full metal bitch

Children please stop calling the slightest hint of sexual desire “gooning” I’m going to strangle all of you

🫵stop directly contributing to the growing anti sex sentiment

We gotta give goons back their word

ive invented (note: dubious claim) something i call the bear diet which is mostly fruits and vegetables with fish as the main protein source and something like once a month you eat a few hyperprocessed foods of your liking because that is when you, the bear, raid a dumpster in the suburbs

age regressing by 5 minutes so i can remember what i was just asked to do

they love me because I be saying shit like alas and perchance

last night I said 'how fortuitous' unironically

When you see an adolescent saguaro 👍

Ok sir have you tried jacking it off and on again

"i've got no qualms about it" meanwhile i'm over here making qualm chowder

tumblr is for putting your stuff somewhere that's not secret but also not for anyone particular to see so it's true neutral in a really nice way

periods are medieval honestly. like sorry I got suicidal last night turns out I had too much blood in me. yeah no some of it fell out and I'm fine now.

its healthy for your paragraphs to vary in size, good for the ecodiversity of your doc

i bet it feels good as fuck to intend to do something and then actually do it

at least sisyphus only had one never-ending task. i have like 50 and all of them cost money