ALL HAIL THE ANTI-KITTEN @rosemaryskitty - Tumblr Blog

Every time I’ve seen Skweezy Jibbs he’s completing some obscure side quest and being based as hell about it

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Isn't it true that *you* fired the sitter because he or she wasn't living up to your standards? Hmm?

I knew from my first meeting with her that something was Wrong. She SMELLS Wrong. I tried to tell her about it with a series of yowls and mews, but she wasn't listening.

My human thinks it's important to mention that the sitter owns several cats, dogs, rabbits, parakeets and ferrets. I don't know why. Silly human.

#ask the anti-kitty #therealduckandpenguin

beegoould

Dear Kiki, do you prefer releasing blood with your teeth or your paws? There are so many ways to bleed a talky meat sack.

Teeth, because blood is so tasty! =^__^=

rosemaryskitty

My human answered this one for me.

Hey Kiki. Mal has some questions for you and I promised that I would ask you. So here they go: 1. How do you drive cat sitters away? It's impressive and my humans keep talking about a trip they have planned and I think that if I can figure out how to get rid of cat sitters, they may not leave me. So spill, lady! How'd you do it? 2. Hey gurrrl, you single? I got some moves I want to show you. 3. Do you ever come out to California? We should hook up.

Hi Mal! I've heard a lot about you! You do good work, my friend.

Okay, here goes:

1) In my experience, the best way to drive cat sitters away is to be frightened and upset, and yowl at them from a distance. I'm not sure why it works, but it worked for me after only 4 days! Try it and see how it goes!

2) WHY THE VERY IDEA HOW DARE YOU (meet me in the alley at 2:00 am)

3) Now that my human has to take me with her where ever she goes, I might end up there some day!

#ask the anti-kitty #cleapow

Dear Kiki: I have a cat that lives in my neighborhood. I offer it food regularly. Is that enough to keep it from wanting to eat my family? I'll take my answer off the air.

Dear Pathetic Human:

Your ignorance amuses me, but does not surprise me. In order to protect your family from the insatiable adorable ones, you must offer food, water, shelter, waste management, toys, adoration, and, in some cases, snuggling.

Thanks for the question, as it may save you and countless others from a terrible fate.

#ask the anti-kitten #mattdoucette

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What is the best way to get your people to scream really loud? - Submitted by the Kitten.

I'm so glad you asked that question!

As I'm sure you know, there are many ways to make your people scream. Most of them involve teeth or claws, but the way that I've found to be most effective and consistent is the Dash Attack. Just run directly into your human's path, preferably while they are carrying something heavy or fragile, and wait for the sweet sound of anguish to begin.

#ask the anti-kitty #ashamedtosay

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