bienvenue

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to say and where I want to say it, so first - If you know me in person please do me a favor and either get away from this post or pretend that you don’t know the person writing it. Second - My name is not important right now but I’ve been an addict for give or take seven years now, since I was 18 (taking a break through some of it to have a baby and be a family) I’ve been a functioning alcoholic for one year and two months. Alcohol is my drug of choice and it’s been around me and part of me for as long as I can remember. Whats prompting me to write tonight is that I’ve been willingly sober for the longest time since my current wave of addiction started back up one year and two months ago. I’ve been sober for a whole whopping four days. Woop Woop. It sounds pretty pathetic but after many pathetic attempts at trying to get sober I’m finally in a headspace where I actually want to try. The last few days have really made me start to understand that you have to take shit day by day, it’s so easy to think you understand that concept but this is me getting it for the first time. There’s been lots of thinking going on the last few days, but not the negative stuff, I’ve been kind to my thoughts, I’ve been kind to myself, it’s been really nice. Fuck, I’m even eating chocolate again, alcohol is my demon because for whatever reason it tells me chocolate is bad, I don’t need chocolate but as I sit here in the dim light with my cup of tea and my lindor white chocolate I’m appreciating how much more honoring this is for myself rather than sunken in to the couch with a bag of chips, bottle of wine and reality tv. *sigh, I do love chips, wine and reality tv*