So some fanartist drew a “sexy” (read: booby) version of a (cartoon) character who is traditionally very non-sexualised. Fans of the character got mad about it because it’s kind of groundbreaking how that character is written and portrayed and this art totally ignores the entire point of the character. They demanded the art be deleted. In response to that other people said, well what the fanartist did may be distateful but they have every right to draw what they’re into. The two sides fight for days and each starts a harassment campaign and even report their “opponents’” accounts.

So far so typical. But things eventually come to a head and they decide that this will be settled by votes - not through a poll. Through donations to a children’s education charity via each side’s portal. Whoever can get the highest amount of donation wins.

(they don't realise that this is a middle school annual tournament for kids and not the NHL playoffs)

edit: since you guys liked the tags so much;

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you see one on the street,

For decorum is essential when a lobster you must greet.

You may comment on the weather, compliment his choice of hat,

But crustaceans like their space if one should stop them for a chat.

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you’re strolling down the coast,

Simply nod and give a greeting, or a handshake at the most,

For a lobster’s first priority is formal social graces,

And one seemes over-familiar if a lobster one embraces.

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you meet one in the sea,

For a lobster’s spines and chitin make it difficult, you see,

And he might become self-conscious if you bring that fact to light,

-Be Belgium weapons designer

-Spend lots of money to invent a totally new firearm concept

-Sleek futuristic design

-Smol and compact

-Ambidextrous

-800-1,100 round per minute

-Fires new high velocity smol cartridge that with a smol caliber bullet which can pierce body armor

-Market to militaries around the world.

Let’s play the biggest game of kick the can on the internet.

“Grace says he would like half of dome to be water.”

“Oh, is necessary for humans to have large amounts of water question?”

Small Eridian equivalent of a sigh. “No. Not needed for life. In fact Grace will die if he falls in water and does not get out.”

“Tell him we give him water in containers that won't kill him. Lots lots lots of water on Erid for Grace to drink.”

“No. Grace say he want water on ground. Also want it with excess sodium chloride compound so it will be unhealthy for drink.”

“Grace want this liquid for celebration.”

“Of course.” They scan it. “You have wrong liquid. This contain compounds which are poisonous for humans.”

“Yes yes yes. Grace say humans like feeling of being slightly poisoned.”

by @thepartyresponsible

36,515 words; Mature; No AO3 warnings apply

Eventual Clint Barton/Bucky Barnes; team and friends fic; background relationships

Summary: The pictures leak on a lazy off-season Sunday, in that muddled bit of midafternoon Clint never knows what to do with when he isn’t training. He curls up with Lucky on the couch and naps through the end of his whole damn life. And that, honestly, is pretty much perfect.

the idea of shane who denies himself SO MUCH and optimizes SO MUCH OF HIS LIFE and is SO focused and SO dedicated

but who cannot resist the siren call of Forbidden Mangoes

it ends up being his end of season treat

he did a whole season, he did a great job, he stayed focused and On It the whole year. other people celebrate with champagne. shane celebrates with an allergen.

shane who has one last photoshoot to knock out before he's free and is just oh no :) it conflicts with my husband's schedule :) guess that means ilya can't go with me :) so sad :)

why are you so happy

i'm not :)

then he does the photoshoot and has knocked out the last thing he has to do in front of a camera for a while.

now it is Mango Time.

he facetimes ilya with the lights down WAY low later and ilya just ?? shane??? i can barely see you, malysh. turn a light on.

uuuhh, no thanks. it's sexier like this.

what? i want to se-

...

shane is it the fucking mangoes

...no

SHANE

YOU GET TO SMOKE SOMETIMES. I GET TO EAT MANGOES.

ARE YOU FORGETTING PART WHERE ALLERGIES CAN GET WORSE WITH EXPOSURE?

THEN I SHOULD ENJOY THEM WHILE I CAN

HEATED RIVALRY — DAY 1

Recalling the first day of filming, Tierney says that after seeing the pair excel in the emotional wringer, his own “nerves were out the window, I knew I could throw anything at those guys.”

(referencing this post)

this is so cute and so funny and i am enjoying shane's embarrassment and despair at the hands of his concerned and loving family so much

david very helpfully volunteers that "the tilapia, uh.... cheated on you? since last time? they said they changed the recipe for the breading and now it has almonds."

shane puts his head in his hands like "maybe anaphylaxis would be better than this. i'm not even that hungry."

"shane! there's no need to be so dramatic," yuna says.

ilya, ever the helpful menace, has a suggestion. "lyubimyy, we ordered loving appetizers for the table to share. you and i could split a main dish as well? it will be like a threeso—"

shane stands up, tells the waitress "i am so sorry for the delay. i'll have the salmon salad without croutons," and goes to use the bathroom for A Moment Of Peace, Please God Above

having a waitress memorize his entire list of allergens and adopt the colloquialisms his family uses to refer to them feels like it goes a good deal beyond that, however. he can not believe this is happening to him. thank god this hasn't been leaked to social media.

i feel like shane would fucking DIE of humiliation if it happened, but the idea of a video going viral that's just the two of them slightly out of frame at an event and at a distance, so what the camera catches is shane takes a bite of a cookie, ilya turns and goes, "no! spit it out *muffled audio* slut. bad." and shane immediately grabs a napkin and spits it out, and then ilya puts a hand on his back and the two of them walk out of the room very fast.

and the reaction online is oh my GOD??? ilya rozanov treats him like this??? what an ASSHOLE?? controlling what he eats?? calling him a SLUT IN PUBLIC?? BECAUSE HE WANTED A *COOKIE*??? and then making him LEAVE???

and how do you even START to explain, "no, my husband has food allergies, and it's an ongoing joke that food loves him or is a slut and will kill him. he thought the cookie was one of the safe ones we requested catering to have, but it was one of the ones from a multi-pack i saw earlier, and there were peanut butter cookies near it, and saying the cookie is a slut was the fastest way to communicate that he needed to spit it out NOW so he could go rinse his mouth out."

it is AFTER the scandal of #SlutCookieGate and hollanov's attempt to explain it all away that a local ottawa restaurateur sees an opportunity.

MAN one of the reasons they started this restaurant is because their sibling has severe allergies, and they remember growing up what a PAIN it was trying to find places that were safe and diligent about food allergies. they don't make a MASSIVE deal about it, but one of the reasons that shane and his parents started going to this place years ago is that they list allergens on their menu and are good about adhering to avoiding cross-contamination (allergy-friendly corner of the kitchen, flag system for "allergy!", double-checking on things, etc.).

following #CookieGate, they don't go loud and proud about posting "well WE'VE never poisoned superstar athlete shane hollander" because that's a surefire way to make sure he never comes back, but the menu gets a fresh little redesign to make it even easier to read through allergies and also lists possible subs to account for common allergies.