rowan

Hi! My name is Rowan. I'm a senior in high school, dually enrolled in the college here! After I graduate FSW, I want to go on to study biomedical engineering and eventually design and build bionic eyes and other prosthetics!

I like to sing, play guitar, and (most of all) listen to music. I also enjoy cutting and dying my hair, hanging out with my cat (named Marley), and playing video games! Right now, my favorite games are Dying Light and Animal Crossing: New Horizons.

The Sprout Manifesto encourages and promotes art that advocates the Sprout Mindset. This includes a few major themes, namely growth, persistence, finding your Sun, and bettering yourself. Sprouts learn from their mistakes and reflect on their Herbicides in the hope of understanding themselves and making better choices in their future. We understand that growth is not always linear or consistent, and we condemn unrealistic expectations of progress. This will only cause more Droughts on your growth journey. We appreciate fleeting feelings of despair and loss for what they are, but do not tolerate any unwillingness to get up and try again. Over the last academic period, I have recorded and analyzed growth (both my own and others’) on this blog to build a garden shed of examples to build my manifesto for future Sprouts.

The most vital trait for a Sprout to possess is persistence. To never give up is to grow. Some examples from the garden shed include my analysis of Don DJ Wilkins’ statue, The Wizard. As mentioned in that post, the statue of Thomas Alva Edison stands tall with his cane, and holding a small metal ball. The deliberate decision to portray Edison in his old age with a cane sends a message to encourage students to be persistent and try to learn new things every day, despite their age. It also encourages students to use support systems to get through tough times, as advocated for by his cane. Another example is in my post about the connection between transgender people via music, I mention Ezra Furman’s Maraschino Red Dress $8.99 at Goodwill. I did not get very into the underlying theme of persistence in that post, but it is a feeling of persistence all transgender people know. The crushing knowledge that people will never see you as you see yourself, and the effort it takes to keep going anyways. It is a silent persistence that transpires nearly everyday, but persistence nonetheless. Most of the other songs included in this post also have some connection to this struggle; some of the prominent ones include My Body is a Cage, True Trans Soul Rebel, and Tona Brown’s jam session. A third example from the garden shed is another song by Ezra Furman, Forever In Sunset. My analysis of this song was my second ever addition to the blog! As I wrote in that post, the protagonist struggles with security in her relationships, knowing that she will never be perceived in the way she knows she should be. This continually drives people away from her and causes her to be paranoid and combative through every relationship, yet she still gives them her best shot. Despite the fighting mentioned in the song, the protagonist meets an understanding with her partner and they move on. Her persistence in making their relationship work drove them through hard times. 

Another crucial part of being a Sprout is finding your Sun. Just like real plants, we all need hope and encouragement to get through tough times. Finding one thing, person, or medium that helps you get through life’s trickier moments is ideal. My Sun is definitely music. An example of someone finding their Sun occurs in my post about Lost in Translation. Despaired by harmful or otherwise negative relationships in their life, the two characters find their Sun in each other. More specifically, they find their Sun in having someone who relates to their problem, who they can talk to. My second example from the shed is in my post about Shakespeare's Hamlet I.ii, who finds his Sun in interrogating the ghost of his father. Anguished by his recent loss, the chance to talk with his late father provided hope to Hamlet. My last example is in my post about abstract art, where I analyze Sohrab Sepehri’s Untitled. Depicted in this painting is a world of obstructive, monotone gray, with tiny slivers of blue peeking through. These glimmers of color represent a Sun; a little bit of hope to move past the all-consuming and contrarious gray. 

Lastly, Sprouts must always be ready and willing to grow themselves, especially their mindset. This includes finding Droughts (things that disturb you), and confronting them safely, determining what unsettles you and why. This allows you to learn from yourself and be more intentional in your life. A great example of this from the shed is my analysis of Francis Alÿs’ video art, Re-enactment, which features him buying a loaded gun and walking down the streets of Mexico City while brandishing it. Personally, this video forced me to consider what I would do in this situation, what I should do in this situation, and to think on the politics surrounding this issue. It was very unsettling to watch and think about, but I feel I know myself better. Another example from the shed of personal growth is my short story about the ants who invaded my room, Tiny Terrors. I faced my issues with waking up my brother so he could help with the pests, and he was glad to. Asking for help took courage, but it will take less and less so each time!

Your father, Peary?

Tell me more, tell me more!

Your brother on the Chicago White Sox?

Tell me more, tell me more!

Gloria Swanson’s divorce? 

Tell me more, tell me more!

Struggling with higher income tax? 

Tell me more, tell me more!

I heard it on the party wire!

I chose Norman Rockwell’s The Party Wire for this assignment. This painting was published in March of 1919 as the cover for Leslie’s, a newspaper line. The name of the work refers to the old way telephones were wired, that let any house with a phone listen to other conversations on the same line. This led to gossip being unknowingly listened in on, just like the lady in the picture. She is listening in to a conversation that was meant to be private, and is shocked at what she’s heard! For some examples of drama she could’ve been hearing, I included multiple incidents that occurred in 1919 that could have been passed around. 

Francis Alÿs and Rafael Ortega’s 2000 video Re-enactment features Alÿs buying a loaded gun and then walking down the streets of Mexico City with it in his hand. As Ortega films, the audience can see that he does not receive much but a few stares from passersby; that is, until the police come to take him away. This video has two videos playing simultaneously— one of the original incident, where the arrest was not staged, and the other, which was made in collaboration with the local police department. Even though it is not a traditional film, it has a lot of cinematic shots, especially the side filmed later, which seem to revolve around Alÿs’ hand most often, and the loaded gun that he holds. 

From the videos I watched, it’s clear that video art has a very different feel to it than television or movies. It feels like it was made to appeal to people with shorter attention spans, even though it is not common to have one clear storyline. This piece in particular feels like it is urging viewers to consider what they would do in this situation. No one that witnesses Alÿs' walk confronts him, which I think is understandable because he is holding a loaded gun. But when you think of the things a man with a loaded gun could be on his way to do, it's scary. Not good things, for sure. It’s unclear (in the original video) if the police came because someone called them or if they were just passing by. This video wants you to think about the bystander effect and what you think is the best course of action for citizens in this situation, as well as how strict the laws should be surrounding buying loaded guns over-the-counter and leaving with them same-day.

Moonlight tells the story of Chiron in three acts. First it shows his life as a kid, living with his mom who is addicted to drugs and generally neglectful. His only support comes from his friend, Kevin, and a local drug dealer named Juan as well as Juan's girlfriend Teresa. This movie is about Chiron coming to terms with his sexuality, as well as the hardships in his life that made him who he is. The film is shot beautifully and each scene is chock-full of emotion and thought.

Lost in Translation is a romantic comedy from 2003 written and directed by Sofia Coppola. It stars Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson as the main characters, who are both unhappy in their respective marriages and meet while on a trip to Tokyo, Japan. Johansson plays a young woman named Charlotte who is married to a photographer named John, played by Giovanni Ribisi. He appears to be very neglectful in their marriage, often leaving Charlotte alone for long periods of time to do a photoshoot or talk to other women. He also seems to be very unappreciative of Charlotte's intellectual mind: she is a Yale graduate who majored in philosophy and seems well-read, as she makes some references to literature and appears generally knowledgeable throughout the movie. Murray’s character, Bob Harris, is unhappy in his marriage for other reasons. He seems to just be bored of his wife, Lydia, and their kids in a mid-life crisis. 

This scene is one of the establishing moments of the play, where many important characters are introduced such as Laertes, Claudius, and Gertrude. Claudius, Hamlet’s uncle, and Gertrude, Hamlet's mother, are celebrating their new marriage after the untimely (and recent) death of Hamlet's father. In the beginning of the scene, King Claudius is holding court where he thanks everyone for their support in the recent tumultuous times. He claims these rough times as the reason for his fast marriage to the Queen, as their enemies might see them weak and launch an attack. After he closes court, the King and Queen find Hamlet distraught and mourning. They scorn him for his prolonged grieving and King Claudius seems to try to appropriate himself as a fatherly figure for Hamlet, who does not seem much inclined to listen to him. However, he conveys a deep loyalty to his mother when she asks for him to not return to school and to stay with them in Denmark instead. When they leave, he openly demonstrates his anguish once again about the recent and upsetting events. He mourns his father and his parents’ marriage and indicates his dislike of the new King. Three of his friends come in next, Horatio, Marcellus, and Bernardo, with unbelievable news: they might have seen his father’s ghost. Shocked and a bit excited, he decides to stand guard with them in hopes to see and speak with him. 

My unifying idea is the changes in my hair throughout recent years, shown through my pictures taken at Disney. My family and I love the parks and we make it a point to go often! This makes a perfect opportunity to take a look at how I have changed. I've always bleached and dyed my hair myself, but for any big changes in style or cut I reach out to my favorite professional!

Magic Kingdom, 11/25/21

This is a picture of my brother and I posing beneath the Christmas tree at Magic Kingdom. Here, you can see my hair is dark brown, its natural color. At this point, I wore my hair up in a man-bun or tiny ponytail everyday. It put a lot of stress on my head.

EPCOT, 6/19/22

In this picture, I am sitting across from my dad outside of Club Cool. This was a particularly hot day, and I still wore my hair tied back everyday. However, it is now pink! This is still probably my favorite hair color I’ve had, I feel like it was fitting. 

On the monorails to Magic Kingdom, 11/28/22

The star of this picture is my tiny stuffed animal, named Achilles. I have a matching set with my friend, and I thought it would be fun to take Achilles to see the wonders of Disney. In this picture, you can see my hair is bright blue. My roots are very grown out, but don’t mind that. Blue was my least favorite color to be, it was hard to maintain and it faded really weird. The package I bought said it was supposed to be dark green, but it ended up blue.

EPCOT, 3/25/23

This is where it starts to become obvious that my dad and I have found our favorite park. We love EPCOT, especially the Flower and Garden Festival, it's so pretty! Around this time is where I really started to feel comfortable in my skin, wearing my bleached blonde hair and light up tinkerbell wings with pride.

EPCOT, 7/16/23

This is one of my most recent pictures from Disney, although not my most recent hairstyle. This one features split dye pink and blue. The haircut itself I loved, I worked together with my hairstylist to make my vision come to life. Sometime around here, I truly started to see my hair as a form of self expression. I got more creative with my hairstyle and colors, and enjoyed it more. The haircut here is pretty similar to my usual shag, just with two added rat-tails on either side. At this time, they were dyed in pink and blue stripes to match the rest of my head. 

The idea behind my playlist is the connection between transgender people through music. Music is a medium that connects people all over the world, through shared beliefs, experiences, dreams, and other aspects of the human experience. Or someone just listens to a song because it sounds nice, which I believe can form just as much of a meaningful connection. I chose to focus on transgender artists and themes because it is a topic that is important to me as a young queer person. Having trans representation across all media is important to open a connection to trans people around the world. Isolation is a dangerous thing to face, but representation helps to stave it off.

My first song is This is Home by Cavetown. This song is an important one within the trans community; it follows a trans man navigating his relationships and reflecting on how he sees himself. It expresses themes of fear and shame that are shared by trans people throughout the world, the biggest example being others’ perceptions of you. This is Home is a folk/pop song that features consonant tunes lightly strummed on a ukulele. The latter part of the song, while still pleasant sounding, is a bit more harsh as he begins to pay attention to the disconnect between him and others, as well as others’ misconceptions about him.

My next song is Maraschino Red Dress $8.99 at Goodwill by Ezra Furman. I talk a lot about Furman, because I genuinely find such a home in her music. Like much of her music, this song is rock, and it discusses themes of conflicting gender identity and religion. It follows a transgender woman who experiences deep shame at buying and trying on a dress, infatuated by the visible femininity. She comes to realize after trying it on that she has missed Synagogue and becomes conflicted. Religion and gender identity are both themes that many trans people conflict with in their daily lives. Putting those feelings into song is like a breath of fresh air, to realize so many others struggle with the same things. Furman uses dissonance in this song to intensify and highlight the woman’s panic and conflict.

My Body is a Cage by Peter Gabriel is classified as rock, although the beginning is quite slow and pleasant. The tempo is also quite slow throughout the song. This song is not necessarily about the transgender struggle, although it can be interpreted that way. It features a man who faces some kind of barrier that stops him from dancing with/being with the one he loves. Many interpret this blockade as a physical disability. I know that for many trans people, the fear of being rejected for who they are discourages many from even reaching out to someone they’re interested in. 

It’s Okay to Cry is a song by the late SOPHIE, who was a transgender music artist from Scotland. This song is electronica and pop, and throughout the pleasant melody of the song, the dynamics slowly begin to increase at the end. This song features a transgender woman who is fearful about her relationships, about seeking understanding from others but being too shameful and afraid to express that.

True Trans Soul Rebel by Against Me! is another song that expresses a transgender woman who is afraid of getting close to others and losing her relationships. The bridge of the song depicts the woman comparing her life to a cis woman’s, mourning who she should’ve been able to be, what she should’ve been able to do at this stage in her life.

Salt by Bad Suns is a pop rock song about a transgender person who is having a hard time with their identity. They are experiencing dysphoria and shame of being born in the wrong body and given a wrong name and trying to move forward.

Strong & Tender by Eli Conley is a country song about being transgender and seeming that people want to fight you about it at every turn. It expresses that you have to find a group of people who will stick with you for you and remain strong in your self love. 

I sat on my floor in contemplation, fingers pinching the bridge of my nose. What in the world was I gonna do? The sun had been set for ages, my family well and asleep. I chewed on my lip while glaring at the problem: right there, on the wall next to my bed, was a solid stream of ants. On one side, they disappeared behind my light wood dresser vanity. Following the line, I had pulled my bed away from the wall so I could see their target. Previously hidden by my headboard and bed, a few stray wrappers lay on my carpet. They couldn’t have been more than a few days old, but they were already almost entirely covered by the small pests. 

When I had first noticed the ants, the only lights on in my room were my LEDs set to a low pink, since I was getting ready to sleep. I looked over to see a few ants, and thought no big deal, it happens, we live in Florida. I leaned over to squish them, send a message to any other ants in my room, when I noticed there might be more than I thought. I all but screamed, scrambling to turn on my lights to confirm the ants were making a line that led directly behind my headboard, at about knee-height. I stared in horror for a bit before I pulled back my bed with shaky hands to reveal the problem, where my eyes stayed focused even now. 

Real Estate by Richard Siken discusses themes of having a complicated relationship with your parents (whether related by blood or through marriage) and coping with their death when they pass.  The poem starts off with a misleading sentence: “my mother married a man who divorced her for money.” This sentence gives the reader the connotation that the stepfather would be taking advantage of the narrator’s mom. The beginning part of the poem describes the relationship between the narrator’s mother and his stepfather. If they loved each other, it wasn’t made very clear to the narrator because the defining aspects of their relationship (that he remembers) were his mother’s fiscal irresponsibility and her tendency to disregard or avoid important things, like her spending habits. The narrator’s step dad brings up the amount of money she has continually spent on jewelry, putting their family’s funds in peril. He threatens to divorce her, to keep them “out of the poorhouse.” He eventually goes through with it, and at some point, he dies. Later, she dies. The narrator then discusses the complicated relationship he has with his “real” father who is buried down the road with no physical connections left between them. He goes on to talk about what he believes will happen when he dies, that it will come naturally to him and be a generally trivial event. 

The title, Real Estate, is both referring to the home that the narrator’s late parents left behind and the discussion of what would happen with the estate (belongings) left by his stepfather after he died. Since he and the narrator’s mother had already divorced, there was no legal connection (no “real” connection) between the narrator and the man his mother married, thus leaving no “real”/legal connection to his estate. His “real” father also left him no estate when he passed. At the end of the poem, the narrator says “the dead will make room for me,” which sounds like real estate of the afterlife.

My dads condominium is practical and beautiful. When you enter, the first thing you notice is the high ceilings, which are a bit taller than a normal apartment or condo on account of the fact that my dad is a tall guy. You will enter into the kitchen and living room, which share the same space only separated by an island. Everything about the condo is very open; with the doors open, you can see the majority of the space from any room with the exception of the primary bedroom. The entire condo has wood or tile flooring and the paint is all an off-white color, which adds to the clean and open feeling. Light streams in through the sliding glass doors and fills the entire living space, kitchen, hallway, and the two rooms it leads to. All three of the bedrooms are pretty good sized with their own windows, off-center and closer to their connecting wall for the two smaller bedrooms. My bedroom has a ceiling fan and a little walk-in closet. With furniture, it gets a little cramped due to the room being more wide than it is long. But the ceilings stay tall in every room and the space keeps a light, open feeling. The primary bedroom is a large room with a centered window and a connected bathroom. The centered window, covered at all times with slatted blinds, adds an extra source of natural light that the bedroom cannot quite get from the glass doors, due to the angle. The ceiling dips a tad as you enter the bathroom and the walk-in closet, but that does not stop the open, bright mood. Despite the many light fixtures in the condo, it is rare to see them in use during the day, since the natural light is so abundant and pleasant. Even though the condo is on the first floor, it does not feel cramped like many do; I attribute this to the open design of the rooms.

The Lee County FSW Campus was once named Edison Campus after the famed inventor, Thomas Alva Edison. To display this admiration of the entrepreneur, there is a larger-than-life, full round statue of Edison holding a cane and a metal ball. This sculpture in the round is titled “The Wizard” and was created by Don "D.J." Wilkins.

When looking at the sculpture, it is easy to tell that the campus has a large respect for him. For example, the title “The Wizard” is something that is fantastical, powerful, and seemingly out of this world. The statue is also around eight feet tall, which represents his standing as a pillar of encouragement and inspiration for the community. His face is set in a small, gleeful smile shining upon the students of the college founded under his name.

The statue depicts Edison in his older years, after he retired to his home in Fort Myers. I think it was a deliberate choice to represent him in his old age, since he never stopped inventing. It is another beacon of inspiration that encourages people to keep intentionally learning no matter their age.

The two objects he holds also portray a deeper meaning, I believe. In his right hand, he holds his cane. This could just be included for accuracy to his later years, but I think it is another encouraging message, as to say that it’s okay and encouraged to lean on people and things one trusts when they need support. 

The other object Edison’s statue holds is a small metal ball. This is a tactile element that the audience can spin, but cannot be removed. I believe this represents Edison’s life of invention and learning. It is both an encouragement to continue learning and to forge ones own path instead of copying his. 

Overall, the sculpture represents Thomas Edison’s affinity for learning and inventing and encouraging others to do the same. It also depicts the campus’ and the communities’ admiration for him, and the value put on education.

Untitled by Sohrab Sepehri

This painting by Sohrab Sepehri in 1970-71 features a palette just short of monotonous; full of black, greys, and blues.

Most of the brush strokes are large and obstructing. They overlap and hide many of the previous strokes, possibly creating a mood of being overcrowded. For me, the rough, imprecise brush strokes that make up the background feel hurried and anxious, but the colors suggest a calm and thoughtful mood. Together, the elements of this painting seem to suggest a looming feeling of doom and anxiety. Additionally, the splatters of paint accompanying the thick swipes of grey paint suggest a hurried or frantic mood, again showing off that stark contrast between the tone suggested by the colors and by the brush strokes.

The blue immediately stands out among the gloom of the background. To me, this represents a sliver of hope among the anxiety that permeates this painting; just like a bit of blue sky shining through a sky filled with dense clouds. The viewer's eye is drawn to it immediately, as to depict how a small amount of kindness can infiltrate someone's bad mood and stay in their memories for a while.

In the more foreground of the painting, Sepehri included a few strokes with black paint. These are thinner than the rest of the painting and very rough, almost looking like they were painted with a semi dry brush. The viewer can also observe a few tail ends of these strokes depicted near the top of the painting, obscured by the large brush strokes of grey.

It seems that these brush strokes were very intentional and controlled, suggesting maybe an implication of a message to convey, however, I am otherwise stumped in this aspect.

This is a song by Ezra Furman and her band. To understand the song, you must know that Furman is a queer, transgender woman. This is important because it ties into the main theme of the song: that the speaker is always in a crisis, being faced with problem after problem– “forever in sunset,” never able to rest. Even when she does rest, she is preoccupied with worrying over her next plight. 

Another detail that is important to understand the song is that the car mentioned is a symbol of the relationship between the speaker and a cisgender person– whether they are a friend or partner is unspecified. In the first verse, the relationship partner enters her car. In the second verse, they get in a crash. Later in the song, they reenter the car to drive North.

Being queer and transgender means you are never sure of yourself in relation to others. Do they see me how they see me? Are they lying for my benefit? Do they truly care about trying to understand my perception of myself and the world? Constantly questioning others’ perception of you and their motives often creates a disconnect, even if the people around you are queer themselves. They might not understand why you are so skeptical, which only adds to the disconnect and creates an upheaval in and of itself.

The song appeals to me because I understand her experience. As a transgender man, I understand how hard it is to feel secure in any friendship or relationship where the other is not transgender. This is because they often have no way of understanding the internal fear and skepticism that never goes away, despite reassurances or longevity. 

The song starts with the speaker begging someone to understand that she is trouble, problems follow her, and that she will never escape the skepticism and paranoia that follows her through every relationship. She is reassured, but the next verse seems to show a major fight between the two. Who knows if the cause is something justified, or made up entirely by her constant paranoia and expectation of a plight? This reflects the nature of many issues within a transgender-cisgender relationship. Later in the song, they both get back into the car to drive North, which could suggest they have reached a mutual understanding and have strengthened their relationship.