I’m a runner.

The anxiety of losing a person is literal burning hell.

Missing someone feels oddly so embarrassing.

Me, in the middle, In love with you.

Two paths:

1. Begging for a life with you

2. Alone reminiscing on the life I wanted with you.

I hate that my first instincts are to act out.

I’ve been telling myself how I’d do things differently next time; telling myself I have options.

I’ve been working hard on building these road blocks & walls. Not those kinds of walls, you know, the ones that keep people out.. but ones that keep myself in. Ones with doors that say “one way out, no way back in”

Diodes.

Here it came and I almost ran through all those doors.

Deep breaths… vitamin c.

Im grateful to the universe for bringing me this opportunity to test out my tools I’ve picked up along the way, & improved structures I built for myself.

Blocked with obstacles taller than the last

I’m running full speed

I thought I left this violence behind me

Run fast

It’s just another day. it was a surprise every day that you would talk to me. & I treated it like such. it was always a gift that I never expected. & I don’t wish to expect.

I’ve left pieces of myself in every person that I had hoped to find love.

I keep looking for love, but I keep dropping pieces of myself in its place.