I need a fucking miracle

He paces along the windows lining the council chamber until doors finally fly open. The five who make up his council file into the room, and the solemn looks that are painted across their faces tell him that whatever they have to say will not please him. He has become quite good at reading their expressions by now. Nicholas had sat with his father whenever he held council for as long as he could remember. Many faces had changed, but a few core members had remained trusted and loyal. Since his father had left for the northern border the throne - and with that the council - had been his duty.

Being the eldest and only son of the King had come with many advantages, but the duties he had never imagined he'd have to shoulder are starting to wear on him. And only the company of his most trusted companion has made the last few years bearable. He can't remember how many years have passed by now. The winters come and go and with every season that passes the war looks more troublesome and his companions bed becomes more inviting. He knows that the council judges him - not for engaging with another man - but for the fact that it is his royal guard out of all men.

He had hoped and prayed that his affections would pass to another, but none of it had helped. And really who is he to stand in the way of fate?

Who is he to argue against what has been the easiest decision he has made in years?

Between the terrible things he had to decide in recent years, this had been a pleasant distraction. Knowing that when the doors to his knights chambers close he is nothing but a man had probably saved his life. Behind those doors he does not have to think about the countless men he sent into certain death, or the widows and orphans they leave behind. No - here he is just Nicholas, and he is loved not by thousands but only by one. One who waits for him now behind those closed doors.

His attention returns to the present and the council before him when one of the members clears their throat.

"Yes?" he asks, hoping that they haven't noticed his mental absence.

"Are you well, your highness?" the master of coin asks, her eyebrow quirked suspiciously.

"Of course. The last report still weighs heavily on me." he replies vaguely.

She eyes him for a moment longer before she eventually nods, seemingly accepting his excuse.

The council discusses the usual points. The same litanies of fallen knights, officers and soldiers, the same awfully high numbers of civilians that have suffered in the path of the fighting. To his surprise, there have been more casualties on the enemies side than on theirs. Knowing that more people have passed because of this terrible conflict still makes his chest feels so very tight.

It feels terrible to be happy that more men of the enemies side have perished. But for once they have the upper hand, for once this war does not feel like a constant uphill battle.

"This victory has given us an opening. Our best strategists have devised a plan that could turn the tide in our favour for good." the master of war explains.

Nicholas feels himself perk up at that.

"A covert operation that will take a small group of our best behind enemy lines. A precise strike into their very heart. If it is even half as successful as we have planned -" the old man's words trail off, but they all know what he's trying to tell them.

Perhaps Nicholas should question this plan more, but if they can end the fighting now so many unnecessary deaths could be prevented. He can barely fathom the total number of dead anymore. The numbers that reach him are mostly the members of either sides military. He does not want to imagine how many civilians have already given their lives.

"What do you need?" he asks.

"Everything has been arranged already. You just have to sign the order." the war master continues, "If you wish to read over the plans I can arrange for them to be brought to your chambers before nightfall."

Nicholas nods, "Make it so. I wish to know which poor souls we are condemning."

A surprisingly positive sounding murmur races through the room.

"Very well. I will send a messenger."

The meeting concludes only a while later.

As soon as Nicholas' presences is not required anymore, he makes his way through the castle towards the chambers of his beloved.

He needs the reprieve his embrace gives him now more than ever.

The stairs feel endless today. He can't climb them fast enough.

His heart pounds in his chest by the time he finally reaches the doors to his chambers. For once, he knocks on the heavy wooden door.

Despite the thickness of it, he can hear shuffling and rustling behind it. Perhaps his beloved knight had rested for some time.

The door opens a few moments later.

Noah's hair is unkempt, strewn all over his head. He's a vision like this with his still sleepy eyes and soft features.

"My prince." he says with a soft smile, "You've returned to me."

Nicholas feels his chest warm pleasantly, "Of course. I said I would come as soon as the council is done."

Noah's lips curl into a smile, "I know. It just feels like I've been waiting for hours."

"I'm sorry." Nicholas says softly, bringing his hand towards the knights cheek, "Let me make it up to you?"

Noah leans into his touch, closing his eyes for a brief moment. He draws in a deep breath before he sighs. Nicholas feels the warmth of his breath spread across his skin. If they linger here too long everyone will be witness to their union.

He steps forward, quietly urging Noah into the privacy of the room behind him.

As soon as they're somewhat out of sight, Noah's hand comes to rest at the small of his back. The door falls shut behind them and as soon as it does, Nicholas allows himself to relax.

His title does not matter here.

When he's with Noah he is just Nicholas.

He feels awfully overdressed with Noah standing in front of him in nothing but his linen shirt and breeches. The ties that keep the neckline in place had been undone a while ago. If anyone else were present he'd be thoroughly indecent.

Nicholas feels his hand dancing along his side, a careful attempt to keep him here in the present moment.

"Was the council meeting so terrible, dear?" Noah asks softly.

He shakes his head, "There have been some big decisions. If they work out - the war may be over before the end of the year."

Noah's face lights up, "Really?"

"We may have peace by spring."

"More importantly." Noah adds quickly, "We may be free to do whatever we want by spring."

He pulls Nicholas closer against him, effortlessly bringing his lips to the edge of his jaw.

"When your father returns, and you don't have to deal with all of these politics anymore we can finally make our escape into the country."

They've both dreamt of this day for so long. Nicholas almost doesn't want to believe that it's finally within his reach. This dream of a quiet life far away from the court and its politics had kept him upright at times. To think that he may soon be able to leave all of this behind feels too much like fantasy.

"I have dug through the properties the crown has access to. There's a little estate near the mountains. Nothing but fields around it. The village is within walking distance." Noah continues, "Perhaps you should stage a visit soon to inspect it."

"Of course I will need my royal guard to accompany me." Nicholas adds softly, brining his own hand towards Noah's waist, "I trust your judgement, love."

"And my judgement says we should take our time to inspect the property. Make sure that it really is fit to be the home of a prince."

Nicholas lets out a breathy sort of laugh, "Whatever would I do without you. I think you may be the most devoted knight out of all of them."

"I would hope that I am the one who is most devoted to you." Noah replies so softly, "Will you let me prove my dedication to you?"

His voice is barely above a whisper now. The volume weighed down by the clearly evident desire on his face. It always burns so brightly in his chest. Noah has never been afraid to show his affections and desires - unlike Nicholas who had needed time and patient dedication to understand that the things he felt were good and wanted.

"Let me show you that not just my oath binds me to you." Noah whispers then, and Nicholas swears that he can feel the insides of his chest melt.

He lets Noah lead him towards the plush bed.

The highest knight at the court of course has to be accommodated accordingly. The chambers his beloved had been given upon his promotion were adjacent to his own to assure that Noah could come to his aid even in the depths of night. The proximity also meant that Noah had been awarded luxuries that were perhaps a little above his station.

The chambers had been furnished with comfortable furniture, beautiful tapestries and plenty of space for the collection of tomes Noah had amassed already. All at Nicholas' order.

Nicholas sinks down on the comfortable duvet.

Noah's warm hands come to rest upon his still tense shoulders.

"They'll keep talking about how you were the one who brought us this peace. They'll sing your praise for years and years." Noah says, as he begins to work his hands across the tensed muscle, "Your name will be made eternal."

Nicholas lets his eyes fall shut in anticipation and moment later he feels Noah's lips pressing against the edge of his jaw. The faint graze of teeth against his skin makes his head swim with need for him. He feels Noah shift and when he opens his eyes, the other man kneels in front of him. The warm hands of his knight come to rest upon his thighs.

He watches silently as Noah begins to undo the laces of his boots. Noah takes his time with it, carefully loosening the laces and buckles until he can slip each boot off his feet. He places them at the foot of the bed, before his hands reach for the fastenings of Nicholas' breeches. Nicholas leans back, making his work a little easier.

Noah always takes his times with this.

His movements are slow and methodical as he undresses Nicholas. Every inch of bared skin is welcomed with a barely there kisses. The whispered praise that falls from his lips wraps around the remnants of his conscious thoughts until Nicholas finds himself lulled into a warm and comfortable haze. If he would not know better he would call it witchery.

In his haze, he barely notices that Noah has undressed himself too. He only finds himself back in the present when he is manoeuvred towards the head of the bed. He allows Noah to manipulate his body until he can fit comfortably between his thighs. He has long stopped feelings ashamed of how exposed he is to the other mans eyes when they meet like this. At first, he had shied away from him, trying to hide himself and failing miserably. Now he longs for the feeling of his lovers eyes skating across his frame. Nicholas sighs as the calloused hands drift up the sides of his body, they linger here and there where his body is marred by scars of his few combat exposures. They're nothing compared to ones that decorate his companions frame of course, but he knows that Noah sees every single one as a personal failure on his side. Reminders of the times he could not protect him well enough.

"You mustn't worry so much." he says quietly, "I only carry the scars because you came to save me before our enemies could do more harm."

"Still." Noah replies just as quietly, "They shouldn't have come this close to you in the first place."

"I know they will never get another chance. I know that you will never let it happen again. And once were away from the capital and a year or two have passed no one will think of us as different. We'll just be the odd ones who live on the outskirts of the village." Nicholas soothes, once again bringing his hand towards the side of his lovers face, "The only thing you'll have to protect us from will be rats and mice."

Noah smiles then and Nicholas feels his insides melt for good.

Every line and crease in his face reminds him of the years they have already spent together and the ones that yet to come. There is not another person in this world or another that could fill him with this much love and comfort.

He guides Noah down towards his lips.

The sweet and gentle kiss is quickly replaced by something more base - more carnal. Nicholas' hands twist into his hair, desperate to keep him as close as he can. He feels Noah grind down against him. He's already hard and leaking and Nicholas knows that it won't be long before he'll breathe desperate words against his skin.

Nicholas shifts his free hand down to the small of Noah's back.

"Let me feel you, love." Nicholas sighs, "I've been waiting all day."

Noah's teeth graze against his collarbone.

"Then I won't make you for much longer." he whispers in return.

Noah marks his way down his chest with gentle kisses. Nicholas gasps when he reaches the sensitive spots on his belly. For once Noah does not linger here to tease him more. Instead he moves lower still, pressing his lips against either side of his hips.

Nicholas lets his eyes fall shut when he feels the others hand wrap around his length. The callouses always feel divine against the soft skin of his cock.

"How do you want me?" Noah asks, lips barely lifting from his skin.

"Inside. Please."

"Inside, hm? How could I ever say no to you my darling."

The hand had previously rested against his waist now wanders lower between his parted thighs. He waits for the brush of his fingers against his entrance. And when it finally comes, Nicholas feels his breath catch in his throat. The tips of his fingers slide across his skin so effortlessly. Noah's fingers leave him a few times to gather more of the liquid that has gathered at the head of his cock. Nicholas' head sinks deeper into the soft pillow as Noah's fingers sink into him. It won't take Noah long to prepare him, it never does.

Before long Noah sits up, allowing Nicholas to see all of him again. He can't help but marvel at his beloveds figure. All of his fighting and practicing has shaped his body into something out of mythology. Broad shoulders, hands that have been calloused by reins and sword hilts, thighs that have marched for days upon days. He could - and has - spend hours admiring him.

Noahs hand drift across his thighs for a moment, before they find a comfortable position. Before he even gets to say something, Noah carefully moves his legs so that they rest around his waist. And just a heartbeat later he feels the blunt head of Noah's cock pressing against his entrance. He gasps when Noah pushes deeper into him. His hands scramble up towards his sides for some kind of purchase and security. As he sinks into him, Noah rests his body over his. The world behind him blurs out of view and for the moment, they're the only thing that exists.

The slow rhythm Noah sets only makes his thoughts dissolve faster. Noah buries his face against the side of his neck, his breath hot against this skin. The coil in his tummy is already wound so tightly.

"My love." Noah sighs against his skin, "You feel divine my love."

Nicholas trails one of his hands down the length of Noah's arm until he can lace their fingers together. He pulls their joined hands towards his lips, allowing him to press a kiss to the back of Noahs.

"I can't wait to have you all to myself." He continues, "We'll have all the time in the world."

He presses another kiss to his hand, "You won't have to sneak back into your room anymore."

Noah lets out a breathy laugh, "No I won't. If anyone ever wants me to leave your bed again they'll have to drag me away."

Noah leans down to kiss him once again. He stays close when he picks up his rhythm again. This time, he moves with more ambition. His goal clearly being to push Nicholas towards his climax. He shifts again, setting himself upright once more. Noah wraps his hand around Nicholas' cock working him in time with his thrusts. His gasps and moans become breathier with every stroke of his length.

Nicholas gives himself over to the pleasure.

The blissful warmth that washes over him drags him along with it like the ocean tide. Noahs ministrations don't cease, no matter how breathless the sounds that fall from him become. He knows that Noah will continue until his own climax has washed over him. A few moments later Noah stills and he feels his release spill inside of him. The gasp that falls from him is silenced by another kiss from Noah.

They lie in comfortable silence for a long while, still joined by their hands. The fire that crackles at the other end of the room being the only sound besides their quiet breathing and occasional whispered exchanges.

He knows that miles and miles away the soldiers are still fighting this devastating war, but in this moment he cannot bring himself to worry. The plan they have will work out, he knows it deep in his heart - if only because he has now latched onto this vision of a future with his beloved.

"You know -" Noah says, sounding almost a little hesitant, "Nothing will keep us in the estate your family owns. We could simply disappear and no one would be the wiser."

"Disappear even more?"

"As far away from any of this as we can. No thrones, no orders, no oaths but the one I hold to you."

"The one we hold to each other." Nicholas corrects.

Noah hums in agreement.

It is just between them for the moment. No one else needs to know that the oath his knight has sworn to him encompasses so much more than that over every other knight. And no one needs to know that his prince has sworn his own oath in return.

To protect, to love and to cherish in this life or the next.

Third week of lockdown, the fun of getting to stay at home had worn off and the loneliness had set in. He doesn’t know if it was a case of cabin fever — a sudden onset of madness.

The thing is that he remembers the first time he found his way into Jolly’s bed but the details of how he got there are a little hazy.

He remembers finding himself with his face pressed into the mattress and those thick calloused fingers roaming across his thighs.

After that it’s all a haze.

He knows that it felt good. Noah’s been thinking about it ever since. Every time he puts a hand on himself, he inadvertently finds himself thinking about Jolly.

It only got worse after the second time.

This one he remembers a little more clearly. They’d been working on a song and while he doesn’t remember what led him to ask if Jolly needed help getting off, he does remember offering it. And he remembers sliding out of his chair and onto his knees in front of him. He remembers Jolly’s hand in his hair, the way his jaw had ached afterwards.

He’s long-lost count of how often they’ve been together like this by now.

Jolly’s basically had him in every way possible. There isn’t a lot they haven’t done.

The one thing they don’t do is the intimacy.

They fuck but they don’t cuddle.

It’s all purely transactional.

And Noah knows that it’s not because Jolly doesn’t want it. He’s sure that if it were up to Jolly they’d be all cuddled up after he’s put Noah through the mattress.

He knows that Jolly craves that kind of intimacy, and it’s not that he doesn’t want it or that he doesn’t want it with Jolly specifically. But admitting that he wants it too feels like they’re crossing a line Noah doesn’t feel quite ready for yet.

But at the same time he just can’t stay away from him.

Time and time again, Noah finds himself slipping into Jolly’s room. Usually, there’s been some kind of agreement. Jolly will ask him if he’s feeling up for it or Noah tries to word his need in a way that doesn’t make him look desperate.

Tonight it’s different.

It’s almost two am when Noah decides that he can’t sleep and that he’ll need a distraction. None of his usual things seems interesting and if he’s honest the only thing he wants is Jolly.

Noah doesn’t even know if he’s still awake, but he just can’t stop thinking about it. How good his hands would feel on his body, how Jolly would tell him to be quiet so that they won’t wake up the others.

He tries to mimic the way Jolly touches him, slowly drawing his hands down his tummy and across his thighs. His hands feel nowhere near as a good as Jolly’s do, but it’s something.

He presses a palm against his boxers, sighing out at the little bit of relief. It won’t be enough, the high that he can bring himself will never be as satisfying as what Jolly can do for him.

Noah scrolls through his phone for a while, hoping to find something that can help him get off. He’s well aware that nothing will come close to the real thing, but he’s willing to try.

He’s about to open the video Jolly had sent him some months earlier when a notification pops up at the top of his screen.

A message from Jolly.

He’s still up.

It’s a regular message, a link to some article, but for Noah it’s enough to know that he’s just as restless as he is.

Noah decides to wait a few more minutes before he slips out of his room and down the hallway towards Jolly’s.

He doesn’t knock — he’s stopped doing that a while ago.

Jolly looks up from his own phone when the door clicks shut again.

“Can’t sleep?” He asks, slumping back against the headboard.

Noah silently sits down next to him, “Not really. Looks like you’re in the same boat.”

Jolly lets out a chuckle, “That’s what I get for sleeping in. But I don’t think that you came here just to hear about that.”

He swears that there’s a little bit of amusement laced into Jolly’s words.

A part of him wants to say that he does want to hear all about it — but the part that still feels like this kind of intimacy isn’t for him wins once again.

Instead of trying to come up with something useful to say, Noah sits himself up in front of Jolly.

“I’ve been thinking about you, you know.” He brings a hand to the top of his thigh.

By now he knows exactly what he has to say to get Jolly going. It’s his favourite part of the game.

He lets his hand wander a little higher up, just to see how much Jolly will let him get away with this time.

When he looks up at Jolly he finds him resting comfortably against the headboard. He’s watching with that anticipating glare, as if he’s just waiting to see how far Noah will go.

Noah brings his hand towards Jolly’s crotch. There’s a noticeable tent in his shorts already, and he feels himself twitch at the sheer thought of getting to feel Jolly again.

“Come on, on your back.” Jolly says, sounding surprisingly gentle.

Usually he’s a lot more commanding.

But Noah likes this too. It feels — closer.

He flops onto his back like Jolly has asked. He watches Jolly trail a barely there line on kisses down the length of his body and it takes Noah all of his willpower to stay present.

Jolly wraps a hand around his cock, starting to stroke it so slowly as he begins to pepper the skin around his base with kisses. He laps at the shaft, keeping up his strokes as he works his way up towards the tip of Noah’s cock.

“You’re so hard for me already.” Jolly muses, “All from just thinking about me?”

Noah lets out a sigh in response, “Y-yes.”

“Well I’m glad that you came to me. Let’s get you taken care of, hm?”

The softness in Jolly’s voice tells him that while he’ll be taken care of today, Jolly will surely push him further than what he think he can take.

He tries to focus on the attention Jolly gives him. It’s a rare thing — he can count the times Jolly has taken his cock into his mouth on one hand. He does it with such practiced ease, swallowing him down as if his length means nothing to him. Noah catches himself wishing ill onto everyone who got to feel this before him.

One of his hands grips into Noah’s waist, while the other remains wrapped around the base of his dick.

Noah reaches for him, tangling his fingers into Jolly’s hair. Not to guide, but to ground himself.

Jolly pulls off almost all the way, leaving onto the tip in his mouth. His tongue swirls over the head, making Noah’s mind swim with need.

His breath catches in his throat.

It already feels like too much, but he knows that Jolly is only getting started with him.

He feels a whine escape his throat when Jolly sinks down on him again.

His head tips back against the pillow.

The hand that had been loosely wrapped around his shaft shifts lower then. Between his warm wet mouth and feeling of those calloused hands on his balls, Noah swears that he won’t last much longer.

Jolly pulls off him with a pop and Noah can’t hold back the moan that sits at the back of his throat.

“Think you can take a little more before I have you?” Jolly asks then, sitting up a little.

Noah takes a moment to breathe before he nods, “I can take more.”

Jolly squeezes his waist gently, “You know what to do if it’s too much.”

It’s surprisingly tender compared how they usually are. Sure, sometimes Jolly treats him all soft and gentle, but this still feels different.

“I’ll be fine.” Noah assures him.

“You say that now.” Jolly chuckles, “A moment ago I thought you were going to blow your load in my mouth with how much you were whining and moaning.”

“I wasn’t —“ he tries to protest, but his words fade out into a surprised gasp when Jolly pushes his thighs up towards his chest.

“No back talking now. Just let me take care of you.”

Noah swears that he hears a pet name tagged onto the end of the sentence, but his thoughts liquify before he can really think about it. When he had previously thought that Jolly sucking his cock would be the treat of the night, he now finds himself faced with something entirely different.

Jolly presses the softest kisses along the backs of his thighs, getting dangerously close to his hole. And then he feels it — the tip of his warm, wet tongue grazing just so against his rim.

It feels like a bolt of electricity zaps through him. He doesn’t know if Jolly knows that no one has ever done this for him. He laps at him again and all thoughts evacuate from his mind and the same time. All he can think about is the steady buzz of pleasure that spreads throughout his body.

For once, Noah doesn’t push back against the attention Jolly gives him. He feels himself melt further and further with every pass of Jolly’s tongue against him.

It’s dizzying.

Jolly always manages to turn his brain into pulp, but everything about this feels different. The way Jolly touches him tonight feels more intimate. Somehow, it all feels so much more intense. It’s not just the act itself. It’s the way Jolly speaks to him, the gentle touch.

“Joll.” He whines out.

The fuzz in his mind stops him from worrying about what Jolly might think about the pathetic little sounds he makes. Even if he was of a more sound mind, he wouldn’t be able to worry about the whines and whimpers that fall from him now. It all just feels too good.

He feels teeth grazing against the back of his thigh, before the barely there sting is soothed over with a kiss.

“Let’s open you up, hm? Get you nice and ready for my cock.” Jolly’s words barely manage to break through the static in his mind, “I need words from you Noah. Come on.”

He gives a swat to the underside of his thigh, just above the curve of his ass.

“Please Jolly.” He manages to choke out, “I — fuck I need it. Please.”

Jolly shakes his head in amusement, “Look at you. So eager for it.”

The hand that was still resting on his thigh slowly moves towards his ass. Jolly traces the tip of his middle finger across his entrance, still intent on teasing him at least a little more.

Eventually, Jolly sits up to retrieve the bottle of lube he keeps in his bedside table. At some point Jolly had replaced the lube he'd used before with the warming kind. Noah still doesn’t know if he’d simply bought a different kind or if it had been a conscious choice. Knowing Jolly it’s probably the latter. Either way he enjoys the change.

This time he doesn’t squirm when Jolly spreads the gel across his skin. He lets his head drop back against the pillow when he feels Jollys fingers press against him. He knows what comes next and Noah braces himself for the feeling of those thick fingers entering him. He’ll likely never get quite used it. It’s overwhelming in the best way possible. They’ve done this plenty of times, but it still feels brand new every time.

Noah can’t help but whine when he feels the first digit push inside of him.

“There you go.” Jolly says under his breath, “Look at you, doing so well for me.”

He feels himself shuddering at the praise.

Jolly has a way of turning his brain into complete mush with nothing more than a couple of words. And now that he’s already feeling all kinds of wired up, it hits him even harder. He doesn’t dare to look at Jolly, fully knowing that it’ll set of that train of thought again. He knows that Jolly will look at him with that terribly soft look again. The one that makes him feel like Jolly’s about to say something that doesn’t sound like just friends at all.

He feels a second finger pressing into him then.

Noah’s long past the point where he cares about the sounds that fall from him at this point. For once, Noah allows himself to surrender to the feeling. He lets himself sink into the pleasure and allows it to wash over him entirely. The slow drag of Jolly’s fingers inside of him makes his mind swim and it’s only going to get worse. Every brush his calloused fingers against his prostate makes his mind spin a little further out of control. Noah isn't sure how he’s supposed to last when he already feels like he’s about ready to plummet over the edge.

"Jolly.” He chokes out.

Jolly pauses immediately. He observes Noah for a moment, eyes flickering across his face to search for a trace of pain or discomfort.

Noah uses the moment to take a deep breath. It helps to settle his mind a little, but he still doesn't think that he’ll last for as long as Jolly wants him too.

"I’m getting so close.” Noah says then, still feeling a little shaky.

“Are you now?” Jolly sounds almost a little amused, “Do you need a break or do you think you can make it?”

"Just a moment.”

Jolly’s fingers retreat from his body and he can’t but bemoan their disappearance.

"You’ve been so good up until now. Don’t get bratty on me now.” Jolly says with a chuckle.

Noah just catches sight of him wiping his lube stained fingers on the bedsheet. A moment later he feels one of Jolly’s large hands coming to rest against his waist.

Everything in him wants to fight against it. They don’t do this. Jolly knows how he feels about intimiacy like this. Noah had expected himself to cringe at the tenderness Jolly meets him with, but instead it’s comforting — soothing.

He can’t tear his eyes away from Jolly’s face.

Something in his expression has changed and for once, Noah doesn’t feel the discomfort in his stomach that he usually feels when Jolly gets all sappy and soft with him.

"How are you feeling?” Jolly asks, voice low and soft, “Think we can keep going or do you need a longer? You’re almost ready for me.”

“It's okay. We can continue.” Noah replies quickly, before he has the chance to think about what comes next too much.

"Good. Thank you for telling me what you need.”

Noah feels himself shiver at the choice of words. The dynamic he and Jolly share is unlike anything he’s done before. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to call it, all he knows is that Jolly is takes charge of what they do in a way he hasn’t experienced before. He’s been with dominant men before, the type who take and demean without asking questions. And sure, sometimes Jolly gives him exactly that, but it always comes with reassurance and the frequent reminders that they can stop whenever Noah wants. Jolly had once told him that the one who’s really in charge of what they do is Noah himself. Nothing happens without his consent.

Jolly is a little less indulgent this time around. He seems to be intent on getting Noah prepared the way he wants, rather than teasing him into oblivion and really Noah is thankful for that. He doesn’t know how long it actually takes until Jolly is satisfied, but eventually the fingers disappear from him once again.

“I dunno if I’ll ever get used to this.” Noah says quietly, while Jolly strips out of his shorts and boxers.

"You’re taking it a lot better than you did back when we started.” It sounds so matter of factly that Noah can’t help but blush, “You wouldn’t have let me see you like this a year ago.”

A year ago, Noah would have insisted on being on his front. Everything so that Jolly wouldn't see his face as he fell apart. Admittedly he still gets a little shy about it sometimes, but most of the time he just can’t worry about it anymore.

The part of him that wants to hide away from Jolly seems to have disappeared entirely tonight. Noah wants him to see. He needs him to see.

Noah lets his legs fall further apart when Jolly returns to his previous position. His warm hands come to rest against the inside of his thighs. They rest there for a moment, thumbs gentle drawing against his skin. He feels Jolly’s gaze drifting across his form, how it lingers here or there. He doesn’t want to shy away from it this time.

"You look so beautiful like this.” Jolly says more to himself than to Noah.

The absentminded drag of his fingers against Noah’s skin feels more overwhelming than anything else they’ve done tonight. His heart thumps uncomfortably in his chest. He knows that trying to explain to Jolly that he doesn’t get to have this kind of intimacy is useless. He’ll find some bogus explanation again to try and justify himself. He’d done the same thing that one (or three times) he’d held Noah after a panic attack. Something about how especially he would deserve this kind of tenderness.

Right now, he’s inclined to believe Jolly.

“Are you okay staying like this?” He asks then.

Against his instincts, Noah nods. His reaction brings a little smile to Jolly’s face.

"Good. I like seeing your pretty face when you fall apart for me.”

Noah feels his cheeks heat a little at that. It still feels so foreign to him.

Thankfully, Jolly doesn’t push him any further. To his surprise, it’s only now that Noah notices how hard Jolly already is. He’s long stopped paying attention to his own cock that is still steadily leaking against his tummy. Noah doesn’t get to think about it too much. He soon feels the head of Jolly’s cock pressing against his entrance.

He winces at the pressure.

“You’re doing so good, Noah.” Jolly soothes, a warm hand resting on his waist, “Keep breathing for me.”

Despite his instinct to hold his breath, Noah listens to his words.

This part is always overwhelming.

The pressure of Jolly pushing into him, makes Noah’s head swim. He lets his eyes fall shut, while Jolly works his length into him. It feels a little easier this time and Noah is not going to complain about that. Before he knows it, Jolly is leaning over him, chest heaving as he tries to regain his composure.

Stray strands of hair frame his face and Noah feels a heavy thump in his chest.

There’s something so awfully soft about how Jolly looks at him then. He suddenly isnt sure if this feeling as always been there or if it’s just bubbling to the surface of his conscious mind. But in that very moment he understands it all for the first time. It’s like that moment people always talk about where things click into place. Noah’s been in love before — he’s sure of that. But this feels different. The feeling is heavier, more grounded in his his mind.

He doesn’t know what posses him when he brings his hand to Jolly’s cheek. He can almost feel Jolly’s breath catching in his throat when Noah coaxes him down. The first brush of Jolly’s lips against his makes him shiver all over. He's so hestitant and for once Noah finds himself in the confident role.

He has kissed boys before. Plenty of times. But this is different — in the best way possible. A few second pass before Jolly seems to find his confidence again. When he finally returns the kiss properly, Noah allows himself to sink back into his comfort zone. If he's entirely honest with himself, Noah could get used to this. And maybe it is time that he allows himself to be loved.

Jolly slowly pulls back from him. He moves so reluctantly that it makes Noah’s chest ache even more.

“Joll —”

He doesn't get to finish the question, before Jolly leans down to steal another kiss from him. It’s still soft and gentle, barely there but it feels so impossibly heavy. This time, Jolly doesn’t move far from him. He remains, leaning over him — warm body covering his. He settles into a slow, steady rhythm. Another thing they don’t do very often. And like so often tonight, Noah can’t bring himself to complain about it.

His eyes flutter shut when he feels Jolly mouth at the edge of his jaw. Warmth spreads throughout his body, gentle and soothing. He wraps his arms around Jolly’s back, trying to keep him close — to keep the warmth close. He suddenly can’t stand the idea of ever being without this again. The sensation washes over him like a tidal wave. Noah allows it to drag him under the surface, lets it warp around his entire being.

Turn out the water was never cold to being with.

All the times he’s been with Jolly — or anyone else for that matter — have never felt like this. Nothing has ever felt like this before. Putting the things he feels into words or even thoughts feels almost impossible. The only thoughts swirling around his mind centre on how good all of this feels.

It doesn’t take Noah very long to feel like he’s nearing his climax.

He feels a gasp bubbling past his lips.

His fingers dig into the skin of Jolly’s back.

Jolly’s breath spills out against his neck. The breath stutters before it breaks off into a barely audible moan. He feels lips pressing against his skin, before he finally lifts himself up onto his forearms again. Noah tears his eyes open, suddenly feeling the need to see him.

“Look at you.” Jolly sighs out, “So fucking beautiful.”

His voice sounds thick with pleasure already.

“Should see yourself.” Noah replies with a confidence he doesn’t recognise from himself.

The words bring a smile to Jolly’s lips.

His head drops towards his chest for a moment, before he looks back up towards Noah.

“Not gonna last long tonight. You feel too good.”

Noah reluctantly moves one of his hands away from Jolly’s back to wrap it around his leaking cock. He lets out a gasp when his hand makes contact with the sensitive skin.

“I’m close too.” He chokes out.

“Yea? You’re getting real close aren’t you, baby?”

He feels a pleasant shiver run up the length of his spine.

“So close.”

Noah tries his best to match Jolly still slow and steady rhythm. His hips buck upwards involuntarily. The mix between his own touch and the feeling of Jolly inside of him drives him closer and closer to the edge. His mind spins with it and just a few strokes later he feels his release spill onto his stomach. Jolly follows closely behind him, but Noah barely notices any of that. The waves of pleasure that wash over him, slowly pull him into this blissful floating state.

He doesn’t feel the conscious part of his brain return to him until a couple minutes later. By then, Jolly, is already up on his feet again. Noah remains where he is, and he isn’t unsure if he’s unwilling or unable to move. He tries to wriggle his toes, trying to get a little of feeling back into his limbs. He hadn’t come here expecting any of this to happen. He’d come here for his usual quick fix and instead he’d gotten so much more. None of it feels real yet, maybe he’s just imagined the part where they’d kissed.

He watches Jolly move around the room, boxers barely clinging on to his hips. He wants to speak up, ask him if any of this has actually happened, but his throat feels awfully dry when he tries. Whatever pityful little sound he does manage to create, is loud enough for Jolly to hear him though.

“There you are.” Jolly says softly, “How are you feeling?”

“You called me baby.” Noah says bluntly.

“You kissed me.”

Noah sits up then, pulling the duvet around himself as he does.

Jolly looks at him expectanly.

He doesn’t know how what to say next and thankfully he doesn’t have to try to come up with something. Jolly sits down next to him at the edge of the bed.

“I think we both know that this has long stopped being something purely casual.” he says then, “We don’t have to decide anything right now, but you should know that I care about you a lot. A lot more than I should care about a friend.”

Noah blinks at him a few times, still not sure of what to say.

“I know this isn’t easy for you and I’m happy to give you all the space and time you need. Just don’t — shut me out. Talk to me, please.”

“You called me baby.” Noah repeats, instead of giving him any kind of meaningful reply.

Jolly lets out a little laugh in return, “I did.”

“I liked it.”

“It looked like you did.”

Noah plucks at the corner of the duvet, “I don’t really know what I’m doing with this. Casual things feel easier.”

“I know you got hurt before, but you know me. You know that you’re safe here. We’ll be just the same, except that I’ll call you baby as much as you want and you can kiss me whenever you feel like it.”

“I don’t think anyone’s called me baby before.” Noah admits quietly.

“Well I’m glad I could remedy that.”

Jolly reaches out for this hand then. Noah lets him entangle their fingers without protest. Usually he’d try to pull away at this point, put some distance between himself and however is trying to get close. But this time, he lets Jolly take his hand and the terror he expects just doesn’t come.

“I think I got so caught up in trying not to fall in love with anyone that I forgot that it can feel good too.”

“Oh darling.” Jolly sighs and that awful shiver runs down his spine again, “I promise you, it will feel so good. And now I need you to hop under the shower. You’re not sleeping in my bed like this.”

Noah lets out a little sound in protest, despite knowing that Jolly won’t budge on this. And so he trots off towards the other side of the hallway. He rushes through his shower so that he can get back into the comfort of Jolly’s bed as quickly as possible.

As soon as he has slipped under the cover again, Noah shuffles closer towards the other man. He can’t explain this need for closeness to himself either, but every bone in body craves the contact. Noah wraps himself around him somewhat haphazardly, whatever he needs to do to be closer. It takes him a few more seconds to be really comfortable, but with a little bit of shifting around he eventually finds the right spot.

“Comfy?” he asks, when Noah is finally still for a moment.

“Very.”

“Good.” Jolly says with a laugh, “Try to get some sleep now.”

Noah lets himself sink into Jolly’s embrace just a little more.

He could get used to this — the closeness, the love, the tender way Jolly treats him.

He wants to get used to this.

It terrifies him, everything from Jolly’s confession, over the kisses, to the mess of feelings in his own head. It’s all horribly overwhelming in the moment, but he’s sure that it’ll start to feel lighter with time. Jolly has always been good with this.

Just as he’s about to drift off, Noah feels a kiss being pressed to the top of his head and the faint comforting buzz it sends through his body is enough to soothe him to sleep properly.

You were far too accustomed to your own independence, and from the morning of his official start date, he’d already been contacting you about upcoming events on your calendar, questioning their locations, their importance, and even requesting that you factor lunch plans with friends into your schedule.

“I hired you to be my security, not to surveil me.” You confronted him rather bluntly late Thursday afternoon.

Five days of his tyranny had been enough, and maybe the two of you simply weren’t a good fit. You needed someone who allowed you to breathe, not someone constantly pushing you in different directions, all under the guise of ‘your safety’, because that was all he ever threw back at you whenever you questioned his reasoning.

“Same difference.” He shrugged, almost so nonchalantly that it made you want to scream.

He was either too intense or too indifferent, never anything in between, and his lack of facial expressions only made it harder to gauge what was going through his mind.

“How exactly is it in any way the same?” Crossing your arms over your chest, you stood in the middle of the living room, staring him down while he continued his usual sweep of the apartment, ensuring everything was secure. As though there might be some boogeyman hiding in a closet or lurking beneath your bed. It felt ridiculous, but you’d agreed to it when it came with such a hefty price tag. Might as well get your money’s worth.

“To ensure your safety, I have to know where you are and what you’re doing at all times.”

“Sounds more like you have a control issue.”

He scoffed, close enough to be mistaken for a chuckle, before quickly composing himself. “I have excellent self control.”

“I never said self control. I meant you have a thing for control.”

“That’s your observation, is it?”

“It is.” You nodded.

“Interesting…” He dragged the word out, and once satisfied with his lack of findings, turned his attention back to you. “And do you have an issue with that?”

“With what?”

“Me enjoying control?”

“I—” You didn’t know why, but the unexpected question made you stumble over your thoughts. It was as though he was searching for something else, like another test, pushing you to reveal more than you were willing to give.

“Yes? No?” Tilting his head from side to side, he approached you slowly, and you could have sworn you saw his eyes darken as they fixed on you.

Standing your ground, you refused to move, refusing to let yourself be intimidated by him, or by the heat creeping through you beneath his unwavering gaze.

“I just need you to do your job.” Deflection. You weren’t about to let yourself fall into these complicated feelings that seemed to be surfacing.

“And to do that, I need to know where you are. I need to have eyes on you, one way or another, to ensure that you’re safe.”

You wanted to scoff, to call bullshit, but the moment his steps brought him to within barely a foot of you, something unexpected charged the air between you.

The heat finally reached your cheeks, and your throat tightened.

“If you’ll excuse me…” Clearing your throat, you brushed past Noah, heading for the kitchen.

Retrieving a bottle of water from the fridge, you  lingered there for a moment, letting the cool air wash over you as you took a sip, then another.

None of your previous security detail had ever been this invested. In fact, they treated accompanying you like a vacation, often slacking off for one reason or another and leaving you to your own devices. That had occasionally resulted in a few minor incidents, though never anything serious enough to warrant their dismissal, in your father’s eyes, at least.

When Noah had told you he’d make you a priority, he’d meant it, and the way he’d shown up for you throughout the week had proven it.

Aside from riding shotgun in your usual car, he’d taken care of specific tasks for you, brought you coffee orders or lunch without being asked, forwarded any necessary calls and emails, and rearranged meetings whenever necessary.

At times, he was beginning to feel less like security and more like your own personal assistant. In a way, you were grateful for it, because you still hadn’t gotten around to actually hiring someone for that position.

You couldn’t envision anyone being able to keep up with the demands that came with your obligations, but Noah was proving himself more than capable of the challenge without you even needing to ask.

With a deep exhale, you tightened the lid on your water bottle before closing the fridge door. Turning toward the living room, you found Noah still standing there like some kind of android waiting to be dismissed.

“I’m going to shower and order dinner. I won’t be going anywhere else tonight, so you’re free to step down.”

“Thank you, Ms.”

You nodded in his direction before picking up your phone from the kitchen countertop as you passed, heading toward the hallway and down to your bedroom.

Pulling up Uber Eats, you began scrolling through the app, searching for something, anything, to fill the hollow feeling in your stomach. There was no particular craving, except perhaps for one thing that wasn’t food, but you quickly pushed that thought down, grumbling to yourself as you filled your online basket and headed for checkout.

“Well, Dan, I guess I’ll see you in forty five minutes.” You remarked after the confirmation for your order appeared on screen, then began stripping off your clothes, leaving a trail behind you as you headed toward your en suite.

Turning on the shower, you waited a moment for the temperature to adjust before stepping inside, releasing a long sigh as the warm water washed over you.

“Thank God…”

You dipped your head beneath the stream, letting the water run over your face for a moment, the steady rush drowning out the thoughts spiralling through your mind.

The day had felt long, and not only because of Noah and his overbearing approach to your security and safety. There had also been the various meetings with clients, investors, venues, and everyone else involved in the upcoming charity gala you were heading.

Everything fell onto your shoulders, and you were beginning to feel the weight of it all as the date drew closer. Somehow, something always seemed to be going wrong.

Every inch of your body felt knotted, as though you needed a good rubdown, something more than what the hot water could provide you, as you lathered yourself with the nearby pomegranate and hibiscus body wash.

As refreshing as it was, your mind kept returning to Noah’s words. The way he’d surprised you when he’d asked whether you had an issue with him enjoying control.

Control over you? Yes… you wanted to say.

Yet the longer your hands moved absentmindedly over your skin beneath the warm stream of water, the more you wanted to say no. To hand over the reins completely and allow him to take control. You didn’t want to think, to act, to do anything. You wanted to leave yourself in those very capable, tattooed hands. The same hands that had been heroic on numerous occasions. Hands that felt surprisingly soft whenever they briefly brushed against you in passing. It made you wonder how they would feel elsewhere. What it would be like to hear him giving orders, instructing you, guiding you…

You snapped your eyes open and drew in a deep breath. No. You were frustrated, overworked, overtired, and definitely horny, but you were not about to stand in your shower and masturbate to the thought of your bodyguard.

By the time you stepped out, you imagined Noah would have long since gone, leaving you to demolish your Uber Eats order in front of the tv while binging whatever the latest show on Netflix happened to be.

Instead, after exiting your bedroom wrapped in a fluffy towel robe, slippers on your feet, you were greeted by the distinct aroma of food, something that smelt nothing like what you ordered.

“Erm… what are you doing?” You came to a stop a couple of feet from the kitchen, watching Noah finish plating up something he’d consciously decided to cook in your kitchen.

“Making you dinner.”

“That’s nice, but I’ve already ordered in.”

“I know. I gave him a nice tip and told him to take it away.”

“You what?!” You almost couldn’t believe your ears, your eyes widening as they fixed on him.

“Now, come take a bite of this.” He said it so proudly, holding up the plate as though it was something to boast about, ushering you over with the fork in his free hand.

“Why did you do that?” You glanced back toward the door, as though your Uber Eats order might’ve somehow still be waiting for you, bitterness creeping into your tone.

“Because I’ve watched you order in every night this week, and you need some proper food. Actual vegetables.”

“Thanks, Dad.” You huffed, rolling your eyes, and swear you briefly caught his jaw flex.

“Remind me not to do anything nice for you in the future.” He said before taking a bite of his own food.

Your eyes fell to the plate, your stomach twisting and rumbling with hunger. There was only one person you were punishing by continuing to be defiant about it, and it was yourself. Not that you’d thank him anyway.

Approaching, you eyed the plate before looking at the fork he’d filled with another bite. Instead of refusing, you leaned in and accepted his generosity.

The second the food hit your taste buds, you had to refrain from letting out a joyful sound that would have bordered on a moan.

“What is this?” You accepted the fork from him and dug in for another bite.

“Baked ziti.”

“And how did you do that with no ingredients?” you asked, shovelling another mouthful.

“DoorDash.” For the first time, you watched his face break into a grin, as though he were proud of his cunning.

There was no witty retort from you, only another eye roll that was easily silenced by another bite of food, and taking the plate, you made your way toward the couch.

“Aren’t you going to have some?” you called over your shoulder.

“Are you inviting me to dinner?”

Instead of a rebuttal, the corner of your mouth quirked into the faintest smirk. “Yeah.” You shrugged. “I guess I am.”

After plating up his own serving, Noah joined you in the living room mere seconds later, his plate in one hand and a bottle of wine he’d already opened from your fridge in the other. Two glasses were tucked between his long, tattooed fingers, and you couldn’t resist staring at them.

Only when you realised what you were doing did you quickly avert your gaze, hoping he hadn’t caught you.

He poured you each a glass, and you focused your attention on the tv as you reached for the remote and turned it on.

“I hope you’re a fan of trash tv.” It was your only warning. Scrolling through the options, you settled on the latest season of Love Island, hitting play from your Continue Watching section.

“Can’t say I’d complain.”

“Somehow, I find that hard to believe.” You teased as you accepted your glass of wine from him, your fingers brushing against his.

The brief contact sent a quiver rippling down your spine, stirring the same heat you’d felt in the shower earlier while thinking about him.

Most evenings were spent by yourself, enjoying the quiet as you ate whatever you’d ordered that night, but you couldn’t deny how nice it felt not to be sitting here alone, especially while eating a homemade meal. Even if you would never admit it to him, his company wasn’t the worst to be in.

“So where did you learn to cook like that?”

Finishing off the last of the wine in your glass, you leaned forward and set it down on the nearby coffee table before shifting to draw your legs up beneath you. Leaning back, you settled more comfortably against the cushions.

Noah sat at the other end, facing you, his fingers still curled around the delicate stem of his glass. For a moment, your eyes lingered there, circling back to the way his fingers had felt when they’d briefly brushed yours. You needed to get him out of your system. This was dangerous for multiple reasons.

“What makes you think I didn’t already know how to cook like that?”

“Because you made enough for thousands, not two people.” You teased him, the alcohol coursing through your veins, along with the good food in your stomach, loosening you enough to joke and be a little easier on him than you’d been over the past few days.

“That just means you have leftovers.” Raising his glass, he gestured it toward you before taking a sip, hiding the unmistakable grin that had slipped across his face behind the rim.

“Oh, come on. Don’t be vague now.” You nudged him, leaning forward slightly before settling back, your hand tucking against the side of your head, elbow resting against the back of the couch.

“Tell me,” you coaxed.

For once, he looked relaxed. Though maybe that wasn’t entirely a good thing when he was here to protect you. Then again, you’d dismissed him for the evening, he'd simply chosen to stay.

“I used to serve in the army. That’s where I learned to cook. That also means I learned to cook in bulk.” He let out a gruff sound that was almost a chuckle.

The corners of your mouth lifted, and you bit your lower lip to resist teasing him about it. First a grin, now an almost chuckle. It felt like you were making progress with him.

“And the tattoos?”

“What about them?”

“I thought you weren’t allowed to have them in the army.”

“As long as they’re not offensive. Most of these I ended up getting after I was discharged.” He gestured toward the sleeves of tattoos covering both arms and continuing up his neck.

Nodding, you ran your tongue across your lower lip. You felt more than a buzz from the alcohol now, it had made you almost playful, increasing the urge to tease him.

“So that’s why you’re good at your job?”

“No.” He dismissed the suggestion, leaning forward to set his now empty glass on the coffee table beside yours. It took you a moment to realise that, unlike you, he’d only had the one.

“I’m good at my job because I’m good at my job.”

He settled back, and you nodded once more, humming thoughtfully.

“I bet I could do your job.”

“What?” This time, he didn’t even try to hide his amusement.

You shifted, sitting yourself upright. “Yeah. It’s so easy. I bet I could do it.”

“Okay. Go on, then. Show me.” He gestured toward the open floor in front of you.

Accepting his challenge with a nod, you climbed off the couch, a slight uneasiness in your legs as you stood. After shuffling around the room, you stopped in exactly the spot where Noah usually stood, hands clasped neatly in front of you.

“Shoulders back a little more,” he instructed.

You followed, pushing your chest out.

“There. Now frown a little. You need to look scary.”

You did as instructed, baring your teeth slightly, which caused him to chuckle once again. You were finally thawing out that icy exterior.

“Better. Not bad. Not bad at all.” Getting up from the couch, he walked over to you, stopping just short of your position. “Now, I want you to try and move me.”

“What?”

“Move, retrain, whichever. Just try your best. I’m someone who’s a threat, and you need to neutralise me.”

“Oh, pfft.” You scoffed. “That’s easy.” Waving a hand at him, you readjusted yourself, tightening the belt of your robe before moving toward him.

You pressed your hands against his large, firm chest and attempted to drive him backward, only to be met with a solid wall of absolutely no movement. Huffing, you tried again, this time grunting with the effort, before Noah raised his hands and caught your wrists.

With a swift movement, he turned you around, bringing your back firmly against his chest. He crossed your arms in front of you, holding them securely in place.

“Now, you want to stop them from being able to grab you, so your first move is to restrain their arms or hands in some way. Keep them out of reach. Do you understand?” The warmth of his breath brushed against your ear with every word. His voice had dropped slightly, taking on a tone that somehow managed to sound both authoritative and seductive.

Heat pooled in your stomach once again, spreading outward as you tried to wriggle free, only his hold remained firm.

“Now you can’t get out of this, can you?”

You shook your head, swallowing against the dryness forming in your throat as your heartbeat thudded loudly in your ears. Part of you almost didn’t want him to let you go. You blamed the alcohol. Your head felt foggy enough to cloud your judgement, though it seemed like you both remained there in that position for an eternity before he finally relented, stepping back and putting some distance between you.

“I think that’s my cue to leave, before you start thinking you can wrestle me to the ground.” He joked, but there was already a quip waiting on your tongue to throw back at him.

After a moment to compose yourself, however, you finally spoke. “Thank you for dinner.”

You couldn’t remember the last time anyone had cooked for you, or the last time you’d shared a meal with someone rather than eating alone at home.

“Leftovers are in the fridge, and I’ll be here at nine am sharp tomorrow morning.”

While he seemed to slip back into his usual professionalism, his tone didn’t quite return to its previous flatness. There was still that lighthearted warmth you’d noticed throughout the evening.

“Goodnight, Ms.” Noah nodded in your direction, and you caught the faint trace of a smile as he walked toward the door, ready to slip out.

“Goodnight, Noah.” You called after him, the door clicking shut behind him.

You didn’t know what to expect the following day. Perhaps he’d remain that same warm voiced, relaxed, somewhat funny man from the previous night.

Instead, when morning arrived, you were greeted by the same cool, impersonal Noah you’d had the pleasure of spending your days with. It felt like one step forward and ten steps back with him. There was no such thing as progress.

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