Long Way Down

“Please tell me tha’s not a spider in my hair.”

“It’s just a curl, Roxy. Not nearly as frightening.”

“You’re here… I was almost not expecting… But no, I would definitely win. I’m far smaller than you. Small things fit in small places”

“I managed to hide for so many months, with no one even knowing I was alive; not even entirely on purpose.”

Stuff putting up tents. We should play a game of hide and seek.

You’re definitely not a ghost this time..? I accidentally got high and I thought I saw you… This isn’t the same as that…is it?

I can’t prove to you if you’re high or not, Mila. But I can definitely, most confidently tell you that it isn’t the same. I promise, whether it’s a good thing or not, I’m real. I’m alive. It’s...It’s good to see you.

I didn’t kill you???? Is this a dream?

Do you want me to poke you?

 No, I’ve jus’ had a rough night, drama as usual in Linco, ya’ okay? I’m Alexis. 

I don’t think ghosts exist, anyway.

Rufas never left. Or existed, actually. Unless you mean Rufus.

DON’T do this to me again.

Do what? Mila. This is the first time we’ve spoken. I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Steady beeps fill Rufus’ eardrums, over washing everything. The rushing of nurses around him. The constant flow of life- something he’d been isolated from for months. Oblivious to the fact that the heart of the rest of the world still thumped; blood still flowed through it’s veins. Everything went on as normal. Except not for Rufus. He was tied to machinery; wired down to things promising more gasped breaths and robotic heart beats. Everything he was depended on electricity, on these strange inventions only known to Rufus through his short training in University. His life seemed only half. He could do nothing for himself, though, by logic and fact he was surviving. Surviving. Only surviving. There seemed little point to it. Was there any hope that his life would ever return to normal? Months had passed in which he had not recovered; not awakened. The fear in which he never would crept in more and more with every second. It affected little people though, from the hospital’s point of view. This boy must have a family. Yet, there was no identification to be found; no trace of who is was. He was a nobody, lying close to death on a bed that no one would visit. Life continued for those he had once known, oblivious to where he was or what was happening to it. It could be mistaken that there was no one to care for him. Alone, by himself, other than for the white washed walls, figures in uniform, and the technology holding on to his every fragile moment. 

The moment in which his eyes opened was nothing more than underwhelming. It could have happened at any time. It had been so long, that it was expected to be a shock; to never happen, even. Yet it was the simple matter of, at twenty-four minutes past five on the 2nd of May, his vision widened to his surroundings. And, he was concious. Aware. He stared. Not knowing what to say; do. Half confused as to where he was. He tried to collect his last memories...Burning. Fire. The ceiling’s collapse-...His chest tightened, and the bemusement in his eyes mixed with terror. It had killed him; it could have ended his life, his future, it had for whatever length of time. Yet he’d been hurtled back to mundane awareness. Nothing at all made of it, expect the surprised smile of a nurse. Of course, there would never have been confetti or celebratory music- but above all, his heart sank when he looked beside him and saw an empty chair. It had been so long since he had woken up and not had Roxy by his side. Roxy. There were so many questions he wanted to ask, most of them evolved around her: wanting to know if she was okay, where she was, when she had last been in the vacant seat nearby...How long it had been since he’d fallen into this deep slumber.

The nurse with the manic, strained expression leaned over, reassuring him with the flicker of her lips. “Hello. Can you hear me? Understand what I’m saying?” Rufus nodded. Plainly. Wanting to escape despite the numb weight of his legs. 

Through the next hours, everything had been explained to Rufus. Laid out, and cut into him. He’d spoken to a number of different specialists, doctors, and nurses; told a number of things. He’d been there for one hundred and thirty days in total. Three thousand, one hundred and twenty hours. Yet he hadn’t been visited by a single soul. It was told that his body was found with no ID, no way of finding a name or anyone to contact- friends or family. His life had been stripped from him in every way possible. If the hospital had been unable to get in touch with any of his loved ones- what were they all to think? The doctors understood his panic at this, and seemed to recognise it’s presence before Rufus expressed it. They offered him a phone call, but had more to say before this could happen. 

His brain showed no damage, his memory unscathed- miraculously lucky considering the impact he had taken to his head. But he hadn’t escaped injury entirely, it seemed he had a condition called paraplegia; he was paralysed from the waist down, doomed to use a wheelchair for the rest of his life. Unable to feel his legs; his feet. But he was still alive, he told himself. He could still live a life with Roxy. 

The wheelchair was frustrating to use, his mind’s desire to walk unable to connect with his dormant senses. It was something he would get used to, the constant rolling beneath his hands as he glided a good deal shorter than his usual height. Upon reaching the phone, he rested it in his hands. The medical team had given no recommendation on who to contact, possibly out of a cautiousness triggered by his lack of visitations. Perhaps even thinking he had nobody. More than anything he wanted to hear Roxy’s sweet voice, to have her know that he was okay. But it seemed such a daunting concept. Three thousand, one hundred and twenty hours. In that time, what did she believe to have happened to him? How had she lived; what had she been up to? He could not, quite yet, face telling her, fearing of how she might react at hearing his voice over the phone after such a long time. The easier person to call seemed his mother. Decide shared blood, they hadn’t been as close leading up to the accident. Perhaps she would seem calmer about it. Or, at least the idea that she wouldn’t be wasn’t so nerving. The number stumbled from his thoughts, pressing down clumsily on the buttons. The phone started to ring; every ring sounding like a scream to his ear. “Hello...?” Came his mother’s hesitant voice from across the line. “Mum...”

Three months hadn’t been enough to recover from that one fatal phone call. He couldn’t imagine that any amount of time would heal the pain. There seemed no point to the gift he’d been given; the lucky escape, if he could not share it with Roxy. He almost wished he had not survived, so he didn’t have to face the endless days of paralysis and the painful knowing that the love of his life was with another man. He felt so dramatic, the way he monologued it in his mind. But he could not imagine greater grief. To begin with, Rufus had refused to believe it. When his mother told him that Roxy had moved on, he had argued and argued with her until the doctor had urged him to hang up. The shock unhealthy for someone who had just woken up from being in a coma for so many months. Yet he had to face the shock at some point, and he certainly had, with the feeling refusing to dilute. In many ways, he had started a new life over the previous months: he had moved in with his parents, with none of old belongings but rather needing to buy everything again in order to avoid seeing Roxy, and he could not walk nor do anything involving the lower part of him. A new life, which seemed more of a punishment than anything else. 

He was not sure what reason he had behind attended the boat party. It seemed a ridiculous idea. Everyone here was either a stranger to him, and the people he did know, wouldn’t have seen him since the fire. Did they all believe he had died that night? Trying to detract attention from himself seemed impossible in a wheelchair. In trying to create some happiness or distraction in the new life he had been given, he ultimately felt worse. Scanning the copious amounts of faces and expressions, Rufus felt overwhelmed, however failing to recognise anyone. That was a good thing, surely. Or certainly a way of avoiding the “I’m not dead, I’ve just been hiding my newly paralysed self away” conversation. The alcohol and mere thought that this was a party added to his fears, subconsciously associating it with the last time. Just as every element of fear compiled in his stomach and forced his decision to leave, he saw her. Just the same as always; like not a day had passed since he had last seen her. The curls of her blonde hair, the blush of her cheeks, her height which stood more than a head beneath him. Except there was one difference, so obvious yet against what he wanted to see...Roxy’s stomach was rounded. Exactly as it had been before. She was pregnant. Her and her new partner were to have a baby...Everything he’d been unable to have with her.

Rufus charged up the stairs, smothered by the heat of the inferno. He ignored the fatigue he suffered; his weariness. Refusing to succumb to it. The only thing locked in his mind being the determination to save every person inside the house that was inevitable to fall. 

Rufus didn't see himself as a hero. This wasn't a façade of his used to appear brave. He'd studied to become a Doctor. Whilst Rufus had paid little attention to his University course; eventually failing it, it had one impact on him: it it had embedded an instinct in Rufus to help people; try and prevent awful incidents like this from happening. Stories of house fires; the harm reaped by them had stained Rufus' memory. During his training, he'd been told of such things, and trained to heal burns and handle the situation. It was against all his morals to turn his back whilst he could be doing something to help.

The main person he'd searched for was Roxy. Rufus didn't know whether she was trapped inside, and that thought alone pained him above all else. The only place left for him to check was where he stood- the top floor. If he didn't find Roxy here he knew she'd be outside. Safe. Keeping a hand over his mouth, precluding smoke from being inhaled, Rufus marched further into the landing. Checking every room he passed; making sure they were vacant from people who hadn't managed to escape. But most of all, making sure Roxy wasn't in any of them. Rufus had only checked two of the rooms when he sighted a familiar face. Though his vision was blurred, his eyes stinging from the smoke, he could tell that this person was Lucas. "Lucas?!" Rufus called, his voice demanding and lacking patience. "What are you still doing in here!?" It occurred to him that perhaps Lucas was there for a similar reason, but Rufus' inclination forced him into asking. As though Lucas was a fool for having not fled- just alike Rufus. Perhaps they were. 

Rufus' thoughts were cut off when he heard a loud crack. Arching his head back to stare at the ceiling, he saw that it was starting to disintegrate. They had to move before— "Lucas, move!" Rufus bellowed, grabbing the boy's shoulders and forcing him backwards into a room. Slamming the door behind them. The door was a frail barrier to separate them from the fire, but it was something, and it was all that they had. It was better to be in here than exposed amongst it. Rufus moved both of his hands to the back of his head, his arms spreading outward. "Fuck." The word was spoken harshly on an in-breath. Realising that the ribboned flames had moved right outside the door. Trapping them. If they tried to escape that way then they would find themselves confronted by the fire, with no way out. It seemed safest to stay in the room that was so far untouched by flames. But they had to find a way out before the fire got in. Rufus ran to a window, leaning out of it and shouting for help. A few people were scattered outside, all looking equally panicked. It wasn't long before he'd captured the attention of someone from the fire brigade, noticing that him and Lucas were trapped.