Buy it, use it, break it, fix it

“Yeah! They don’t actually eat birds, though, it’s just… uh…” He shrugged. “Bit of a misnomer. They were going for hummingbirds, not the big kind of bird.”

He was still grinning. “I love it~ It’s just having a puppy!”

Robbie twiddled his fingers.

“Uh, yes,” he replied, speaking like a hiccup. “Hummingbirds. Good for them!” He laughed nervously and darted his eyes around.

“GREAT! Cause I’m gonna let you pet it if you want. After it’s had a nap.” He tapped his hat, which hissed. “It’s a bit cranky if you wake it up, ya know!”

He seemed cheerfully oblivious to the fact this was a venomous spider.

Robbie squeezed his eyes into discomforted squints and inhaled sharply. He fidgeted his fingers before letting the breath out.

“I... I’ll think about that,” Robbie eventually replied, trying not to let the pain be too obvious. “I just—I would hate to accidentally upset the poor thing, the poor... poor...”

“It likes you~” He purred, giving the spider an amicable pat on the back. “It’s okay though, I’m pretty sure those don’t eat people.. just birds. and Toads. And stuff.”

The spider itself seemed to want to be left alone, making a small hissing noise.

Robbie started squirming.

Sportacus nodded, taking off his goggles and hat. In his hair - a mop of bright blonde - sat a spider, about as big as both of his hands next to each other. It waved its front legs at Robbie.

“Say hello~”

Robbie stood frozen, his eyes suddenly opened wide.

A spider.

A big one, at that.

In Sportacus’ hair.

His hair.

It wiggled its legs menacingly, its furriness betraying a certain violence.

“I got a pet! I thought you might want to see it!” He was grinning, which probably meant nothing good at all. “And yeah, okay great, I’ll let you and your girlfriend talk it out when it’s ready.”

“Thank you,” Robbie deadpanned, secretly elated.