Rollercoasting Through Life @rollercoasteringthroughlife - Tumblr Blog

made my first decision in years (maybe ever) that was not rooted in pure desperation / fight-or-flight … (n)yay

#no regrets #maybe a little #a lot of sadness though #life #decisions decisions #advice #fight or flight #desperation #but life goes on

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my-dailydreams

why did no one tell me how difficult it is to be an adult AND an active participant in your own life? what do you mean I have to make decisions, thus, loosing versions of myself that will never be??! what do you mean???!

#life #advice #pls help #send help #perhaps even a whambulance #consequences of my own actions #am I really about to make a decision?#release me #sobbing

I always joke that I look my best when I am at my lowest but do I really though? Or did I simply train my brain to only look for beauty in suffering? Maybe it is because I find it easy to dismiss good and beautiful things for their banality of goodness and beauty. Maybe it is because the longer I stare at them the more they seem rotten at their core. Maybe it is because I cannot help but stop and stare at the chaos and ugliness of the world — combing through it like sand on the beach, looking for redeeming qualities instead of pretty sea shells. Or maybe I do really just look my best when I am at my lowest

#food for thought #beauty #looks #mental health #seasonal depression #reversed seasonal depression #late night thoughts

younger me: persevered through major depression and anxiety since childhood, studied my ass off to have a good and stable future bc that’s what was promised if you study your ass off and persevere

the good and stable future in question:

- AI taking entree level jobs, resulting in unreasonably high unemployment rates

- abysmally low wages for any type of job (unless you know someone who knows someone who knows someone …)

- the world on the brink of WW3

me now:

#reversed seasonal depression #fear of the future #depression #anxiety #fml

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I am once again being victimized by my financial decisions from two months ago … I fear I need to have a stern conversation with myself

#bad financing #bad decisions #I really need to do better #no more buying concert tickets #will I really do better though?#we shall see…#probably not

thememedaddy

respectfully and repressively crashing out at work because what do you mean everyone gets a different — better — version of the people I interact with ??? I don’t know if I should laugh or cry tbh … am I the problem? and if yes: how? I am just minding my business, trying to enjoy the small things in life … this cannot be real life lol

#crash out #nothing but confusion #why is everyone getting immediate responses from their superiors and I still have an unacknowledged email from last spring?#like wdym #might as well just quit society and move into a shed by the beach

I need a new save folder on IG ASAP bc why did I just spend almost an hour looking for one specific reel (more so bc I was looking for the creator) and I still didn’t find it bc I didn’t like or save it (even though I’m sure I did)

#loosing my mind #went on a one hour search expedition on IG to look for a creator only to come out empty handed #I hate it there

Rejection Therapy: 1 vs Anxiety: 0

it snowed hard during the night, so naturally I went for a walk right after breakfast. played in the snow, build a snowman, made a snow angel, whatever … I saw some people sleighing and I was like: “I want to sleigh.” went up to them, scrambled my courage together, kicked my anxiety to the curb and asked if I could go … and they said yes ??? sleighed down the small hill. have been on a massive high ever since. who would have thought it would be this easy? not me

#firstdayofsnow #snowfall #rejection therapy #a never ending high of tapping into the male audacity #killing my anxiety one sleigh at a time

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I will never understand people’s intense obsession with fireworks … is it the sparkle? the colors? the deafening sound of it all? the not knowing of whether you will walk away with all your fingers and toes?

#new year #new years eve #fireworks #loud sounds #going crazy #insanity #why are you setting them off for a week before and a week after without a break #I beg of you ffs get a life and let me sleep

Hair: 1 vs Edward: 0

so I have been wanting to put tinsel in my hair for months ... finally bought the tinsel, consulted with my hairdresser, watched a tutorial on YouTube, started putting it in ... only to find out that my hair has absolutely no grip, zero, none ... no matter how I tie it or what I do with it it slides right off ... all I want is to sparkle in the sun like Edward ... is that too much to ask ???

a win for the healthy hair but at what cost ... needless to say I drowned my sorrowed happiness in half a tub of half baked Ben & Jerry's

#life goal #sparkle #tinsel #disappointment #defeat #edward cullen #the quest in search of the permanent sparkle will continue

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