я стал смертью.

It may have been a vague, almost cryptic answer, but it’s all MakSim needed to confirm what he honestly believe to be true. Eye’s wide with fascination, he practically vaulted forward, his fingertips slowly tracing up the taller boys arms as his mind ran wild with questions. MakSim had only read about people like him, people broken by curses, and he never imagined he’d ever get a chance to separate fact from fiction. The smaller boys fingers finally found their target, the large vein in Roman’s neck—‘so he does have a pulse, that’s one question I don’t have to ask.’ he thought to himself, his eye’s burning into the seventh years. “… So what do you feel?” he asked after a long pause.

a chill travelled up the back of roman’s neck before maksim had even made contact, hollow eyes trained on him with a renewed intensity. his head tilted curiously when the smaller boy’s fingertips found the cold, paper-thin skin at his neck and he wondered if he were undead, like a vampire --- but the notion dissipated at the LIFE so obvious in maksim’s eyes.  ‘  i feel ...  ’  roman’s voice came out soft, even, but bone-chillingly cold,  ‘  N O T H I N G.  ’  he waited for the next question maksim might surely ask with no reservations about being brutally honest. 

nikolai kept his eyes on his twin’s, searching them for even a HINT of emotion. he’d always done it, despite coming up empty every time, without fail. as much as he wanted roman to feel things, he knew that he couldn’t. his guilt ridden stare bore into his, and he just wanted to tell roman that it was okay. ‘ roman, ’ he said quietly, reaching for him, his fingers curling around the back of his neck & pulling him closer until their foreheads touched. ‘ it’s okay. it’s not your fault. it’s okay not to care, not to feel – it’s okay, ’ his voice BROKE, like it always did when they talked about this. ‘ you know why ? because i can care enough for the both of us, ro. it’s okay, i’ve got this … i’ve got you. ’

if roman felt anything, it was locked away and deep-seated beneath something DEAD and DARK --- but if anyone were to access something that resembled emotion, ( even if it were the slightest bit ) it would be his twin brother. roman felt the shadow of a doubt when it was obvious that he often troubled nikolai --- he did not like that. he let nikolai do whatever he needed to do; pull him close and tell him these things that barely registered because of course nikolai had him. he would always have roman, in life ... and in DEATH.  ‘  навсегда, маленький брат.  ’

“ am i already? “ she said with and instant curiosity, her eyes watching the palms of her hands to detect any hints of transparency. “ Я мертв, как своеобразное. “

‘  you have been,  ’  roman informed her, reaching out to thumb at her palm when she held them up. crimson blood stained upon it.  ‘  как ты умер ?  ’

“vögeln.” ludvig took a step back and shook his head a few times. “no thank you. wonderful gift idea.. i guess, but i’m – i don’t – i politely decline.” he looked down and nodded his head. “oh, yeah. it’s a doozy. shouldn’t be too hard to clean up. i can give you pointers on.. well i mean you really just wave a wand or get a trashcan.” 

when ludvig declined the offer, roman simply let the feather flutter to the ground with the rest of them, unoffended and unfazed. perhaps he should have chosen a better recipient.  ‘  i cannot recall ... the spell to VANISH things.  ’

Aleksandra didn’t say anything, just merely looked at the animal with no reserved judgement. ❛ Hey –– hey, it’s okay. How about we just clean this up, yeah ? ❜

roman straightened up and stepped away with a slight shake of his head he regarded the creature.  ‘  why ? --- do you think it is a MESS ?  ’

melione had been looking for roman for almost an hour, and as she exited the castle ( and saw her best friend bent over something ), she sprinted towards him, kneeling in front of him on the other side of the – is that a crow? “ro, roman– come on. it’s okay. hey, it’s fine. the– they’ve moved on. let them go.” 

‘  no ---  ’  he started, shrugging her off. fingers traced gently over the birds beak and over the crest of it’s head and roman closed his eyes attempting the unspoken forbidden magic once again. there was a slight pick-up of wind for a moment, but then the air was as still as the raven --- perhaps it was too bloodied for his magic to work.  

“ roman. “ roksana reached out a tentative hand to his shoulder. “ is it okay? “

‘  of course ... it is with YOU now, in the life after.  ’

‘  --- YES,  ’  roman sighed, giving up on his attempts to make it MOVE again. instead, he held out a slightly bloodied hand upturned to the other boy.  ‘  for you.  ’

‘ VERDAMMT, roman! wha- what are you doing? ‘

‘  --- is this DEAD ?  ’  he questioned, unsure at the dark-feathered creature before him.

though he felt the breath in his lungs leave his body when he was heaved against the wall, roman did not show that it had hurt in anyway. for a moment, he opened his mouth to convey confusion at what had warranted such aggression but then he heard his question and stilled once again. only slightly sure of what exactly maksim was referring to, he answered in the best way he knew how.  ‘  i HURT, no longer,  ’  he replied calmly, gaze digging into the others’ and after a long pause, he continued.  ‘  you must ask the right questions ... for the answers you seek.  ’

roman turned his head to gaze up at the girl beside him, brows furrowing.  ‘  YOU distract me, красавица. ’

amara was taken aback by his actions. there was a part of her that had assumed that she’d have to at least sweet talking him, but that clearly was not the case. he was GIVING her exactly what she wanted and then some. slowly, she tilted her head to the side giving the other more access to her neck. his teeth gently sinking into her skin was the strangest s e n s a t i o n.  chills ran up her spine, a faint gasp emitting from her lips. ‘ i … wow… okay – this is a step up from a kiss. ’

teeth continued grazing over her tender flesh and at the sound of her slight gasp, he only sucked a little harder --- hard enough to form a soft BRUISE on her skin. cold thumbs traveled down her body, over the notches of each one of her ribs until they reached her hips. roman then let out a soft murmur in her neck, prompting for more commentary ... he wanted to hear it all. 

nikolai waved his hand dismissively when roman began on what was probably about to be some long spiel about how death was a GIFT; he really didn’t want to hear it for the thousandth time. the hair on the back of his neck stood up when roman voiced what he’d done aloud – a little TOO loudly – and he hissed at him, ‘ would you keep your voice down ? do you want someone to hear ? ’ he shook his head furiously, looking at roman with  sadness in his eyes. he stepped closer to his brother, only so that he could speak softly. ‘ no, roman. you’re not better. you’re – you’re damaged. just because they had the intentions to make you better doesn’t mean that it actually worked. i KILLED them to protect you. if i hadn’t, they probably would have done the same thing to me. would you have wanted that ? for them to HURT me ? ’

roman stood as still as a marble statuette, his fingers fidgeting with one another and interlocking before him with onyx eyes trained on his twin. he was as cold, unfeeling, and as guilt-free as one, too. when nikolai came closer, spoke softer, looked so passionately --- roman could only stare back, blankly. nikolai felt so much and cared even more. he remained quiet, but only because he was unsure of how to answer that final question; how to admit he didn’t know if he would or wouldn’t ? how to admit that he did not truly care, either way ?  ‘  i ... don’t remember.  ’  roman admittedly was not lying, he truly could not recall the time when he’d felt strong PROTECTIVE instincts towards his baby brother.  ‘  ... i am sorry, for being ‘damaged’, niks.  ’