mind raced to search for something more to say. Suddenly, the past eight years made perfect sense. Ryder’s integrity had clashed with Matty’s actions and Pete’s ambivalence. She closed her eyes as the memory of that night came flooding back, the night she’d glued herself to Matty’s lips, one eye open and staring at Ryder. Matty’s hands had gripped her hips with a ferocity that had taken her aback even then, and sickened her now. A chill ran over her skin. “God, he’d wanted me to go home with him.” She gasped out, feeling sick at the thought. “That night he and I made out, he kept trying to escalate things and get me out of the bar with him. I said no, so nothing happened, but… he was so pushy…” She trailed off, shaking her head. “Fuck, Ryder, I’m so sorry.” She breathed, turning to look at him at last, her eyes capturing his. “That’s so fucked.” Ryder Ryder felt an odd sense of validation, and unexpected relief, when Kitty was horrified by what he'd said. Maybe there was a small subconscious part of him that had kept this to himself all these years because he was afraid of people siding with Matty. Of telling him that it was no big deal and that he'd overreacted by bailing on the band, of inadvertently telling his eleven year old self that he was making a fuss over nothing. Though of course the situations were very different. But still, it felt good to finally tell someone the truth instead of brushing the whole thing off as a difference of opinions. 

"Yeah Pete just wanted to be famous no matter what. He kept telling me it was not a big deal and I should just sign the contract anyway. Management just wanted to brush it all under the carpet. But I couldn't let it go." He said. "I, uh, I had a friend who went through some shit like that when they were a kid," He explained, hoping that he'd said it confidently enough that Kitty wouldn't realise it was an 'asking for a friend' type scenario. "And so I know how much that can fuck a person up. I didn't want to be friends with someone who could do something like that, let alone work with them everyday. So yeah I said I wouldn't sign if he was still on board and that was the end of our careers." He grabbed a few fries, trying not to see red as Kitty described her encounter. "Sounds like Matty." He commented dryly. He liked to think that he'd have stopped Kitty going home with him that night. Ryder had had a girlfriend with him and both Matty and Kitty were single so he wasn't sure how he'd have stopped it, but he would have tried. "I'm glad you dodged that bullet. Honestly it's bad no matter who it happens to but if he'd have done anything to you, I'd probably be wearing an orange jumpsuit right now because I would have killed his sorry ass." He attempted to joke, though he meant most of it. "Thanks. It sucks but I'd do the same thing again."

Kitty Kitty nodded, the heaviness of this conversation setting in around her. Nothing like that had ever happened to her, but something about it ate at her gut in the most painful way. Yeah, she could be heartless and bitchy and harsh at times, but there were certain topics where she drew the line, and this was clear-cut one of them. “Pete’s always been a spineless shit.” She commented harshly. “And all this makes me really glad I changed label before my last album. Fuck all of them.” She muttered, turning to look at Ryder. Adding insult to injury was seeing how Ryder had suffered as a result. He hadn’t deserved to lose everything in the fallout of this. His next words took her aback, and her eyes widened as she watched him speak. Despite his attempt at a lighter tone, there was that same intensity that she had sensed outside the club as he asked her about what had happened that evening. There was that same fervent protectiveness that she hadn’t expected from him in a thousand years, especially directed towards her. It warmed her to him somewhat, despite how shocked she felt by it all.”Thanks.” She replied, not really knowing what to say to that, not used to these kinds of statements. “I probably would’ve killed him myself if he’d tried, but… I guess that’s what everyone thinks ‘til it happens to them.” She exhaled, before turning back to Ryder. She looked at him in the darkness, and she felt her heart squeeze at the thought of this guy giving up everything in solidarity with some nameless woman who he’d believed. More than just being an indicator of the kind of person he was, the injustice of it all infuriated her. “Is there anything we can do?” She asked, feeling helpless. “I mean, I still have connections at the label, I can call someone, and…” She trailed off, not knowing how to finish that statement. What was there to do? “Fucking Matty.” She muttered, crossing her arms, her food all but forgotten. “I could go kill him now?” She offered, a groundedness in her voice despite her joking tone. “He hasn’t seen me in years, I bet no-one would even suspect me.” Ryder Ryder scoffed in both amusement and agreement at Kitty's assessment of Pete. It sucked because Pete used to be one of his best friends, but Pete had chosen Matty's side when everything went down. Or rather, he'd chosen the side which would get him the most money and benefit him the most. There was a reason that Ryder hadn't spoken to him in years before they'd run into him at Briony's that evening. 

Kitty was strong, Ryder had no doubt about that. So there was every chance she would have killed Matty if he'd tried to take advantage of her. "If you had killed him then I'd have helped you hide the body." He joked. Kitty would have needed to tell him why she had killed him, but then he'd have been grabbing a shovel or some bone-dissolving acid in an instant. "Call someone and do what?" Ryder asked, a little bitterness creeping into his voice. "They knew about everything back then. They knew about the complaint, they knew about the girl. They knew that Matty probably did it since he never denied it. They were still willing to offer the contract anyway. It's not like they only had half of the information or anything, they had it all and just didn't care." The unfairness of it all was a bitter pill to swallow at times, but he knew walking away was ultimately the better choice for his mental health. Even if it did leave him with countless what if... questions. "He's not worth it." Ryder shook his head at the suggestion that Kitty go kill Matty now. "Your career is actually going somewhere, don't jeopardise it on that loser. Maybe just write a diss track about him on your next album." He offered as a playful, and unserious, suggestion.

Kitty Kitty smirked at Ryder’s promise to help her hide Matty’s body, feeling that familiar flutter in her stomach that she got whenever Ryder said something sweet to her, followed by a mental kick at herself that she found this particular promise sweet. Yet another reminder of how down bad she was for this guy. “Ditto.” She replied, her smirk spreading. “And not just for Matty. I have a list of people I’m hoping one of us might snap on, and we’ll need all the help we can get.” 

At Ryder’s bitter question, she shrugged a shoulder, despite knowing that the question was rhetorical. This industry was rife with corruption and abuse and shitty people who were more interested in a quick buck than protecting the people who needed protection. None of it was surprising. She hummed in agreement as he spoke, nodding. “I know.” She said softly, not to quiet him but to agree. She smirked at his suggestion to write a diss track, finally feeling settled enough to reach back down and pick up what was left of her burger. “I fear that track would be thirty minutes long.” She muttered, taking a bite. She chewed for a minute before she looked back at Ryder, swallowing. “Listen… what I said in the group chat…” She exhaled. It had all seemed so much more innocent before she’d known the truth. Just some shitty petty little comment made in a stupid spat. “I didn’t realise how bad this all was. I didn’t realise it was so fucked. You didn’t deserve what happened and you didn’t deserve that stupid comment. I’m sorry.” The words came more easily to her than any apology she’d ever given before had. “I’m actually really sad and angry that you’re not where I am. I always thought we’d be doing this-“ She cut herself off before the word ‘together’ escaped from her lips. “Y’know, at the same time.” Ryder It was no surprise to Ryder that Kitty had a list of people in mind already. "Let me guess, is Finn on that list?" He asked in amusement. The guy may be a part of their friendship group but judging from the group chat, he and Kitty hadn't exactly been on the same page recently. "That him and Puck thing came out of the blue. I did not see that one coming." He commented. It was a major development in their group, and one he knew Kitty was less than thrilled about. He'd always assumed Finn was straight, not least because Finn had explicitly said so not even a week before. 

"Thirty minutes would be more of a diss album." Ryder laughed before finishing off the last of his fries. "Though he doesn't deserve that much attention, would go to his head too much." He sometimes wondered what Matty was up to now, whether he had somehow made it back to the industry or if he was working some dead-end retail job. Maybe he was a cart collector at Walmart. He just hoped karma was real and Ryder was the one better off. "It's all good." Ryder accepted her apology with a wave of his hand. "You didn't know and also I know you didn't mean it. What you said at Briony's was proof of that." He didn't know why he and Kitty liked to press each other's buttons, to constantly get into these petty back-and-forths but he never took any of them to heart. "Doing it at the same time would have been fun but I guess it is what it is. Like I said, I'd make the same choice again." There was a moment's pause, the silence filled by the sound of whatever Spice Girls song was playing on Kitty's playlist. "I'm sorry too. I kind of started it with what I said. It was a cheap shot and I shouldn't have said it."

Kitty Kitty snorted at Ryder’s mention of Finn. “Yeah, and Puck too at this point.” She hadn’t been so open with Ryder about her and Puck’s arrangement, mostly out of hope that Ryder wouldn’t see her as unavailable, but that had probably been unrealistic considering that the two were friends. She would’ve been very lucky for that not to have come up at some point. Once news of Finn and Puck had broken, she hadn’t felt such a need to hide her disdain. “That relationship is the most cursed thing I’ve ever seen.” She muttered, rolling her eyes. Maybe it was a bit dramatic, but Kitty was nothing if not a grudge-holder, and Puck cutting her off with no warning for Finn Hudson bruised her pride worse than it had maybe ever been bruised. 

Kitty nodded in agreement, knowing she’d never write a song about Matty. Her brand was girl power horny breakup pop, if that was a genre, and she’d never ever taint that with mentions of someone like him. She couldn’t help the soft smile as Ryder forgave her, nodding as he mentioned what she’d said. It had been a moment of softness, one that she rarely allowed, but it had all been true. “Maybe you’ll find a new band.” She offered. “You guys can open for me on my first stadium tour.” She teased halfheartedly. “I don’t know, I feel like it’s not over for you. You’ll still have a career in music, somehow.” This was also true, she felt it in her gut. Of course, it was no comfort, especially as her gut feeling ended with this vague statement, but she stood by it. Ryder’s apology, however, came out of left field for her, and she exhaled as the memory of that message flew back into her mind. That had been rough and embarrassing, and she hoped it wasn’t obvious to him how much it had cut her to the bone. She was quiet for a moment, digesting his words, before she shook her head, waving it off with her hand. “Don’t worry about it, it’s fine.” She tried to make her voice light, shrugging a shoulder. “That whole conversation was a hot mess.” Ryder Ryder knew that Kitty and Puck had had some kind of friends with benefits arrangement together, even if he had never been furnished with the full details. Though he had never wanted them either. He was quite happy being in the dark about the exact nature of what they got up to and had never pushed Puck to talk about it. "I mean apparently they're in love. Talk about 0 to 100." He chuckled. 

"I thought about finding a new band when it first happened." He said. "But the whole thing had given me trust issues. How would I know that one of the new group wouldn't do the exact same thing? I was in Sonic Rush for three years and I didn't think Matty would do that. I didn't want to risk being wrong again. At least if it was just me then no-one else could let me down, y'know?" Ryder was slowly starting to lose hope in his own music career, gradually beginning to accept the idea that his future career maybe lay outside of performing. "It's not fine, but I think I was just feeling ambushed over the whole Blaine thing." Ryder had only been retaliating to Kitty's jibe that he would sleep with anyone but he'd definitely taken it too far. He had never really explicitly acknowledged her interest in him, so it was a dick move for him to break that by calling her out publicly in a group chat. Though the Blaine thing was his own fault for not reading the conversation properly and outing his own secret - not that it had ever been a secret secret. He just preferred to keep his sex life relatively private. "It was definitely chaotic." He agreed. "I should have spent longer catching up before replying to Tina."

Kitty Kitty rolled her eyes to the heavens. “If love exists, and that’s a big if, it doesn’t happen after, what? A week and two rolls in the sack.” She glanced over to Ryder, before focusing back down on her french fries, picking up one and using it to swirl the small tub of sauce she’d set out next to it. “It’s gotta take months at least. Years, probably. With a stupid amount of time in limbo to figure everything out.” She mulled over her own words for a moment. Ryder was the only person she’d ever come remotely close to imagining she could be in love with one day, and even then, coming to fall in love with him seemed like the scariest thing she could imagine. She picked up the french fry, sighing. “I’ll never understand why people jump into shit so fast.” She muttered, tossing it in her mouth. 

She nodded thoughtfully at his words. Yeah, finding people to trust in this industry was a task, and she’d run through several bands herself trying to find one with the ‘right dynamic’ - in other words, a band who wouldn’t let their personal stuff fuck with her and her music. It wasn’t always easy. “I get it.” She said softly, before sighing. “That just sucks. You have free rein to complain about it until we die.” Kitty joked. She rolled her eyes again at the reminder of what happened with Blaine, something she still wasn’t particularly over, even if she could forgive Ryder’s comment. “Yeah, you and Blaine.” Her voice was monotonous, some irritation spilling through. “I think if you’d told the group that in-person, all hell would’ve broken loose.” She didn’t mention the part added in her mind where she was sure the police would’ve been called, because she would’ve killed someone. “It’s cute, though, even if it was forever ago and meant nothing.” Her voice dripped with sarcasm, and she turned to smirk at Ryder. “No matter how much it weirds me out.” Ryder Ryder had never been in love. He'd said those three words to a high school girlfriend once but he knew now that he'd not actually meant it. He was just young and naive, and didn't want to get broken up with. He'd bounced between short-term relationships ever since, but none had stuck around or been the one. "I guess when you know, you know." He said with a shrug. He didn't want to disparage his friends' relationship, especially if they were in the exciting honeymoon phase. "But for the record, I don't either." He added. Though Kitty likely knew that since it'd been seven whole years and Ryder had yet to jump into anything with her, despite the countless opportunities they'd had. 

"Thanks, but you also have free rein on telling me to shut up about it if I'm being a whiny little bitch. Like it sucks but I don't want it to become my whole personality." He suggested. He didn't want to be someone who walked around with a rain cloud over their head, carrying a chip on their shoulder for decades. Maybe telling Kitty the truth was the first step towards genuinely letting it go and moving on. Ryder could hear the annoyance in her voice when she mentioned Blaine. He wasn't sure that it was justified, given her history with the men of their group. Although at least his one night stand had been satisfying for both parties involved. Though he was fairly sure he'd be stabbed with her stiletto heel if he pointed that out. "Even more hell than already broke out in that group chat?" He asked in amusement. It was already pretty chaotic if you asked him, the messages flying into the chat faster than he could keep up with. "It did mean nothing. I've known Blaine since we were kids. We hadn't seen each other since I was about fourteen when his dad split from Marley's mom. We ran into each other in LA and just got swept up in a moment after a few too many drinks. We realised the next morning we were better off as friends and that was that. End of, no repeats."

Kitty Hearing Ryder’s thoughts on falling in love were illuminating. She knew for a fact that he was better with this stuff than she was, his array of relationships lasting longer and appearing much more meaningful than any of her own, but to know that by his own qualifications, he probably hadn’t said that he loved many, if any of them? It was interesting, even if Kitty didn’t know what to do with that information. She smirked, turning to him as she leaned her elbow on the stick shift between them, resting her chin on her fist as she raised her eyebrows challenging. “Oh, really? Total free rein on telling you to shut up? Because I’m not gonna lie, you’re a whiny little bitch a lot of the time.” Her voice was teasing. The truth was, if there was a whiny little bitch in their friendship, it was definitely her. 

She nodded. “Oh yeah. Someone would’ve spat a drink out on you guys, probably Tina. Then maybe she would’ve started crying. And I would’ve had to punch her right after I punched you two, and Finn and Puck.” She nodded as he started talking, rolling her eyes as she pulled a face and started to wave off his explanation. “Yeah, yeah, I got the memo in the group chat, I don’t need it again.” She really wasn’t sure why it bothered her so much. She hadn’t been this jealous of any of Ryder’s old girlfriends, despite disliking them for some reason or another. Maybe it was because she was close to Blaine. Maybe it was because Ryder sleeping with him shattered her theory that he was avoiding anything with her in order to not cross some arbitrary friendship line. Ryder Ryder met her gaze as Kitty challenged him on the telling him to shut up thing, playfully rolling his eyes back at her. "Okay maybe not total free rein only because you would go mad with power." He laughed. Though he was glad that the mood between them had shifted back to light and easy, and something a lot more akin to their usual banter. He didn't like seeing her upset, standing on sidewalks with smudged make up. It wasn't who she was, and a protective side of him had kicked in. 

It was quite the picture that Kitty painted of how she imagined the Blaine reveal going down in person. "That's a lot of punching..." Ryder commented bemusedly. Though he believed that she most likely would follow through on that particular threat if she was mad enough. He didn't really know why he was trying to explain himself to Kitty. It's not like he owed her anything, and he hadn't done anything wrong. But it just felt kind of odd in a way that he couldn't put his finger on. "Okay fine, I just wanted to make sure that things aren't going to be weird with us, or with you and Blaine. We weren't keeping it a secret, we just didn't want people all up in our business over something that didn't mean anything." He felt the need to add. "So are we good?" He asked, hoping they were back to normal and that they could move past the weirdness of the last week or so.

Kitty Kitty’s smirk only widened at his words, before she shook her head. “No takebacks, Lynn. Be careful what you wish for.” She revelled in the teasing between them. Despite the fact that they were gotten over pretty quickly, Kitty never enjoyed her spats with Ryder. It never felt natural to be at odds with him, especially when their dynamic was so exciting and fun to her and came so easily. As Ryder continued to speak about Blaine, Kitty took a deep breath, knowing what came next. She’d have to move past it. This was generally not something that came easily to her, and she had found herself fixated on perceived slights for months to years in the past. However, looking up at Ryder’s eyes softened something inside her. The truth was, she didn’t want this to be weird. She didn’t want to be carrying around the burden of annoyance that made her sound insane to anyone she’d ever explain it to. So, she rolled her eyes good-humouredly and nodded, a smirk crossing her face. “Yes, weirdo, we’re good.” She let her eyes linger on his another moment before opening her palm, letting her chin rest on it instead. “Aww, were you worried we’d have another fight and not talk for a week again?” She asked jokingly. “I know you missed me and all, but you didn’t have to be so worried about it.” Ryder It was a relief when Kitty nodded, confirming that things between them could go back to normal. Whilst they often did argue and bicker, they hadn't yet found something that they couldn't come back from and he didn't want that to change anytime soon. As much as he liked to pretend at times that he didn't, he enjoyed having Kitty in his life. "Oh yeah you got me, busted, I missed you so much," He shot back playfully. "The last week has just been so quiet and peaceful that I thought you know what? Maybe I do need a blonde pain in the ass to come and be annoying. It's definitely one way to keep things interesting." He teased. If he was honest with himself, the truth was that he probably had missed her. The whole week had felt weird, had felt off, because he wasn't on speaking terms with her. He had known it wasn't the end of their friendship, but that didn't mean it hadn't felt wrong to not be talking to her. She was his go-to person if he had something or someone he wanted to bitch about, or if he wanted to be catty about something he'd seen online. "The only thing I was worried about was whether you'd be okay without me to keep you grounded in the real world." He teased, leaning in closer as he challenged her. Kitty Kitty knew that Ryder would joke back, and she couldn’t deny the thrill that went through her when he did. This was probably why she’d held back on her feelings for so long; the risk of losing him was too great, and she loved being Ryder’s friend. She loved the way they spoke to each other, their quick and easy banter. Kitty was used to verbal gymnastics, she filled her days with it, but it was something else altogether to do it with someone who could do it with her. “Fuck quiet and peaceful.” She turned her body so that her elbows were both resting on the center console, hands hanging off into Ryder’s space as she leaned in even closer. “You crave someone to break up your boring-ass life with a reminder that you’re not as funny as you think you are.” She let her voice fall into a faux whisper at the end of that phrase. “That is true, though. You’re the one thing that keeps me grounded.” She grinned at him, the slightest note of sincerity in her voice. “If you didn’t, then I’d just be an egotistical self-absorbed popstar. Instead, I’m an egotistical self-absorbed popstar with an irritating best friend who won’t shut up.” She pursed her lips, her grin melting into a slightly softer smile at her admission.

Ryder Kitty wasn't wrong, quiet and peaceful were boring. Ryder had never done well with quiet, ever since he was a kid. He was type of kid who everyone assumed had ADHD from the way he bounced off the walls with a crazy amount of energy. He'd learned to funnel that energy into music, which is how he'd gotten as far with his career has he had. He'd put everything he had into it, even if that hadn't turned out to be enough. "I'm hilarious, maybe I'll even switch careers and be a stand up comic." He joked, knowing he'd flop badly if he tried such a career move. "Irritating best friend? I don't know if you've ever said something that nice about me." Ryder laughed. The use of best friend had thrown him for a small loop. It did fit, he thought as he mulled it over, but it was much more affectionate than he was used to hearing from her. There was no doubt that she was one of the people in their group, and maybe outside of it too, that he was closest to. She had indeed, somehow, become one of his best friends over the years. "Besides, you want me to shut up? You're going to have to make me." Kitty Kitty's smile felt glued to her face, a warm glow in her chest as she and Ryder shot their one-liners at each other. It was like her whole body was melting, knowing that it was in this small space with its favourite person. Ryder could always make her laugh, always make her smile, always fill her stomach with the most gorgeous butterflies. At his last words, it was like the world closed in around them. He was so close, his face only centimetres away from her as the two of them leaned in together. She could smell the vanilla of his milkshake mixed with what was probably his shampoo and the smell of Ryder that she'd gotten to know so well over the years. His smile was infectious and so kind, and beamed at her as if she was the only person in the world. For a moment after he spoke, she allowed herself to believe it as well. Her eyes didn't leave his before they closed, and she rested one hand on his arm to steady herself as she leaned forward and up, capturing his lips in hers in a soft, gentle kiss. She had imagined this moment so many times before, but it was different from how she'd pictured it. Her heart didn't race out of her chest, the world didn't swim around her. Instead, everything was still and quiet. All of the rushing, all of the anxiety, all of the sound of the world or of her mind, all of it just turned off. All there was was Ryder, and her lips pressed against him, giving him the kiss that she had longed to give all these years.

Ryder It was like time slowed down as Kitty leaned in, and Ryder realised too late what was about to happen. It was instant hindsight that the last thing he said had maybe accidentally verged a little too heavily into flirting. Kitty had been ramping up the flirting recently, and whilst he had swerved or dodged most of her attempts at seducing him, it had maybe only been a matter of time before she was able to make real move like this. He froze, not knowing what to do or how to react. He didn't even know what he wanted when it came to Kitty, his mind was still all over the place on that front. Ryder had thought about what a first kiss might look like between them a few times over the years. It had never looked like this though - weird and awkward on his part, he wasn't even really kissing her back, still frozen in place. He didn't want her like this, still picturing her as drunk and emotional from when he'd picked her up, and she was probably rebounding from Puck cutting her off on the sex front. Not to mention whatever had happened with the weird bra thief. "Kitty, wait," He whispered, pulling back slightly from the kiss. Ryder didn't want to hurt her, but he equally didn't want to continue, at least not right now. "I don't think this is a good idea." He mumbled, as if saying it quietly would soften the blow.

Kitty Kitty's high was short-lived, and as Ryder pulled away, she felt the world zoom back into focus. Suddenly, she was stone-cold sober, the rushing was back in her ears, and she was blinking as she looked at Ryder, grappling with the realisation of what had just happened. A moment later, ice cold water started running through her veins. She'd finally done it, finally kissed him, only to have every single fear she'd ever had about this come true. He'd pulled away. He'd said no. It was time for her to face facts; he really didn't want her. "Right." She breathed. She pulled away and faced the front again, glad that the darkness hid the blood that rushed to her cheeks as humiliation and devastation ran in waves through her. Even if he did want her, of course it wouldn't be like this. In his car, with her several drinks in, after a complete disaster of an evening. Kitty was a mess. Fighting the urge to fling the car door open and take off for the Hollywood hills, she glanced over at him for a moment before bringing her hands up to rub her cheeks, squeezing her eyes shut. "God, I'm sorry, that was..." She trailed off, afraid all of a sudden that if she finished her sentence, she'd start crying at just how horrendously she'd blown the whole thing. Ryder Ryder felt unbelievably awkward, not quite knowing what to do, what to say, or even where to look. He wanted to rewind the last few minutes and maybe change the subject, or his body language, or somehow stop the kiss before it happened. He only hoped that their friendship would be able to survive this blip. Unfortunately whilst Kitty was drunk, he didn't think she was drunk enough to somehow be able to forget what had just happened. "No, it's not- don't be..." He tried to wave off her apology. She really didn't have anything to apologise for, she'd only been following her gut instinct and Ryder should have shut her down earlier. He should have been honest with her before tonight, but something about her kept drawing him in and he had delayed making a decision over and over again. It wasn't her fault that he'd delayed it so much that she'd taken action regardless. "I'm sorry too. I really don't want things to be awkward between us." He admitted, hoping that they would still be able to bounce back from this. Despite not being an argument, he had a feeling it might be their biggest challenge yet. Kitty If Kitty could’ve dug a hole and buried herself right then and there, she probably would’ve. Although it was definitely there, it was hard to feel the profound disappointment and sadness over the crippling embarrassment. She couldn’t believe she’d done that. To be fair to her, it hadn’t been a conscious choice more than it had been instinctive, probably a mixture of the alcohol in her system and the fact that he’d never been so close to her in that way before. She shook her head immediately as he started talking, looking down at her lap to avoid looking at his face. “No, no… don’t worry.” She managed to get out. Her heart was racing, and she could feel her head start to hurt again, probably a remnants of her earlier headache coming back and probably an early onset hangover. “Just… forget it happened.” She exhaled, looking back up at the windshield, knowing that her words were impossible, least of all for herself, even if she would do anything to forget this. “It’s the- the tequila.” She took a deep breath, turning to glance at him for a moment before she quickly averted her eyes, worried about what her reaction would be if she looked at him for too long. “I’m drunk and tired, probably, and you’re not-“ She cut herself off before she could start babbling and forced a smile instead. “Sorry. Just forget about it.”

Ryder It was hard to watch Kitty avoid his eye contact, she was always so confident and he'd never seen her like this. He had been telling himself for quite a while now that Kitty didn't actually like him like that. He was just a challenge for her, a conquest to be won. She'd been with the rest of the guys in their group, except Blaine of all people, and now she just wanted the one she couldn't have. He hadn't wanted to let her win, but now? Now it felt like they'd both lost. "You don't have to apologise," He said, with no idea what to say or do next. It was still quiet, the stillness of the early morning air sitting around them. "I've done..." He trailed off, realising that he was about to say he'd done some dumb shit after tequila before it sunk in that he would be calling her decision to kiss him dumb to her face, whilst it was still raw. "Never mind." He said instead, scrunching up the paper wrapper that his cheeseburger had come in, and flattening the fries carton to give him something to do. He put both in the big paper bag ready to be transplanted to a garbage can. "So... no more saying sorry, let's just move forward, yeah?" He suggested, not wanting to get stuck in an apologising loop. "I don't think it's a good idea to go there, but we're still good, right? This doesn't have to change anything?" Kitty The silence between them stretched on for miles, and although it was probably only a few seconds long, it felt like an eternity. Kitty glanced sideways at him as he crumpled his fast food containers, the sounds of the crinkling paper louder than explosions to her ears. The initial shock was wearing off and what was left was a deep-seated nauseous feeling and total anxiety at what kind of position they’d be in now. So, at Ryder’s next words, she felt an odd mixture of relief and sadness. Relief because she was so thrilled that she wasn’t going to lose Ryder over such a stupid mistake, and that he clearly didn’t hate her now that he was offering this. Sadness because she’d really wanted things to change, just not in the way that he meant. Sadness at the prospect of their relationship eternally being friendship, even if an admittedly good one, while she ached around him. Still, as she’d realised long ago, aching around Ryder was better than feeling painless away from him, and she did love their friendship in its own right. So, choosing relief, she exhaled and shook her head, turning to look at him. “No, it doesn’t. I don’t want it to, it would be stupid over a drunk…” ‘Mistake’ felt like the wrong word. “-impulse.” She finished. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves, her eyes wandering over Ryder’s face, trying to read it. “It won’t change anything, right?” She knew that vulnerability was written all over her face, but she didn’t care; she just needed to know that her fuck up wasn’t as mammoth as it seemed to her now.

Ryder There had definitely been a shift of atmosphere within the car over the last couple of minutes. The vibe between them was usually so fast and flowing. The conversation normally bounced back and forth without much issue. Now there were long pauses from both of them, and cut-off sentences with thoughts left unsaid. Ryder didn't know about her, but he'd never really had to edit himself around Kitty. He had always been unapologetically himself, but now he found himself worrying about what to say, or how his words might be taken or interpreted. "No, no it won't change anything." He rushed to confirm, hoping that just saying that would make it true. He didn't want anything to change, it was partly why he'd sat on the fence for so long when it came to Kitty and the possibility of anything happening between them. If he slept with her and then she lost interest, he didn't want to have risked losing the dynamic they had. Although now he realised, he'd risked losing it anyway by doing nothing. At least the former would have answered the inner questions he'd had from time to time about what it would be like to kiss Kitty. "We'll be fine." He added, deciding against bringing up the fact that he'd actually had sex with Blaine and their friendship had flourished, not died. But that seemed like it would be a sore subject best avoided. "We'll be good, I'm sure of it." He added, trying to convince himself as much as her. "Do you want to head back?" Ryder asked next, unsure of what else to say on the topic and both of them had finished their food. Kitty While Ryder’s words comforted her somewhat, they paled in comparison to her anxiety. Things were going to change, she realised with a sinking feeling, no matter how much they were going to try, and it nearly broke her heart to reckon with the reality of losing this friendship between them that had been such a constant for almost her entire adult life. Her mind whipped back to only a few minutes earlier when she had called him her best friend, and she’d honestly meant it. Oh, to go back to that and stop herself before she ruined it. “Good.” Was all she said in response. Ryder’s offer to go home couldn’t have come at a better time. She set her jaw, wrapping what was left of her burger in the paper and tossing it back into the bag, suddenly having lost her appetite. “Yeah, sounds good. I have meetings with managers tomorrow.” She mumbled the lie, tucking some hair behind her ear. “Hopefully I can squeeze in, like, five hours of sleep before then.” She glanced over to Ryder. “I hope I didn’t make you lose too much work with all this crap.” Ryder Ryder didn’t really know what else to say. The Spice Girls playlist was still going in the background, filling what may have otherwise been an awkward silence. The melodies were far more upbeat than he felt as he grappled with what had just happened. He’d tried so hard to keep his relationship with Kitty unchanged but he hadn’t anticipated that inaction would do as much damage as the wrong action. “I hope those aren’t early meetings.” He commented as he glanced at the clock on the car’s dashboard. It was approaching half past three in the morning and he knew he wouldn’t be ready for any kind of professional meeting this side of midday. Ryder dismissed Kitty’s comment about work with a wave of his hand. He hadn’t charged Kitty for the Lyft request but he would have done the same for any of his friends. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it. When I saw the drop off address I decided it was going to be my last pick up of the night before I even knew it was you. Plus I got a burger out of it so win-win.” He added. “I got decent tips at the bar tonight too, there was a bachelorette party in, so it all worked out. I’m just gonna go home and sleep now.” He explained as he turned the key in the ignition and restarted the engine.

Kitty Kitty nodded at his assertion that he was just going to sleep when he got home, thinking that a very long sleep sounded absolutely perfect to her. “I’m glad the night wasn’t a total bust.” She said softly, feeling a palpable sense of relief as Ryder started the ignition and started to pull out of the spot they were parked in, feeling illogically that maybe they could leave this whole situation behind on the small piece of tarmac. Last Time Lover was playing on the radio, and she took a deep breath, feeling comforted but also partially wishing she could turn it off to break any potential memories of this night associated with the song in the future. The drive home felt like both five minutes and four hours, and an uncomfortable silence stretched between them. Several times, Kitty opened her mouth, wanting to say something, anything, to break the tension, but each time the words died on her lips. Overriding the tension and anxiety was a heavy sadness at the realisation that this was what things would be like from now on. As they pulled up in front of the apartment building, Kitty sighed in relief, grabbing her clutch and sliding her aching feet back into her shoes. “Thanks for the lift.” She muttered, glancing at him quickly. “And sorry for the… other thing.” She forced a smile as she looked away, her hand on the door handle. “I’ll see you later.” Ryder Ryder had always found that there was a certain calmness to driving around LA in the early hours of the morning whilst everyone else was asleep. He didn't know exactly what it was but the air always felt different, felt clearer. However driving back from In N Out to their apartment building, he'd never disliked it more. The stillness and quiet outside of the car only amplified the silence inside the car. The Spice Girls were still playing but he no longer had the energy or inclination to dance and sing along to make Kitty laugh, plus he didn't know the songs that were playing even if he had felt up to it. He wasn't uncomfortable per-se, it was more that he just didn't know what to say and tiredness had crept up on him out of nowhere. Ryder hoped it was the tiredness anyway, wanting this new thing between them to be fixed by some sleep and a new day. He didn't like the idea of this being a long term change to their dynamic, to them. No, this had to be temporary. The alternative sucked too much to think about. Kitty could get any guy she wanted, and it wasn't like she really truly wanted him, so he was sure that she'd bounce back in no time. "No problem, happy to help anytime," Ryder said as Kitty finally broke the silence between them. "And there's nothing to be sorry for, don't worry about it," He added, as he began collecting his belongings. There was his phone from its holder on the dashboard, and a bottle of water from the door compartment. He just had a couple more things to grab before they could walk up to their respective apartments together.