Whats Happiness??

I am sorry for who I am. I am sorry for getting jealous. I am sorry for making you feel bad. I am sorry for my tears. I am sorry for my moodswings. I am sorry for my insecurities. I am sorry that you worry so much. I am sorry that I get scared. I am sorry that I push you away. I am sorry that I am so weak. I am sorry that I need you so much. I am so sorry that I let you fall in love with me. But baby you were so different, you made me feel so so special. For some reason I actually believed this could work. You and I. It honestly was my biggest wish but I guess a sick person can’t be with a healthy person. I could never explain all of this and you probably wouldn’t understand and that is totally okay. I don’t want you to see the world through my eyes. You see this world so differently, it makes you happy just to live. Maybe that’s another reason why I fell in love with you. Maybe I hoped that I could also fall in love with living again and I did for a while and I am so thankful for that. But this kind of sadness doesn’t just go away and I should’ve known. I really wish I could’ve been the one to make you happy. The one you could go on adventures with. The one you would wanna marry some day. Afterall, I love you more than anything and I always will. That sounds childish but it’s true. You showed me light in a time filled with darkness. I love you.