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There are so many hot picture captions/memes on Tumblr about hotwifing, cuckolding, the stag and vixen lifestyles, and all the other forms of alternative relationship arrangements we get out perverted and kinky selves into.

But you know what bothers me sometimes? 

How our perceptions and expectations about these arrangements can get skewed without us even recognizing it. 

Expectations for what it’s all like, what it should be like, how it happens, how often it happens, why it happens…all those expectations get influenced by the things we immerse ourselves in. 

This is especially the case for people who are new to the lifestyles or who are looking to get into the lifestyles.

Simply put, the eroticism and sexiness of hotwifing images/memes we see on Tumblr notwithstanding, they leave out some of the realities to it all. 

Sometimes though, it’s good to be reminded of the realities, and that’s what this post is all about. 

For example, you’ll never come across a picture like this…

…with a caption on it that says something like, “ “Honey I just got back from my date with another man, and he was a TERRIBLE kisser. I didn’t enjoy it at all.”

Or perhaps one like this…

Or how about one that conveys just how common it is to get all ready and excited for your first in-person meet, only to have the guy be a faker or flake…

We don’t see things like this because it’s not sexy to see or think about. We only reblog things that stoke our desires. And that’s normal for the most part. After all, sex isn’t the only thing that “sells”…SEXY does too. 

Don’t get me wrong though. I’m not saying the hotwifing lifestyle can’t be enjoyable or sexy or pleasurable beyond your wildest imagination, because it can. It can one of the most fulfilling journeys a couple can take together in their entire life. 

It just sometimes helps to be reminded every now and again that if it all doesn’t go down or happen like you read about in most online hotwifing stories or see in the hotwife pictures/memes,…DON’T WORRY…IT’S ALL NORMAL!

Nothing is wrong with you, or your partner, or your relationship, or your experience. You’re most likely not doing anything wrong. Navigating the lifestyle can be difficult and frustrating at times, and it comes with tons of challenges. 

So if at any point, you run into a challenge or a setback or have a negative experience along the way, remember that it comes with the territory and you shouldn’t fret too much about it. But most importantly…

Don’t be afraid to share your “negative” experiences with the online community! It can help you and it can help others to know that living out this lifestyle in reality is a bit different than living it out in fantasy. That’s why…

💖: i have a romantic crush on you!

💜: i want to make sure you’re happy

💙: i have a friend crush on you!

💚: im a little jealous of you

💛: i just think you’re cute!

💘: i wouldnt say no to a platonic marriage

👀: im too shy to talk to you

💗: i want to give you a hug!

💋: i want to kiss you!

💪: id fight someone if they talked shit about you

🔊: im really glad i started following you!

💬: we should talk more!

💭: i think about you a lot

👏: everything you say is great wtf…

🎧: you have excellent music taste!

👑: your blog aesthetic is lovely!

You have adopted a title that should come with a giant heaping dose of honor, respect, and trustworthiness. 

1. Don’t make demands of submissive girls that don’t belong to you. You should know the difference between having the ability to control your own submissive, and how you should be treating all the rest that don’t belong to you.

2. Don’t talk intimately/woo other submissives behind the back of the one that belongs to you. All the time and energy you have to put into the submissive world should be aimed at your own submissive. If you want a different submissive, do the right thing, and break with the one you currently own first.

3. Don’t ditch submissives. How would you feel if the person you depend on for nearly everything suddenly went up in a puff of smoke, and was never heard from again? How would it effect your ability to trust someone else to take up the same role in your life? Stop ghosting, and ruining perfectly good submissives. 

4. Don’t cut your submissive out from contributing to your relationship. Yes, I know she put you in charge, but relationships evolve, and if you don’t attend to what she wants out of yours, your relationship is likely to evolve in separate directions. You can still be in charge, and listen to her wants and needs, I promise. 

5. Don’t ask someone you just met to be your submissive. It’s your job to inspire her to submit to you, by getting to know who she is, and showing her that you are the single most qualified man to be her Dominant. Don’t be lazy. Being a Dominant takes a lot of focus and energy. If you’re not up for that, go find another title to adopt. 

6. Don’t put your submissive on a shelf when caring for her is not convenient to you, and take her down off the shelf when it suits you. Submissives are human beings, and though some of them like to be treated like objects from time to time, they should not be ignored when you don’t feel like dealing with your relationship. If you don’t have to the time and energy to adopt the role of Dominant for someone, then don’t do it in a half-assed way.

7. Don’t compare your current submissive with past submissives. It’s not a competition. You should be making her feel like she’s the most important person in your current world, so don’t make her feel like she’s less than other submissives, or that you’re pining for something you no longer have, and feel you can’t have with her. 

8. Don’t skimp on the essential ingredients in D/s relationships. Don’t be that guy who limits your submissives safeword in any way. A safeword is the difference between consensual sex, and possible rape and abuse. Don’t skimp on aftercare. Let her know how much you appreciate all the control she continuously allows you to have over her, and how well she is performing for you. It’s the difference between a proud and happy submissive, and a sad and confused one. 

9. Don’t make unilateral decisions that your submissive is directly opposed to. You don’t get to decide your submissive needs a sister because it suits you to have a second submissive to play with, when it’s patently against her wishes. Once again, it’s her relationship too. 

10. Don’t lie to your submissive. It’s all about trust. It’s trust that inspires her to submit to you. It’s trust that inspires her to allow you to continue to hold her submission. One or two breaches of trust, and it all falls apart.