the ace in the hole

“people fuck up all the time, dude. don’t worry. it gets edited out,” sehwan assured him. “as long as you keep you fuck ups somewhat short so you don’t run out of time, you’ll be just fine.”

“what if i fuck up so bad that they can’t edit it out and keep it in to make me look like a dipshit, huh? what then?” he asked incredulously, only partially joking. “i’m going to bring us all down. it’s cursed.”

“oh… you don’t have to be sorry. i should be sorry,” misaki answered soberly. “i’m bad at these shows. my korean isn’t very good, and i get shy and nervous. i’m probably going to be so bad to be on screen with….”

“hey, it’ll be fine! don’t even worry,” he assured her, her nerves and fear making his dissipate. having someone to help make comfortable made his own fears completely disappear. “i know some japanese from himari and fuka, i can help you out. i’ll make sure you don’t get overwhelmed or lost in the show either, okay?”

“I don’t either, that’s why like… Jeno’s the pro MC and not me,” Jaewook said with a snort. “Really, though–you’ll be fine. People get bored when everything goes smoothly, you get the real interest when stuff goes off the rails. So it’s a win either way.”

“see, when mpwa got me doing the variety circuit, i had fun. no one told me i’d have to host at some point. this is terrifying,” he admitted with a laugh. “i mean, i guess that’s true. at least it will be interesting. and i suppose i’m kind of used to being seen as the village idiot...”

“you seem like you know what you’re doing when i’ve seen you on past stuff,” zak pointed out with a shrug. “just stop freaking out and breathe. you only don’t know what you’re doing because you’re panicking too much to remember that you’ve done this before.”

“yeah, but that was as a guest. being an MC is way different,” he insisted, shaking his head vehemently. “i’m the captain of this ship, man. and this ship bout to be the titanic.”

“yes you do. you and junghoon have been stars of this media for the past few months. there’s a reason for that,” mikey encouraged him bluntly. “you know what you’re doing. just stay loose and think of it as a fun promo.”

“yeah, we have, and did you see last month? the whole internet ended up being like who are those weird guys and why are they hanging out with s.o.s, and honestly they were right,” he whined, letting out a groan. “promos have audiences who are on your side and react. variety shows are invented to make fun of you. totally not the same.”

“are you kidding? you and junghoon have been doing this for months now, and you’re really good at it,” antonio stressed to his co-worker, shaking his head. “don’t apologize. all the mpwa talent are behind you. we’re just proud of you for getting this opportunity. just think of it like another promo where you have to get over a gimmick, yeah?”

“my point still stands. i have no idea what the fuck is up,” he insisted, letting out a shaky laugh. “i guess it’s kind of like a promo. no audience, though, which is what fucks me up. like..how do i know how well the promo is going over if i have no audience feedback?”

“that makes two of us,” jakey answered with a snort, adjusting their hair. they hated variety. “if you fuck up, we fuck up together. fuck up solidarity. but honestly, you’ll probably be just fine.”

“aren’t you an idol? don’t you do this for a living?” he asked with a laugh. honestly, with them being so flippant about it, and it being their job.... it kind of made him chill out a bit. “what have  you done in the past when your group is on a show and someone fucks up?”

“there are other mc’s here to guide you. and you’ve been on a few of these shows already,” wes soothed. he wasn’t sure why he was the one soothing the mc– surely someone else had spare time to do this? “songyi and biyi have both been on a ton of variety programs, too, so they’ll help you too, i’m sure.”

“thanks...” he muttered, admittedly a bit embarrassed that he needed to be babied by some kpop girl’s manager. he could do a frog splash off of a crane with no fear, but being on camera with a bunch of idols made him want to throw up. “okay so...songyi-- that’s the one with pigtails, right? and biyi is the one with glasses?” he had to be sure. it would be so embarrassing to mess that up on camera.

“i agree,” he said with a nod. “we’re the entry drug. we’re getting them into the product, and it’s cuz of us that they’re going to be lifelong fans. it’s an important role.”

“you know what i was thinking?” lance asked, going off topic excitedly. “you know those cringe divas-era hair vs hair matches? what if we did one with someone and i put my hair on the line? i feel like that’d be really funny.”

“mad sexy. also huge merch sellers and fan favorites among the kids, so….things have been worse,” he laughed

“yo, seriously though? i love being big with kids. i know some people take themselves real seriously and hate being a kids commodity but..... it’s cool being someone kids look up to, man.”

“or having them beat the shit out of us as an easy first competitor on the tag team ladder– we totally have our place.”

“someone’s gotta do it. and i’ve heard that they guys they got to do it are pretty sexy.”

“i dunno what that means, but if you want me to be your sidekick that’s chill,” noah laughed. he shrugged, “it’s cool dude, i’d be down for you to show me but, like, aren’t i kinda too lanky? you’re gonna look like you’re throwing one of those blow up dudes outside of car dealerships over your shoulder.”

“i mean, real talk, that’s literally what we do, isn’t it? we fuck around and lighten the mood. not everything can be retribution doom and gloom.”

“i think having us come up right next to it makes the retribution stuff all the more impactful, if you ask me. them coming after something funny really settles home how serious they are.”

“no, you’re right, that could be really fun,” junghoon agreed enthusiastically. “mpwa needs to work on their vingette game anyway– who better to do it than us?”

“i’ve said it from day one, but we’re the heart and soul. the comedy geniuses. the entertainment. the halftime show. they need us to break up the pacing, obviously.”