i go on and on and on about how much i prefer the early season aesthetic and then i remember rowena and her bright jewel colored clothes and her bright red hair and her colorful makeup and her full rainbow's worth of accessories and HER PURPLE MAGIC and i realize that her entire image would have been impossible to fully convey with the dark aesthetic of early spn and think well. maybe the ugliness of the later seasons was worth it. for her.

the thing about Faith is they literally heal Dean to humiliate him. his determined skepticism and disdain is a pronounced FEAR RESPONSE to the concept of God because of course concepts like 'hope' and 'faith' are fucking scary! faith makes you vulnerable. It makes you naked. It’s inherently the practice of taking down your shield, doing a trust fall, showing your underbelly, risking absolute humiliation. That’s like, the whole point. and dean is s1 is all exoskeleton, he's Tough, nobody's allowed under his skin, and he gets soooo horribly twitchy around priests. he can't resist snarking at Roy bc this culty southern gothic bullshit is FREAKING HIM OUT. which is exactly why Roy picks him, because a skeptic is a satisfying convert, they want to forcibly tear his armor away in front of everybody, haha bet you believe in God now. it's a violation. he doesn't react with wonder, he reacts with HORROR, of COURSE, bc why do I deserve to live, why was the natural order disrupted for me, you did something to my body that I don't understand, you got under my skin, everyone was looking, this is humiliating. and then s4 happens.

Dean win chester did not go to confession and tell the priest "there's things, people, feelings i want to experience differently than i have before. or maybe even for the first time." just for people to say he isnt gay. Don't worry Mr. win chester. I saw your coming out.

Father am I being called to remove my vessel’s wedding ring before I introduce myself to the righteous man. I think I am