THE BEACH

Nate furrows his eyebrows deeper and steps closer to Sechan until he’s right in front of him. “Hey, look at me.” He says, voice deep. He wants Sechan to believe what he tells him. He knows how hard it is to get through to people when they reach a certain point, and he doesn’t want Sechan to get there. He knows right now and so far he’s had at least some power and influence over Sechan’s thoughts, he doesn’t want to lose it and let Sechan’s thoughts drown in negativity.

Sechan feels a little pathetic when Nate forces him to look at him, not because of the action in itself, but because he couldn’t meet his gaze on his own. He can stand staring into his eyes only for a few seconds before he has to look down at his lips instead. His body is too tense. He feels like he should do something with his hands but he’s not sure what so he fists them up, pressing his nails into his palms. His lips quiver as he parts them but he can’t get any sound to come out or figure out which words should leave them. Pressure builds up in his chest, making it harder to breathe. He wants to believe Nate. He wants to trust him and to a large extent he does but nothing he’s saying right now can erase his own doubtful thoughts.

Nate sets his jaw tightly and turns to face Sechan entirely when he’s done speaking. This is far from the first time he’s heard something like this but it doesn’t piss him off any less. “Who is he?” He asks, voice deep and less harsh. He usually goes for guys who fuck up bad enough. With smaller cases he’ll try to get the name out of Sechan and find a way to threaten them or get back at them somehow, even if it doesn’t require violence, but this time he wants to beat up whoever the fucker was just to show Sechan how unacceptable it is. Nate firmly thinks whoever talks shit to Sechan deserves to get their ass beat, anyways. 

Sechan bites down on his bottom lip and tries to keep his expression as neutral as possible. Frankly, he’s tired of no one decent ever wanting him. As important love is to him, it doesn’t just ruin things for him on that front. He can’t even make any male friends because he always ends up trying to befriend some asshole that tries to shove their hand down his pants a few days after meeting. Sometimes he thinks he must have an aura that attracts assholes, then he feels stupid because that’s exactly what he has. The way people talk about him doesn’t help. He presses his teeth harder down and it hurts but it only makes him want to press harder. Pain in another location is supposed to relieve the other, initial pain. He feels nauseous and as silly as it sounds, he swears his heart is aching.

Nate keeps his eyebrows furrowed. ‘The usual’ immediately makes him think of Sechan being treated poorly by shit-stain guys. The thought alone makes his fists curl up, and it feels even shittier that it’s being called ‘the usual’. It shouldn’t be. That type of treatment shouldn’t be normal to Sechan, but unfortunately he has the worst luck with people Nate has ever seen.  The only reasons Nate ever meets the guys Sechan sees is to threaten them because they won’t leave him alone or to get back at them for hurting Sechan; usually in the form of violence. Nate’s lost count of how many asshole’s he’s threatened who came by their dorm, and all of the fights he’s been in for Sechan’s sake. He’s always tried to protect him from the guys who give him all of that shit, but it seems constant even if Sechan doesn’t bring it on himself. From Nate’s perspective, Sechan has never done anything to deserve all of that crap.

Sechan frowns at Nate’s response, largely because he feels it should be obvious what the usual is. Nate’s frequently involved in trying to hurt the ones who make the usual happen and preventing the usual from continuing. He’s, in fact, the only person Sechan can let get involved without feeling like he’s bringing them down. Innocently, he thinks maybe Nate didn’t understand the connection. Sechan assumes there are other things that could be called the usual, nothing that he can think of right this moment, but there must be something else than assholes harassing him going on regularly in their lives.

Nate keeps silent for a few seconds, thinking about Sechan’s words. He doesn’t know why, but there’s something that feels good about hearing Sechan talk about his feelings openly. Nate sometimes has a tendency to neglect his feelings like he did with his crush towards Sechan, but most of the time he speaks his mind about what he feels, unless it isn’t already obvious from his demeanor. In return, he appreciates it when people are honest about their feelings, even if he doesn’t mind it either when they’re not. He figures he can just not care in those situations. Removing himself from his emotions doesn’t come difficult for him, after all.

Sechan presses his lips together and takes a moment to think. Maybe he should’ve kept his mouth shut. Since it’s always a recurring thing, Sechan doesn’t really think of guys being assholes to him as something that’s “happened”. By now it’s, sadly enough, just a part of life. Sometimes it’s hard for him to notice the root of his issues, why he’s sad or grumpy, but someone did call him a tease yesterday. They also let him know how unhappy it made them and said some other things about how they think Sechan should or should not act. When it happened it felt customary. It made him feel bad, sure, but customary nonetheless. From Nate’s point of view, it probably isn’t something he wants to normalise. He’s pretty sure he could give Nate a list of people who have been mean to him and Nate would find a way to get back at them.

Nate turns his head a bit to glance at the boy walking behind him when he hears his answer, and instantly knows everything isn’t alright, just in case it hadn’t already been clear from his request earlier. Sechan gets too suspicious. He already knew, anyways. Otherwise he wouldn’t have asked. He’s tired and doesn’t necessarily want to have this conversation, but it’s Sechan and this is very minor in the large expanse of things he’d do for him. He shrugs as he turns to look forward again. It doesn’t hurt to keep trying, he knows he won’t lash out at him the way Nate does when people press on about matters he doesn’t want to talk about. But he still hates it when people do that, so he applies this in his own way of approaching others. One last attempt. If Sechan avoids it again he’ll leave it at that. No need to tire them out any further.

Sechan weighs his options in his mind. Nate would drop it if Sechan showed he doesn’t want to discuss it even if it’s clear now he knows something’s up. He likes that about him. It’s not that Sechan strongly dislikes when people press on matters. Sometimes it can be helpful when he wants to talk about something but he’s not sure if the other even wants to hear it, but other times Sechan sees no need in talking about things and at those times he’s glad if it can be swiftly dropped. He’s not sure what to go with this time, he’s not sure which side he stands on. Does he want to talk about it? Maybe. Maybe not. He knows Nate would listen if he talked, he wouldn’t ask if he wasn’t prepared to listen at least a little. Maybe it’s good to clear the air.