random thoughts

It doesn’t help that your schedules are so busy that you barely have time to see each other. He feels the ache in his chest when you’re back in your homeworld, but it grows stronger when you’re so close to him on Coruscant, yet not with him. Many dates have been postponed or cancelled on both ends, but it doesn’t bother him as much as it would other people. He finally feels like he can relate to someone; you can relate to the stress stemmed from overworking, the heavy weight of your responsibilities, the pressure of making the right call that affects others, or the fact that you crave a life outside your duties.

He has never let anyone know him the way you do. 

The first time he saw you, he was called to an attack on a building that housed a few senators, including you. By the time he and his men arrived, the assailants were long gone, so their priority was searching for survivors. Fox was the one who found you in the rubble. You were conscious, but blood from a gash on your head was pouring down your face. It’s messed up, but he thought you looked beautiful even with crumpled clothes and a dirty face. When your eyes looked up at him through dust-covered lashes, his heart stopped. And when he reached a hand out to help you through the rubble, his hand buzzed with energy as your hand held onto his. 

“Are you okay, ma’am?” He finally managed to speak.

“I think so… just a little banged up,” you responded in such a sweet voice. How you managed to sound like an angel after almost dying was beyond him, but your voice became his favorite sound from then.

Fox didn’t know what led him to the clinic where you were being held the day after. He never visited anyone there, but he couldn’t stop thinking about you. He thought that maybe if he went to the clinic to make sure you were still alive that it would cure the slightly obsessive thoughts he had been having over you. How wrong was he…

When he approached the room you were in, he could already hear your voice carry from it. His heart picked up its pace the closer he got. The door was open, but he knocked in order to make his presence known. The bickering you were doing with the medic had stopped, and your eyes flitted over to him. He noted the way your eyebrows rose in surprise because why was he here?

He was wondering that himself too.

It didn’t help that he froze. He was just going to check if you were alive and maybe say hi, but that all went out the window the second you looked at him. He froze like he was a cadet seeing the brutalities of war for the first time, but instead of war, it was a beautiful woman.

“Hello, Commander,” you greeted.

It snapped him out of his frozen state, but it didn’t improve much from there when he awkwardly cleared his throat and returned a clipped, “Hello.”

You both stared at each other, and even though the silence was awkward, you two couldn’t take your eyes off each other. You took in his armor as he assessed your injuries. You were the one to break the silence again to grumble, “Commander, could you please tell the medic here that I’m fine. They won’t release me, and I need to return back to work.”

‘Fine’ was one word to describe you, Fox thought. You were in a standard clinic gown, but you were even more gorgeous than he remembered. He understood what you meant though. He would’ve been acting and saying the same if he were in your shoes, however, he instead chose to answer, “I cannot offer medical advice, ma’am. It would be best to listen to the medic.”

You huffed and crossed your arms, before throwing yourself back on the bed, your eyes finding the ceiling. Usually, a pout like that would make Fox label the person as ‘pathetic’ or ‘spoiled’, but yet ‘cute’ was what came to his mind – and cute is NOT in his vocabulary.

“If you could please talk some sense into her, Commander, that would be great. I have other patients I need to check on,” the exhausted medic had told him as they walked out, leaving just you and Fox in the room.

Again, there was a tense silence that filled the room, but Fox finally was the one to break it.

“You should really listen to the medic,” he stated with no signs of nerves in his voice, even if his body was tingling being in such close proximity to you.

“Yeah well, I can’t really afford the rest when the bill I’ve been working on is about to be voted on in six hours,” you told him. He was silent for a few moments, contemplating your words.

“Do you really have to be there?” he challenged you.

You huff, still looking at the ceiling, “No… but it’s formalities.”

He understood. For once, he felt like he didn’t want to rip his ears off at the sound of a senator whining about whatever it is they do and found a small frown had formed on his lips under his helmet. 

“You never gave me your name,” you changed the subject. 

“Uhh… Fox,” he said, clearly surprised by your inquiry. No one had ever asked for his name before.

“Fox,” you repeated with a small smile on your face, and Fox, for the second time, had felt his heart stop in your presence. That was the time he had decided that he wanted to hear his name fall from your lips a million more times. It also didn’t help him when you turned to look at him again with that sweet smile.

“Can I see you?” you asked – you were full of surprises that day.

“You’ve seen my face a million times before… it’s the same as my brothers,” he responded mechanically.

“Not yours though,” you shot back, and Fox found his breath catching in his throat. You almost took back your request when you saw Fox uncomfortably shift his weight from one foot to the other. However, you were the one taken by surprise when he lifted his helmet off.

Seeing you without the helmet for the first time is something Fox would never forget. It almost hurt to have such a beautiful creature look at his aged and tired face. On the outside, he was the picture of stoicism, but internally his heart sank a little when your eyes widened because he had taken it as a negative reaction. Yet, the feeling was short-lived when you giggled. That sound also became one of his favorites, one that he would remember until his final days.

“I’ve definitely never seen your face because I would’ve remembered you,” you murmured. The implication of your words was not lost on him. He wasn’t able to even respond before you were offering to take him out for dinner to “thank him”, but both of you knew the real reason. Yet against his better judgement, he accepted your offer with little resistance.

That was how he ended up here with you in his arms half a year later. It was one of the few nights you two got to share. You had given him a key to your apartment, which eventually turned into yours and his apartment unofficially. The men haven’t even bothered asking where their Commander has been sneaking off to instead of staying in the barracks – they were just glad they weren't being yelled at as much.

You’re sitting sideways in his lap; one of his arms is wrapped around you, while the other hand is holding the whiskey you had gotten him. It’s an expensive one you bought for him. At first, he argued with you about spending money on him, but eventually he gave in when you pouted with teary eyes about ‘just wanting to take care of him’.

Now, your hands are running through his hair as he relaxes further into the couch, looking up at you with his own whiskey-colored eyes. It’s quiet moments like these that made Fox feel like life wasn’t so bad. How could it be when he had you?

He didn’t stop you when you moved to straddle him in order to pepper soft kisses all across his face. His eyes closed as he took a deep breath, just letting himself feel you. When you place a hand over his heart, he feels your handprint sear into his skin. Not that he minds though… no, his heart beats for you. 

All those meaningless nights of “stress relief” with random strangers never come close to a simple touch from you. He’s yours, forever and always.

“Your heart is beating so fast,” you say in between kisses. He doesn’t respond until you pull back, making his eyes open. The small playful smile on your face has a playful smirk forming on his.

“It does that when you’re around,” he murmurs. He sees your chest rise, like you’re taking a deep breath to steady yourself, as you give him a more sincere smile.