A shell of a being; a human malfunction

i need a collar and 2 be treated like a dog bro

i also think im gonna go back 2 dyeing my hair black probably 🤔 as much as i love this orange its super loud & fades rly fast. basically im just slowly becoming frank iero

gotta stop ventposting here so ummm im gonna talk abt my plans 4 my next tattoo. so the thing is i rly want an utena tattoo i know exactly what i want and where i want it i have an (albeit super messy) sketch ready i wanna see if i can get an actual tattoo artist 2 design it forreal tho. BUT i would also rly like an mcr tat before the show next yr. but like thats a huge timeframe so w/e as long as i get a job between now and then im good to get at least 2. i have 2 mcr tats i wanna get but both of them im unsure abt placement. ive been in love w the sit stay beg drum from swarm tour and ive been thinking if i get that id prob want it on like my outer thigh below the flank. the othr thing i want is theres this lyric from kids from yesterday that has rly stuck w me, "you only live forever in the lights you make" ... & as for that i havent quite decided on a design but i think maybe a hand holding out an anatomical heart shaped lantern or a lantern w a heart inside it (callbsck to bulletproof heart "hold your heart into this darkness / will you let it be the light to shine you out"). BUT IDK! thats my ideas #myideas. i also kinda had an idea for a na na na palm tat but bc of my plans for my sleeve on my left arm idk if dat would happen 4 me, & maybe someday id love 2 get an early sunsets over monroeville themed tat bc that my favorite mcr song of all time

It's not even about the fact I'm still in school or that I don't have a job yet or that I have other things to worry about. But I don't really know how to talk about it. Because as much as I love to daydream about a future, I can't, like... I know already I'm not living another 20 years, and I don't want to leave my friends with financial burdens by splitting rent or mortgage with them only to fuck off and leave such a weight on their shoulders. I don't want them to get their hopes up that I'll be with them still in my late 30s or 40s. And it's not even that I'm actively suicidal or anything, I've just already accepted as a fact of my life there's just no fathomable way I live that long. You know?