So, I'm living in war almost my entire life... I wonder what life is like without war?
For example, life somewhere in the USA, Spain, France, Finland, Germany. Of course, normal life has its problems too! But at least they don't have the backdrop of war. For me, living in peace—is just movies, books, photos of others on my phone. You know, when you live in this almost your entire life, you don't even notice how this "background" affects you. And then, at some point, you turn around and realize what you've lost. And it wasn't your fault, someone just thought they had the right to steal it!
In 2014, as a child, I drew pictures about peace, hoping that it would come very soon, the children around me too, and the adults too. I wished for my birthdays, like many children then and now, for the war to end. I guess when I was little, if I saw how Russia decided to destroy and seize not only my home but also the homes of others, and also saw the indifference of many people, I would have burst into tears. As a child, like anyone else, I hoped that a couple of years would pass and it would all end. But this did not happen.
You know, I can't make friends online with anyone from a more normal world. For them, war is a fairy tale, but for me, peaceful life is a fairy tale.
So...people only hear 1% of my life, like the mere fact that I live here, and they immediately get tense. They don't want to take on such a burden, like sometimes some information about my life during the war. And of course, after that, they quickly cut off communication. As if I'm somehow contagious, even though I'm actually a very good person, calm, cheerful.
Sometimes, just a little while online, in some fandom, seeing the normal lives of normal people, I feel like my life is somehow broken. Well, because of where I live and what I've been through. And I can't change anything. It's like I need to be thrown in the trash now because I'm "broken" forever, you can't erase my childhood, teenage years, or it's feels like I need to isolate myself and only communicate with children of war like me.