Please don't leave again.

"…Yo. Listen up. I’m Benjamin Oakes, Super High School Level Stand Up Comedian. I’m pretty big in America and England, so I’ve you’ve heard of me that’s probably where from. That or Youtube. Anyway.”

“You’re my best friend, you’re supposed to tell me when I’m dating an asshole.”

“Bro-date, just you me and some nachos.”

“As your friend I’m allowed to tell you when you’re being an ass and you’re being an ass.”

“Remember that time we pretended we were dating because that creep wouldn’t leave you alone? Good times.”

“You’re not alone, you’ve got me.”

“Only you would find my offensive jokes funny.”

“I’ll be your wingman!”

“I know what you need, icecream and a bad movie!”

“No wonder people think we’re a couple, we eat pizza naked together.”

“Please don’t tell anyone, I trust you.”

“Don’t push me away, you’re my best friend.”

 “You’ve told me that story twenty times already.”

“You’re such a bitch/jerk, it’s a good job you buy me food.”

“Someone was talking smack about you, long story short I spent a night in a cell.”

“I’m only saying this because we’re friends, you can do so much better.”

“They think we’re together, I think we should play along.”

“No homo, but I love you like I love pizza.”

“I know we’re not kids, but I really think we should have a sleepover.”

“Are you eating my food?”

“Ugh, I can’t stay mad at you.”