i know you cant hear me too well, the tv is up too loud

FIRST SET

[before Draag national anthem]

[Projection Guy]: Hello my friends, and good morning. It is another beautiful day in Draag. A chance, once more, to get things right; and push beyond our best. So, rise with the sun, and take your medication. Here is your schedule for today, and we will start by observing the Draag National Anthem.

[before disappear]

[Gerard]: I can’t see you, but I can hear you.

[before sharpest lives]

[Gerard]: Hello!

[before wttbp]

[Projection Guy]: The humorous thing about learning to be what you hate, and learning to do what you fear; is that someone you’ve been your whole life, doing something you’ve always been good at, could feel so entirely new. That brutality so second-nature could feel so alien, so foreign to you, it’s astounding to witness first-hand. So let’s remind you, for a moment, exactly what you are, and the thing that you do best. The lesson is: a man knows how to forgive, but a leader knows how to instruct. And since through pain we learn, let’s be student, then be a teacher. Now, take your place, use your words, and produce for the crowd a respite.

[before cancer]

[narrated from Clerk reading postcard]: Hello from Gubrick. It’s really not that bad here. You don’t notice the smell after a few days. Sadly, there’s nothing I can do for you. All my love, Dad.

[mama interlude]

[introducing dagger part]

[Gerard]: Mama! Hi! Hello! How you doin’ tonight?! It’s nice to be here, you guys are looking good! Yeah, we—we came from pretty far away, you know? Been on airplanes, they served too many drinks, you know how it gets, you start flying the plane! Anybody ever fly the plane before? We’re not just musicians. We tell jokes. Yeah, I know, it’s funny stuff. Funny stuff. But we’re gonna sing right now. It’s something—a little something that goes like this, I’ll tell you all about it.

[introducing dr. Sylvia and counting her in]

[Gerard]: We’re also magicians, like I said. Yeah, I know. I know! This lovely young woman right here is our assistant, ‘cause we do a lot of magic tricks, you know! Poof! Goodbye! Poof, poof! Goodbye! Heehee! I love to drive a car. You know? I’d love to—blaa! So, she is going to let us make her disappear. Pretty spectacular. We make that pretty good in New York[?]. Anyway, of course, we need to say the magic words, right? Or numbers. I’m gonna show them to you right now. We’re gonna practice them, it goes like this, are you ready? I say one, two, you say one-two-three-four. Let’s do it again. You’re really good, we can get it louder though, are you ready? I said one, two, you say… now, this time, for real. Are you ready?

[mama outro]

[Gerard]: [laughing] [laughing hysterically] [sobbing] that was great! That was so great! Thank you, doctor! That was so… [laughing] so great! Here, do you want—you can have them. That bad. Yes, very special. Thank you! [laughing]

[during big sky]

[Projection Guy]: There is a planet, so it spins. And it’s moving so fast, it’s not worried at all. Very busy. People, people hurry. And the child who has the chalk, and sang: let me sing. So we see them. We say, let me see who loves you. And the chalk, it moves in a circles. Many circles, great big circles! Hugging arms and smiling eyes! And what of the child? Let’s subtract. And again. And what if we subtract them all? Who is left to love you? There is only the hands that wipe the chalk clean.

[before sleep]

[Projection Guy]: And I feel, all this time you are making drawings someone else must now erase. But I’m glad that we are friends, and that now you understand. This is the worst day of your life, but the first day of yourself.

[before disenchanted]

[Projection Guy]: Come close, my friend, I say. But, no, we’ve never met. They gave to me a picture, and I’ve had it quite some time. In fact, before you said a word, I’ve always heard your voice. Have you heard mine? That makes me smile. There is one last seat. And one more ticket. It’s hiding in your coat. Yes, you. You are here. So take your seat, get comfy, here is my hand.

[before famous last words]

[Real Boy]: A figure sits in a chair made of wood. And it’s sobbing. You think it’s you. You’re pretty sure it’s you. But it’s weak. It’s broken. And it’s covered in gasoline. Now, picture yourself lighting a match.

SECOND SET

[before not okay]

[Gerard]: New York, how the fuck are you? Yo, fuckin’ top notch job, all around, on the A-side. We were supposed to be playing in prison on that, so, you guys aren’t all supposed to be here, you know? We gotta, like—anyway. But it’s all getting fucked up, anyway. At least if you’re paying attention to the show. And not fucked up like it’s bad, or uncomfortable, you know, maybe. Let’s keep fucking going, I wanna try keep it going today, not because I’m in a rush, or anything, [indistinct], but let’s get some momentum going. I was thinking about this song, like, fuck, I gotta really come up with another intro, but, I mean, it is the greatest summer jam of all time, so. Let’s fucking do it. Let’s go with that.

[before give ‘em hell kid]

[Gerard]: Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah! This is a beautiful place, by the way. Beautiful, beautiful fucking stadium. It’s, like, one of those scenarios where, like—obviously, th—there are a lot of you, but, you feel close, ‘cause of the way it’s, like, we were saying, it’s like the Colosseum? Where they would use lions to kill people, but you—you know, you guys are really nice to us, so. Anyway. Um, I wanna do some thank-yous really quick. And, uh, we wanna thank from the bottom of our hearts, really, so fucking honoured to have Franz Ferdinand playing with us tonight, [indistinct]. Think I remember this interview backstage, it was some show in LA, it was, like, House of Blues, something, and this song ‘Take Me Out’ had just came out, and I could not fucking handle myself. It was like a—I, these days, call them a ‘break a window song’—I could just, like, I can’t control myself, and I’ll just break a fucking window. Like, uh, uh, ‘Welcome To The Jungle’, that song. Gotta be away from glass, man. I’ll think of other ones. But anyway. Please make some noise for this motherfucker right here, Jarrod Alexander, [indistinct], hell yeah. Make some noise for Jamie Muhoberac. [indistinct] fucking genius. I wanna take this opportunity also to thank the Draag National Auxiliary Band, like I always do, we have a special guest tonight, too, so please make some noise for Clarice Jensen, Kayleigh Goldsworthy, Tucker Rule, and for Cheech fucking Iero. [indistinct] As always, the cast, the crew, thank you so very fucking much. [indistinct] thank you for spending your morning, afternoon, evening with us, let’s fucking go. This song’s off Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge, it’s called ‘Give ‘Em Hell, Kid’!

[before summertime]

[Gerard]: Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Ah, here comes a lighter song. I’m old, so I’ll—I’ll say that thing, ohh, they’re not lighters anymore, it’s, handcomputers. Your phones, you know. Man, phones fuck my brain up. My brain is fucked up. Phones. Anyway. Let me see your lights in the air, this song’s off Danger Days. It’s called ‘Summertime’.

[before heaven help us]

[Gerard]: What do we got? Oh, yeah. Uhh—oh. Oh, fuck yeah. This is exciting.

[before na na na]

[Gerard]: That was fucking awesome, thank you guys. That fucking—that was probably my favourite time we did that. For a second I was thinking, ah, shit, the song’s started, I’m already singing, I’m like, I didn’t tell them this was a B-side off Black Parade, just in case, just in case you don’t know this, but you guys knew what it was, that was really cool, fucking awesome. What’s that? Yeah, yea—the—oh, real quick, I wanna talk about the Mets. Because, yo, the Mets are really important to me and Mikey, and, uh, anyways, because, we fucking grew up, and the big thing was the fucking ‘86 Mets. They had this thing in Atlantic City with the ‘69 Mets during that period, because, like, everybody was just so fucking amped out on fucking Mets, and, then, like, Tug McGraw, all these, like, old players from ‘69, they were really fucking awesome, and we just worshipped the fucking ‘86 Mets. I used to play baseball, but. I was the worst player on the team. The only kid who was worse than me was the one who stayed home. Like, I was the fucking worst. I loved Gary Carter so I wanted to be a catcher. They put me everywhere. I sucked so fucking bad, couldn’t even catch a ball. I was a catcher. I like the—I like the masks, though. I like the masks. Masks. Alright, what the fuck—what the fuck’s next? Aw, let’s fucking rip this shit! Woohoo! Yippee! Killjoys! Make some noise!

[before bulletproof heart]

[Gerard]: Fucking beautiful! My box is only doing real low shit, I fixed it. [green box noises] all is right in the world now. Yo, I’m gonna sip the blue shit, we’ll be back—we’ll [laughs] we’ll be back in—eighteen minutes. Ah, I don’t have blue shit. [laughs] Electrolytes. So, today, we were drinking so many electrolytes, I was like, yo, what kinda—what kinda electrolyte drink would they have in Draag? I’m like, Slaterade. Fucking made out of pure slate. Make strong people. Make you strong like the bull. Fuck, anyway. So, yeah, we’re ready to go, we were playing this—fuck, it’s called ‘Bulletproof Heart’.

[before bury me in black]

[Gerard]: Man, I fucking love that song. We were in, like, uh, a—fuck, where were we, Mate’s? And we were, like, I think, like, we’re—I don’t know if we were doing pre-production, or, just, like, rehearsing for stuff, and Frank plays this riff, I’m like, [weird voice] what is that? What is that riff? [normal voice] I got, like, a mental goggles for it[?], and fuckin’—anyway. That’s what it turned into today. Turned into ‘Bulletproof Heart’. Who knows why? Oh, maybe ‘cause I bought a trans-am, and I put it way on, too much trans-am. You know? Too much trans-am. Fuck, let’s rip into this one. There you go. Alright, this one is, fuck, uh, a B-side, or an unfinished demo, I’m not sure, it’s called ‘Bury Me In Black’, let’s fucking go.

[before helena]

[Gerard]: Woah, orange stuff! Excellent. I love orange stuff too. I love cold fruit. I just turned into a Gatorade bum.[?] That’s because I don’t have any, um—the bodegas in New York when I was in art school, they had those really cool fucking fruit cups with the fucking water inside ‘em, and I ate them shits, I get dizzy from that shit, it’s so good. Fucking cold fruit, motherfucker. Alright. This song is really special to us. You sing along to the beginning. It’s off Revenge.

[before demolovers]