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I’m that one who waits for you to tie your shoe while the others keep going

Sorry I left you on read for 3 months, I was stuck in an endless self isolation and self destruction cycle bc I thought I deserved to be alone. (It will probably happen again.)

its so shiddy when u have to convince yourself to do your hobbies. like, its fun, you like it, why cant you just do it. do it. do it. but what if.... mindless media consumption instead....

im so sorry to the seven thousand of you so far who relate

i don't want to sound like a slut, but i need some human interaction

I understand that museums have to be dark because light can destroy fragile artifacts. That said, I’m always afraid to walk around the blind corners because what if there is a skeleton

Okay yes sometimes there’s a skeleton, I understand how museums work. But I mean what if it gets me

Fact: you can absolutely kick a skeleton's ass. You are a skeleton wearing biological power armor. Skeletons of adult humans typically weigh less than 30 pounds. You are in a superior weight class by orders of magnitude.

i wish someone had told me that when i was a kid and terrified of having to fight a skeleton

vampire vs. skeleton. what's the vampire gonna do? suck blood the skeleton doesn't have?? on the other hand werewolf vs. skeleton would not be so good. all those bones.

Its like Halloween rock paper scissors

I must not cringe. Cringe is the mind-killer. Cringe is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my cringe. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. When the cringe has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. 

compliment recklessly! say the nice things that come to your head! we've got better things to do than resisting the instinct to be kind!

demon gf that insists on making pacts for every little thing

"i will do the dishes... for a price (kissies)"

humans need a healthy dose of believing in benign bullshit. four leaf clovers. salt over the shoulder. if you don’t let it out in little ways it builds up inside of you where it rots until you join qanon.

I can’t believe I’ve found this video again. I never thought I would see the day

“this pillow works better if your a back sleeper” bitch I’m a rotisserie chicken sleeper I don’t stop turning until sleep rips me forcefully from this world

futurama is one of those shows that lures you in by being funny and then rips your fucking heart out

If you didn’t know the hand was her father, the squid thing her mother, her parents left her at an orphanage when she was a baby but in reality were looking out for her all her life

what makes it even sadder is the reason they left her in an orphanage. they didn’t want her to know she was a mutant. they wanted her to live a normal human life so they gave her up while they live in the sewers as mutants.

BITCH if u watched the show or did any research at all you’d know that she thought she was an ALIEN, which in that society was completely acceptable. Try again!!!!

Her mother used her Ph.D in Exolinguistics to forge a note in an incomprehensible alien language to make the deception seem legit, so nobody would ever question why she was the only cyclops, or suspect her of being a mutant on the surface, which was illegal.