Rodney / Melmord's Bat

“Goddamnit,” I hissed under my breath, trying to pull my jacket as tight as I could around myself to battle the cold winter wind as I stumbled down the sidewalk, unable to see through my tears. Ever since I had gotten out of jail, I had been living with my parents, who talked nothing other than good about me (who wouldn’t?), but that life had come crashing down in such a small moment when my mother had somehow found out about my lover, my boyfriend. I had been hiding him from my parents for half a year, knowing that they wouldn’t be happy to find out their son was a homosexual.

I remember how they freaked out when my younger brother, Pickles, came out as transgender. It was the only time I saw my father slap someone, and his own son of all people. During that moment, I felt guilt and fear. In hindsight I should’ve stepped in, I should’ve done something, but my pride had kept me from doing anything, and he left that night at just sixteen years old. I remember trying to push my feelings for the same-sex away, and I thought I had succeeded, I thought I was cured, finally normal.

That was until during a surprise family reunion for the massive band Dethklok, who my brother was the drummer of. There, I met Leif Wartooth, older brother of Toki Wartooth who was a guitarist for Dethklok. I remember how protective he was of Toki, and at the time I had no idea why until I stayed with Leif for a couple days and I saw the fading lashing scars all over Leif’s torso and back when he was undressing. My heart sank and I recall thinking: “How could anyone hurt someone so nice?” But I never told him I knew. I never want him to relive that again. I never want him to feel so helpless again.

My memories were soon interrupted by the sound of a car pulling up beside me, but I still couldn’t see. I was sure I was getting jumped until I heard his voice, loud and concerned.

“Seth, baby!”

It was Leif. He had found me. Thank God he had found me. In that moment, a rare vulnerability overtook me and I desperately wrapped my arms around him, burying my tear-stained face in his soft, pink hair. “Oh, Leif…” I sobbed, unable to explain coherently why I was outside in the freezing cold. He led me to his car, helping me settle into the backseat where it was pretty warm. He sat with me, his arms around my torso as he rubbed my back to soothe me. I knew tomorrow I would regret being so open and weak but that was tomorrow, right now I needed my boyfriend.

He took me back to his apartment, where I finally explained what had happened. I told him how I was just trying to sleep and my mom ran in, hysterically crying and shaking me. It had taken a minute before she finally asked me if I was gay. When I refused to answer, because I knew she knew, she told me to get out. My dad was standing in the doorway, his arms crossed as he looked at me as though I was an enemy, a threat to his way of life. I hadn’t even gotten a chance to grab anything before he grabbed me by the arm and dragged me to the front door, shoving me outside with no jacket, no shoes, nothing but the clothes on my back. I never even got an explanation on how they even found out.

The whole time as I was talking, Leif stared at me with tears in his grey-blue eyes and held my hand in a tight but not hurtful grip. Afterwards, he pulled me into another hug but I was too tired to keep crying. I just really wanted to go back to bed.

Leif set up a sleeping area for me on the couch, and I knew he felt bad for only having a bed to fit one, which I would’ve made a comment about but as soon as my head hit the pillow he set on the couch, I was knocked out. In my dreams, my mind played a sick trick on me by making me think that being kicked out was just a nightmare, and that I was actually still in the room above the garage. I saw my parents coming in with smiles on their faces, telling me how proud they were of me. Just as I was about to reach out to hug them, I woke up.

I stared at the ceiling. How could my mind make me think that I was still loved? Everyone I loved had left me, had abandoned me. I had no one. Looking over at the clock on the VCR, I realized it was midnight, but I couldn’t go back to sleep. There was rustling in the kitchen, so I cautiously sat up to make sure it wasn’t a robber or something. Instead, Leif stood in front of the sink with his back to me. A half-empty bottle of some dark liquor sat inches from him on the counter and he seemed to be already drunk by the way he stumbled in the same spot. I debated on going back to sleep before I heard the heart-breaking sobs coming from his mouth. He had cried in front of me before, but this was different, he sounded like he was suffering. He was in agony, despite not looking physically injured.

That’s when a notion hit me. Leif didn’t have anyone either. He didn’t talk to his parents, he could barely talk to Toki most days, and I had been so caught up with myself and my minuscule issues that I had become someone Leif couldn’t lean on when he needed someone more than I did. I never wanted to do that again. I never wanted to make the boy I loved feel so alone, so unimportant. At that moment I knew I had to do something, anything.

So I stood up and slowly approached Leif. I knocked on the counter first so I wouldn’t startle him when I touched him. “Leif, baby?” I whispered, and he flinched harshly, staring at me with a look of terror that broke my heart. “Hey, it’s okay, I just want to make sure you’re doing okay.” I held my hands up to show that I had no ill intentions and that I just wanted to help. He looked embarrassed, looking away from me but I placed a hand on his shoulder. “It’ll be okay.”

After a few moments of silence, Leif began crying again and slowly stumbling towards me to which I responded by quickly pulling him into a hug. I wasn’t used to this, to being someone people could rely on, but Leif needed me and I wasn’t going to let him down again. He needed to know that someone loved him even if tomorrow he wouldn’t remember what he did.