Quixotic

“right? that happens to me with choreography a lot. and the worst part is, when i try to think about what i did wrong and what the right move was, i can’t remember, because it was all muscle memory,” she sighed. a soft blush tinted her cheeks and she nodded. “i… i will. that means a lot. i mean….. i’m sure you’re really busy with your own group…”

“The amount of times I’ve messed up handsyncing on music shows -- I’m so glad they don’t have close ups on our hands sometimes,” Jaewook said. “My band’s on hiatus for a while, so I’m all yours,” suddenly he was flushed. “U-uh. If you want, I mean.”

she nodded quickly. “yeah.. i just need to memorize my lines so i can give a good performance, and hearing the other lines read to me helps with that and helps with timing and everything,” she explained.

“Makes sense - it’s probably easier to get yourself like... in the zone, I guess? When you’re bouncing off someone else.“

“see, when mpwa got me doing the variety circuit, i had fun. no one told me i’d have to host at some point. this is terrifying,” he admitted with a laugh. “i mean, i guess that’s true. at least it will be interesting. and i suppose i’m kind of used to being seen as the village idiot…”

“I didn’t mean to be a doomsayer,” Jaewook said with a laugh. “I’ll be honest, I have no idea how they choose hosts, but if they chose you they probably think you’d be an okay fit for it. You’ll do great, have fun with it! We’re all kind of winging it, anyway.”

“a lot of times it feels like muscle memory, but the muscle memory is wrong, so i just get stuck with everything tied together,” she retorted. “at this point i think i need a special manager or stylist whose job is to make me less of a mess…”

"Nothing worse than muscle memory being wrong. You think you can trust your reflexes and suddenly you’re getting stuck because your brain missed a new pattern,” Jaewook said, shaking his head an bit. “Maybe so... in the mean time, call me if you need someone.”

“to a certain extent,” nathan laughed. “i uh…. definitely ask noah and joonie for opinions more often than some other members…”

“well, that’s good. means you have time to figure out what the next step is. but i’d start working on that now, so you have it ready when it’s time to change, instead of panicking.”

“it makes everything look foggy, for lack of a better word. and when i’ve played this game this way for as long as i have, and gotten as good as i have, i’m not really too keen on change. especially if that change makes it harder to see.”

"Foggy is a better descriptor than gritty, I think," Jaewook admitted. "But yeah, once you find something that works, it's hard to break away and do something else when there's that risk of it not working as well as you hoped."

“it’s so cool hearing songs come out that i did the topline and demo for,” seulki said with a grin, scrolling through the new releases on her phone. “like… i know how the song is going to go, but i get to discover it through someone else’s voice and hear how they put their spin on it. i feel like i make coloring books, and now i get to see how people interpret the lines.”

“I used to feel really bad messing with demos sometimes, even though I know we’re supposed to, you know? Like, I hope there’s no hard feelings or anything.”

“even if it just helps you change your frame of mind, that’s helping,” hojung answered. “and who knows. sometime when fans get bored of the sameyness, you’ll have a log of new stuff to pull from.”

“it’s definitely an acquired taste. and i doubt most kpop audiences would be too warm on it. probably should stay in the vault,” she agreed

her eyes flickered downwards as she blushed, holding the rest of her hair out of the way to make it a little easier for him. “between the mask, the in-ear, and the earrings, it’s a mess sometimes,” she admitted quietly, smiling behind the fabric. “especially if they’re dangly. and if i put them on before the mask– that gets annoying, but i always forget to do it the other way around.”

“Thank you...” Jaewook muttered as she moved the hair out of his way, carefully untangling the earring from her hair. He was grateful she kept talking. “I bet... there’s a lot of moving parts to think about. I’d probably forget the steps even if I had to keep it in mind all the time.”

“yeah, for sure. and like… i guess learning and remembering the actual stuff isn’t the point of school, no matter what teachers say. the point is learning how to learn and think. so i can’t be too frustrated.”

“i mean, i think so,” minsuk said genuinely. “people have a lot of shit to say about him, and a lot of it is valid but… he’s done a lot of growing this year. and he’s always been in my corner when i’ve needed him.”

“exactly. that’s a big reason why i get as many second opinions as i possibly can.”

“they really made it seem like knowing it was the end-all be-all, but even i just use my calculator on the rare occasion i need to do some math. and i liked math.”