chicken wings

Natawa ako sa sarili ko, napakatibay kong sinabi nang walang halong pagdadalawang isip, ‘wala lang iyon, kaya ko ‘to’.

aba’t tignan mo napakalungkot na habang nagsusulat ako ng takdang aralin ko kumirot ang aking dibdib at napabulong nalang ako sa sarili ko, ‘naglolokohan lang tayo.’

Bakit nga ba tayo nahuhumaling sa fairytale? Alam naman natin ang realidad sa isang pelikula o libro na halos madaming pasakit na katapusan o ‘di kaya puro mga labing nakangiti at mga tawa ang makikita sa dulo.

Sabi ng mga matatanda, pag nawawala ka baliktarin mo daw yung damit mo.

Isang araw palang ang lumipas simula nang tapusin mo ang lahat. Ngunit pakiramdam ko isang linggo na ang nakaraan. Ang oras ay sobrang bagal. Para bang ako ay mabibingi sa katahimikan at tila ang tibok ng puso ko lamang ang nagiingay. Nasaan na ba ako? Kelan ako napadpad dito? Gusto ko bumalik sa dati. Ngunit kahit anong pilit alam kong hindi na kaya pang ibalik.

[makalawang na ideya #4]

he showed me the universe,

but i led him to a blackhole.

[makalawang na ideya #3]

‪have you ever hid in the bathroom and had mental breakdowns‬?

‪cried silently,

so hard ‬& stiff‬.

‪for having so little time‬

‪doing everything‬;

your role as a daughter/son

as a student

as a person in the society

‪and how home doesn’t even ‬

‪feel like home anymore.

all emotions slaps you hard

it won’t let you get up,

it slowly eats you.

until you stop.

you suddenly stopped crying

you don’t know why

because you’re already dead inside.

you start feeling numb and empty

and that is just so wrong.

you don’t deserve that.

you deserve the best.

you’re absolutely the fucking best.

you shine wonderfully love don’t be blind i can see it;

open your eyes,

praise yourself.

give yourself some slack.

so hold the fuck on.

take a step backward, accept that it’s hard and you need to take a rest.

then move on

take a leap forward, but don’t give up.

all this will be worth it,

(2017)

my eyes flicked open,

in my dreams I saw you smile.

your ghost still lingers from this little room

and I cried.

I cried because you’re gone

and it was my fault you got drowned.

with the things that I made,

that got everything complicated.

leaving you in between,

of wars in my heart that I created.

this feeling of missing you,

is not what I’m expecting.

I pushed you too far

from something I’ve been regretting.

my love, for you, will always be here

but then I thought,

maybe this is the ending.

to move,

to breathe,

to exist.

am i dancing on ur feet?

is it making u uncomfortable

i can stop—

i really can.

just, tell me.

because ur response is also

making me confused

that’s why i don’t want to stop

so,